Operation Tupacalypse Eli's mom finds out about Tupacalypse

  • 🇵🇦 Nuestro primer dominio localizado está en español en kiwifarms.pa. Our first localized domain is on Spanish on kiwifarms.pa.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Status
Nie jest otwarta na dalsze odpowiedzi.
Alright, so it took a while but I made a revised transcript based off Kosher Dill's, mainly just filling in the blanks he had. I tried to be as accurate as possible but I'd appreciate any corrections.

Mom: -on’t even try to lie to me. I TALKED to Daniel and he specifically said he’s only seen you once or twice before last week. Where in the world have you been the last three months if you weren’t with him? I just, I - I can’t understand - I mean, he told me what you tried to do with his scooter… what the hell were you thinking? This isn’t some video game, Elijah! You’re in a different country! I mean - I mean what were you even thinking? What would have happened if you had hit somebody? Do - whatever(???) -

Eli: Oh my god Mom… *facepalms*

Mom: (unintelligible) -where did you even find that filth in the first place? Where did you-

Eli: I am warrior, mom.

Mom: You’re a DROPOUT. What the hell have you been doing?? I mean, it’s - it’s it’s it’s - my GOD Elijah, you’ve been over there for three months! What have you been doing this entire time?

Eli: Fueling the fight.

Mom: Oh my God! What does that even mean?

Eli: It means, like basically, I live life in the fast lane mom. That’s what it fuckin' means.

Mom: Do NOT swear at me Elijah! Do NOT swear at me! Me and your father are buying your plane ticket out of pocket! You will NOT curse at me-

Eli: Wow, like, you’re not - wow….. looks like you only care about the friggin' greenbacks, mom…

Mom: My wallet? Elijah, you're (?? could be "we're") getting three hundred dollars a month on our power bill for the cottage!!

Eli: You’re a %1…

Mom: Of course I’m a one- I mean, what have you been doing there? Is this another one of your experiments?

Eli: Wow, What do I look like? I’m not like, a- a fuckin' rocket... programmer, mom, that was like a one time in high school, and besides I told you I’m renting it out…

Mom: What? You’re - who are you renting to? You subletted and you didn’t even tell me? Elijah, that’s - who are you renting to?

Eli: Thsss- this guy, Chad… I know him - from, from college… he’s cool, he’s cool! He’s cool. I mean, he's - just chill ok?

Mom: No Elijah, I have serious questions, you NEED to tell me what you have been doing these last three months. Where have you been staying if you weren’t with Daniel?

Eli: That’s classified, mom.

Mom: Elijah, this isn’t a joke!

Eli: Mom I told you, that I’m a secret agent. That’s classified, because, like, I can’t tell you what I’ve been doing -

Mom: Oh my God…

Eli: Mom, come on.

Mom: What?

Eli: I can’t tell you, okay, it’s like, a mission, okay? I told you when I - you called earlier, that's like, it’s classified. How many times do I gotta say it? Seriously, it's like, can you just get off my back? Like, officially?

Mom: Elij-- Elijah, Elijah I need you to come back. Right now. Me and your father are (unintelligible) buy you a plane ticket. We are going to talk. And I’m going to want to meet this Charles, or Chad, or whatever his name is, so you better call him, and you better not try to sweep it under the rug like you did with that girl from Woodstock-

Eli: Mom, leave Chad alone, okay, he’s like, he'sss, he’s like...

Mom: (unintelligible) ELIJAH, I NEED YOU-

Eli: No-nonono-uh, you don't understand, you can’t come over to the house if he’s - if he’s not there. It's like, illegal, it's like- a breach of a contract. I saw it on Judge Judy.

Mom: We own the property, Elijah. We can evict him tomorrow.

Eli: O... *stress sigh* Okay, listen, I lied. Okay? I lied. There's no Chad, he... I mean, he's just like... uhm... he's like... maybe there's someone like, stealing power, and then... there's that mexican bitch, she lives next door and she like -

Mom: Elijah, please.

