- Dołączono
- 10 Lis 2019
This thread is fucking heavy
family troubles thread :(
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- Dołączono
- 7 Paź 2014
Used to be attached to one of my siblings at the hip. Literally inseparable as kids. Then they got older and decided that I'm not worth aknowledging.
I was a sickly kid growing up. Sometimes needed extra attention so that I didn't die. I think they resent that. On one hand, I don't blame them. On the other, I couldn't help that I was in a constant state of vulnerability. My parents are loving and always tried to give us both equal attention. But my sibling seems to blame us all. All the same, they grew up in a privileged upper middle class neighborhood and both mom and dad regularly showed their love and support. So them being resentful decades later doesn't really balance.
Nowadays, we barely talk. They don't visit home or call. Mostly just hang with their friends and ignore us. Friends are very typical sjw college types so yeesh.
I miss the old days. I love and value all my connections dearly. I just wish they did the same.
I was a sickly kid growing up. Sometimes needed extra attention so that I didn't die. I think they resent that. On one hand, I don't blame them. On the other, I couldn't help that I was in a constant state of vulnerability. My parents are loving and always tried to give us both equal attention. But my sibling seems to blame us all. All the same, they grew up in a privileged upper middle class neighborhood and both mom and dad regularly showed their love and support. So them being resentful decades later doesn't really balance.
Nowadays, we barely talk. They don't visit home or call. Mostly just hang with their friends and ignore us. Friends are very typical sjw college types so yeesh.
I miss the old days. I love and value all my connections dearly. I just wish they did the same.
Dr. Henry Armitage
Head librarian at Miskatonic University Mark 8:36
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 9 Maj 2016
A few years ago my mom got really sick and I moved in with my parents to take care of her. my mom recovered and has been doing a lot better. They are getting older and need help taking care of the house and property so they asked me to stay with them. My sister has over the last couple of years started really getting up her own ass. She's constantly on social media posting motivational quotes and "mental health advocacy" posts. As well as how great her life is in spite of everything she's overcome. She's not overcome anything she's a middle class white girl who was constantly praised by everyone around her for her entire life. Whenever she comes home which is usually a couple of times a year since she lives in another state. She ignores everyone and makes passive aggressive Instagram posts about how people my age who live with their parents are losers, or how she bought a new car/house/got a new tattoo and no one in her family is proud of it. God forbid we go anywhere. She'll spend two hours doing her hair and makeup just to go out to eat which she turns into a photo shoot for her Instagram. She's the main reason I hate Christmas. She always starts some kind of drama that lasts for weeks and makes Christmas morning as much fun as a Mexican standoff. She's managed to piss off every single person in her immediate family. I've been trying to loose weight for a while and I'm down 33 pounds. My sister knows this and for Christmas she got me a 15$ domino's gift card. Which I and the rest of my family took as a personal dig at me. I love my sister to death but at this point I don't want anything to do with her.
- Dołączono
- 2 Lut 2021
U ever thought about writing them a letter?
Don’t expect a reply, just for yourself maybe and even if nothing comes of it at least you can clarify your thoughts
- Dołączono
- 7 Paź 2014
Tried talking to them about it. Texting too. Nothing clingy or insecure or anything like that. Just an honest attempt to reach out. Mostly just get ghosted or scoffed at. Sucks. I guess compared to a lot of people in this thread though, it's not the worst problem you can have.
- Dołączono
- 2 Lut 2021
So the good thing about a letter is, there is no instant reply, or expectations of one. There’s also the fact that it’s kind of unusual now.
People have to sit with what a letter says for a while. And the act of writing soemthing out with your hand, literally utilises a different part of the brain to texting or speaking - and the time u can take, pausing and returning, are all beneficial.
It’s more so for you, but also the fact that there’s less pressure on for an instant reply, and the gesture of it-
It’s at least a good sign off, you tried, should nothing come of it.
