💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Bumwine]

Wyświetl załącznik 1017192
image for reference

Wigga pls

Some restaurants in Japan have printed instructions in English telling people to savor and enjoy the delicate flavor of meat/fish and not drown it in sauce. I can only assume this is for the benefit of hefty individuals like Jack who can't taste anything unless it is swimming in BBQ sauce.

Imagine Jack going to a place like this

And trying to start one of his JotG shitshows because reason

 

[Marissa Moira]

jack is so thirsty for this woman. and the irony......oh boy

Wyświetl załącznik 1016791

gotta admit, I got a little choked up when he said that.

 

[Aaway]

its funny how jack's sons are so different yet so alike

one is "all about god" and engaged at 19 while the other is constantly stoned out of his mind. but they are both obese and think they're black

 

[Cereal Killer]

Imagine Jack going to a place like this

https://youtube.com/watch?v=geZWL_gE-Ak
And trying to start one of his JotG shitshows because reason

Jack would throw a royal fit straight out of the gate over service not starting until 4, directly after mangling the pronunciation of the name.

 

[Whatthefuck]

its funny how jack's sons are so different yet so alike

one is "all about god" and engaged at 19 while the other is constantly stoned out of his mind. but they are both obese and think they're black

IIRC they live in either Hendersonville or Donelson, both suburbs of Nashville and both tend to churn out folks like that. It's really weird. For whatever reason, no matter what race you happen to be, there's just a certain percentage that thinks they're black. That sounds like a generalization, but it's just the truth. It was that way in the 90's and I can't imagine much has changed.

 

[Cheesecake Coochie]

OFFICIAL JACK SCALFANI DEATH POOL

USER	CAUSE OF DEATH	EST. DATE OF DEATH	KETO POINTS
Murmur	Heart Attack	Early 2021	500
Wilhem Bittrich	3rd Stroke	Mid to Late 2020	300
The Wichita Lion	Ham Sandwich	May 11, 2021 (Ramadan)	420
FemalePresident	3rd Stroke	March, 2021	666
SmileyTimeDayCare	Sepsis by Food Poisoning	Early 2022	456
Religion is Dead	Diabetes	Mid 2020	600
Mesosalpinx	Gangrene w/ side of diabetes and cholesterol	April, 2020	365
Chamulum	3rd Stroke and diabetes combo	Early to Mid 2020	148
Mein Garten	Coronary artery disease w/ an aneurysm	Fall 2021	1965
Begemot	Trichinosis	April, 2020	350
Man vs persistent rat	Stroke leading to coma and death	August, 2022	400
Xochi	Beaten to death by actual chefs	January, 2021	19,324,557,416
captkrisma	Stroke and heart failure	Late, 2020	1
Waifuman Cooper	Stroke	June, 2020	1776
AnOminous	Stroke	Julay 4th, 2020	2020
Rod Dangerous	Pulmonary embolism	4th Quarter 2022	25
LordofCringe7206	Salmonella Infection	March, 2020	2
Captain Fitzbattleaxe	Complications from gastric bypass surgery	March, 2023	500
Suburban Bastard	Berry Aneurysm	January, 2021	6969
Dave Meltzer	Murdered by Maury Davis for shoe related transgression	Christmas Eve 2019	202
Adamska	Cardiac Arrest	June, 2022	3350
Stock Photo Hacker	Shot by a rogue Mcdonalds manager	April, 2020	420
Archie_Kimkicker	Thrown off cliff by Tammy's bull (for insurance)	February, 2020	1488
Redeemer and Destroyer	3rd Stroke	Summer 2020	777
Spasticus Autisticus	Heart Attack from witnessing Tammy making love to a black gentleman	February, 2021	69
Kamov Ka-52	Stroke	Mid 2020	1488
Pineapple Fox	Gangrene caused by uncontrolled diabetes	October, 2020	30
GandT	Choked out by son	June 21st, 2020 (Father's Day)	420
Mr. Manchester	Complications from final stroke	April, 2021	201
desu91	Stroke w/ a side of head trauma	Mid 2020	9001
ObeseScreaming- BlackMan	Crushed by AS SEEN ON TV gadgets.	Winter 2021	42,069
salmonellajack	Head trauma via shoe	April, 2020	187
Coconut Gun	Natural causes while surrounded by loved ones	Summer 2054	0
irishAzoth	Cirrhosis	Summer 2022	1337
GloriousRapeRabbit	Heart attack after stroke and two year coma	April, 2022	789
Chive Turkey	3rd Stroke	June, 2025	7
Mr._Blonde	4th Stroke	April, 2022	300
Scented Candle	Smited by the good Lord for blasphemous onion ring sorcery	February, 2024	80,085
Zaryiu	Atherosclerosis	2020 or 2030+	2013
Dirty Mug	Chokes on a dick burger post 3rd stroke	December, 2021	1488
Slimy Time	Fatal stroke	July, 2022	1266
feral cat #6385	Mr. Hands'ed by Tammy's bull after a case of mistaken identity	June 21st, 2020	9001
A Single Cheeto	Tragic house fire	Apparently Never	80,085
Raindrop3000	Killed by one of Jack Jr.'s Christian rapper rivals, or heart attack	December 12th, 2020	10,000
Jersey Devil	Gas Gangrene from the 'beetus	Winter 2021	400,000
AngeloTheWizard	Suicide after marital separation	Spring 2021	1,000,000