Eli: No, no, listen, I think I saw her like, in the yard, she had like, this extension cord and (unintelligible) she like - stole the power while I was gone. I think she did… that’s like - you know, because she’s like, you can't trust mexicans.

Mom: Elijah - I… you have to go (??? Could be "I have to go"?) I can’t take this. I can’t take this! I can’t even fucking talk-

Eli: Wow uh, can you even say freakout alert? Maybe if you actually smoked weed like me you would be more chill, mom.

(A few seconds of silence)

Eli: Mom?

Mom: Your brother (??? may be "father") isn’t going to pay for the cottage anymore. You aren’t allowed to sublet in the first place, without telling us, that’s - that's sub-

(Eli begins screaming as if he died due to a glitch in a video game.

Mom: YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, WE PAVED YOUR WAY (unintelligible screaming) THREE DIFFERENT COLLEGES, AND YOU KEPT GETTING KICKED OUT, (unintelligible screaming) WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? (unintelligible screaming)

Mom: We can't. (unintelligible) the property (unintelligible) it isn't going to happen. If you want to keep the property you’re going to have to pay rent. We’ve already decided. $1000 a month, starting December. Me and your father talked about it - and we can’t do this anymore. We can’t - I mean, the start(???) -

Eli: Mom that's gay!

Mom: (unintelligible) Eli, when that happened I didn’t know what to do,(?? could be "I wanted to arrest you"?) but this is different this is another country! I’m- *exasperated sigh*

Eli: Mom I have to go, I - I gotta, I - I gotta - you’re breaking up. You - you're breaking up. I gotta go.

Mom: Eli!

Eli: Uh, yeah, like... I gotta go bye.

Eli: So like… *chuckle*... uh... you can tell, she’s basically a bitch… um... I... guess I’m comin’ home soon guys… sorry like, mission failed but… I, yeah...

Video ends.

Some bullet-points:
  • The most interesting and profoundly disturbing part for me is the "you better not try to sweep this under the rug like that girl from Woodstock" line (heard at 2:35) I'm not 100% certain that's what she said but it sounded to me like it. I hope I'm just mishearing it and Eli didn't date rape some fat Juggalo broad or something.
  • "OUR ENTIRE LIFE, WE PAVED YOUR WAY (unintelligible screaming) THREE DIFFERENT COLLEGES" - Eli is a "dropout" from three different colleges, if I'm hearing this right.
  • Daniel is likely Eli's grandfather's who owns the farm, given that Eli's mom was expecting him to be "staying with Daniel"
  • Eli tried to do something with Daniel's scooter and almost hit somebody. Likely DUI, also my guess for how Eli's mom found out - if Eli did something monumentally stupid, Daniel would have likely called Eli's mom and told her about it, because I don't think she'd just suddenly notice the power bill now after nearly 4 months.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
KatsuKitty powiedział(a):
Begs the question: will Eli's "bitch mom" rat out Jace for his supposed grow op?
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
I said this in chat, but I think if she's concerned for her son she's going to rat out Jace. If I were Eli's parents and I found out what exactly happened I'd get Jace the fuck away from Eli. The sooner Jace is behind bars and away from my son the better.

This is what I'd think if I were Eli's parents, not how I actually think.
 
Wait a minute... did Jace's dead armymarine buddy get his last name changed again?

Goodbye - Jace W. Connors United States Marine 41st Division Army, Rest in Peace to My Friend and Close Battle-Buddy Corporal Bradley Schwartz Who I served With KIA Operation Fire Wing In Iraq, During The Iraq Insurgency In 2013.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
 
KatsuKitty powiedział(a):
Begs the question: will Eli's "bitch mom" rat out Jace for his supposed grow op?
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
If the po-po get involved, it'd still likely mean they'd have to hire lawyers to protect Eli because that shit was going down in Eli's cabin so he'd be partially responsible. Likely scenario : Eli's Mom will get rid of the weed, then rat out Jace to Gail and then together work out the solution on what should be done about this.
 