Ostatnio edytowane:
- Dołączono
- 29 Cze 2016
Not to sound like a fortune cookie, but if you reach out to someone in love, and they don't respond in kind, you've lost nothing but they've lost a lot.
- Dołączono
- 31 Lip 2021
An uncle of my father died a few months ago, and the reaction around his death was pretty hollow.
The first time I met the guy was last year. He didn't speak a coherent word of English the whole time, just grunted. His place smelled like a cheap distillery. He lived alone in an almost AI-generated apartment complex that wasn't built for meeting other human beings. I think my aunt was the only one who actively visited him, and she hardly got through anyway. Going off of my grandma (his sister), he's been killing himself with alcohol for years for reasons I likely don't wanna know about, and one day it worked.
I didn't go to his funeral, but my mom and some other family did. Almost nothing in that funeral was about the actual guy. You know how some people are gross enough to make funerals all about them and how sad they are that the person they didn't care about is gone, never actually reflecting on or talking about them? Like that.
My mother didn't even have much of a reason to mourn or care about him, given he's been an incoherent drunk for decades, but she went out of the philosophy that nobody deserves to have an empty, lonely funeral. It wasn't lonely, but it sure as fuck was empty spiritually.
I feel a mix of sick and weird every time I think about it. I can't imagine being a pastor and having to deal with shit like this, I'd start questioning if some people are worth saving at all.
The first time I met the guy was last year. He didn't speak a coherent word of English the whole time, just grunted. His place smelled like a cheap distillery. He lived alone in an almost AI-generated apartment complex that wasn't built for meeting other human beings. I think my aunt was the only one who actively visited him, and she hardly got through anyway. Going off of my grandma (his sister), he's been killing himself with alcohol for years for reasons I likely don't wanna know about, and one day it worked.
I didn't go to his funeral, but my mom and some other family did. Almost nothing in that funeral was about the actual guy. You know how some people are gross enough to make funerals all about them and how sad they are that the person they didn't care about is gone, never actually reflecting on or talking about them? Like that.
My mother didn't even have much of a reason to mourn or care about him, given he's been an incoherent drunk for decades, but she went out of the philosophy that nobody deserves to have an empty, lonely funeral. It wasn't lonely, but it sure as fuck was empty spiritually.
I feel a mix of sick and weird every time I think about it. I can't imagine being a pastor and having to deal with shit like this, I'd start questioning if some people are worth saving at all.
- Dołączono
- 29 Cze 2016
Bitterness is rough. It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone hates you, and once it feels believable, the world rarely gives you reason to think otherwise.
- Dołączono
- 9 Cze 2021
Cool, finally i thread I feel like I belong to!!
What can I say?
One of my parents died recently, it was a sudden and unexpected event and mildly traumatic.
This person was a first class narc who never went to therapy and made my life very difficult for a variety of reasons. We didn’t have a very nice relationship so I’m not as devastated as I should be.
However, I’m incredibly angry because I’m mourning the good parent I never had and I have to deal with all the issues they caused me. I will likely die of stress and anger at this point.
What can I say?
One of my parents died recently, it was a sudden and unexpected event and mildly traumatic.
This person was a first class narc who never went to therapy and made my life very difficult for a variety of reasons. We didn’t have a very nice relationship so I’m not as devastated as I should be.
However, I’m incredibly angry because I’m mourning the good parent I never had and I have to deal with all the issues they caused me. I will likely die of stress and anger at this point.
Isaac
kiwifarms.net
- Dołączono
- 17 Sty 2022
My family has always been dysfunctional, and I'm very scared that it will continue to be dysfunctional when I have children. I don't like being around much of my family,
and it makes me feel guilty. My one and only sibling is a functioning weed addict, and has developed various antisocial behaviors that make him very hard to live with. My father is Bipolar, and also suffers from various addictions.
