Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Dr. Arinsu]

I'm not following. Not eating would suggest putting herself last, but you're saying it is the opposite. And also - how does this align to her not wanting pizza?

It's really nice you tried to do something nice for her & it sucks if she refused it. I'm just trying to put your narrative together.

I just feel bad that I tried to offer her something and it's not the only time I made something to eat for my family.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I just feel bad that I tried to offer her something and it's not the only time I made something to eat for my family.

It does stink to have offers rebuffed or ignored. Rejection is no fun.

But why did she say no?

And also: don't punish yourself by overeating just because your mom didn't accept your offering.

 

[Hotmilk]

What are your takes on female and male friendships?

Is it possible and acceptable or not?

Some people will say it's acceptable and possible until their partner has a close friend of the opposite sex then it becomes problematic and sus.

Other people will say it's totally impossible. You sometimes hear men saying women have nothing to offer as friends compare to men which I don't think it's true.

 

[netkiwimoongladewave]

Hey. I'm back again. So. I made a pizza and offered slices to my Mom. She rejected it and I ate the entire pizza myself. I feel guilty because as her daughter I wanted to do something nice and I don't know what to do.

I'll start broadly and then focus on your specific situation.

Altruism is being unselfish, altruism is putting someone else's needs before your own. If you choose to do something for someone else and your happiness depends on how they receive your act, it isn't altruism, it is a selfish act, because your focus is not on their need, but on how their response to your action makes you feel.

Identifying someone needs food -> making them food -> being happy that you did something nice for someone
Identifying someone needs food -> making them food -> being happy if they eat it, unhappy if they don't

The purest form of altruism is unconditional and anonymous.

So, to your specific situation:

You did something nice! You should be happy. The action you took was nice, maybe it wasn't exactly what she wanted, but that's okay, you tried, and now you know a little more about how you can be helpful next time. You just need to untangle your own happiness from the outcome. The worst possible result of this experience is that you remember how unhappy this attempt made you feel, and so you never try again.

The description you have provided ("she used to always put herself first before her kids") sounds like she may have spent a long time in poverty, sacrificing her own food needs for her children's. Even if you're no longer in poverty, it can be extremely difficult to shed the baggage, a lot of people who have experienced poverty will continue to live as if they are in poverty even if they become rich.

It is quite possible that your mother simply cannot even imagine accepting food from her children because it feels like taking food off her children's plates. She may also have spent so much time going without food that she doesn't enjoy it, and is comfortable with her current diet, even if it is less food than she could have.

Ultimately, there is no quick fix, but you can try to create an environment where your mother feels more comfortable accepting food from you. For example, you might say that you want to have dinner with her, buy some ingredients and ask her to teach you to make something she has made for you before, something that is made as individual portions, so you can make one for her and one for you, and because she has shared in the preparation and knows you have enough food, she may feel comfortable accepting it.

Alternatively, you can also consider whether or not food is the right way to show her that you care. Are there any other things that she does like, or that she might find helpful? Does she love a specific type of TV show, or have a favourite band? You could do some research and find things you think she might like that she isn't aware of. Or, more specific to the household, it could be something like doing the laundry, or cleaning a room, or taking a sibling to school or... so on and so forth.

In summary: find things you can do for her that you think will make her life a little better. If a thing doesn't make her life a little better, that's okay, no need to feel bad, scratch it off the list and try again tomorrow with a new idea A home filled with people who try their best to make each other's lives easier will be a happier home, even if sometimes those things are the wrong things.

 

[CastrateAllMen]

What are your takes on female and male friendships?

Is it possible and acceptable or not?

Some people will say it's acceptable and possible until their partner has a close friend of the opposite sex then it becomes problematic and sus.

Other people will say it's totally impossible. You sometimes hear men saying women have nothing to offer as friends compare to men which I don't think it's true.

My view on this has slowly changed with time. I used to be the tomboy in elementary and early middle school and was upset that people always sexualized male female friendships and felt like it was unfair that people had this arbitrary rule that 50% of the population wasn't allowed to be normal friends with the other 50% of the population. I thought it was unfair church separated the groups by gender because my hobbies and interests and conversation topics were just not really common among girls my age. It upset me to hear that people didn't think boys and girls could be normal friends.

I guess though the bad things from boys and how they treated me got worse with age and truly terrible things have happened and it's not the normal type of bad or a normal amount of bad. Nowadays I avoid men as much as possible. Unfortunately my hobbies just happen to attract more men than women, much to my dismay. Some women live in this fantasyland where none of the men around them act evil towards them. For them I think yes they're able to be normal friends with men somehow. They're lucky and I'm happy they feel safe. Not me though. I can't be friends with men.

I think the reason why people discuss this topic though is probably not the issue I had though, a lot of people get jealous and don't want their partners to emotionally cheat which is fair. I think it just depends on what you consider a friend or what is "friendship behavior". Under someone's definition at least out of all of them it's possible to have normal friendships if both these people in question are normal people and not insane. Alot of people are friends with their partner's friends and even because they are their partner's friends. You gotta be more specific here.

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

what is emotional cheating? flirting?

 

[Big Miss Steak]

what is emotional cheating? like flirting?

