- Dołączono
- 4 Sie 2023
NECRO OF THE CENTURY
family troubles thread :(
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- Dołączono
- 22 Sty 2023
That is a HELL of a lot more than other people can say. You oughta be proud of yourself for accomplishing so much, while your dirtbag family most likely is suffering.
Now it's my turn to spill: my dad. Not as big of a problem as others in this thread. In my case it's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, my dad IS in my life, he's actually taught me a lot of things that I still keep in mind today, and he and I both keep in touch with each other often. On the other, he wasn't at home during childhood, and his main "occupation" was, and still is, as a.......... "music producer". As in, he makes beats (or instrumentals, if you wanna get fancy) for all of the Soundcloud rappers and the like. Whenever we get to chatting about his endeavors and how "HE'S TOTALLY MAKING IT, SON, TRUST ME" I just sigh inwardly and say to myself, "well, at least he isn't in prison, or dealing drugs". Now, it's great that he has a passion, but at the same time, you gotta have something to supplement that, y'know? Something that actually pays the bills. He knows his way around computers (which is how I got onto the career path I'm on today), so I suggested that he get a few IT certs and actually find a good-paying job to do and do his "beats" on the side. Dad, I'm sorry to say, still has his head in the clouds, and well, let's just say I'm not looking forward to when he inevitably crashes down to earth. Worst part? He actually abandoned a pretty well-paying job in order to pursue this "career".
TL;DR: The sports/rap career-chasing stereotype many criticize black people for is very much real, and sadly, yours truly is ensconced in it
I have a friend, very close friend. He's a good guy, fun to be around, can work on cars, and willing to fight anyone that bothers his friends and family.
His only downfall, he has a half dozen kids with BPD and/or ghetto women. He can't get a 9-5 because he gets raped by child support and his credit sucks so he can't get a nice place of his own. Either crashing at his moms for the minute, or sweet talking any woman who will listen to stay with her.
He has two jobs. One as a street mechanic, the other: rapper/producer.
We write music together and he shits on me for sounding too much like bone thugs and gets mad when I say he emulates three six mafia a little too much. Somehow these small statements end up with us yelling at each other and not speaking for months. Been like this for over 3 years now.
(((I am NOT a jew)))
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 14 Gru 2022
Well I tried to go see my family for Christmas this year. Things fell through and I couldn't make it. Weirdly enough I feel very relieved.
I've gone through a lot of the same emotions everyone on here has talked about. This time of year is especially the hardest because it brings to mind the most painful moments where I was completely alone and abandoned during the time of year I should have had support and love.
This is probably the hardest topic for me to deal with in all of life. General state of society, lack of progress in my goals, financial instability... I think I could deal with all of that if I just knew I had a family that didn't have this extreme vitriol and disdain for me ever since I was a kid. Knowing there are people who brutalized you and made your life awful for no reason other than they could and then that there's nothing you can do outside of going to prison to subside the anger and despair you feel on a second-by-second basis is really fucking unbearable most of the time.
I think the hardest part of all is I've already come to those "big ephiphanies" about my parents at a relatively young age and have empathized with them for a while now. But in a way it makes it all just worse. I know my parents went through way worse shit than I could ever dream of. I know they're not all bad... In fact, quite the opposite. I know they're just broken people and I pity them. But that pity is almost worse than hate. Because I understand they're victims too, but I can't do anything to help them. I know they're suffering, but I always wonder why they had to take it out on me. It weighs on me how they're getting older every day, and I want to be there for them. I want that more than literally anything in the entire world. But everytime I try to reach my hand out I'm made perfectly aware of how unwanted my company is. There's only so many times you can answer the phone to play russian roulette with your parents' BPD.