My mother is quite a nice woman, and very high functioning compared to the rest of my family. But, she's an atheist (not to say that my family is quite religious; they are also all agnostic). She doesn't understand the nature of faith, and has been lead to believe that it's stupid and dangerous and primitive. She often makes quite flagrant statements about my religion without knowing anything about the theology. She told me that it was bad manners to read and hold my Bible in public, once. I love her, she's not a bad person, and she has never tried to convince me to renounce my faith or have judged people for being religious. I know that she's far too old to change those sorts of fundamental beliefs about her and, it's hard for me to accept that.
I often want to keep much of my biological family at a distance, and I feel guilty for doing so. They're very broken and traumatized, but they cannot change at this point
and I'd just end up hurting myself if I tried. They can only change themselves, and I hope that they will.
When I have children, I'm scared to have my family in their lives. Children should have grandparents, and uncles etc. I can only imagine that my mother could
function happily with the rest of my future family. Whereas, everyone else is so neurotic and dysfunctional that I couldn't imagine having them in my children's lives
for extended periods of time. You're supposed to take care of your family, and honour your mother and father. But my entire lineage, probably for many generations, has
been destroyed by mental illness, alcoholism and drug use. I'm very scared of burdening my children with what I experienced.
and it makes me feel guilty. My one and only sibling is a functioning weed addict, and has developed various antisocial behaviors that make him very hard to live with. My father is Bipolar, and also suffers from various addictions.
My mother is quite a nice woman, and very high functioning compared to the rest of my family. But, she's an atheist (not to say that my family is quite religious; they are also all agnostic). She doesn't understand the nature of faith, and has been lead to believe that it's stupid and dangerous and primitive. She often makes quite flagrant statements about my religion without knowing anything about the theology. She told me that it was bad manners to read and hold my Bible in public, once. I love her, she's not a bad person, and she has never tried to convince me to renounce my faith or have judged people for being religious. I know that she's far too old to change those sorts of fundamental beliefs about her and, it's hard for me to accept that.
I often want to keep much of my biological family at a distance, and I feel guilty for doing so. They're very broken and traumatized, but they cannot change at this point
and I'd just end up hurting myself if I tried. They can only change themselves, and I hope that they will.
When I have children, I'm scared to have my family in their lives. Children should have grandparents, and uncles etc. I can only imagine that my mother could
function happily with the rest of my future family. Whereas, everyone else is so neurotic and dysfunctional that I couldn't imagine having them in my children's lives
for extended periods of time. You're supposed to take care of your family, and honour your mother and father. But my entire lineage, probably for many generations, has
been destroyed by mental illness, alcoholism and drug use. I'm very scared of burdening my children with what I experienced.
- Dołączono
- 30 Lip 2021
Where to begin?
Well, to start off with, I was raised by my Mawm. She’s the greatest woman I’ve ever known. She didn’t have a lot of luck with men, though. She had 5 kids, (I was the baby of the family). My dad ran off, married another woman, and started a new family when I was a year old. Mawm married my stepdad shortly afterwards but later on he ran off with my brother Roy’s wife.
I idolized my siblings growing up but now I know they’re all pizzashits. My brotha Richard molested me when we were kids by putting my dick down his throat. My brother Roy is a total alcoholic. My sister Laurie is a slawt and Paul and Ralph Sr. are worthless fawks!
Back when I had my septic business, I hired some of my siblings on as well as our friend Tony. They kept asking for advances on their pay, promising that they’d give me meetbawls, deviled aigs, and mac&cheese. I gave them nearly all the cash from the jawb we were hired to do, then they refused to work, leaving me holding the bag with a $30k judgement against me. The worst thing is that none of them ever brought me the meetbawls, deviled aigs, or mac&cheese!
Well, that gawt my head awl messed up and I decided to leave home and use the last little bit of the money we stole to start a new life in Nashville. With my looks and talent, I figured it was only a matter of time until I was discovered while singing karaoke and became a Cuntry Music Star! My head was still messed up, though, and because of that I ended up being taken advantage of by someone on the innuhnet I thought I could trawst. I don’t want to powerlevel too much here but I’ll just say that I wasted 5 years of my life due to that and it wasn’t even my fault! My head was awl messed up at the time! I nevah even menta dewit!
