So we are going to talk about men, by their own open admission, having incompatible needs/wants in a marriage/LTR. Because this is gonna illustrate the answer.
Men as a class say what they want from a wife is: emotional intimacy, support, to be able to spray emotionally vulnerable shit at her and be comforted. They also add phrases like a "restful" or "peaceful" home, or talk about home as a place to be "comfortable".
Men also say: they want a wife, particularly (but not exclusively, oh no!) if she works fewer hours, earns less, or if they have agreed for her to be a SAHM, to shop for and prepare all meals, do all laundry, do all housework (NB "yard work" and "outside maintenance" are bullshit. I literally spend more time at the hair salon a year than it takes me to arrange, be home for, and pay for all home and vehicle maintenance that needs carried out.) and do most if not all of the kids' personal care.
Men also want a wife to: do "family organising", such as be aware of children's schedules around school and extra curriculars, be aware of when particular equipment is needed for trips or sports, arrange that equipment to be ready, work to host and cater 'family' events that may include no relatives of hers apart from her children, "make the home welcoming" (I genuinely have no idea what that shit i meant to mean), arrange and attend all medical appointments, be aware of major kin keeping events like Mothers Day and organise money and labour needed for that, and organise the logistics of vacations.
And of course, men want a wife to provide sexual intercourse to the frequency and enthusiasm level they feel adequate to meet their needs for validation and sexual release.
Now, here is the big fucking problem. A wife, especially if she has children, and this is more important the more kids there are, is ALREADY doing the first three lists above for everyone else in the family all day. So see all the effort she puts into doing that? That is childcare. She is doing that shit to meet her children's needs, not to fulfil her husband's wants or desires. Those kids need to be fed and washed and handed clean clothes regardless of how her man feels about it. And he is cared for in exactly the same manner at exactly the same time as the kids. That's why we have phrases like "family meals". The whole family, including the lone uninvolved adult, is given the same care and labour. Those first three wants a man has of a wife? Those are mothering. That's motherhood. That's the demand to be given the same care, in the same ways, at the same time as the kids.
So once the kids have gone to sleep and the evening chores (because oh no, chores are not over for the day once children are asleep, no) are done, wife is kinda burned out on looking after everyone else's wants and needs all day. (If you don't know how many minor errands, mindless menial labour, and endless minor requests can be generated by a houseful of kids, I will undertake to keep an autistic total over the Christmas holidays for info.)
The trouble is, the husband still has Want Number Four to be satisfied. He has been cared for like one of his own infants, but no, he is a MAN and this babying is insufficient. He also wants, nay demands, nay NEEDS, attention to be paid to solely him and in particular to his dick.
Imagine you have just walked out of a 14 hour shift at work, and someone calls you to come back in for a couple of hours because they "need" you to come do some more work for solely their benefit, or they will be sad and mad and grumpy and bad to be around.
You would not be able to summon some boundless flood of enthusiasm, let alone actual sexual arousal, at this prospect. And let's be clear: many dudes discussing this shit freely on reddit and TRP forums and other hellholes are very clear about their "need for sex". Many of them are willing to spell it out in detail with comments such as "I ONLY want a blowjob". Yeah, we get it. You want her to perform a sex act, any of your chosen preference, to your level of energy and enthusiasm desired, until you get to jizz (because by god none of these complaint screeds anywhere in their millions of words refers to any "need" to cause the wife to orgasm). Then it's roll over and sleep time, because a man is tired.
You want whore service. You want whore service from the same person who just gave you maid service all day. In return you will.... *crickets*. I think at this point normally there is angry bloviating about "providing" and "being A LOYAL MAN". Well of course such a man is loyal. Why would he not be loyal? He literally gets everything he wants. He gets every need and pretty much every desire satisfied.
But in all that description above, at what point did someone do something for the wife to meet her needs and desires? Because if she was just looking after her own needs and desires, dinner would have been ice cream out of the tub and she'd only need to run two loads of laundry a week. All this fucking work is for the benefit of other people.
And she can't even get ten minutes' peace to fall asleep because the biggest child of the whole family wants his weewee to get attenshun. So she has to do one more fucking thing to keep some other cunt happy before she can even sleep. Except this thing isn't like reading a third bedtime story, or tucking everyone in yet one more time. This is the point where even though she's been mothering, actively mothering, this cunt all day, he now wants her to see him as radically different from all her other dependent children, and to want to touch his winky. Women cannot do that. Women cannot go in minutes from actively mothering someone to fucking them. Our brains are not wired to do that. It makes the wife feel gross when the biggest baby in the family throws a tanty about peepee at beddy bye time.
That's why she doesn't want to fuck him.
Every one of you knows a guy like I'm describing. Maybe he was your father. Maybe he's you. If he's you, get fucking wise fast, because your marriage is not going to last. That guy up there? He's not a provider or a companion. He's not even as useful as a good dog. He's work. He is just hours and hours of unpaid labour every week until he or his wife dies, or she does the walkaway wife thing.
The idea that any "genuine desire" can flourish or even exist in a dynamic like that is risible.
A wife is a person, not jut a wife and mother. Not just a way by which the needs and desires of others are met. A person requires a bit, actually quite a bit, of time and space to themselves, regularly and often, to have the mental energy to feel desire for someone else and to want to be desired. If you don't do that, if you just want to roll on top and jizz regularly, you have made sex yet another chore for her. Your sex life, your sexual bond, will never ever recover from that.
If you run your bangmaid into the ground all day every day, your FuckMommy2024 appliance will be out of charge before you can run the ejaculation cycle inside her. You must allow FuckMommy2024 ample recharging time or she will shortcircuit and you will need to get a replacement.
writing this out has made me depressed and now I need to go fuck my husband to feel better
