What are women's thoughts on the nuclear family?

[A random street in Duluth]

One of the often missed things about the lack of extended families is the lack of role transmission. Children simply have no way to observe friendly and trustworthy adults in their environment, to absorb all the myriad tiny details, invisible rules, behaviors, conduct etc. on how to fulfill a role and align with the expectations of society in practice. Especially when they are still socially malleable. They have no way to see patterns of behavior in action, no way to see how to act in certain social situations, how to manage bad situations, how to maintain boundaries, how to stay respectful and so on, thousands of tiny, everyday moments, which might be obvious to an adult, but not to a child, and those must be learned at some point anyway. It is much more painless to witness those as a kid and integrate those experiences, than running a marathon through the social rake factory as a teenager or a young adult. Instead, we created a system that floods us with exceedingly deleterious, toxic and unrealistic representation of these roles as entertainment, providing kids with models and parasocial relationships that are not real and literally cannot be followed. Almost the entire social milieu of a modern person is nothing but illusions, fake representation of real human relationships, with no guide how to reach or even function in one. In no small part this is the reason why there are so many incels and trannies are out there, as those boys, especially ones raised by single moms simply never had a chance to interact with any male role models in their lives, never learned how to be a man, never learned how to acquire and express masculine qualities(beyond their madams apple). How could it be expected of them to be functional and grow into healthy adults, when the tools to do so and guidance were never available? They were left alone to experiment and dribble down towards the path of least resistance when those experimenting failed. Not that girls, tied up to a 24/7 FOMO and gossip machine, delivering nonstop advertisements and unattainable goals and standards fared any better

 

[Caesare]

Things aren't like that right now. Even the "multi-generational home" model you see in places like India isn't great, because if it's just "Husband + Wife + Mother-in-law + children"

I think if my mother in law lived in the same house as us it could be a problem. I like everything the way it is without the addition of an old broad hanging around all day. That being said, she does live down the street which is perfect.

When the kids are hungry, "Go walk over by ya grammas, see what's she's cooking." And there's a good chance she either is cooking or she'll at least have a box of vanilla wafers and applesauce. And it's very nice to have someone who can watch them that is down the street rather than across town.

From my understanding, this is the way it was in my region before more recent times. I consider this arrangement to be just right for our sensibilities.

 

[Skitarii]

>extended families

 

[Otterly]

>extended families

Wyświetl załącznik 8314439

No I think this is perhaps a different thing. Where I grew up there were lots of large families, and kids in and out of everyone’s houses. Where my parents grew up, and when (after the war, Rodney) it was even more like that. It meant that the kids whose dads hadn’t come back from the war still had uncles, cousins, etc as male role models and the women had help with the endless babies.
I think extended family in rhe western sense of it is a good thing, and I think the ideal is probably a nuclear family living close enough by the rest of the family that you can help each other out - it’s a balance between privacy and help

 

[Adrenochrome Dreams]

The proof that it worked in the past is the proof that you are gravely mistaken.

It didn’t work though. Women were completely at the mercy of their husbands, no matter how drunk or abusive they were.

And the strict nuclear family without some semblance of a “village” is a recent invention with no precedent.

 

[Frogget-me-not]

While the nuclear family doesn’t specify number of kids, I do think two kids and a dog is enough. Any more than three kids and you’re a nigger or an immigrant.

I strongly believe that a child needs both a firm male role model and a caring female role model in order to not grow up fucked up and end up in an addiction or get sucked into an extreme ideology.

Nuclear families, if neither parent is mentally ill, can provide that, but you’d need a proper suburban community where mothers can get a break by sending their kid(s) to a friend’s place and enough economic affluence for the father to not have to come home angry and exhausted every day after work. (It would also be nice if women could work, but men should also help out in the domestic spaces if that’s the case.)

tl;dr, I endorse the nuclear family, but you must be rich and not have BPD lol

 

[crazedaze]

It didn’t work though. Women were completely at the mercy of their husbands, no matter how drunk or abusive they were.

And the strict nuclear family without some semblance of a “village” is a recent invention with no precedent.

The silencing of abuse is actually the only part that doesn't "work" "anymore" and is probably what idiots like this reminisce fondly about. Nothing is stopping people from making families and they in fact still do.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Well from the shortened text I thought this is about nuclear holocaust, but as I am already here...

I think if my mother in law lived in the same house as us it could be a problem. I like everything the way it is without the addition of an old broad hanging around all day. That being said, she does live down the street which is perfect.

When the kids are hungry, "Go walk over by ya grammas, see what's she's cooking." And there's a good chance she either is cooking or she'll at least have a box of vanilla wafers and applesauce. And it's very nice to have someone who can watch them that is down the street rather than across town.

From my understanding, this is the way it was in my region before more recent times. I consider this arrangement to be just right for our sensibilities.