I’m back home in Maine, now, and my siblings won’t let me live any of my failures down, even though it’s awl their fault! They won’t even let my Mawm bring me to family events just because they want to get between me and her! They SAY that they don’t want me around their kids at family events because of my sex offender status but I know the truth. They’re trying to drive a wedge between me and Mawm just because I spend her Social Security check on smokes and Budlight, (never Bud Heavy though because that’s what alcoholics like my brother Roy drinks), and make her drive to the Church Food Pantry each week to get my groceries because I don’t want folks in town to see a Good Ol’ Down Home Country Boy like me begging for food. Mawm’s already on Section 8 housing so it makes sense her having to beg for food and I’d move in with her to help her out if it wasn’t for the BOWLCHIT rule that convicted felons can’t live in Section 8 housing.
So that’s the story of me and my pizzashit siblings. One of these days I’m gonna prove them awl wrong and show them all what an Armstrong boy can do!
Well, to start off with, I was raised by my Mawm. She’s the greatest woman I’ve ever known. She didn’t have a lot of luck with men, though. She had 5 kids, (I was the baby of the family). My dad ran off, married another woman, and started a new family when I was a year old. Mawm married my stepdad shortly afterwards but later on he ran off with my brother Roy’s wife.
I idolized my siblings growing up but now I know they’re all pizzashits. My brotha Richard molested me when we were kids by putting my dick down his throat. My brother Roy is a total alcoholic. My sister Laurie is a slawt and Paul and Ralph Sr. are worthless fawks!
Back when I had my septic business, I hired some of my siblings on as well as our friend Tony. They kept asking for advances on their pay, promising that they’d give me meetbawls, deviled aigs, and mac&cheese. I gave them nearly all the cash from the jawb we were hired to do, then they refused to work, leaving me holding the bag with a $30k judgement against me. The worst thing is that none of them ever brought me the meetbawls, deviled aigs, or mac&cheese!
Well, that gawt my head awl messed up and I decided to leave home and use the last little bit of the money we stole to start a new life in Nashville. With my looks and talent, I figured it was only a matter of time until I was discovered while singing karaoke and became a Cuntry Music Star! My head was still messed up, though, and because of that I ended up being taken advantage of by someone on the innuhnet I thought I could trawst. I don’t want to powerlevel too much here but I’ll just say that I wasted 5 years of my life due to that and it wasn’t even my fault! My head was awl messed up at the time! I nevah even menta dewit!
I’m back home in Maine, now, and my siblings won’t let me live any of my failures down, even though it’s awl their fault! They won’t even let my Mawm bring me to family events just because they want to get between me and her! They SAY that they don’t want me around their kids at family events because of my sex offender status but I know the truth. They’re trying to drive a wedge between me and Mawm just because I spend her Social Security check on smokes and Budlight, (never Bud Heavy though because that’s what alcoholics like my brother Roy drinks), and make her drive to the Church Food Pantry each week to get my groceries because I don’t want folks in town to see a Good Ol’ Down Home Country Boy like me begging for food. Mawm’s already on Section 8 housing so it makes sense her having to beg for food and I’d move in with her to help her out if it wasn’t for the BOWLCHIT rule that convicted felons can’t live in Section 8 housing.
So that’s the story of me and my pizzashit siblings. One of these days I’m gonna prove them awl wrong and show them all what an Armstrong boy can do!
Ostatnio edytowane:
- Dołączono
- 19 Sty 2022
Quoting myself here because there's been bit of an update. I've begun talking to foster family because there's part of me that mentally at the time struggles with not having a family regardless of their destructive influences. I suppose you can say, I mourn the loss of something I never had, which is a supportive family unit or at least the delusion of such.
In the meantime, I've begun therapy to mitigate all the psychological damage they have done to me.