It sucks because outside of their faults, they're really amazing people. But holy shit, when it's bad, it's the kind of pain where you'd rather jump out the nearest window than deal with it for another minute. And there's just some stuff that's so bad that there isn't a way to be an attorney for some people anymore. There's certain situations that people put you through that's "kick a puppy" levels of evil. Certain things that could have been avoided so easily if I had just the smallest inkling of help instead of sabotage and scorn. So many awful people I could have avoided if I wasn't trying to escape the people I should have felt comfortable around more than anyone, all of them compounding and exploiting what was there already for their own gain.
I don't know if I can ever recover or not feel like I'm always having a panic attack anymore. I know the more I keep them in my life in any way the longer it's all going to hurt. But there's a shame and horror at the idea of never seeing them again that I can't deal with, even if it would in theory be best for me.
It's really a painful desolate feeling, being more mature than you want to be. Recognizing the people who hurt you were hurt people themselves and realizing they wouldn't have ever ended up anything else than who they were, but still feeling that hatred for them. Acknowledging that you weren't perfect yourself growing up, but being adult enough to realize you were a kid and that the blame is not equal... even if they and everyone else wants to pretend it was. Knowing you still love the great qualities your parents have and that they gave you, but always questioning how much of the abuse really strengthened you at all or crippled you for life (and on top of that wondering if either of those were the goal or just a byproduct of malignance on their part). Understanding the nuance of your relationships really well, but not knowing if that knowledge can even do anything to help the relationship at all, you matter how hard you try.
I just wish I didn't have to live with the guilt. The guilt and shame make me feel like I really was this evil worthless person who deserves all of his familys' scorn. Even in situations where I know I wasn't, I've been told it and had it reinforced several times, enough that I can't not hate myself anymore. And considering how I haven't added up to nearly anything as an adult, especially compared to my relatives, it seems reality has gotten really good at agreeing with my self-worth.
... Yeah, this is really painful for me. I don't know if there is an answer for this kind of thing but it does feel nice to say it all.
I've gone through a lot of the same emotions everyone on here has talked about. This time of year is especially the hardest because it brings to mind the most painful moments where I was completely alone and abandoned during the time of year I should have had support and love.
This is probably the hardest topic for me to deal with in all of life. General state of society, lack of progress in my goals, financial instability... I think I could deal with all of that if I just knew I had a family that didn't have this extreme vitriol and disdain for me ever since I was a kid. Knowing there are people who brutalized you and made your life awful for no reason other than they could and then that there's nothing you can do outside of going to prison to subside the anger and despair you feel on a second-by-second basis is really fucking unbearable most of the time.
I think the hardest part of all is I've already come to those "big ephiphanies" about my parents at a relatively young age and have empathized with them for a while now. But in a way it makes it all just worse. I know my parents went through way worse shit than I could ever dream of. I know they're not all bad... In fact, quite the opposite. I know they're just broken people and I pity them. But that pity is almost worse than hate. Because I understand they're victims too, but I can't do anything to help them. I know they're suffering, but I always wonder why they had to take it out on me. It weighs on me how they're getting older every day, and I want to be there for them. I want that more than literally anything in the entire world. But everytime I try to reach my hand out I'm made perfectly aware of how unwanted my company is. There's only so many times you can answer the phone to play russian roulette with your parents' BPD.
It sucks because outside of their faults, they're really amazing people. But holy shit, when it's bad, it's the kind of pain where you'd rather jump out the nearest window than deal with it for another minute. And there's just some stuff that's so bad that there isn't a way to be an attorney for some people anymore. There's certain situations that people put you through that's "kick a puppy" levels of evil. Certain things that could have been avoided so easily if I had just the smallest inkling of help instead of sabotage and scorn. So many awful people I could have avoided if I wasn't trying to escape the people I should have felt comfortable around more than anyone, all of them compounding and exploiting what was there already for their own gain.
I don't know if I can ever recover or not feel like I'm always having a panic attack anymore. I know the more I keep them in my life in any way the longer it's all going to hurt. But there's a shame and horror at the idea of never seeing them again that I can't deal with, even if it would in theory be best for me.