If I was hearing the things Eli was saying without the context we know, I'd jump to the conclusion that he was out training with Islamic extremists. It fits with a lot of the 'fueling the fight' spiel he was spouting, as well as the secrecy he seems so committed to.

I feel for Eli's mom here. We don't know much about her, do we? I mean, aside from clearly not being Mother Of The Year, 2000 or otherwise. A part of me wishes someone would tell her everything we know, but I know it's best to just let the comedy take its course.
 
He is so damn lucky to be alive after all of this, considering that he could've been killed or thrown into an Israeli prison.
 
Clown Doll powiedział(a):
If the po-po get involved, it'd still likely mean they'd have to hire lawyers to protect Eli because that shit was going down in Eli's cabin so he'd be partially responsible. Likely scenario : Eli's Mom will get rid of the weed, then rat out Jace to Gail and then together work out the solution on what should be done about this.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
I can't see myself using "Gail" and "work" in the same sentence.
 
I'm mildly suspicious. This was an international call, over a cell phone. Ignoring for a moment the cost (on the order of dollars per minute), there seems to be no latency at all in the call. I have experience with making international phone calls, and whether it's over landline, cell phone or even VoIP there's a substantial amount of lag, such that if anybody is arguing they mostly end up talking over one another.

Iunno guise...
 
Arctic powiedział(a):
I wish I could see her face when she finds the stoner shack, preferably with commander Stryker still inside.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
I've been straining my ears all day, waiting to hear a small "foomp" noise coming from a few states over when her head explodes.

EDIT: Wingnut - I do international calls online sometimes and you can absolutely have a real conversation that way. It's not always "like calling from the moon".
 
Wait, did she know he was in Israel for over a hundred days? Because if she's just now finding out, then Eli is either the best soldier Deagle Nation has to offer or she is a worse mother than Gail and Barb combined.
 
i would give anything to be the one to explain to eli's mom what she can find out with a couple google searches. a play-by-play of her hearing the dumb shit he's been doing and eli's rebuttals, oh my god, *kisses fingers like an italian chef*
 
Okay....so lets list the possibilities of what Eli's mom might find when she enters the cottage

a) a vast amount of weed
b) dying, emaciated rodents, some with matchbox cars stapled to their backs, and a few dead cats
c) several sealed plastic jugs of brown sludge and the words TyZZEz SkkEeLEstsIne JeeENKIM scrawled on them with crayon
d) tyce lying naked on the floor covered in said brown sludge in a state of intoxication
e) Jace weeping in a corner fully decked out in stryker furry gear
f) several dead hookers
g) a sped child or two chained up in the basement, both still wearing the skeleton costumes they wore when they went missing on halloween
h) FlyAwayNow gagged, blindfolded, and tied to the bed in an ass-less gimp suit, with blood and various fluids soaking him
i) a shifty mexican woman with a toolbox next to the fusebox

frankly i wouldnt be surprised if there was any combo of the above in there
 
Does anyone know exactly what the "cottage" is? I always pictured something like an unfurnished one-room shack, or maybe a fancy shed. Is it actually a fully equipped house you could live in if it wasn't MICIS HQ?
 
KatsuKitty powiedział(a):
Begs the question: will Eli's "bitch mom" rat out Jace for his supposed grow op?
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...

Just from listening to the phone call I can tell Eli SuperSpy lies like the kind of over-privileged twat who has never been seriously punished for his misdeeds. So unless EliMom has the kind of clout that can quash a distribution/cultivation rap (which may or may not be a felony depending on where the WeedShack is located) I kind of doubt she's going to rat out the ugly yutz. (More's the pity.)
 
Kosher Dill powiedział(a):
Does anyone know exactly what the "cottage" is? I always pictured something like an unfurnished one-room shack. Is it actually a fully equipped house you could live in if it wasn't MICIS HQ?
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...

Eli wouldn't survive a New England winter in an un-insulated shack -the cottage must be some sort of second home/dacha owned by his parents. Perhaps they vacation in God's waiting room Florida, now.
 
Status
Nie jest otwarta na dalsze odpowiedzi.
Wstecz
Top Na dole