u kno who da fuck it is Dank Swordz TV: Episode 1

[chiefshittingbull]

i have been waiting impatiently for awhile now and the only thing i have to show for it is a image of him licking a knife the way elton john licks cock

 

[XYZpdq]

So are they still going to do it?

 

[Truck Rockfort]

Apparently Jace has said on his twitter he says the video is still rendering

but this was two hours ago and I want my damn skelton fix

 

[DeagleDad420]

Three updates, in order of importance.

First:
Most of you have probably already figured this out, but Jace is very poor with planning and logistics. He decided at the very last minute to send the raw footage over to a friend of his who he asked to edit for him because Tyce wanted there to be cool music and skeleton stock photos. Bad news: Jace expects a 5:30 minute video to be able to be fully edited, rendered, and uploaded within an hour. Good news: once it is posted, everyone in this thread will be very happy that Jace decided to get his friend to edit this video instead of editing it himself. I am Gabe Newell and I am happy to say Dank Swordz TV will be worth the weight.

Expect the video to be on YouTube either within an hour, or failing that, around noon tomorrow (all times EST as always, noon only because Jace's sleep schedule is fucking atrocious and he insists on uploading it himself.)

Second:
I am concerned for the collective cognitive skill level of the forum when I see like 30 posts in this thread from different people who all independently lack the reading comprehension skills required to even skim past the fucking OP before posting. The tweet in the OP says "Video", all of Jace or Tyce's prior announcements or mentions clearly state that this will be in video form, and none of which have ever implied in the slightest that this will be livestreamed. Yes, I am mad at the computer. No, I am not asking for much. Rank up your fucking game kiwi farms

Third:

we don't know for sure if he's 18 so don't shop a dick onto this picture, thanks

Tyce turned 18 "like a month or two ago" according to Jace, he confirmed this directly when I asked him about it because I was curious re: the pool incident. Not encouraging dick shops because only Judge Holden and Woody Chan will ever find them funny but I wanted to clear up the ambiguity with some new fresh intel. If you really can't help yourself, then for the love of all that is holy put the image in spoiler tags or I will fucking cut you.

 

[Burned Man]

Spoiler: Samurai Jenk Intro

Long ago in Massachusetts, I, Jace, the shape-shifting Master of Deagles, unleashed an unstoppable Cena! But a foolish Samurai trained teen wielding a bargain sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final slice was tyced, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my Cena is law! Now the fool seeks to parkour to the past, and undo the future that is Jace!

Gotta get back, #baktotehpast, Samurai Jenk
(watch out)
Gotta get back, #baktotehpast, Samurai Jenk
(Jack Jack Jack)
Gotta get back, #baktotehpast, Samurai Jenk
(watch out)
Gotta get back, #baktotehpast, Samurai Jenk
(Jenk Jenk Jenk)

 

[noooooway]

folks, it's time.

whoever edited this: you are a true gamer and i tip my doritos to you

 

[Duke Nukem]

It was pretty awkward to watch. Kind of digging his post-apocalyptic outfit though, the bandoleer with a few shotgun shells in it is a nice touch.

The review itself was funny as expected. "DUDE ITS A FUCKING SKELETON LOL THATS SICK" and like that.

 

[XYZpdq]

The knife selling shows at 3 am need to be hosted by Tyce.

 

[Picklechu]

"That's a skull, not a skeleton."
"IT'S A FUCKIN' SKELETON."

 

[PaxtonFettel]

Here's the description from the YouTube page with a bit of info about the making of the video:

In this debut episode of Dank Swordz TV, anarchist sword thug and Internet personality Tyce Andrews reviews the deadly Black Skull Double Blade pocket knife available for $6.99 at various retail stores. Sorry for no bottle-cutting demonstrations or cut tests in this video, the first knife (Timber Wolf folding pocket knife) we were gonna review broke off when we tried hitting a Monster can with it a bunch of times so we decided to not bother trying after that. Tyce said Monster is pressurized because it's basically NOS so it would explode if you cut it in half but he was wrong because all that happened was he broke the mechanism on my wolf knife that I paid good welfare money for and now the blade just kinda swings around and won't stay open and we're going to be doing a sword cut video as soon as I can get Tyce to chill out and stop threatening me with the box of knives and swords every time I remind him to actually talk about the specs of the blade when we are filming these instead of rambling about how he is going to use them to kill his dad or beat up cops. Tyce has anger management problems and also difficulty speaking sometimes so please do not make fun of him. Thank you this is sincerily by ParkourDude91 ok. Peace.

I guess they already broke one of the blades that they paid "good welfare money" for.

 

[Bork Laser]

Here's the description from the YouTube page with a bit of info about the making of the video:



I guess they already broke one of the blades that they paid "good welfare money" for.

This is why these need to be streams. We miss all the fucking bat shit insanity behind it when they just post a video.

 

[Erwin Rommel]

 

[Truck Rockfort]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMd0UWVkZ7wfolks, it's time.

whoever edited this: you are a true gamer and i tip my doritos to you

This video goes to show you how much Tyce puts a lot of thought into killing cops, I want to bet my shekels that Tyce is nothing but a 2edgy4u punk and that if he ever did get into a fight with a cop he'd make a fresh supply of jenkem in his pants but the thing that worries me is that Tyce has proven himself to be nothing but a psychopath that has caused harm to others purely for entertainment and with his mind being in the FUBR state that it is, I wouldn't be surprised if he something that incredibly stupid.

 

[niggers]

the video made me laugh

the description made me sad

but then i laughed again

 

[Burned Man]

I love that running tally of skulls the knife gets after it already got rated.
This was a much better production then I ever could have dreamed. The editing was totally worth the wait, but it needed more explosions.

Here's the description from the YouTube page with a bit of info about the making of the video:



I guess they already broke one of the blades that they paid "good welfare money" for.

For every moment on camera there are even better ones off it.

 

[niggers]

was kinda disappointed there was no "MASTURBATION AID!" text when tyce talked about beating off to the girl on the pocket knife box.

 

[Alex Krycek]

This is why these need to be streams. We miss all the fucking bat shit insanity behind it when they just post a video.

I liked the editing but overall I gotta "press 1". I'd have loved to see how the argument of "Skull vs. Skealitan" played out and all the bumbling Tyce would have done .

On another note, I really love how he compared that knife to the Batarangs and "Instant Kill with a throw". Just amazing.

 

[MostExcellent]

I think we have discovered Surf Shack Tito's twin, Army Surplus Shack Tito

Spoiler

 

[Chaton Tart]

I don't think a cop will just let you sit there and saw away at his armor with a black skull double blade.

Also that bandolier looks a lot like a NERF one.

 

[KingofManga420]

Has it been stated why Tyce is dressing like the worlds laziest school shooter or are we all just kind of going with it?

Either way great job on the editing CIA, 420/10. Would smoke every day.