Australatina 05/17/2017 - the anglo-australatina war of 2018, aka the seven-day war - "I wrote this shit up this morning, I have no life"

[millais]

Does Phil have access to a computer these days? That's a lot of text to be typing on his phone. I seem to remember he has a library card for Portland area.

 

[Melkor]

Gee, Phil, that's real autistic of you.

Now drink your milk.

 

[Michael J Hirtes]

All we have to do is implement cheese-seeking missiles. By lunchtime, the forces of Taterstan would be obliterated, our troops would find Phil hiding in a spider-hole, and he'd be put in front of the Haugue Court for war crimes. A bunch of CIS white men in black robes sentencing Phil to Death by soap & water.

 

[Flame the Sunbird]

Does Phil have access to a computer these days? That's a lot of text to be typing on his phone. I seem to remember he has a library card for Portland area.

He got a free refurbished one from volunteering at Free Geek.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

So, if he's just completely making things up with no regard for their likelihood of actually existing, why not give Autismland's military some lightsabers, photon torpedoes, and megazords?

The simple answer is that stuff isn't part of Phil's fanfiction narrative.

Phil is a tankie. He wanks over shitty Chi-Com and beaner knock-offs of ancient Soviet war tech in the same way weaboos pleasure themselves over the katana and naginata. Press him on it, and his description of Tardistan's military capabilities will be an Iron Curtain nation's warehouse manifest. In his spud brain, nothing is superior to the arms and tactics of a Latinx state in the throes of permanent communist revolution. This is why examining point-by-point the sheer bullshit behind this "war" is totally nonsensical. The logic of the situation doesn't once cross his mind. All it is--literally all of it--is just an exercise in revenge fantasy against the evil American imperialist state.

 

[Techpriest]

God, I want to do a line by line analysis of this, and point out exactly every little flaw and gem of autism but I'm not sure if that's worth my time.

 

[DonaldJTrump]

God, I want to do a line by line analysis of this, and point out exactly every little flaw and gem of autism but I'm not sure if that's worth my time.

You make a Masters thesis of it pretty much.

 

[Techpriest]

You make a Masters thesis of it pretty much.

Well fuck it, I don't have work tomorrow. Gimmie five minutes.

 

[Dr.Research]

Well fuck it, I don't have work tomorrow. Gimmie five minutes.
Techpriest, 4 minutes ago

One minute left. Whatcha got?

 

[Trombonista]

He should go back to writing Naruto fanfics. Any of them would have been better.

 

[Hyperion]

Also, tanks do great in urban warfare assuming they're well made, protected by infantry, you don't give a shit about civilian damages/deaths and the crews don't stop for anything

It works even better with IFVs

 

[ICametoLurk]

I noticed Phil saying something about a tank battle comparable (if not surpassing) Kursk.

The best estimate I could find said that the US has around 5884 tanks.

The Germans alone deployed 6181 tanks during the Battle of Kursk. The Soviets deployed 12488.

18669 tanks in total.

This implies that Australatina was able to deploy 12785 tanks, give or take a few hundred. This would place Australatina between China and Russia when it comes to tank numbers. Note that China, which has about 2 million in active service and about the same in reserve (not to mention more than half a billion fit for service should the need arise) only has a little less than 600 tanks more than America.

Australatina has too many tanks.

Phil takes the phrase "Tankie" to a whole new meaning.

 

[Techpriest]

I just want to giggle at Phil's autism in not even giving a single fucking iota of time to actually researching anything or being properly referential. So I'm actually researching a little bit so you can get a geographic context for all this fucking shit (because I hate you all and want you to suffer with me. According to our Hoovstorical Records, Australatina is situated roughly off the coast of Newfoundland. Keep this in mind.

Trump and/or Pence decided it would be a great idea to block my imaginary country’s Northern maritime shipping access routes, then Trump and Pence send 250,000 troops against the consent of Canada to New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Newfoundland opposite of Australatina.

So basically, Trump invaded Canada and... there wasn't any resistance? At all? Despite the fact that this would be a blatant infringement of Canadian sovereignty?

This political move is the first serious test of the mettle of the new just newly elected Millennial Prime minister of Australatina who had just taken office barely a month ago. Without any hesitation, The PM mobilized the Australatina Defense Forces both active duty and reserve. 3.3 Million troops are called up, this sudden mobilization almost shuts down the country’s economy - everyone else who in uniform is getting ready for war and starts digging/building bomb shelter - especially in urban areas

According to it's 2009 CIA factbook a grand total of 1.2 million Austistics (or whatever the fuck they'd call themselves) are currently serving in the armed forces actively with a further 5.3 million in reserve, out of roughly 106 million living in the nation. So either Australatina has suffered a massive population decrease (likely refugees flooding into the US and Canada to escape white 'resettlement' programs, collectivized labor, or a civil war), massive (and I mean massive) budget and personnel cuts to the military, or Phil is a retarded potato and cannot into even his own fictional country.

