How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Ive really been trying to find this all my adult life. The more "unique" (in a bad way) your experiences are the harder that is to find. Every single friend I know like that is addicted to either alcohol or drugs and severely mentally ill. Two have given themselves organ damage and will die early even though they have sobered up. It fucking sucks to go outside and see every older "version" of you is still dealing with same old shit and mainlining heroin on top of that.

I want to tell you something as someone who has had that be the largest recurring obstacle of my entire life.
The way you solve all that is you be that person you can look up to. You be that future version of yourself that isn't a fuck up.
The funny thing is I've actually met a lot of those people that are pretty much me. And while I did enjoy their company and did feel seen and theres a lot of value in that... they ultimately disappointed or hurt in some way. They conducted their lives in ways I wouldn't, or when they did disapprove or disagree I took it too personally, because I based my value on the idea that there was someone else who completely understood me. When someone like that hurts you or ends up being kind of downbad, you internalize it. You feel like the freak of freaks.
"You mean even this person who's Literally Me doesn't like me?"
"Oh... so is that what I'm going to be like in 20 years? Maybe my self hatred is justified. Maybe everyone else is justified, too."
"The closest thing I had to family did me dirty. Can't I have a tribe? Why am I always the one left behind?

STOP
Stop. Cut that out.

As lame and faggy and cringe and Oprah Hallmark zen as it sounds, you have to be that person for you. You have to give yourself that hug. You have to forgive yourself. You have to be that person that no one else can be for you. That doesn't mean you have to do it with a smile or with flair. Its not a romantic thing. Its the hardest thing you ever wil do. Thats why most people dont. You just have to do it.
Sounds like cope to excuse the apathy of a decaying society, and most of the time it is. But it's still true.

You will be fine. You won't be an addict. Because you won't be an addict. Why? Because you won't be an addict. You won't be a failure because you just won't be. Because you have a choice. It's your life. Your life doesn't have to be a tragedy.

It sucked losing my friend recently. More than probably anything before it. He felt like the one person who understood me. But honestly... that needed to happen. I was being silly putting my value and all my chips on another person. And I've done that multiple times throughout my life. And well... You've seen my posts. It's a bad thing to do. Don't do that.
Me... I've dated more recently. But I'm still alone. I don't have any real friends. And some days are better than others. There's still so much I can improve on. But I'm okay. Because I don't really hate my own company that much anymore. Sucks sometimes. But not as much.
You're not any other person. No one else can understand you but you, and that's still a barely most of the time. But you can be your friend. You can get things you want in life. You can be the parent, spouse and friend to yourself that nobody else could be. And in turn when you do find those people and create that family you care about, you can be the person for them that you always wanted others to be.
Things will be okay. And you will be okay. The best and worst thing about life is you have no idea what the future holds. But please...
take care of yourself.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

sounds like you need a final solution.

Yeah, I'm going to go into the hardware store for something to nuke the pipe with and seal it up good. Also after putting some packing tape over it there is already a noticeable difference in roaches. I haven't seen one in my unit so far. Still embarrassed for all the ones that got into the hallway and I have been intentionally avoiding run ins with neighbors.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I went to visit some castle ruins today and there was a tranny fag flag billowing away at full mast.

Probably why that place is in ruins.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

I'm so lonely.

 

[Otterly]

I'm so lonely.

Humans are almost always lonely

 

[nycifer]

We are getting a damn extreme heat wave going here and it's hard for me to focus and get the energy to do what I'd like to do because of the continuous heat. Even at night it's still hovering 85 degrees and peak day it's over 95. It's going to be like this for three whole days, which is the entirety of my time off.

 

[Dick The Birthday Boy]

Stopping my adhd medication cold turkey. I was starting to abuse it. Can't tell my family about it, but they are worth it.
How am I doing?
I'm really tired, and craving sweets and steak.

 

[Otterly]

Yeah, I'm going to go into the hardware store for something to nuke the pipe with and seal it up good.

Wire wool works well, as rodents etc can’t chew through it easily to enlarge a gap that other things get through. Rodents will happily chew through almost anything else if it clears a route they use, or they can use the blocking material for food or bedding.

 

[The Last Stand]

I tried taking the day off tomorrow for an event, they said it was too soon. So, I'm going to take some days off in July for my birthday.

I’m so focused on job searching, I did not account for the Fourth of July.

 

[Rolex]

Need more income. Lacking degree and experience to get better job. My current job isn't stressful but there are other problems. Just want to finally feel like I'm caught up in life but I fear that may never happen. Would love to work for myself but every option seems gay and agonizing. Thankfully not addicted to anything that is actively damaging my life at least.

Watching people do awesome, interesting things for work and play who also make 3-5x more than me is soul destroying, I'm a creative person who likes to work but my current life has heavy constraints. Age is starting to become noticeable, not a young man anymore.

 

[Betonhaus]

I’ve been trying to start biking to work but I’m so out of shape that even a short stint with pedal assist has me sore and injured two days later, so I’m looking into seeing what car loans I’m eligible for. I didn’t really want to get one but my credit rating seems to have improved a bit and as long as I keep the payments down it’ll be manageable. But it sucks that a 12 minute commute has jumped to over an hour and getting up at the ass crack of dawn is getting to me.

