Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Hotmilk]

Dating question,

How should you strike the balance between being yourself and being "presentable" when first talking to someone?

Not a femoid, but that’s something important in your everyday life and work as well.

It’s all about congruence.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Rogers

It’s about being true to your genuine self while presenting an acceptable version of yourself to society. It has to feel like an authentic version of you, not a completely different person.

To give you an example, during a date I was with a girl, and she asked me which time period I would want to go back to. She’s Italian, so she obviously said the Renaissance, to see a world where science, art, and ideas were in their prime.

I said ancient Rome because I wanted to see the fights in the Colosseum. She looked a bit shocked and said that watching the slaughter of slaves and animals was barbaric, clearly wanting me to back down. I doubled down and said that was the whole fun of it.

She laughed, and we talked about something else. Later, she told me she really enjoyed it and respected that I didn’t back down or lie just to make her happy.

 

[netkiwimoongladewave]

I think I have this in the bag but is there anything I should or shouldn't do while we walk and talk?

The other responses already said everything but I'll throw my 2 cents in too.

A walk is the best type of date. No pressure to talk because walking in silence while you look at the scenery is very natural, likewise, you can use the scenery to spark conversation if there is something that interests you, and there are natural outs if things aren't going well. A walk is the opposite of a dinner date.

Her excitement about finding critters is perhaps the best little nugget, because it gives you a really easy way to show you're listening to her and want to share in her excitement: do a little research beforehand of the type of critters you might find wherever it is you're walking, and then you can talk with her about them! She's the critter expert and you're the eager critter apprentice.

I think being able to spend time together in silence without feeling awkward is one of the most important parts of a relationship, so if you don't have something to say, you can be silent, and feel comfortable, and that will come across really well, don't feel the need to talk to escape the silence.

She said "I dont wanna go to work. I just wanna stay in bed and be a pancake."

And I said, "can I be a pancake with you someday?" And she gave me the very prompt response to it.

You don't seem the type but I'll say it anyway for the edification of other men in this thread.

The only way you can fumble this is trying to make the conversation sexual before your date. There's a very small chance she is trying to make the conversation sexual by talking about being in bed but a much greater chance she isn't. Your date is scheduled, even if she is trying to initiate a horny conversation, even if she says something that you'd bet your life on being an attempt to get pictures of your hog, being oblivious to it will just make you cute and endearing, and she isn't going to cancel a date because you didn't send eggplant emojis.

Until you have slept together for the first time, the safe bet is to assume all conversation is non-sexual.

 

[Nameless One]

I know enough to understand that when she discusses her bed it ain't a sexual advance, it's just talking about lying in bed with someone, comfort.

We're just in the flirting phase for now. Both hoping things work out.
Sadly can't say the same for most men who only think of sex.

 

[Otterly]

On the other hand nobody likes spergs and for my hobby at least, it's not something most women would even pretend to be interested in.

Thoughts?

Just mention it briefly;

Her: So, what are you into?
You: Oh I’m really into history, specifically military stuff

If she wants to know more give a BIT more. Do not launch into excessive spergery and follow up with a reciprocal question,

You: and you what are you into?
Her: lists a thing.
You: oh really? (Follow on question.)

Most people prefer to talk about themselves. Show interest in her hobbies, and if she’s polite she will ask about yours. Don’t go on about it in autistic detail, yet.

 

[lego racers]

Is it possible and acceptable or not?

i've been a tomboy my whole life and my friends have almost always been men, so, yes. there's always going to be one guy who takes it the wrong way, but it hasn't been the norm for me.

 

[A random street in Duluth]

I really like firearms and millitary history. Most of my "fun" money goes into this hobby and I spend a significant portion of my idle time researching it. More generally, I think most guys (at least the ones I know) would also put video games and internet culture in the "I spend a lot of time doing this but don't talk about it to people I want to impress" category.

Simply mention AND I THINK HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG to her and if she isnt running, chances are that you two are going to Blitzkrieg later tonight. Or you can just display a passing interest in firearms and leave expanding it for later, cause sadly this hobby and interest history has more red flags than a soviet victory parade and its incredibly easy to come of wrong.

Also, thread tax: make an effort to learn the preferred foods and snacks of your favorite femoidian. You don't have to interrogate her about it, just ask passingly, and mental notes. Favorite fruit, chocolate, ice cream flavor, etc. Most likely it will be some kind of expensive Haagen-Dazs shit or Belgian chocolate or fried chicken with caramel or some crazy combination. You don't even have to ever make a show of it, just have it present in your fridge if you are the living together phase already.

