🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

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Will the "MMA" fight between Gabe Hoffman and Ethan Ralph 🐷 happen?

  • YES!

    Votes: 26 7.6%

  • lol no

    Votes: 318 92.4%
  • Total voters
    344
Ivan Daniloff said:
Translation: “I think this is either a planned or impromptu gay op. There are people aiding him if this is a gay op. Either way, Ralph is in a death spiral.”
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I’d only slightly modify that. I think he means that whether this is a gayop or some actual terrible event which Ralph has inflicted upon himself, it only serves to push him closer to the point of no return in ever having a chance to be near his daughter ever again.
 
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Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:
Well if we go by Occam's razor, the most likely scenario is that Ralph made it to Colombia but lost his phone and went to get a new phone but pooped his pants on the way there and the poop squirted down his leg and he slipped on it like an oil slick and fell down a hill crashing into various street vendor stalls full of pointy trinkets and hot stews and his pants fell off as he rolled down and when he finally came to a stop on the beach a parakeet swooped down and snipped his dick off and flew out into the ocean and spit his dick out in the ocean because it was icky.
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I have two Occams Razors. One is No Colombia and the other is he went to Colombia.

Boring "Nothing ever happens" scenario;
Pig looses his phone during a drunken waddle around Mexico, likes that he's being talked about so staying quiet because then he can say "IT WUZ A WERK AYYLAWGS! FUCK YOU JAWSH MOOOOOON"

Fun "Oh god please this would be so funny" scenario:
Ralph did go to Colombia, but instead of hot oiled up Latinas greeting him at the airport, two large men in sweat suits meet him and take his phone and passport, take him to a shack (that's bigger than his shack) and are torturing for his accounts that have "millions of dollars" in them.


free_protons4u said:
Why do people think he was supposed to leave for Colombia on Friday? One of his latest tweets said the event was going to be "next week." Did he actually say he was leaving Friday?
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I think Ralph DM'ed some twitter people saying he was and the human trafficking's porn X account claims he was supposed to be there already. That porn account is so sus that it could have it own Amoungus game.
 
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Ivan Daniloff said:
Translation: “I think this is either a planned or impromptu gay op. There are people aiding him if this is a gay op. Either way, Ralph is in a death spiral.”
Click to expand...
It would be pure kino if all this started as a gayop that resulted in a real drowning.

"alright, now get a picture of me swimming over here... perfect... stupid marks will love this... why you walking over here bish.. [gurgle] ahhh [gasp] help! [gurgle] stop! [guuuurgle]"
 
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DickSanchez said:
It would be pure kino if all this started as a gayop that resulted in a real drowning.

"alright, now get a picture of me swimming over here... perfect... stupid marks will love this... why you walking over here bish.. [gurgle] ahhh [gasp] help! [gurgle] stop! [guuuurgle]"
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That would require him to have a friend to take the picture.
 
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Look, there is a non 0% chance that Ralph is dead, but when he dies its going to be of an overdose in his shack, and no one will know about it until they come for the rent and they smell the stench, at which point he will be moved to a city morgue for however long they keep him there before tossing him into a common grave for bums.

I doubt the beach incident is related.

If he's not dead, he's definitely too high to get out of bed and barely conscious, no way he went anywhere, if he was in Colombia he would have already posted e-thot selfies already.
 
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Suicide has been tossed around a bit but the only way I could see that happening is a Darwin Award worthy death in which Ralph accidentally kills himself while trying to fake his own death. At the very least it keeps things narratively consistent.

Much more likely is that as he always tends to do, he got shit faced on his way to or at the airport. At some point he said or did something stupid such as get caught with his xannies or talked a bunch of shit and was too drunk to bribe the police.

Because it’s a weekend, he probably woke up in the drunk tank on Saturday at some point and has to wait to see a judge until Monday.
 
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Gator_Aids said:
Suicide has been tossed around a bit but the only way I could see that happening is a Darwin Award worthy death in which Ralph accidentally kills himself while trying to fake his own death. At the very least it keeps things narratively consistent.

Much more likely is that as he always tends to do, he got shit faced on his way to or at the airport. At some point he said or did something stupid such as get caught with his xannies or talked a bunch of shit and was too drunk to bribe the police.

Because it’s a weekend, he probably woke up in the drunk tank on Saturday at some point and has to wait to see a judge until Monday.
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yeah, the way i see it he either got drunk/high and stumbled into the water and drowned at the beach, is being kept somewhere by someone, or is incapacitated in his shack. there's no way he's conscious and free to move around and willingly not responding to anything. If ralph had that kind of self control he wouldn't be ralph.
 
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RollingRock2 said:
IDK why you guys think the worst Ralph has a long history of fucking up travel plans and getting robbed/losing things
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because if ralph lost something or his travel plans were just fucked up he'd be pissed and even more likely to try and reach out to someone to rant about it or beg for help. he has people's real numbers and there are still ways to get in contact with the outside world even without a cellphone in Mexico.

maybe he shows up tomorrow acting like everything is fine, but this is obviously not normal behavior especially for him.
 
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It's extremely unlikely that Ralph has either killed himself or been killed.
  • Even the cables used on suspension bridges would be incapable of supporting his weight.
  • All weapons/projectiles known to man would simply bounce off of him.
  • The amount of poison required to have any effect on his sheer mass does not exist.
 
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Featured on Apr 28, 2025 by Null: Ethan Ralph has announced he is not dead and has arrived in Colombia.
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