Yeah, not everyone gets grandparents out of a fairy tale. I don't want to powerlevel much, but nightmare benzo addict grandma living on the same property had once wound up my otherwise very non-violent mom (her DIL) to the point she had snapped and beat her up. I'd say negative role models can be as important to one's development as the positive ones if the kid is able to tell which one is which, but at what price.
Older relatives living on an opposite side of a large property (fairly common in historic euro rural settings) or down the street or around the block, safely reachable for a school child and for adults to visit them regularly, is just how it should be.

 

[Caesare]

Yeah, not everyone gets grandparents out of a fairy tale

Sorry to hear about your grandmother's addition, that's awful. But yes, I am acutely aware that we have a terrific and unusual situation considering the way a lot of things are in current year. I can't thank her ppl enough. They rule, they truly do.

Older relatives living on an opposite side of a large property (fairly common in historic euro rural settings) or down the street or around the block, safely reachable for a school child and for adults to visit them regularly, is just how it should be.

100%

 

[Gianfranco Pizzaballa]

Assuming the nuclear family means both parents and children living under the same roof, it doesn't necessarily mean that the wife is a SAHM. It's much more complicated today. The couple needs to agree on how to manage finances, who takes time off work to deal with sick children, division of both physical labor and life admin, and how to compensate the parent who makes the most career sacrifices if things go pear shaped. The prospective parents also need to agree of what constitutes successful child-raising. Romances have always fallen apart when a couple finds themselves incompatible, for instance over religion. Now there seems to be a lot more issues to be incompatible about. Sadly, way too many couples find it out too late.

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

It didn’t work though. Women were completely at the mercy of their husbands, no matter how drunk or abusive they were.

And the strict nuclear family without some semblance of a “village” is a recent invention with no precedent.

The idea that "in the days women didn't work" is a myth. It just took whole day to do basic stuff we handle today with machines.
Both partners were employed since the days farming was invented. Even older and disabled parents helped as much as they did.

 

[Gianfranco Pizzaballa]

The idea that "in the days women didn't work" is a myth. It just took whole day to do basic stuff we handle today with machines.
Both partners were employed since the days farming was invented. Even older and disabled parents helped as much as they did.

And it was only middle class and wealthier women who did not work outside the home. Poor women worked in textile mills, food factories, food service, and other blue collar jobs.

 

[grimacefetishist]

It's too much, a functional core family often requires more degrees of relations

 

[Shakira Flabbergasted]

The idea that "in the days women didn't work" is a myth. It just took whole day to do basic stuff we handle today with machines.
Both partners were employed since the days farming was invented. Even older and disabled parents helped as much as they did.

The total misunderstanding of women's work and its role in history is also why textile-making is considered a silly little frivolous hobby that women invented to pass time (see the SciShow knitting video controversy). Textiles are technology and the work required to make them has always been essential to human survival and advancement. Women weren't just chilling at home with their knitting for fun and profit; they were spending every spare moment spinning thread, weaving it into cloth, sewing, and mending so they and their families didn't die of exposure.

Nowadays, machines have made it possible to manufacture clothing at a much faster rate, but it still requires human involvement, and it's still mostly done by women.

 

[Unmarkedgrave]

I think women should not have to be mothers/wives, if they don’t want to. Not everyone wants that and it’s ok.

I support the idea of nuclear family because I believe kids need both their Mom and Dad (if they’re healthy and normal). I also think Mothers need more credit and support for what they do. Raising the next generation is important.

If we had more decent people having traditional families, there would be a lot less freaks out there in the world (less lolcows haha). Both the mother and father have to put in the work though. It can’t just be a Mom who does everything, while the Dad coasts along lazily (which happens a LOT).

 

[Caesare]

It didn’t work though. Women were completely at the mercy of their husbands, no matter how drunk or abusive they were.

Even in the days where people were horrified at the possibility of anyone learning about their private lives, coupled with an overall lack of public resources or outside help for the miserable situations that can occur when a woman and her children live with and feel trapped with a really mean man, then, just as it ia now, there was always the option of just walking away with your kids and leaving everything else behind.

It's an incredibly difficult option, but there were still women who hadn't completely given up and abandoned the last shred of their autonomy and decided that it was finally time to get the fuck.

Whether it is their devout faith, or by way of pure mammalian instinct, they know that whatever happens, whereever they end up, it has to be better than this bullshit.

Would take incredible nerve to do that, particularly back in the old days.

It's sad to know or even hear the story of women who gave up and just accept that they are powerless. It's even more upsetting, and most of all enraging, when it's a parent who isn't mistreated but her children are. I've heard poeple attempting to justify the abusive setup even after the date when they became aware. It's so fucked up.

Just so I don't end on a sad topic, referencing horrendous people: I will say that I have always admired the exceptional self-assuredness of those rare individuals who can leave everything behind and venture into completely unknown territory. Very cool.