Developing romantic feelings towards someone not your partner

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

Developing romantic feelings towards someone not your partner

surely if you dismiss them because you're already in a committed relationship that doesn't count as cheating though?

 

[Nameless One]

surely if you dismiss them because you're already in a committed relationship that doesn't count as cheating though?

Only if you act on it yeah. It's not like someone's gonna read your mind usually and figure out you had a crush on someone else unless you make it obvious. Commitment and faith in a partner go pretty far.

I don't think that hard about it though.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

What is the best way to let down an autistic girl? I play DnD as a substitute for social interaction and I'm fairly certain one of the girls in the group is transferring her crush for my character onto me. Always DMing me, trying to do stuff in game- not sexual yet but it's certainly romantically tinged. Like she does the Tomadachi shit and seemed to be happy our characters in her little game entered a relationship.

"What are you gay?"

I guess? I'm under no illusion that I'm a horrible human being and she could do much better, so I suppose that does make me gay for not immediately using her hole.

damn nigga you got absolutely raped. Ladies, I’m sure this gentleman would decline the use of male holes as well.

Be direct about it. Tell her it’s fine to flirt around when you’re playing your game or whatever (if you are OK with that) but outside of the game you would prefer if you only talk as friends.

 

[Nameless One]

Maybe you do deserve to die alone or be an AIDS ridden faggot @Wilson The Ball. Hope the autistic girl finds someone better who gives a shit about her instead of a pathetic loser who comes to BP acting like a teenager talking in his gay little diary about a girl he rejects, and refers to her as a hole. God I hope the world has less men like you someday. Thanks for not having children.

Just remove yourself from her presence or find a new group if she's that scary to you.

 

[crazedaze]

Other people will say it's totally impossible. You sometimes hear men saying women have nothing to offer as friends compare to men which I don't think it's true.

That's a weird take, never heard that one. Probably some dudes read women saying the reverse and did what men do every time. If someone gets into a relationship with someone who has an opposite sex friend they should be ok with it or fuck off, and if you don't trust them, then double fuck off regardless.

 

[Nameless One]

Am I in over my head if I (21) end up dating a 26 year old lady? She seems pretty nice, and is into me. We share quite a few hobbies, and she's into things I've been wanting to get into (but never had anyone to get into it with).

It's 5 years of life difference. But half a decade can be a blur depending on the age.

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

Only if you act on it yeah. It's not like someone's gonna read your mind usually and figure out you had a crush on someone else unless you make it obvious. Commitment and faith in a partner go pretty far.

I don't think that hard about it though.

Doesn't that make this a pointless term? Am I autistic?

 

[Nameless One]

Doesn't that make this a pointless term? Am I autistic?

Most terms are indeed pointless and sanded down especially when it's a word regarding people these days. It's drivel. Best way to approach it is to not engage with nonsense. But alas, people get roped into stupid shit more than ever with Internet lingo.

 

[Squanto Airi]

surely if you dismiss them because you're already in a committed relationship that doesn't count as cheating though?

I'd assume it'd depend on how close the friendship is and how close you are with your Significant Other. Hopefully closer with the latter rather than the former.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

surely if you dismiss them because you're already in a committed relationship that doesn't count as cheating though?

If you dismiss or suppress or ignore them then it's not emotional cheating. But harboring those feelings/fantasies, even if you don't actually act out on them, is emotional cheating. It's even worse if you allow those feelings to motivate you to find reasons to speak to the object of your desire, or spend time around them.

As an adult I look back and see that one of my friends' fathers had an emotional affair with me and at the time I just didn't understand what was happening. He would text me privately all the time and it never crossed the line into anything overtly inappropriate. Our conversations began with him texting me to tell me that my friend, who had moved out, was actually in some really deep shit and her father was asking me to speak to her and try to figure out what was going on. We communicated about her for a while; she ended up getting involuntarily committed and coming home to live with her parents. He never stopped speaking to me and eventually started talking about other things. I had known this family for basically my whole life and I got along with her parents well so it didn't strike me as odd the way it should have. One day I just blinked and thought, "Big Miss Steak, what the fuck is this?" and stopped responding to him entirely. He tried to contact me through some different avenue, I don't remember, maybe Facebook, and I said yeah man I've just been busy and that was the end of that. Thank God. Could have been an absolute disaster. Looking back it's clear he was in love with me or infatuated or wished I had been his daughter instead of my friend or something else weird.

Am I in over my head if I (21) end up dating a 26 year old lady? She seems pretty nice, and is into me. We share quite a few hobbies, and she's into things I've been wanting to get into (but never had anyone to get into it with).

It's 5 years of life difference. But half a decade can be a blur depending on the age.

Give it a shot and find out.

 

[Nameless One]

She showed me her work schedule so I'm gonna go book it now.

 

[Fishnumm]

Am I in over my head if I (21) end up dating a 26 year old lady? She seems pretty nice, and is into me. We share quite a few hobbies, and she's into things I've been wanting to get into (but never had anyone to get into it with).

It's 5 years of life difference. But half a decade can be a blur depending on the age.

id go for it

 

[Two Frogs]

Learning to say "hell no" early and often can save all of us a lot of heartache and grief in the long run.