 

[Muskie]

Do you want "most women" or do you want someone who gives a shit about you? Find someone who thinks it's cute when you sperg and you'll be happy with them. Gunfagging isn't social kryptonite, some girls even like to also shoot. You just also have more of a burden to prove you're not a murderer, but that shouldn't be hard if you're actually not going to hurt someone.

(oops double posted)

Yeah, I've been approaching it more from the perspective of being able to find someone who will put up with me rather than truly appreciating me. That's probably the wrong approach. I worry that by setting to high of a standard I might leave myself with a pool of nobody. I'm also probably attributing some of my own social shortcomings to the hobby.

Thanks for the perspective.

@Hotmilk @Otterly
Noted, bring it up briefly and gauge interest from there. If she looks upset or disinterested then it probably won't work.

 

[Chromeo]

I should clarify, by presentable in this context I mean socially. Trying to sound "put together" and interesting.

You can't really pretend to be that. It's fake and inauthentic and most of the time the woman will know when you're acting.

Suppose there's a middle ground between being as fake as possible and just being a polished version of yourself. If you're a penny, you can still be shined and cleaned up and be a shiny penny, but you can't be a quarter. Like this:

 

[crazedaze]

Haagen-Dazs shit or Belgian chocolate or fried chicken with caramel

They have fried chicken caramel ice cream and nobody told me?

More generally, I think most guys (at least the ones I know) would also put video games and internet culture in the "I spend a lot of time doing this but don't talk about it to people I want to impress" category.

Maybe she likes those things or would be interested to learn about it. No use hiding who you are to someone you hope to spend a lot of time with. It should come up if you ask her hobbies and she returns the question, then you can sperg about what you like. I disagree that women are generally weirded out by a man having male-coded interests. Allowing her to talk about what she likes, asking questions and at least trying to be interested too goes a long way and is likely to be reciprocated.

 

[Safir]

Dating question,

How should you strike the balance between being yourself and being "presentable" when first talking to someone?

this:

Take a fucking shower and wash your ass first of all. Dress depending on the occasion.

Dress nice (not like a sperg). Don't be overdressed, don't be underdressed, don't larp unless you're going to an actual larp. Smell nice or not at all. Wash and brush your hair. Shave or put your beard in order. Don't litter, don't eat boogies, don't wipe your hands on your clothes.

I really like firearms and millitary history. Most of my "fun" money goes into this hobby and I spend a significant portion of my idle time researching it.

Hobbies are awesome but you should present them correctly, in a way that signals to your possibly future wife that you welcome her into your hobbies, that they're not your mancave.

• 1. One of the most effective things you can do to show a woman you can add value to her life is introduce her to "male" hobbies she might be interested in but uncomfortable to join, and stand by her.
• 2. If you want a wife and family life but most of your free time and fun money goes into your hobby, you share it, or give it up, or stay single. Obviously sharing is better.
• (Note: A man who thinks wamen can't possibly be into his hobby should castrate xirself asap. Especially if he's correct.)

Surely you must know some interesting "standalone" stories from you hobby that don't require a detailed knowledge of military history to enjoy. If you just can't think of anything, watch a documentary or search on shitter for examples of kahntent.

Being "yourself" is one thing, but when you go on a date with a woman and spend time together, you should be actually doing something that's worth doing together -- worth it for her, too. There's a lot of yourselves -- sleeping-yourself, cooking-yourself, studying-yourself, working-yourself, etc. She expects you to have a job, but if you bring your laptop to the date and tell her to sit in a corner and be silent while you work and pay for her coffees, she's not going to like it!

This applies to "woman-friendly" hobbies, too. Girls generally like "art", but if you take your date into a park, set up your easel and proceed to paint a landscape for four hours, she's not going to like it. If she can't draw worth shit and you push her to draw (and she fails), she's not going to like it either. If you want to have an arts and crafts date, research simple "one cool tricks" and motifs that an absolute beginner can do to produce something impressive.

If you're into some competitive sport or game, please please please don't play against her and beat her, pick something you can play as a team. If you're into, say, badminton or table tennis, play opposite her to see how long you can keep the cock/ball in the air.

And yeah, be prepared to abandon your stuff to do her stuff. Not as a sacrifice, but be open to the possibility of liking her hobbies more than your current ones. Surely you don't expect the prospective mother and educator of your future children to be a boring retard, right?

 

[Vlad the Implier]

Men are constantly bitching on the internet that they don't get compliments, but you give one a compliment which he even admits he agrees with, and instead of saying "thanks " and going on with his life, he wonders what a compliment means to Your Kind like you're some kind of alien and goes apeshit when he can finally re-confirm women are shit actually (phew!)

He was sensitive and got way more butthurt over the banter than he should have, but you have to acknowledge that some men are genuinely so starved for affection that receiving a passing compliment from a gas station clerk is an occasion for him to go out of his way and make a post about it.

