If cis people could stop trying to be the final authority on what is and is not gender neutral, especially in opposition to the opinion of a non binary person.....that'd be fucking great.
Do you not realize how antagonistic it is to your non binary, binary trans, and gender non conforming friends to tell us whichever obviously binary term you've decided to label gender neutral without our input?
I've seen it a lot and I'm tired of this discourse.
YOU don't get to decide what OTHER people are comfortable with. You don't. For every person who has told you that no they do not wish to be addressed as bro, dude, girl, and whatever other terms...you MOST ASSUREDLY have more who will not tell you. They'll just be quiet and maybe withdraw from your life.
People you make uncomfortable don't owe you an alert to their discomfort. You are not guaranteed to know every single time you say something that your friends don't agree with. A lack of obvious opposition does not mean everyone is OK with your actions.
No, telling me your friends have never asked you not to use these faux neutral words does not mean you're in the clear.
I know this is like...a revolutionary concept for some, but...call people what the fuck they ask you to call them?
I am not a trans nonbinary figurehead. I am not a community representative. I don't speak for everyone, obviously. EVEN SO, I can honestly say my percentage of trans and/or nonbinary friends compared to a cis person's percentage is enough to grant me the title of more of an expert on the wants and needs of my own community than cis people. Like, that's not an insult? I am trans identifying nonbinary and a large chunk of my friends fit somewhere under the "not even a little cis" umbrella. We talk a LOT about the things we wish were normal in society.
Funny enough, most of my friends under the umbrella post to social media which words they allow and feel respected by and which ones they do not like. I've seen it expressed in many different ways, but almost everyone has made a firm statement on what you can call them that makes them feel respected. Some of us do it by listing our pronouns. Some of us do it with long lists of words taken from a previously made format that we qualify with a yes or a no. What we are not (those of us who are out, because no one can know how many closeted trans folks they know) is quiet about how you can refer to us that shows us respect. You know. You all fucking know.
So why do I still get argued with when I tell cis people they don't get to make the call on what words are and are not gender neutral? I'm not sure, but I really wish it would fucking stop. I'm tired. I'm not arguing with anyone anywhere about why those terms aren't actually gender neutral. I don't care if you're some guy from the West coast who smokes too much weed and calls everyone dude or a rich gay guy from the suburbs of Kansas who calls everyone sis, please stop.
Stop for the sake of your nonbinary friends who are aversive to any binary coded label. Stop for the sake of your binary trans friends who shouldn't have to hear binary coded language from their friends that aligns with a gender they don't identify with. Stop for the sake of your closeted trans and/or nonbinary friends.
This is an old and tired conversation I want to stop having the need to have. That can only happen once cis people accept that the world is changing and that's for the better. There are real actual gender neutral words out there you can be using instead of these faux neutral words that can and do have various negative impacts on the trans community. Use them. Like, sib is just sitting right there while bro and sis get used. Dude can be replaced with friend/pal. It's not hard. You're just trying to hold control over a conversation you didn't get invited into. Do that a lot less.
Cis folks simply do not get to decide what terms are socially accepted as gender neutral. It doesn't matter how many trans and/or nonbinary people you argue with and exhaust online. You will never be the authority you think you are on such matters.
Yes this is a post inspired by something a friend posted but this is not a rant at my friend. This is the response I have for any other friends of that friend who choose to attempt an argument with me about my opinion and it is public for that sole reason (to have a response ready should another person choose to try and start an argument with me there AND for the one person I have already told I am not arguing with to see should they look at my profile) but anyone who feels compelled to share this can. I am still not arguing this with anyone. This is simply my comprehensive post on why I will no longer be engaging in that argument. It's not up for debate. It never was. I will not contribute to the cisconception that it can be.