It's really a painful desolate feeling, being more mature than you want to be. Recognizing the people who hurt you were hurt people themselves and realizing they wouldn't have ever ended up anything else than who they were, but still feeling that hatred for them. Acknowledging that you weren't perfect yourself growing up, but being adult enough to realize you were a kid and that the blame is not equal... even if they and everyone else wants to pretend it was. Knowing you still love the great qualities your parents have and that they gave you, but always questioning how much of the abuse really strengthened you at all or crippled you for life (and on top of that wondering if either of those were the goal or just a byproduct of malignance on their part). Understanding the nuance of your relationships really well, but not knowing if that knowledge can even do anything to help the relationship at all, you matter how hard you try.
I just wish I didn't have to live with the guilt. The guilt and shame make me feel like I really was this evil worthless person who deserves all of his familys' scorn. Even in situations where I know I wasn't, I've been told it and had it reinforced several times, enough that I can't not hate myself anymore. And considering how I haven't added up to nearly anything as an adult, especially compared to my relatives, it seems reality has gotten really good at agreeing with my self-worth.
... Yeah, this is really painful for me. I don't know if there is an answer for this kind of thing but it does feel nice to say it all.
- Dołączono
- 7 Maj 2019
The following is written with consideration, empathy, and personal experience.
Think of it like a mirror. The mirror isn't the one performing any action it reflects. It's simply faithfully reproducing what it is given. In order to get the mirror to reflect positivity? One has to first alter themselves, their beliefs, their thoughts, etc. The mirror will not smile back at you until you smile first.
You've done a great job of sorting out your beliefs, so you're already well on your way to having a better life. You know what is blocking your path. You know every last nook and cranny of the boulder stuck in your way. You've simply convinced yourself of two things: that the boulder is permanent, and that the path it blocks is the only way you can go. You have fashioned a lengthy rope and have tied yourself to the boulder thinking it belongs to you. All that pain, all the hurt and sadness. Anguish. Torment. All of it you feel is part of you. That you own it.
It is not you, fren. None of it is. The rope can be loosened, and the boulder can be rolled away.
It's possibly a bit cliche, but in case anyone reading this and suffering hasn't seen it? This does a good job of encapsulating things:
Building on the point, let's move onto exhibit B:
You must learn how to love yourself, fren. You're worthy of it. You deserve it. And once you dare to take whatever tiny steps towards doing so that you can? You will see positive developments in short order. You still exist, therefore your existence must have a damn good reason for being. I know you'll figure it out in time.
Personal reality reflects your beliefs, fren. Please - humor me for a moment:
Think of it like a mirror. The mirror isn't the one performing any action it reflects. It's simply faithfully reproducing what it is given. In order to get the mirror to reflect positivity? One has to first alter themselves, their beliefs, their thoughts, etc. The mirror will not smile back at you until you smile first.
You've done a great job of sorting out your beliefs, so you're already well on your way to having a better life. You know what is blocking your path. You know every last nook and cranny of the boulder stuck in your way. You've simply convinced yourself of two things: that the boulder is permanent, and that the path it blocks is the only way you can go. You have fashioned a lengthy rope and have tied yourself to the boulder thinking it belongs to you. All that pain, all the hurt and sadness. Anguish. Torment. All of it you feel is part of you. That you own it.
It is not you, fren. None of it is. The rope can be loosened, and the boulder can be rolled away.
It's possibly a bit cliche, but in case anyone reading this and suffering hasn't seen it? This does a good job of encapsulating things:
Building on the point, let's move onto exhibit B:
As you can see, you are convincing yourself (whether a conscious effort or not) that your reality creates you. I know it's really hard to see it or agree to it. I know it can outrage the intellect and evidence of the senses. It's absolutely true, though: you create your reality, and not the other way around.
You must learn how to love yourself, fren. You're worthy of it. You deserve it. And once you dare to take whatever tiny steps towards doing so that you can? You will see positive developments in short order. You still exist, therefore your existence must have a damn good reason for being. I know you'll figure it out in time.