I'm happily married now, but many years ago I was lonely and just finished working very late after an exceptionally hard day at a job I hated and so I decided to grab fast food at one of the few places that was still open at that hour. I pull up to the window and the staff is festive for some reason. They're having fun, playing music, dancing, laughing, and just goofing around while preparing orders. The one who comes to take my payment is this vaguely alternative girl with black hair, piercings, and crystalline blue eyes, and she compliments me with "Omg! You have beautiful hair!" I was exhausted and grouchy but that got an immediate "thanks! " out of me. When she came back with my order, she told me "I hope you have an amazing night!" and gave me this exaggerated wink and smile like something you'd see out of an anime.

Never saw her again or tried to, but after having one of the worst days of my life up to that point, I went to bed that night smiling like an autistic child watching his favorite freight train pass by. Ya'lls compliments can really make an impact. That was nearly 10 years ago.

Am I in over my head if I (21) end up dating a 26 year old lady? She seems pretty nice, and is into me. We share quite a few hobbies, and she's into things I've been wanting to get into (but never had anyone to get into it with).

It's 5 years of life difference. But half a decade can be a blur depending on the age.

I've been reading through the last 12 or so pages and you seem like a decent guy. What I'm going to say is that if you two hit it off and really enjoy each other's company then carry on, but also know that while a lot of younger people are averse to commitment, women especially above a certain age are usually looking for something that's going to go the distance. You have the right attitude concerning situationships, just be conscious that you don't end up in one yourself. If you find yourself still with with her a while from now and you're not sure if you could really see yourself with her longterm, do the honorable thing and end it so neither of you are wasting your time. That being said good luck, I hope she's everything you want and more.

using her hole

You'd do yourself a huge favor not using language like this to describe sex. I mean literally even just "fucking her" would've been an improvement.

This might be a hot take but I don't get the aversion to online dating. Yeah there are some bad eggs out there but guess what, it's also the easiest place to talk to women actively seeking a relationship. You already know everybody on there is interested in dating and most profiles contain plenty of information for "give it a shot" or "no thanks". It's a numbers game but if you keep at it, you will get likes back and maybe a date that works out. Most of this can be done seated at your computer or on your phone! It certainly beats complaining or hoping to find love in the dairy section at an Aldi. Trying is half the battle.

I hate the money grubbing companies that run those apps. They can all burn fwiw, monetizing the want for love and companionship. But it is what it is. Many people online date nowadays, you should at least try it.

I haven't been on dating apps or sites for years, so I don't know how bad it is now, but what I can tell you is that I've been on them during three different periods in my life and each one was worse than the last. There are typically 8-12 times as many men as there are women on these platforms in any given area, so the way the business works is having men pay to place themselves higher in the stack because the biggest problem for men is just not being seen by women because there are so many others to swipe through. Its supposed to be frustrating because then you spend money to make it less frustrating. Every time I went on, more and more features and "pay to win" type shit kept getting added and my matches were generally fewer except when I travelled. But yeah, you're right that its a numbers game.

when you go on a date with a woman and spend time together, you should be actually doing something that's worth doing together -- worth it for her, too

This is the way. Collaborative hobbies/activities, especially ones which can involve aspects of each other's interests makes for a good experience.

 

[crazedaze]

@Vlad the Implier you're not referring to a lack of compliments, you're referring to a lack of compliments from the opposite sex that validate your sexual attractiveness. I am around groups of men and they do compliment each other constantly. What men are actually complaining about is a lack of abundant sexual attention from strange women which is obvious if you paid any attention to what you just wrote about compliments, and it's just pathetic and irrelevant.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

you're not referring to a lack of compliments, you're referring to a lack of compliments from the opposite sex that validate your sexual attractiveness.

Isn't it just human to want to feel attractive to the people you want to attract?

I am around groups of men and they do compliment each other constantly.

Genuinely curious what this is supposed to look/sound like. Could you elaborate?

 

[crazedaze]

Isn't it just human to want to feel attractive to the people you want to attract?

Yes, but isn't it obvious to you why women don't freely give sexual attention to men? I just pretended I didn't get it and asked Google and got the same obvious answer 3 times easily within 15 seconds.
You know what else is funny, if I ask Google "how do men compliment each other" it brings up article after article about what men are dying to hear... from women. Always framed as advice to women of course because it's important to be trained up in the ways of pleasing men at all times.
You really need me to tell you nice things you could tell the men around you? Why don't you think about it and tell me a few examples? Be the change you want to see.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

Yes, but isn't it obvious to you why women don't freely give sexual attention to men?

Of course it is. I know perfectly well some men will take passing compliments too far and that's a reasonable cause for women to be cautious.