For that matter I don't really know what the 'everyone else who in uniform' is. I'm assuming 'Isn't in uniform' is what he meant because why not. It fits with this sort of power fantasy shit he has going. The workers rally to the cause - and for how long?

Following almost three weeks of tensions and military buildup on both sides. Australatina preemptively strikes against the Americans in Canada, wipes out 80 percent of the US Air Force on the ground within the area.

This is fucking retarded for several reasons. Firstly, apparently his entire country has mobilized for three weeks but the US hasn't sent any reinforcements? What about the economic blockade? Shouldn't with everyone not in uniform now digging holes already crippling the economy, three weeks of possibly being deprived of food, water, or you know, medical supplies have caused large scale civil unrest inside the nation? Venezuela's state of anarchy would be small potatoes compared to Tatertopia's massive amount of armed men and women starving.

Taking out 80% of the US airforce (that happens to be in striking range of Autisticstan) on the ground is dumb as shit because there's no fucking way after three weeks of build up, probably constant CAP's and oh yeah, one of the best RADAR networks on the planet (NORAD) keenly looking out for any hint of an attack in the area.

Airstrikes against US carriers ensue, two of them sunk at sea. Another hit at port in Norfolk, Virginia. Washington DC is hit with hundreds of Airstrikes, along with Halifax NS and Moncton NB, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Upstate NY, New Jersey, Pennsylvania minus Philadelphia, Delaware, Maryland and Virginia are hit hard by Airstrikes against US military installations and road infrastructure.

New York City and Philadelphia are avoided at first on purpose as these are sensitive civilian areas; however this does not deter Trump from firing non-nuclear theater missiles into Australatina’s cities such as Viña del Mar, Medellin, Nueva Lisboa, Santander, San Lazaro and multiple other Australatinese cities and towns where these missiles hit civilian residential areas, the ADF does manage to intercept 75 to 85 percent of the missiles incoming to Australatina.

So, you're trying to take out a US carrier group with airstrikes.

In the words of some anon on /k/:

Yeah, no, not happening. Here's what I imagine happens.

Lt. Bob: "So the Autties have planes incoming, about 150 miles out."
Ensign Smith: "Oh, does the E-2 have them painted?"
Lt. Bob smiles and tells him yes.
*SM-6's intercept at mach 3.5 from over the horizon*
>Laughing Raython Execs.jpg

Also, with strikes having taken place on Canadian and American soil, Article 5 just kicked in. NATO response is imminent. The Frenchies also have a carrier, and would love to go 'HON HON HON' with their canards. The non-nuclear theater strikes are... odd. I can't think of any US weapon outside of Tomahawks (which have an average deviation of 2 meters tops off target) that would fit this profile. Also even if Tomahawks are low flying and subsonic, intercepting 85% of them sounds absolutely retarded, especially with what happened a few months earlier in Syria.

But wait, there's more :autism:!

Day three of the air war, the Australatina Air Force extends the target list to hit more targets on US. The HRAAF targets electrical and power generation infrastructure. New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, Washington DC, Hartford, New Haven all lose power - everyone hits the streets and protests Trump’s War (these protests are 20 times more violent than the Election day and Inauguration Day protests combined)

Day Four, NATO informs Trump that He will not be getting any ally backup citing the previous snubs Trump gave NATO. That same day the ground war begins on the Avalon Peninsula of Newfoundland, it’s the largest tank battle since Kursk Summer 1943

Ah yes, by day 3 of the air war apparently the US has not shifted in Patriot missiles or more planes and has somehow run out of A2A munitions. Also violent protests in the street after we get bombed? Did Phil forget about 9/11 and the fucking national unity it brings? Strategic bombing does not reduce the will of the populace to fight - if anything it hardens it.

The Kursk shit doesn't make sense and NATO has treaty obligations - you can't just say no to those, especially when fucking CANADA is being invaded. Also a land invasion through Canada. In Newfoundland. In the Avalon peninsula. For someone as autistic about cartography as Phil is, he's forgotten a really important point about Kursk.

Kursk: Large, wide open steppe land with no water obstructions and long sight lines. Really good for tanks

Avalon Peninsula: Rugged. Full of hills, fjords, forests, rivers, lakes and ravines. Really terrible for tanks

The ADF would get slaughtered, especially with well trained defenders fighting from positions probably marked, dug, sighted, and prepared for three fucking weeks.

ay Five, Australatina paratroopers and amphibious assault forces land in Nova Scotia near Lunenberg - the UN meets Switzerland to discuss cease-fire agreement proposals.
Australatina then issues it’s ultimatum to Trump - drop the México border wall proposal and we will be happy to agree with the cease-fire agreement the UN. Trump refuses.

Day Six - Australatina Air Force adds Metro New York to the target list, Philadelphia proper is added to the list as well. Boomers take to Social Media sites complaining about the new round of Airstrikes, later that afternoon Trump Tower in Manhattan is hit by a cruise missile strike.

Trump, from Mar-a-Lago golfing, agrees to the cease-fire agreement with Australatina.