HumbleServantOfRizzler
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 23 Lip 2014
How do you learn things if your family cannot teach you anything due to them being emotionally dead or narcissists?
Dutch Oven
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 6 Paź 2024
hi, new kiwi, longtime lurker. hope i did okay
idk where to go except here, sorry. friends are all busy, no family members take my side/believe me. other social media might just make me feel worse.
i have a very helpful therapist that i might only be able to see for a long later, so thats something.
if i post this wrong or its not allowed or smth im sorry. please tell or guide me where should i post this or where should i go instead. thanks, God bless.
idk where to go except here, sorry. friends are all busy, no family members take my side/believe me. other social media might just make me feel worse.
i have a very helpful therapist that i might only be able to see for a long later, so thats something.
currently young adult going thru uni. lecturer has been slow so my thesis progress has also been slow (cant continue writing my papers w/o their approval at least once a week). attempting to get a job but never received replies, papers stressing me out, trying to make do with online gigs making poster designs for local movements or whatever.
i feel crazy. insane. i feel manic. i dont know what i did wrong. okay, nvm, maybe i did. i complained that mom lied. its fucking stupid. she said dad's out, buying a goodies for me. ok, guess i'll wait for him and skip breakfast. he came back; nothing for me. im angry, im hungry. i told her im disappointed (and to my surprise, dad never said anything about getting something for me).
she in turn mentions my age, how im jobless, and selfish. all yelling, all shouting.
my age, that i cant control. how im 'jobless', despite focusing on papers and trying to find a job.im selfish, because she establish no communication.
maybe im making excuses. maybe. i dont know. im trying to do what i can and she releases barrages of truths like that. im not ready.
i keep my emotions in me and just did my thing. make pancake, eat the pancake, clean the dishes, go to my room, trying to (coherently) write this.
was it the way i said it? i said 'why didnt you tell me dads out for groceries? i could've asked him to buy groceries for me too' and 'i waited for him, mom. you could've just told me he didnt get me anything and i'll make breakfast myself from the start'
(okay, it's not in english. i don't speak english on the daily.)
maybe i shouldn't be pissed off.
i wrote all of what she said in my wall with permanent marker. why? i dont know. as a reminder of what i am, most likely. to not get too cocky maybe.
our house is pretty tall. i dont know what im doing now exactly, but i think im scrambling for any reason to keep on living and not throw myself out on the balcony right now.
im dizzy and tired. might take a nap soon, bonus point if i dont wake up ever.
brother claims he'll always be there for me. well, that's a fucking lie. he never did. parent say something, he takes their side. not after dad OR mom had their temper tantrum like now.
i dont have many 'trusted' people. they either scoff or use my plea against me.
maybe this is a plea or call for help. or something, i dont know. im lost
i know, things will get better, you can do this. tale as old as time. and i've survived this many times, i know. but what do i do NOW? not later, not 'time heals all'. there's a hamster running on wheel in my brain and its not stopping for hours.
maybe that's the answer. maybe time heals all, but gdi, i currently cannot calm down and see any solutions other than dying.
how do i even handle this now when i cant even get a word in or defend myself?
i mean, i know the things i do for myself means jack shit to them, so what the the hell do i do now
this took me a laughable 2h to write up and even then i still don't know if this makes sense.
i feel crazy. insane. i feel manic. i dont know what i did wrong. okay, nvm, maybe i did. i complained that mom lied. its fucking stupid. she said dad's out, buying a goodies for me. ok, guess i'll wait for him and skip breakfast. he came back; nothing for me. im angry, im hungry. i told her im disappointed (and to my surprise, dad never said anything about getting something for me).
she in turn mentions my age, how im jobless, and selfish. all yelling, all shouting.
my age, that i cant control. how im 'jobless', despite focusing on papers and trying to find a job.im selfish, because she establish no communication.
maybe im making excuses. maybe. i dont know. im trying to do what i can and she releases barrages of truths like that. im not ready.
