How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Not A Bunny]

Dear Christ get me out of here.

I've put in my notice, but hot damn my replacement has reminded me why I'm going back to school.

So, my company hired a woman to backfill on the work I was doing, which was basically requirements management (kill me) and documentation (which, fine, as long as we're documenting something useful instead of stacks of presentations for whatever new cycle of reviews the Government decides they need to layer on top of other reviews that were already in the pipeline).

My team lead asked her what her background was. She says (and this is why I want to kill myself), "I'm a systems engineer, but I'm not really technical. My background is in project management. But I'm really into Model-Based Systems Engineering."

Spoiler: A little background for people not in this space...

"Systems Engineering" used to mean that you could manage a program because you were engineer enough to herd all the cats from multiple disciplines. The concept of "Systems Engineering" over the years has devolved into "requirements management", which is nothing but requirements capture, sticking it all in a relational database, and pretending that you're just as much engineer as everyone with an actual technical degree, because you call all of that "Model-Based". I used to be in modeling and simulation...if that's modeling, your ass is on fire./SPOILER]

I take full responsibility for why people see me the same way in that I've been stuck in this role for the last 15 or so years (long story...but it is my fault; no need for sympathy). But Christ divine, the profession of "engineer" is not to be taken seriously anymore when anyone without more cred than farting around in relational databases can be called an "engineer".

 

[Susan-O]

Night shift today. Terrible air conditioning at work. Last night shift was like 35°C with a humidity of like 60% indoors. Fucking kill me already.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Had to put my 14-year-old cat to sleep on Saturday. While I handled it well mentally, it has caught up with me physically. I feel like death.

That's awful, I'm very sorry to hear that. I lost my 17 year old kitty earlier this year and it was so awful to go through. I still find myself unconsciously looking for her.

 

[Troon Petty and the 41ers]

I've uninstalled spotify finally. Half the popular songs are AI, half my favs have been removed, shuffle literally doesn't work and Wrapped was the passion project of one guy they've since then fired, thus why it sucks. I miss the days of just downloading entire discographies of a few bands, dumping them into an mp3 player, and only removing them if you truly got tired of the songs cause you'd have to plug it into a pc and all types of shit. Back when listening to music was a conscious act and not a "I can't go on a walk without my comfort techno" type shit.

I remember the time before iPods when you had to choose what to load up before your bus ride to school, so streaming was kind of a revelation. And it was pretty nice in the early/mid 2010s when most stuff was freely available on there. It's gotten really fucking gay and stupid and makes me understand Dear Feeder's seething hatred of copyright.

Also I know a lot of musicians, most of them couldn't make a living playing music so they're electricians or teachers or coders now, and even though I'm just one guy I would like to stand up for my ideals, that being "it would be nice if people could make a living through music" here.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I remember the time before iPods when you had to choose what to load up before your bus ride to school, so streaming was kind of a revelation. And it was pretty nice in the early/mid 2010s when most stuff was freely available on there. It's gotten really fucking gay and stupid and makes me understand Dear Feeder's seething hatred of copyright.

Also I know a lot of musicians, most of them couldn't make a living playing music so they're electricians or teachers or coders now, and even though I'm just one guy I would like to stand up for my ideals, that being "it would be nice if people could make a living through music" here.

I really fucking miss the time before smartphones and streaming. Sure, it's handy as hell to have all of those modern commodities wrapped in a neat little app on your phone but it's a lousier version overall.
I miss my Sony Ericksson walkman phone, I used to download and convert entire episodes of Doctor Who to put on my phone so I could watch it on my way to school. I had a curated library of music that I'd transfer onto my phone, switching out tracks here and there, and the quality was good.
2010 onwards really feels like a step down despite technological advances.

 

[Otterly]

I had a minidisc player and mix discs. And an iPod, who h was the pinnacle of good tech. Why can’t we have click wheel Black and white lcd iPods any more?

I'm not used to having a lot of money. I'm too frugal for my liking. My fridge is empty (literally) and all my belongings are packed in a luggage though I've had this apartment for ages.

I'm in a place where I can attend college without taking out loans and without having parents to take money from, and maybe even without working for the duration. Barely even late for that.

Ive sold my soul to the devil. I'm supposed to be guilty but I feel nothing. I guess it's like being a killer for some cartel, you just do what you must.