And on the seventh day, the war ends.

>Paratroopers and marines landing in Nova Scotia, far away from any population center or strategic location
>Somehow this along with more strategic bombing ends the war

What the fuck is this shit, this is some Tom Krautman/William Lind levels of absolutely pants on head retarded conflict. I would actually say that Victoria: A Novel of Fourth Generational Warfare has a more believable plot than this. That is something I never ever in my entire life believed I could in good conscious say.

I spent more time on my counterpoints and digging up a single copypasta I'd saved a year or two ago than phil did when even thinking about this. I need booze. Lots of booze.

 

[Pikimon]

So basically Phil commits imaginary war crimes

 

[Techpriest]

So basically Phil commits imaginary war crimes

Yes. Yes he does.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

I want to find a second hand copy of Team Yankee and mail it to Phil.

 

[Techpriest]

I want to find a second hand copy of Team Yankee and mail it to Phil.

Just send him a link to the text of Victoria along with a picture of Lind shaking hands with Trump.

 

[Dilligaff]

I love it when Kiwis military-sperg out like this. Honest to God, no irony.

Too bad Phil can't see it and lea- oh who am I kidding, he never learns anything.

 

[Jaimas]

He posted this twice. Once just the Autismland fantasy and then a re-post with the added "I have no life" bit. I just saved the re-post.

http://diosa-latina-de-misandria.tu...20/the-anglo-australatina-war-of-2018-aka-the (archive)

Wyświetl załącznik 221229 Wyświetl załącznik 221230 Wyświetl załącznik 221231

Spoiler: Text

the anglo-australatina war of 2018, aka the seven-day war


diosa-latina-de-misandria:

CN Fantasy Dream about armed conflict (conventional, limited, non-nuclear) Latinx Millennial VS White Boomer angle. Civil unrest forces early cease-fire agreement
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Not for the easily offended.
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Do not read if these is triggering for you, I wrote this up for creative release.
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The story:

Trump and/or Pence decided it would be a great idea to block my imaginary country’s Northern maritime shipping access routes, then Trump and Pence send 250,000 troops against the consent of Canada to New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Newfoundland opposite of Australatina.

This political move is the first serious test of the mettle of the new just newly elected Millennial Prime minister of Australatina who had just taken office barely a month ago. Without any hesitation, The PM mobilized the Australatina Defense Forces both active duty and reserve. 3.3 Million troops are called up, this sudden mobilization almost shuts down the country’s economy - everyone else who in uniform is getting ready for war and starts digging/building bomb shelter - especially in urban areas

Following almost three weeks of tensions and military buildup on both sides. Australatina preemptively strikes against the Americans in Canada, wipes out 80 percent of the US Air Force on the ground within the area.

Airstrikes against US carriers ensue, two of them sunk at sea. Another hit at port in Norfolk, Virginia. Washington DC is hit with hundreds of Airstrikes, along with Halifax NS and Moncton NB, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Upstate NY, New Jersey, Pennsylvania minus Philadelphia, Delaware, Maryland and Virginia are hit hard by Airstrikes against US military installations and road infrastructure.

New York City and Philadelphia are avoided at first on purpose as these are sensitive civilian areas; however this does not deter Trump from firing non-nuclear theater missiles into Australatina’s cities such as Viña del Mar, Medellin, Nueva Lisboa, Santander, San Lazaro and multiple other Australatinese cities and towns where these missiles hit civilian residential areas, the ADF does manage to intercept 75 to 85 percent of the missiles incoming to Australatina.

Day three of the air war, the Australatina Air Force extends the target list to hit more targets on US. The HRAAF targets electrical and power generation infrastructure. New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, Washington DC, Hartford, New Haven all lose power - everyone hits the streets and protests Trump’s War (these protests are 20 times more violent than the Election day and Inauguration Day protests combined)

Day Four, NATO informs Trump that He will not be getting any ally backup citing the previous snubs Trump gave NATO. That same day the ground war begins on the Avalon Peninsula of Newfoundland, it’s the largest tank battle since Kursk Summer 1943

Day Five, Australatina paratroopers and amphibious assault forces land in Nova Scotia near Lunenberg - the UN meets Switzerland to discuss cease-fire agreement proposals.
Australatina then issues it’s ultimatum to Trump - drop the México border wall proposal and we will be happy to agree with the cease-fire agreement the UN. Trump refuses.

Day Six - Australatina Air Force adds Metro New York to the target list, Philadelphia proper is added to the list as well. Boomers take to Social Media sites complaining about the new round of Airstrikes, later that afternoon Trump Tower in Manhattan is hit by a cruise missile strike.

Trump, from Mar-a-Lago golfing, agrees to the cease-fire agreement with Australatina.

And on the seventh day, the war ends.

I wrote this shit up this morning, I have no life

via NUESTRA SEÑORA DE LOS BICICLETAS Y ROLLER DERBY.

I need to use this for an upcoming Let's Sperg.

 

[Ravenor]

Do you concur?

Indeed I do.