i keep my emotions in me and just did my thing. make pancake, eat the pancake, clean the dishes, go to my room, trying to (coherently) write this.
was it the way i said it? i said 'why didnt you tell me dads out for groceries? i could've asked him to buy groceries for me too' and 'i waited for him, mom. you could've just told me he didnt get me anything and i'll make breakfast myself from the start'
(okay, it's not in english. i don't speak english on the daily.)
maybe i shouldn't be pissed off.
i wrote all of what she said in my wall with permanent marker. why? i dont know. as a reminder of what i am, most likely. to not get too cocky maybe.
our house is pretty tall. i dont know what im doing now exactly, but i think im scrambling for any reason to keep on living and not throw myself out on the balcony right now.
im dizzy and tired. might take a nap soon, bonus point if i dont wake up ever.
brother claims he'll always be there for me. well, that's a fucking lie. he never did. parent say something, he takes their side. not after dad OR mom had their temper tantrum like now.
i dont have many 'trusted' people. they either scoff or use my plea against me.
maybe this is a plea or call for help. or something, i dont know. im lost
i know, things will get better, you can do this. tale as old as time. and i've survived this many times, i know. but what do i do NOW? not later, not 'time heals all'. there's a hamster running on wheel in my brain and its not stopping for hours.
maybe that's the answer. maybe time heals all, but gdi, i currently cannot calm down and see any solutions other than dying.
how do i even handle this now when i cant even get a word in or defend myself?
i mean, i know the things i do for myself means jack shit to them, so what the the hell do i do now
this took me a laughable 2h to write up and even then i still don't know if this makes sense.
if i post this wrong or its not allowed or smth im sorry. please tell or guide me where should i post this or where should i go instead. thanks, God bless.
KevinKarlKlebold
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 5 Lip 2023
When I was 12 or 13 my mother got one of our cats neutered while it was pregnant killing all of it's kittens. Growing up I really loved animals and still do so this really messed me up, I lost a lot of respect for my mom and I'll never be able to fully get past it. it was done out of convenience and her not wanting to deal with another litter of kittens because the same cat had one not long before she got pregnant again. there were no health concerns for the cat. I remember my mom telling me she was going to do it before she got it done because I was old enough to know that the cat wasn't just bloated or whatever bullshit she told my siblings who bought it because they were younger than me.
Dutch Oven
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 6 Paź 2024
cant imagine what other lies she told you when she blatantly lied about this one. maybe you're in a better place now and away from your mom and able to love and care for animals again
found out my folks talks about my 'condition' to, i guess, maybe each other. i can always hear them talking about me, but im never getting used to it.
i didnt mean any heavy 'condition' its that just after insulting me, yelling at me, put the blame on me that makes me question everything, i shut myself off from them and only talk to them when its really necesary or they started it first.
(even then no matter what i do or say they get upset, so i dont think communication is the option here.)
i was suspicious bc a close family suddenly texted me smth abt getting better and she NEVER does that. she usually just send funny tweets or links. and then her husband texted me saying 'i heard from dad you've been shutting yourself off, im not going to look for whodunit, but im here if you want to talk' which is bullshit considering he'll most likely rat out my complaints not even 0.5 seconds after im finished, but while im talking.
i cried and took a nap. still feeling unfocused. had a nightmare mom's yelling and everyone's yelling at me.
still haven't found a job.
im losing hope, honest. any signs of hope i show might as well be faux.
i didnt mean any heavy 'condition' its that just after insulting me, yelling at me, put the blame on me that makes me question everything, i shut myself off from them and only talk to them when its really necesary or they started it first.
(even then no matter what i do or say they get upset, so i dont think communication is the option here.)
i was suspicious bc a close family suddenly texted me smth abt getting better and she NEVER does that. she usually just send funny tweets or links. and then her husband texted me saying 'i heard from dad you've been shutting yourself off, im not going to look for whodunit, but im here if you want to talk' which is bullshit considering he'll most likely rat out my complaints not even 0.5 seconds after im finished, but while im talking.
i cried and took a nap. still feeling unfocused. had a nightmare mom's yelling and everyone's yelling at me.
still haven't found a job.
im losing hope, honest. any signs of hope i show might as well be faux.
