Reasons for wanting a relationship

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If your idea of a relationship is mostly "someone to do stuff with/someone to do stuff for you" you have terribly selfish priorities. The main reason to have a relationship with somebody is that you on your own are fine and don't need anybody, and the relationship will produce enrichment beyond your normal life for both people.
 
moosesgalore powiedział(a):
If your idea of a relationship is mostly "someone to do stuff with/someone to do stuff for you" you have terribly selfish priorities. The main reason to have a relationship with somebody is that you on your own are fine and don't need anybody, and the relationship will produce enrichment beyond your normal life for both people.
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Sometimes you need someone in your life other than your family and friends.
 
moosesgalore powiedział(a):
If your idea of a relationship is mostly "someone to do stuff with/someone to do stuff for you" you have terribly selfish priorities. The main reason to have a relationship with somebody is that you on your own are fine and don't need anybody, and the relationship will produce enrichment beyond your normal life for both people.
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I think this is as true as the other statements in this thread.
With some core exceptions (companionship for example, I think we're all in agreement that that's pretty vital) a relationship's value is largely subjective and depends on the needs of both individuals.
 
I would say that the only reasons to want a relationship are: gaining respect from certain communities, having children, and physical/emotional intimacy (not just sex). For me the first two are the most appealing. I think that entering into a relationship because you want to feel better about yourself is not a recipe for a productive relationship.

I think that one should only enter into a relationship for one's own benefit and that although one can and should act for the mutual interests of both parties that is a form of cooperation rather than altruism (mutual benefit rather than sacrificing for the other) and it will be enhanced with firm rules (or boundaries as they are often referred to as).
 
I read somewhere that they can predict divorces by how much a couple argues or have negative encounters. Couples who argue or have negative encounters around 50% of the time are more likely to divorce. Couples who have fewer than 5% negative encounters are likely to have the happiest relationships.
That is fucking crazy to me, because I can't imagine arguing even close to 50% of the time. Then more often than not these fucking dipshits get married and have kids. Why even be together? I've known people like that and I think it's ridiculous. I don't know how often I have negative experiences with my boyfriend but it's not very often.
For me it's like having a best friend you can have sex with but way closer than a best friend. Idk I think it's great. Easily the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I feel really lucky, but I know we also have worked at it over the years and things just get better and better.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
@melty

I think a lot of people in bad relationships stay in them because they fear they'll never be able to do better, and, when it really starts to fail on them (the constant arguing) having kids is a misguided attempt to add some "glue" by giving them a reason (in theory) to stop the fighting and work towards a common goal. And, unfortunately, it never works because the kids are just another thing they start arguing about.
 
TowinKarz powiedział(a):
@melty

I think a lot of people in bad relationships stay in them because they fear they'll never be able to do better, and, when it really starts to fail on them (the constant arguing) having kids is a misguided attempt to add some "glue" by giving them a reason (in theory) to stop the fighting and work towards a common goal. And, unfortunately, it never works because the kids are just another thing they start arguing about.
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If you got into one before then can't you enter one again?
 
He doesn't mind I'm a crazy, I don't mind that he has an autistic love of tanks. We've both made the other mature and better ourselves a lot. Nicest three years of my life so far.
 
Relationship pros: Having somebody obligated to pretend to give a shit about your interests if you pretend to give a shit about theirs
They're generally less likely to flake out on you than friends
All the best travel deals are "based on two people sharing"

Relationship cons: You have to tolerate other people
You have to pretend to be a tolerable person

You think there might be a reason I'm single?
 
i feel terrible because every day i wake up without a cute racist femboy ifunny bf next to me. They are the only kind people i would ever consider being in a relationship with, anything less isn't what i want (except maybe a tradwife). I cannot express enough how hurt i am by the fact the last and only encounter i have had with a femboy ended terribly and with the revelation it was actually a tranny who didn't hate the Jews nor own a rifle with which to defend property with from black protesters.

Someday i will wake up with a dude with knee socks on holding an AR15 standing over me, who will say in a cute voice that we must answer the Jewish Question. Until that day comes, i will remain emotionally and mentally unsatisfied with myself and my life.
 
Companionship
Mutual support
Safety net
Close confidant

The older I get, however, the more I think the modern novelty (and it is a novelty in the scheme of world history) of entering a relationship on the basis of finding an attribute about attractive or even marrying for "love" is a mistake.

Historically, what people thought of as "love" within marriage was closer to what we would now call loyalty. You weren't expected to like your spouse, initially at least and there is evidence to suggest this was something that came late. What you were expected to do was stand by them and be the one person they knew they could count on to build something with. This ideal, though not always met was self-sacrificial and selfless, something many modern marriages which end in just a few years are not.

I don't think you can really "love" someone even a few years into a relationship. You can find them attractive, be it their personality or appearance, and you can certainly lust after them but neither of these qualities last forever. Eventually, something about them will grind on you, or they will develop new habits you might not be so enthusiastic about but will you be the one to see it through regardless?

I'd say the majority of 80's-90's people cannot, and of those born during the internet age with even worse self-indulgence and passion for instant gratification? Even fewer still.
 
To have someone you can have sex with loudly so your children can hear.

To have someone to instigate arguments with and belittle them even when they relent.

To have someone to tell you you're being unreasonable when you throw a tantrum.

To have someone to threaten with divorce.

To have someone to lose and cry over for months on end, and to miss for all the years following.
 
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