Went to the yearly Christmas dinner the other day and it's a weird, existential feeling you get when you realize that you will always be the the useless one. Not even the black sheep, just superfluous and therefore not worth respect. The subtle cues are glaring once you know what you're looking for.
They may seem immaterial to most but I think they hit me because of what they symbolize. Shit like not getting the "good" chairs like the adults and being seated at the kids' table. Sounds like non-issues but I think they are a subtle sign of how little worth I am in their eyes.
I guess therapy has been working because instead of becoming horribly depressed and buying into the subtle gaslighting of how I'm a waste of space taken human form, I got angry at their bullshit.
Same goes for their kids. I can talk to their son, just fine. He's a good sport. But his sister is a passive-aggressive new-age loon who will play mind games with you and exude controlling behavior. His other sister is the favorite. That's not her fault but she is pretty arrogant and judgemental and rude but dresses it up as jokes while she levies personal digs and shit at others, especially me.
So progress, I suppose!
- Dołączono
- 15 Gru 2022
Tier A necro.
I read the first post, first thinking it was going to be something whiny about some shade thrown. Then wanting to be supportive at the absolute shitshow of a slasher christmas. And then I saw it was from 2014.
I hope everyone had a great christmas. And for those that didn't, you might have one in the future. It's very hard to predict what the future might bring. Your best christmas might still be in the future.
I read the first post, first thinking it was going to be something whiny about some shade thrown. Then wanting to be supportive at the absolute shitshow of a slasher christmas. And then I saw it was from 2014.
I hope everyone had a great christmas. And for those that didn't, you might have one in the future. It's very hard to predict what the future might bring. Your best christmas might still be in the future.
- Dołączono
- 7 Gru 2018
My grandpa died around Thanksgiving of kidney disease. I didn't go to the funeral or anything but from what I gather nobody liked the guy. His kids tried to connect with him but he was too cynical to see it as anything but them grasping at his will. My grandma hated his guts to the end, for doing as much as he could to not pay her child support or do anything with their children, and condemned him to his last breath (thankfully, she wasnt there either). His other relatives resented him for his haughty and greedy attitude and for essentially leaving his brother to die in Alabama fairly recently and my dad (who isn't related to him) just said "so, I don't know him".
Yet, through it all, I pity him. I hardly knew the man personally outside of maybe one or two week long stays in house and some Navy stories and nobody in the end had anything good to say about him but in the end of the day, he did me no wrong and wasting away the way he did wasn't pleasant. So, in the one token of genuine sadness at him feeling his body rotting away in his sin and defilement, I want to give my genuine condolences to the man. He may have been an uptight, sleazy and stingy individual but I had no issues with him personally and I'm not a good person either. If you're in he'll like everyone thinks you are, then I hope it's a dry heat.
Yet, through it all, I pity him. I hardly knew the man personally outside of maybe one or two week long stays in house and some Navy stories and nobody in the end had anything good to say about him but in the end of the day, he did me no wrong and wasting away the way he did wasn't pleasant. So, in the one token of genuine sadness at him feeling his body rotting away in his sin and defilement, I want to give my genuine condolences to the man. He may have been an uptight, sleazy and stingy individual but I had no issues with him personally and I'm not a good person either. If you're in he'll like everyone thinks you are, then I hope it's a dry heat.
- Dołączono
- 22 Sty 2023
I rarely talk to my siblings, and pretty much never with extended family. My nephews came over for Thanksgiving and I can't really remember the time before that. Maybe one time 6-12mo before that.
I live alone and rarely allow people into my home and life because of how badly my family has traumatized me. It's torture and I don't know why or how I go on. It all seems so pointless. I have a good job, paid off my home, own two cars, but none of it matters to me.
I live alone and rarely allow people into my home and life because of how badly my family has traumatized me. It's torture and I don't know why or how I go on. It all seems so pointless. I have a good job, paid off my home, own two cars, but none of it matters to me.