This isn’t a bad thing (frugality, not being a cartel henchman.) . Being frugal isn’t an issue unless you’re denying yourself needs, needlessly. Are you eating healthy food? Are your shoes in good repair, etc? If so, why spend money on things unless you need or really want them? If you’re denying yourself healthy food, or a new item of clothing when your old one breaks then yes that isn’t great. But don’t weigh yourself down with stuff.
Unpack some things, perhaps you’re subconsciously not allowing yourself to settle into the space? Unpack one box, and cook in the kitchen

 

[Lukie]

Doing okay!

On holiday during a heatwave. Bought my pup a cooling mat but he won't use it - so I'm sitting on it playing video games.

 

[Fujoshi_Nationalist]

Freelancing for a Vtuber, working on animation. Feeling great and motivated.
Walking cycle testing software:

 

[ilovecornsyrup]

perhaps you’re subconsciously not allowing yourself to settle into the space?

I'm aware that this is the problem but it's difficult to unlearn. For all of my childhood I have moved at least once a year, I've been homeless so I've lost track of all the places I've lived. I couldn't even give you a number. Until I am a citizen of the country where I live in I cannot settle. Down. I blame my mom for taking me to EU and dumping me here.

This isn’t a bad thing (frugality, not being a cartel henchman.) .

This was just a comparison as to how unethical my income used to be and how jaded I got. I am not a cartel henchman. I got free shoes and a coat from a charity type organisation who helps people with my backgrounds. My nutrition needs work though.

 

[McMitch]

Work put out the notice that headphones are completely banned, as in getting caught wearing them at any point will get you sent home and probably written up. Speakers are still allowed, but I mostly listen to MATI and Stephen King audiobooks at work so I don't know how the hell I'm going to float that.

 

[Lukie]

Work put out the notice that headphones are completely banned, as in getting caught wearing them at any point will get you sent home and probably written up. Speakers are still allowed, but I mostly listen to MATI and Stephen King audiobooks at work so I don't know how the hell I'm going to float that.

Muslim prayers on loudspeaker until they revert their retarded policy it is then!

 

[PetiteFeet]

Met one of my favourite dogs in the area, a 2 year old american bulldog. Big meaty head but the friendliest, softest disposition in a tank body. His owner is really nice, too. My own dog loves them as well, so much so she'll scream her little head off in excitement.
It's funny how an animal can make me forget why my day was bad.

 

[The Last Stand]

I slept in today all afternoon. I couldn't get up if I wanted to. I was massively tired last night after work. I may just go to a diner tonight after all is said and done.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Did you miss the crone part? Hawt, hawt, hawt, but in a "Mrs. Robinson except doesn't care for young'uns" sort of way.

My boss actually came out to the yard today and asked me if I'd found any places yet, to which the answer was no.
She told me she'd look around and cast some nets because she'd really hate for me to leave and that I was a great part of the team.
I wss overwhelmed. I'm working with heavy equipment for the first time, I have coworkers thinking I'm retarded, guys who's highlight in their day is seeing someone else fuck up and laugh at them in hordes. I feel like a giant loser at the place. Actually having the owner just reach out to me and show some concern and appreciation in the midst of everything else just made me feel good. At first I was just dismissing it internally as tgem being short on workers, but then I realized she just fired a dude who been there for three years because he was such a dick to me.

Pretty much all my friends stuff is gone from the apartment. Still kind of surprised and hurt by the complete double heel turn that happened. I keep thinking I should try to maybe reach out after this but then I remember something. When he was making diagnosis about me being a narcissist and saying I don't give a shit about mental health and that fun stuff, he gave me a very distinct, uncanny smile. It was one of those "V" shaped one's. If you've seen it before, you know what I'm talking about. But it was that kind of grinchy smirk that just says "I'm enjoying the fact that I'm hurting you right now." That shit is burned into my mind. So no, I will not be trying to mend anything. I know "No shit, sherlock."
Still just can't wrap my head around just how fucked up this has all been.
I wish him all the best trying to keep his online poly relationship with some married literally Histrionic bitch and picking up the pieces the next time his sister fucks up his life once again.
Oh well...

Not going to lie. I'm scared. I don't know where I'm going to be soon. I keep leaning to just packing up my backpack, hitting the road and seeing where it takes me. But I also would like to have a little more money, I'd like to get a little better at the job, I'd like to see a couple more friends I've made a little more. Not long. Just another month. Maybe I'm just arguing against my own best interests like always. I'm not really happy here, but I just wanted to have a couple more things in order. But it is looking to be about that time to skedaddle. I'll know pretty soon.

My one close friend I had is completely apathetic to me and the one person who even remotely is trying to show some semblance of sympathy for me is an old female manager with tattoos.
Whoda thunk?