How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Ive really been trying to find this all my adult life. The more "unique" (in a bad way) your experiences are the harder that is to find. Every single friend I know like that is addicted to either alcohol or drugs and severely mentally ill. Two have given themselves organ damage and will die early even though they have sobered up. It fucking sucks to go outside and see every older "version" of you is still dealing with same old shit and mainlining heroin on top of that.

I want to tell you something as someone who has had that be the largest recurring obstacle of my entire life.
The way you solve all that is you be that person you can look up to. You be that future version of yourself that isn't a fuck up.
The funny thing is I've actually met a lot of those people that are pretty much me. And while I did enjoy their company and did feel seen and theres a lot of value in that... they ultimately disappointed or hurt in some way. They conducted their lives in ways I wouldn't, or when they did disapprove or disagree I took it too personally, because I based my value on the idea that there was someone else who completely understood me. When someone like that hurts you or ends up being kind of downbad, you internalize it. You feel like the freak of freaks.
"You mean even this person who's Literally Me doesn't like me?"
"Oh... so is that what I'm going to be like in 20 years? Maybe my self hatred is justified. Maybe everyone else is justified, too."
"The closest thing I had to family did me dirty. Can't I have a tribe? Why am I always the one left behind?

STOP
Stop. Cut that out.

As lame and faggy and cringe and Oprah Hallmark zen as it sounds, you have to be that person for you. You have to give yourself that hug. You have to forgive yourself. You have to be that person that no one else can be for you. That doesn't mean you have to do it with a smile or with flair. Its not a romantic thing. Its the hardest thing you ever wil do. Thats why most people dont. You just have to do it.
Sounds like cope to excuse the apathy of a decaying society, and most of the time it is. But it's still true.

You will be fine. You won't be an addict. Because you won't be an addict. Why? Because you won't be an addict. You won't be a failure because you just won't be. Because you have a choice. It's your life. Your life doesn't have to be a tragedy.

It sucked losing my friend recently. More than probably anything before it. He felt like the one person who understood me. But honestly... that needed to happen. I was being silly putting my value and all my chips on another person. And I've done that multiple times throughout my life. And well... You've seen my posts. It's a bad thing to do. Don't do that.
Me... I've dated more recently. But I'm still alone. I don't have any real friends. And some days are better than others. There's still so much I can improve on. But I'm okay. Because I don't really hate my own company that much anymore. Sucks sometimes. But not as much.
You're not any other person. No one else can understand you but you, and that's still a barely most of the time. But you can be your friend. You can get things you want in life. You can be the parent, spouse and friend to yourself that nobody else could be. And in turn when you do find those people and create that family you care about, you can be the person for them that you always wanted others to be.
Things will be okay. And you will be okay. The best and worst thing about life is you have no idea what the future holds. But please...
take care of yourself.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

sounds like you need a final solution.

Yeah, I'm going to go into the hardware store for something to nuke the pipe with and seal it up good. Also after putting some packing tape over it there is already a noticeable difference in roaches. I haven't seen one in my unit so far. Still embarrassed for all the ones that got into the hallway and I have been intentionally avoiding run ins with neighbors.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

I went to visit some castle ruins today and there was a tranny fag flag billowing away at full mast.

Probably why that place is in ruins.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

I'm so lonely.

 

[Otterly]

I'm so lonely.

Humans are almost always lonely

 

[nycifer]

We are getting a damn extreme heat wave going here and it's hard for me to focus and get the energy to do what I'd like to do because of the continuous heat. Even at night it's still hovering 85 degrees and peak day it's over 95. It's going to be like this for three whole days, which is the entirety of my time off.

 

[Dick The Birthday Boy]

Stopping my adhd medication cold turkey. I was starting to abuse it. Can't tell my family about it, but they are worth it.
How am I doing?
I'm really tired, and craving sweets and steak.

 

[Otterly]

Yeah, I'm going to go into the hardware store for something to nuke the pipe with and seal it up good.

Wire wool works well, as rodents etc can’t chew through it easily to enlarge a gap that other things get through. Rodents will happily chew through almost anything else if it clears a route they use, or they can use the blocking material for food or bedding.

 

[The Last Stand]

I tried taking the day off tomorrow for an event, they said it was too soon. So, I'm going to take some days off in July for my birthday.

I’m so focused on job searching, I did not account for the Fourth of July.

 

[Rolex]

Need more income. Lacking degree and experience to get better job. My current job isn't stressful but there are other problems. Just want to finally feel like I'm caught up in life but I fear that may never happen. Would love to work for myself but every option seems gay and agonizing. Thankfully not addicted to anything that is actively damaging my life at least.

Watching people do awesome, interesting things for work and play who also make 3-5x more than me is soul destroying, I'm a creative person who likes to work but my current life has heavy constraints. Age is starting to become noticeable, not a young man anymore.