- Dołączono
- 7 Maj 2019
As I've gone further through life, I've come to have a capacity for forgiveness that I'd never thought possible in my youth. Reading this? Reading this is exactly how it feels. You see someone in spite of all that "bad stuff" they did, and realize they were just as human as anyone else. That it could have just as easily been you if your life were different, even.
I bring this up to address the greater theme of the thread here. I know it may completely outrage some of you (or at least part of you) to look back on those who have harmed you or perhaps you harmed thinking it were justified and see them in a different light. I know it's really not an easy thing to do. I can absolutely say with certainty that it is part of the only way to free YOURSELF of the bondage of the trauma that has been caused.
You learn how to forgive yourself, to love yourself again. In doing so, you realize that all the baggage you felt was attached to you from all those mean and terrible things those others have done is really just a choice. It's not permanently affixed. On the contrary, you're willfully holding onto it so tightly you've forgotten it's even possible to let it go. It's like ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room to the point where you decorate it to fit in and pretend it's always been there.
So you love yourself, and because you love yourself? You let that baggage go. You let that person go.
You don't have to be their best friend.
You don't have to ever talk to them again.
You don't even have to acknowledge their presence.
But allowing yourself forgiveness? Forgiveness of self? Forgiveness of another? Is the most freeing feeling imaginable.
You learn how to forgive yourself, to love yourself again. In doing so, you realize that all the baggage you felt was attached to you from all those mean and terrible things those others have done is really just a choice. It's not permanently affixed. On the contrary, you're willfully holding onto it so tightly you've forgotten it's even possible to let it go. It's like ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room to the point where you decorate it to fit in and pretend it's always been there.
So you love yourself, and because you love yourself? You let that baggage go. You let that person go.
You don't have to be their best friend.
You don't have to ever talk to them again.
You don't even have to acknowledge their presence.
But allowing yourself forgiveness? Forgiveness of self? Forgiveness of another? Is the most freeing feeling imaginable.
May all of you affected by these traumatic experiences find peace. Life is, can, and/or will be beautiful if you seek it. I promise.
- Dołączono
- 29 Lis 2020
That is a HELL of a lot more than other people can say. You oughta be proud of yourself for accomplishing so much, while your dirtbag family most likely is suffering.
Now it's my turn to spill: my dad. Not as big of a problem as others in this thread. In my case it's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, my dad IS in my life, he's actually taught me a lot of things that I still keep in mind today, and he and I both keep in touch with each other often. On the other, he wasn't at home during childhood, and his main "occupation" was, and still is, as a.....
..... "music producer". As in, he makes beats (or instrumentals, if you wanna get fancy) for all of the Soundcloud rappers and the like. Whenever we get to chatting about his endeavors and how "HE'S TOTALLY MAKING IT, SON, TRUST ME" I just sigh inwardly and say to myself, "well, at least he isn't in prison, or dealing drugs". Now, it's great that he has a passion, but at the same time, you gotta have something to supplement that, y'know? Something that actually pays the bills. He knows his way around computers (which is how I got onto the career path I'm on today), so I suggested that he get a few IT certs and actually find a good-paying job to do and do his "beats" on the side. Dad, I'm sorry to say, still has his head in the clouds, and well, let's just say I'm not looking forward to when he inevitably crashes down to earth. Worst part? He actually abandoned a pretty well-paying job in order to pursue this "career". TL;DR: The sports/rap career-chasing stereotype many criticize black people for is very much real, and sadly, yours truly is ensconced in it
- Dołączono
- 7 Lip 2022
The closest thing I have to a father figure is my priest and the closest thing I have to a mother figure is my soon-to-be mother-in-law
Hope I can be a better parent to my future kids bros
- Dołączono
- 12 Gru 2022
It's why I try not to judge too harshly on this site, even the cows. Rarely am I angry at the cows we watch, because if you look close enough, you can always see a part of yourself in there.
Forgiving is all we can do. Especially for the dead. They might not even deserve it. But as a wise man once said, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.