Containment What If?

[MetroidJunkie]

Let that be a lesson to all of you trolls who try to ruin my life. I will curse you and I will make you dead just like I did with Jerkan.

 

[Fuzzy Wuzzy]

What a horrible question but now that you asked, I think I'll go what most people would say; Chris would be happy briefly over Megan's death.

 

[Niggoat]

I'd like to believe Chris would feel sad, but he'd probably just say "serves her right the DANG DIRTY TROLL MONARCH!!"

 

[MrTroll]

AFAIK, Chris isn't stupid. At least, he isn't clinically stupid. What makes him look dumb is his terrifying lack of common sense. The only reasons why it took him six years to get an Associate's Degree were behavioral problems and probably taking one-two class(es) per semester.

There are exactly two reasons I can think of for why an adult man would believe he has the ability to talk to cartoon characters, and Chris ain't schizophrenic.

 

[exball]

Chris would still be a smug asshole.

 

[Mourning Dove]

Ultimately Chris would no longer have a target for all of his bitterness and frustration with his life, and he would feel an even greater void in his life. He may even void himself (yet again).

 

[CatParty]

He wouldn't be able to comprehend how his life is still awful. Then about a day later, Kellie Andes or Anna would be the new queen troll.

 

[Giovanni]

However disgustingly and awfully you think Chris would react, he'd surpass your expectations by six. That seems to be the usual course.

 

[Globe]

What if your brain wound up in Chris's body?

This seems like a really obvious hypothetical that's probably been discussed already, but I dug through a few pages and didn't see anything like it, the closest thing being that "what if Chris was intelligent?" thread which still isn't quite the same, so I might as well shoot. Tomorrow you wake up in Chris' body. You keep your brain, it's memories, its faculties, its knowledge of...whatever you happen to know, but you're now burdened with Chris' corpulent body and his completely unenviable life. What would you do?

Without a brain molded by autism and a shitty, mollycoddled up bringing, Chris can now do things that he previously either was unwilling or unable to do; presumably, he has no speech impediment, he can empathize, he can take responsibility for his actions, he can stand up to Barb, he can drop the tomgirl bullshit, he can genuinely appologize to those he's wronged...where would you start, or would you start at all?

 

[Pikonic]

Re: What if your brain wound up in Chris's body?

Shave my head and buy a suit at a consignment shop.
Job applications under Chris Chandler (google it).
Tell barb I'm moving out unless we get help with the hoard.
Learn what it's like to not be able to controll my bowels
Then poison myself right before switching brains back

Honestly I'm more concerned with OPL in my body.

 

[champthom]

Re: What if your brain wound up in Chris's body?

God dammit, someone please dig up the threads we've done this before, we've had at least two of these "What if you were Chris?" threads before.

Please don't recycle your responses either, people.

I need to talk to Null about modifying the search so it's less fussy.

Edit: here's one: http://cwckiforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=601.

 

[Mourning Dove]

Buy some shampoo, bodywash, toothpaste, floss, laundry detergent, heavy duty trash bags, and a myriad of household cleaning supplies. Then I would clean myself, clean my clothes, clean out my fucking house, and then clean myself again. Cleaning out the house would count as much needed exercise too!

In the unfortunate but unlikely situation where Chris happens to run into Megan in public, what bizarre scenarios would ensue? Chris tardraging to the extreme at a horrified Megan? Epic banhammers and restraining orders? Sailor Moon DVDs and mashed potato grenades being thrown into the Yard Wide? The possibilities are quite vast!

 

[Watcher]

He'd probably recognize her and begin yelling at her

Megan would wonder why a fat blond Lesbian was screaming at her about Sailor moon and run away.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Chris would get another protective order issued against him and get arrested if he was feeling aggressive.

More than likely because Chris talks a tough game but doesn't deliver, would result and he'd run away crying like a little kid.

 

[Pikonic]

Nothing, just like many others on the Internet, he puffs up his feathers online, but is a major pussy IRL.
If they were at a mall, he'd take a picture and Facebook "I got her!". If she approached him, he'd

 

[Globe]

Re: What if your brain wound up in Chris's body?

I need to talk to Null about modifying the search so it's less fussy.

It would help. I searched through about 7 pages before making the topic and didn't see anything related, so I figured that was as good a green light as any. Anyhow, I was thinking about this because I recall someone saying not too long ago that if they found themselves in Chris' position one day, they'd just commit suicide. Dark and a-loggy as that is, it's not altogether unreasonable; it's difficult to imagine making his life worthwhile, even if you manage to improve it some. I guess it just made me think about what I'd do if I wound up in his shoes one day.

Shave my head and buy a suit at a consignment shop.
Job applications under Chris Chandler (google it).

See this is one thing that I'm not sure I'd immediately worry about. Finding gainful employment, that is. Searching for a job in the area where Chris lives seems kind of like a fruitless endeavor, especially in Chris' situation. I think I'd focus more on fixing his home situation and setting myself on a path of longer-term stability. I'd probably call Barb on her bullshit and make her, at the very least, give me a room of my own. She can be as batshit crazy as she wants as long as the house isn't falling completely apart and I've got a clean place to hide in when I'd have to be home. I'd start working on getting in shape, trying to look as normal as possible and after I managed to get to a point where I no longer looked like an overweight, alcoholic buffalo Bill, I'd see about getting into UVA, assuming Chris' grades were decent enough for me to make the cut (if not, then I guess I'd have to spend some more time at PVCC :?).

 

[Coldgrip]

If she was alone, he might try confronting her and demand payment. This would result in Megan getting store security on his ass and another ban. But that's kinda unlikely though considering Chris is a pussy.

With he boyfriend; He'd avoid them while secretly flipping them off and trying to take their picture. If they notice him he'd waddle away as fast as he could to the safety of the mobile hoard and flee.

Either one would result in an angry facebook rant about how da Twoll Queen is stalking him and attempting to kill him by making him STRESSED with nightmares and night terrors that will cause his Autistic, Fragile mind to shatter.

 

[Watcher]

He'd do more videos except he'd do the minimal amount of effort to make money off it.

 

[Henry Bemis]

He'd probably recognize her and begin yelling at her.

Maybe, maybe not. Chris doesn't have great facial memory.

Now, the thought of him going from woman to woman, unloading his tantrum on them, stopping midway after catching on to his mistake, then waddling off amuses me.

 

[Watcher]

He'd probably recognize her and begin yelling at her.

Maybe, maybe not. Chris doesn't have great facial memory.

Now, the thought of him going from woman to woman, unloading his tantrum on them, stopping midway after catching on to his mistake, then waddling off amuses me.

Well yes, that'd likely be the third "Megan" that day he yelled at.