random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

It's not substance abuse if you love them all equally.

I'm sorry, did you say "raw" labels? Do the labels get cooked at some point? Would it be less absurd somehow if they seasoned the packing labels before eating them??

Germans brag about being able to drive as fast as they want in the middle of nowhere on the Audobahn and would cry at the sight of the average Dodge Charger doing 120 in the middle of Atlanta rush hour traffic.

This is one of those things you can keep watching and finding new details to focus on.
Charcoal fire lit in aluminum foil baking trays, balanced on top of burning 2x4's on a melting plastic table. Cooking the burgers on plastic coated cooling sheets. Using a wooden spatula. There's a grill brush on the table despite there being no grill in sight. The security guard wearing an empty plate carrier and Jordans. The fact that they're doing this in a retail parking lot in front of a liquor store.

God bless America. Happy belated 4th of July.

 

[The Nothingness]

Stockton Rush really was boomerism personified. If only he'd looked the laws of physics in the eye and given them a firm handshake.

 

[Mr. Hands]

DO NOT PUT ON THE CYRAXX MEDALLION!

 

[DickMain]

It's not over until the right-sized differently-abled bonus-hole having person of gender sings.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Noise the man makes when he's cumming in Elaine Chao.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Words to adequately convey how retarded this man was elude me.

 

[Oh!]

Sometimes when I try to suck on my nipples I realize I can't. The feeling is always terrible. Most days I shake my fist at God "WHY AREN'T MY TITTIES BIGGER?!" Really venting my spleen at the lord. But I have faith that one day my moob will become tube sock like and that I could fulfill my desire. It's not a sexual thing really. Sucking on titties is a lot like having a fidget spinner to me. It calms we down. Normally I have to suck other people's titties, but I think being able to suck my own would remove a burden to the more compassionate in my life.

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ETA: You can't imagine my shock when I discovered that the above quote was not written by @CharlesBarkley