- Dołączono
- 12 Kwi 2021
my unemployed at 27 spud brother gets less sapient every day
- Dołączono
- 27 Gru 2023
There's some really heavy shit ITT and it makes my troubles look downright petty by comparison. But I'm worried I got something brewing beneath the surface even though things are calm at the moment.
At least my parents have accepted that I'm never, ever returning to my shitty old hometown where they still live but they refuse to take accountability for my childhood trauma. My sister and her BF still live there too and I fear the day I have to turn down an invitation to their wedding because I'm not spending my hard earned money to go back to that shithole in California and entertain the same people (not my sister mind you, but her friends and the people who'd show up to her wedding) that ostracized me all those years ago. My dad has accepted that I'm never going back but I can tell my mom is bothered by it. Or at least she was a couple years ago. Things are fine right now but it might not be in a couple years.
Then there's my uncle and aunt who live near me but we barely talk to each other because of clashing personalities and generational differences. He thinks I'm a bum because I can't afford an 1 bedroom apartment and depend on other people for certain things even though I work a full time job in the field I graduated college for. I legit can't stand talking to him because of his incessant boomerposting. When I first met my current GF, he was happy for me but quickly projected his own bullshit onto me about having kids. That really put me off to him even more and I don't know how to break it to him that I am never, EVER having kids. My aunt seems to just go along with whatever he says so she's not really important in this retarded drama that might happen.
In spite of all this, I try to maintain a good relationship with my family and send them Christmas presents every year.
At least my parents have accepted that I'm never, ever returning to my shitty old hometown where they still live but they refuse to take accountability for my childhood trauma. My sister and her BF still live there too and I fear the day I have to turn down an invitation to their wedding because I'm not spending my hard earned money to go back to that shithole in California and entertain the same people (not my sister mind you, but her friends and the people who'd show up to her wedding) that ostracized me all those years ago. My dad has accepted that I'm never going back but I can tell my mom is bothered by it. Or at least she was a couple years ago. Things are fine right now but it might not be in a couple years.
Then there's my uncle and aunt who live near me but we barely talk to each other because of clashing personalities and generational differences. He thinks I'm a bum because I can't afford an 1 bedroom apartment and depend on other people for certain things even though I work a full time job in the field I graduated college for. I legit can't stand talking to him because of his incessant boomerposting. When I first met my current GF, he was happy for me but quickly projected his own bullshit onto me about having kids. That really put me off to him even more and I don't know how to break it to him that I am never, EVER having kids. My aunt seems to just go along with whatever he says so she's not really important in this retarded drama that might happen.
In spite of all this, I try to maintain a good relationship with my family and send them Christmas presents every year.
PaleTay
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 25 Sie 2020
My family was moderately abusive, controlling, and have manipulated me into being a caretaker for them but that's not what really bothers me. They act normal, and like no one should expect anything more.
My aunt died recently and she didn't even have anything close to a hollow funeral, she wasn't a great person but her father (my grandfather) refused to pay for a cheap burial despite being able to comfortably afford it. Ended up getting a deal on cremation, finding a funeral home that would rent it out for free at like 10AM on a Tuesday, and having a service where under 10 people showed up (counting her grandkids because their parents couldn't find babysitters) and I don't think anyone spent any time talking about her.
My aunt died recently and she didn't even have anything close to a hollow funeral, she wasn't a great person but her father (my grandfather) refused to pay for a cheap burial despite being able to comfortably afford it. Ended up getting a deal on cremation, finding a funeral home that would rent it out for free at like 10AM on a Tuesday, and having a service where under 10 people showed up (counting her grandkids because their parents couldn't find babysitters) and I don't think anyone spent any time talking about her.