It probably didn’t help that my weekly medication injection I think I missed the muscle and more leaked out then I thought so now I feel like shit and am trying to decide if I should try a half injection or tough it out for the next couple of days before the long weekend.

 

[JanuaryViolet]

Humans are almost always lonely

Which is why we love our pets so very much. Perfectly understandable.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I feel inching towards a snap of some sort. I'm so tired and overwhelmed by everything. Apps on my phones despite having uninstalled as many as possible without going full off-grid Teddy. I keep opening tabs on my PC that I do not even register before scrolling and closing it again. Opening Steam to look at games I'll never boot up. Seeing my cat wanting my attention but I feel too productivity-deprived that I can't justify sitting down with her.

I wanna just, live. Play offline games. Read books. Be my own person and deal with things. Spend a whole weekend buying and setting up a shelf. I've been throwing out a lot of clothing and tech but I just always feel weighed down. Is that my PC dying of heat? Why aren't I playing MH:GU on Switch? Oh yeah there's dropping new Grim Dawn DLC, oops Palworld 1.0? Can you run it?

I need to revert to fucking, zoo tycoon. Theme hospital. Physical book. Showering before beds. Rob myself of this diabolical machinery of stones and sand that ejaculate onto my eyes pure misery. I really hope this motorbiking venture sticks and I can just, go for rides. Tent overnight. I cant go very far cause I love my cat too much to leave her more than one night alone. Is she lonely? Why didn't I get two cats? I ruined her life.

Which is why we love our pets so very much. Perfectly understandable.

Been bombarded with sad pets videos today for some reason. I look at shelters 'for the fun of it' and I swear 9/10 cats 'require' outdoor access. Even if they're indoor cats. And they fucking wonder why they can't get rid of cats? "Two cute shy siblings. 6 years old, indoor cats. NEED OUTSIDE ACCESS UWU THEY'RE LIL HUNTERS UWU" nigger kys, fucking dye-job haired vet-wannabe motherfucker. I'm surprised I even got to keep my cat once they saw I was living on first floor. Only because nobody else had picked her up for 60 days I suppose.

I’m so focused on job searching, I did not account for the Fourth of July.

My one time in the US was landing in Sacramento 8pm 4th of july; I only realized once it felt like landing in a warzone. Coming from europe, that place feels like a fever dream. It's straight out of the movies; everything is huge, the roads are long and wide. The moon hung low, I saw pine trees and curvy roads through mountains that we've zero of. I guess the US and China got that in common: Great geography, terrible people.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Can't focus on anything today, really. At least I did some dishes.
Food? Nah. Croissants are surely enough sustenance. I just got money but my June spending on doordash went overboard so I can't let myself fall into that trap for July. Nothing I cook or can think of cooking is interesting to me.
Third week on my new anti-depressants, I'm gonna blame my current moody situation on that.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

Is she lonely? Why didn't I get two cats? I ruined her life.

Not all cats mesh well with other cats. Unless she’s showing signs of boredom I think you’re all set.

. I look at shelters 'for the fun of it' and I swear 9/10 cats 'require' outdoor access. Even if they're indoor cats. And they fucking wonder why they can't get rid of cats? "Two cute shy siblings. 6 years old, indoor cats. NEED OUTSIDE ACCESS UWU THEY'RE LIL HUNTERS UWU" nigger kys, fucking dye-job haired vet-wannabe motherfucker.

NEVER let your cat outside unattended. I’ve been on the lookout for a certain missing cat so I stalked missing pets pages all of last week. It was the most depressing thing ever. There were new entries everyday in my city alone. So many messed up things can happen to them, the negatives outweigh the benefits by far.

Spoiler: ETA thread tax

Were currently fostering a cat who is a genetic abomination and illegal to breed here. It was found starving outdoors scavenging for food in someone’s garbage bin, totally matted and covered in ticks.

Since it’s such a niche, expensive breed and someone just dumped it outdoors, the based and slightly racist lady who runs the fostering agency thinks it’s some flavor of arab, who think they’re high status for having a pure breed cat, who just dumped their cat outside and went on vacation. Since it’s just an animal, you can just leave it outside while you go on your 3-4 month vacation, right? Hopefully it’s still there when we get back, if not we just get a new one.

He was so malnourished we had to feed him very little at a time to get his body used to digesting food again. You can feel every bone in his body when you pet him. He’s probably been outside for more than 2 months. I’m really fucking pissed off.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

NEVER let your cat outside unattended. I’ve been on the lookout for a certain missing cat so I stalked missing pets pages all of last week. It was the most depressing thing ever. There were new entries everyday in my city alone. So many messed up things can happen to them, the negatives outweigh the benefits by far.

Like, I saw a 14 week old fostered kitten. The perfect time to dictate whether it'll live indoors. "Must have outside access cause it's a lil tiger when we play UwU", you mean the default cat behavior? A predator?

A family friend's family has for generations had tons of cats, walked them on leashes etc. One got away from the leash and you best know they're never leashing any of them again. It's a half life. You're not treating them to the outdoor life but briefly, you're teasing them about a life they'll never have. My cat looks out my front door when I open it but I'm not gonna let her get close cause suddenly that interest will grow.

"They live better lives outside" yea, and shorter too. It certainly shortens yours; did someone feed my cat poison? Did it get run over? Why isn't it home yet? I've seen people have fucking outdoor bengals. You're asking for it to get stolen.