Deagle Nation Tarot Readings For Everyone

[The Dude]

Thanks, you know where to come if you ever find yourself at a crossroads in life and don't know how to proceed, so long as I got the weed.

I'm looking forward to my reading, dawg. I've been in, like, some gay existential crisis or some shit and, like, could use some fucking guidance to get out of this faggot quandary. Like, not even weed has been able to, like, help me find my center and I think your reading will help or some shit.

 

[KingofManga420]

I'm looking forward to my reading, dawg. I've been in, like, some gay existential crisis or some shit and, like, could use some fucking guidance to get out of this faggot quandary. Like, not even weed has been able to, like, help me find my center and I think your reading will help or some shit.

I got some others in the queue, but I'll do a couple later tonight to get close to you. I got you covered bro

 

[The Dude]

I got some others in the queue, but I'll do a couple later tonight to get close to you. I got you covered bro

Dude, I'mma spark a doob in anticipation bro. You're, like, my fucking hero for the day, but not in some faggot ass gay way.

 

[FlyAwayNow]

As the storm clears in the future she will, like the ladybug, become a gigantic threat to large yields of crops and farmland. That's a keeper if I've ever heard one.

I'll be sure to pass this information along.

 

[KingofManga420]

Toasters
Teenagers
School Lunch
Sailors
Red Rasberries
Spit

Okay this had better be like worth my time dude, I dunno if this card method is like legit.

Dude I'm tellin ya, it's legit.

When you were younger you had multiple encounters with toasters, likely symbolic of your morning routine in your past involving toast and for some stupid reason not waffles. This likely points to latent homosexuality and the universe says there's no cure man. Currently in your life you've run into a lot of teenagers, they're everywhere for some reason and this may represent your current age if you actually are a teenager. School lunch will either refer to tomorrows lunch if you were one or like, the lunch you will have at the school of your future which is possibly a college ya dig?

For your sweetheart I see in her past there were a lot of sailors... you know what that means bro. The old in-out-in-out followed by a bit a the old ULTRA VIOLENCE. I'm sorry. Let's just say that the raspberries are a metaphor for something and... the spit in the future, well isn't.

My feels go out to ya.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

Dude I'm tellin ya, it's legit.

When you were younger you had multiple encounters with toasters, likely symbolic of your morning routine in your past involving toast and for some stupid reason not waffles. This likely points to latent homosexuality and the universe says there's no cure man. Currently in your life you've run into a lot of teenagers, they're everywhere for some reason and this may represent your current age if you actually are a teenager. School lunch will either refer to tomorrows lunch if you were one or like, the lunch you will have at the school of your future which is possibly a college ya dig?

For your sweetheart I see in her past there were a lot of sailors... you know what that means bro. The old in-out-in-out followed by a bit a the old ULTRA VIOLENCE. I'm sorry. Let's just say that the raspberries are a metaphor for something and... the spit in the future, well isn't.

My feels go out to ya.

wow dude, so you're saying I'm gonna get with a sailor or some shit? Dude that's FUCKED UP, I'm not like tough and shit man.

 

[KingofManga420]

wow dude, so you're saying I'm gonna get with a sailor or some shit? Dude that's FUCKED UP, I'm not like tough and shit man.

It's all good man, I hear it goes down salty like sea water.

 

[KingofManga420]

I had a pretty bad day today, sorry everyone. More fortunes coming tomorrow, I promise I'll get to you soon The Dude.

 

[KingofManga420]

Green Day
The 1998 Denver Broncos
An airplane
Wesley Snipes
Tinder
Another Wesley Snipes

Ok now that I have my zen state achieved I think it's time for some divining.

The cards are not lying when they tell me that in the past you likely had the time of your life. Before I go on I should tell you that the cards may be something unpredictable but in the end they're right, ya dig? This is a turning point, a fork stuck in the road man and I can see that in the current you recently saw the 1998 Denver Broncos just a bit ago huh? Not bad. In the future you may have to go somewhere far away and the only way to do it is to ride a metal construction that flies through the skies ya dig?

In your future girl's childhood she got like, mad Wesley Snipes vibes and that's bad dog for your future. She like probably respected him as a kid or was her ex boyfriend before he got put in jail and currently the tinder represents the firewood she is leaving around the house that she will light on fire so that oh okay yeah the cards are a bit more clear now, she's gonna light your house on fire so she can run off with Wesley Snipes when he's out again. But don't worry about being NTR'd by Wesley Snipes, Tyce tells me like prison is a black person's natural habitat so he'll be back in back before you can say watermelon massa. Bitch'll come crawling back on all fours, ass up in reverse.

Time to go cultivate some special herbs.

 

[Ouija Board]

I am a female

Stocks & Bonds
X-Rays
Gossip
Balloons
Lego Building Blocks
Migraine Headaches

 

[KingofManga420]

Brothers & Sisters
The Mounties
On-line shopping
A bakery
The Gulf War
GI Joe

I just got back from cultivating a new strand, I'm thinking about naming it "King Oberon's Urethra" after my mother and how it made me feel.

The cards, after close examination reveal to me that brothers and sisters are a universal metaphor for the siblings you had growing up. It may also be of their absence and show the yearning of something you never like, had if you were an only kid. I see that currently in your life you've risen to a decent place in the mounties and thats good, it shows a lot of your national pride and I think Colorado is really proud to have a citizen and/or soldier like you ya dig? In the future you will be met with a need that you may have to resort to some new territories to find with online shopping, but I got your back.