You really need me to tell you nice things you could tell the men around you? Why don't you think about it and tell me a few examples? Be the change you want to see.

No I don't need that and that wasn't my question. In your own words you said you are around "groups of men" who "compliment each other constantly" and I was curious what that's supposed to look or sound like because I've never been a part of anything I could describe like that. I could ask Google and get a generic AI response but you said what you said so I figured why not ask an actual person? You have real experiences that AI doesn't.

 

[Two Frogs]

Genuinely curious what this is supposed to look/sound like. Could you elaborate?

I've noticed men tend to compliment actions and observed competency the most among their peers, at least healthy groups of men. Like sport guys tell each other 'nice shot' or whatever. Bike and car guys talk about their projects together and compliment each other's hard work. That kind of thing.

As opposed to a foid's visual-based assessments, which also take into account competency but in a different kind of sphere (self care, fashion, etc).

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

I've noticed men tend to compliment actions and observed competency the most among their peers, at least healthy groups of men. Like sport guys tell each other 'nice shot' or whatever. Bike and car guys talk about their projects together and compliment each other's hard work. That kind of thing.

As opposed to a foid's visual-based assessments, which also take into account competency but in a different kind of sphere (self care, fashion, etc).

men have this too but it usually has more to do with the gym than a make up routine

 

[crazedaze]

I could ask Google and a generic AI response but you said what you said so I figured why not ask an actual person? You have real experiences that AI doesn't.

It sounds like praise for a job well done, asking someone you think is better than you for help, thanking them, doing everything together because you believe in them, for example. There's probably other stuff but they're so loud I wear headphones.
Eta sometimes the ladies comment on their sweaters, which is superficial and unlikely to blow their head up. Compliments on your looks or scent or whatever is just not the same.

 

[A random street in Duluth]

fried chicken caramel ice cream

https://www.saveur.com/fried-chicken-caramel-recipe/

You'd be surprised

I've noticed men tend to compliment actions and observed competency the most among their peers, at least healthy groups of men. Like sport guys tell each other 'nice shot' or whatever. Bike and car guys talk about their projects together and compliment each other's hard work. That kind of thing.

That's it because according to my wife carefully explaining in detail over an hour or so during a car trip(autistic rambling) the virtues of men are the virtues of war. Honor, courage, discipline, self-control, strength, skill, leadership. Moids constantly judge each other on the standard of: "how would this guy perform standing next to me in a shield wall". On some level every moid friend group behavior and activity is about preparing for war. Team sports are just tribal ritualized combat, video games and tabletop warhammer are just extremely abstracted and symbolic forms of battle and even the most autistic shit like world of tanks forum arguments are war related. Deep down, every moid is wishing to impress an imaginary warlord and dreams of victory in battle. Aggression and competition is baked into the male psychology on a fundamental level and their social rankings reflect on how well they would fit into a warband. Like, just look at the absolute bottom tier of men, the soyboys, the limpwristed betas, the cucks, the incels, the redditors, the "nice guys" and how the common theme between them is lacking these values. Men shit on them because they feel they don't want to belong an in-group with them, that when the shit would hit the fan they would be weak and unreliable. This is also the reason why men like ragging on each other too, they are constantly trying to reveal "weakness" in that nebulous, generalized way, to see who lacks the emotional equanimity to get upset, to see who lacks the wit for good comebacks and to generate soft and friendly pressure on each other to keep their shit together, to stay "being ready" for some coming hardship. Competence is being praised only, showing up gets no social reward. Of course, this behavior is extremely abstract, but once you have seen the pattern its impossible to not see it.

Genuinely curious what this is supposed to look/sound like. Could you elaborate?

"Nice cock bro"

 

[Big Miss Steak]

Dating question,

How should you strike the balance between being yourself and being "presentable" when first talking to someone? Is being "presentable" something you should even worry about? How do you deal with those parts of your personality that are very important to you but probably not a thing you usually discuss with others?

I really like firearms and millitary history. Most of my "fun" money goes into this hobby and I spend a significant portion of my idle time researching it. More generally, I think most guys (at least the ones I know) would also put video games and internet culture in the "I spend a lot of time doing this but don't talk about it to people I want to impress" category.

I worry that if I downplay these attributes I'll come off like I'm doing a job interview, obviously only sharing safe and positive details. I can't imagine they wouldn't see through that and figure I'm hiding something. On the other hand nobody likes spergs and for my hobby at least, it's not something most women would even pretend to be interested in.

Thoughts?

You already have some good answers but I'll emphasize that there isn't an issue with having niche interests. There is an issue with completely dominating the conversation with nothing but your niche interests when the other person is clearly not interested.