Man, for your future girl I see in her past, no, this is powerful shit actually, in her past LIFE she was in a bakery but that has no current impact on her current incarnation. I see that now she fights bravely in the Gulf War and she's mowing down the enemy tangos dual wielding her tactical scythe and tomahawk like they taught her to in boot camp. For her valor and skill at ranking up her game bro I see that they're gonna make her an honorary GI Joe under the codename Gamer Girl.

 

[blueforyou]

I'm a female.

NASA
Bumble bees
California
Grapes
Oil spills
Shipwrecks

 

[KingofManga420]

Male, Married, Straight

Bears

Hellen Keller

Pluto

Rock and Roll

The Cold War

Zombies

Alright man it's finally time now that the planets are in just the right spot where if you look at em' the right way they kinda spell 420 if you squint so thats a good omen.

I see it that in your childhood you had an encounter with a group of large furry creatures who are strong and often black and not very often white. Yeah man we're talking about that baseball team the Chicago Bears. You probably saw them when you were younger or something, and currently in life your reading through the writings of Hellen Keller because of what seems to be blind ignorance or perhaps blind faith. I can only take the Pluto arcana one way, in the future you're going to need to be very wary of an extremely dangerous robot who is hunting the seven strongest robots in the world to prove his might. If you currently own one of these you should take it offline for a while until some kid robot from Japan mans up and takes him down ya dig?

Your wife had an interesting childhood to say the least and she was clearly hailed as a prodigy at rock music thanks to the blues soul she got deep down in her, though she had to give it all up because of the cold war. I could be reading it wrong though, and the cold war could be referring to the current passive aggressive non-sex war currently being fought between you two. There's no need to worry if that's the case cause I see like in the future she encounters zombies and the chick will probably all emotional and hot and heavy after that cause thats how chicks are in those situations.

Don't talk to strangers and don't smell the flowers.

 

[The Dude]

Alright man it's finally time now that the planets are in just the right spot where if you look at em' the right way they kinda spell 420 if you squint so thats a good omen.

I see it that in your childhood you had an encounter with a group of large furry creatures who are strong and often black and not very often white. Yeah man we're talking about that baseball team the Chicago Bears. You probably saw them when you were younger or something, and currently in life your reading through the writings of Hellen Keller because of what seems to be blind ignorance or perhaps blind faith. I can only take the Pluto arcana one way, in the future you're going to need to be very wary of an extremely dangerous robot who is hunting the seven strongest robots in the world to prove his might. If you currently own one of these you should take it offline for a while until some kid robot from Japan mans up and takes him down ya dig?

Your wife had an interesting childhood to say the least and she was clearly hailed as a prodigy at rock music thanks to the blues soul she got deep down in her, though she had to give it all up because of the cold war. I could be reading it wrong though, and the cold war could be referring to the current passive aggressive non-sex war currently being fought between you two. There's no need to worry if that's the case cause I see like in the future she encounters zombies and the chick will probably all emotional and hot and heavy after that cause thats how chicks are in those situations.

Don't talk to strangers and don't smell the flowers.

That's realistic, gamers. That's on this site.

 

[MostExcellent]

King Arthur
Inside the Sun
A Crown
Waffles
Head Lice
Dustin Hoffman

I might be able to code a randomiser for this, time permitting

 

[KingofManga420]

Haven't had much time this week but I promise I'll do the next two today.

 

[KingofManga420]

Anthrax
Bingo
Killer whales
My town
Rubber gloves
French fries

Ok man I finished polishing my crystal ball so I should be able to do a more accurate tarot reading.

Lets see here, in the past you were coughing a lot... I see crowds of people cheering and cheering, and the coughing is because you were probably the lead singer of Anthrax in a past life. I feel like I might have had this come up in a past reading before so like, if I already referenced the band man you probably had the disease in the past, ya dig? I see currently that you got lucky after a particular round of bingo and walked out with the grand prize, but you will be shocked in the future to discover that it was a killer whale(s)?

I see that your future wife was in your town growing up so the two of you were probably like childhood friends and shit and currently in life she's content with her life going door to door as a rubber glove salesman but I see that in the future there's gonna be a crash in that whole industry so you're going to want to put all your stock into french fries with her and then nothing will go wrong, ya dig?

Gotta go for now, I'm looking into a very specific piercing that should increase my lower body's relationship to the spirit realm.

 

[Arctic]

Actors
Beets
Race Car Drivers
Nicholas Cage
Snowboarding
Heart and Soul

Fast and the Furious 8 confirmed.

 

[Cheesecake]

Might as well give this a try
Btw I'm male.

Nicolas Cage
Silly Putty
Blueberries
New Orleans
Oxygen
Steven Spielberg

 

[KingofManga420]

I am a female

Stocks & Bonds
X-Rays
Gossip
Balloons
Lego Building Blocks
Migraine Headaches

Ok gamers I see that my third chakra point is a little out of sync but we gotta work with what Xenu gives us ok?

I see that when you were a little girl you were a master of stocks and bonds, which may be a metaphor for the ups and downs of your current days now that I think about it. Like, the X-Rays arcanum represents that you gotta look through life to find the things that I dunno, maybe you can't outright see? Reach out to the truth and shit I dunno but be wary of gossip.

Your future man has a thing for balloons since childhood, practically a fetish but you should be thankful that I don't see any like bratz doll tarots here. Lego building blocks ain't a good sign though, I see that he's currently sold a lot of his stuff just to get more. He loves it, he needs it ya dig? I see he gets a lot a stress and in the future that may lead to some particularly bad migraine headaches. Sorry to be the bearer a bad news but don't shoot the messenger like they say from that one Greek play uh Hamlet and shit.

Do your best, I got to go grind some eye of newt in a cauldron with a particularly slutty witch and hope for the best