POOL'S CLOSED.


Now it's time to sit back and wait for the inevitable.

On the day of Jack's death, the entrant with the best guess will receive ALL Keto Points entered into the pool. On that day, judges will be appointed to decide on what constitutes the "best guess". Fairness is not guaranteed.

Summer 2020
Killed by Jack Fiddler the famous wendigo hunter. Jack will give into his wendigo urges once he realizes his arm will never work again.
I'm willing to bet 300 keto shekel points.

Edit: I had a seizure and quoted the wrong person.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

IIRC they live in either Hendersonville or Donelson, both suburbs of Nashville and both tend to churn out folks like that. It's really weird. For whatever reason, no matter what race you happen to be, there's just a certain percentage that thinks they're black. That sounds like a generalization, but it's just the truth. It was that way in the 90's and I can't imagine much has changed.

That's just the modern south. With many of the old cultural barriers and stigmas removed, millenials and zoomers tend to act blacker than they ever could be.
Edit: I have to stop phoneposting.

 

[Adamska]

Wyświetl załącznik 1016583
Ah yes, I member

"Put me back in the oven Jack, I'M NOT DONE YET *gobbles of anguish and the need to die*" ~ Last Year's Turkey

How do you even fuck this up? It's literally "immerse bird for X minutes at Y temperature." How the fuck do you have it raw and burned at the same time?

Crank the oven to broil and then chuck the fucker into it so you can take it out ASAP. Fat Jack can't fucking bare to not get stuffed full of meat of any kind, so he did and still does mushbrain math to try and figure out how to flashcook whatever he has on hand.

For that Raw Ribs video, jack apparently only cooked them for 15 minutes and eyeballed everything because the top looked like it was getting too brown. He judged everything on the exterior appearance.

He apparently cares so much about not burning food that he ruins the food in the first place. Normally you cover food with foil, but he doesn't do that because according to him if the food is covered with foil the heat can't get through.

How... no, seriously, how in the nine fucks can this bloated pig claim that ribs are one of his favorite fucking foods and then he does this shit? How in the fuck can he even be able to claim that he loves barbecue when he pulled this shit off?

I'm not even mad... I'm just saddened and baffled.

 

[desudesu]

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That tattoo still disgusts me every time I see it.
It looks like Jesus got hit with a driveby acid attack.

Upon closer inspection, it seems that the Jesus tattoo is some sort of lion(?)-Jesus hybrid? Furry Jesus? Man the Scalfani's one weird bunch. It's also odd that Jack Jr. is still in such an amicable relationship with Fat Jack given how he was treated during his childhood. (or did I get confused with the other Jack spawn?) Edit: it's Garrett, the older brother, that got strangled.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

There's a better shot of it here:

it says a lot about how far removed people like the Scalfanis are from the bible, orthodox Jews don't get tattoos because they think the mutilation of their bodies will doom them to burn in hell, and then you get people like Jack Jr. who not only get one, but a huge, tacky, poorly done one. A temple, indeed...

 

[Aaway]

Wyświetl załącznik 1017754

Upon closer inspection, it seems that the Jesus tattoo is some sort of lion(?)-Jesus hybrid? Furry Jesus? Man the Scalfani's one weird bunch. It's also odd that Jack Jr. is still in such an amicable relationship with Fat Jack given how he was treated during his childhood. (or did I get confused with the other Jack spawn?)

jack's older son garrett was the one who he choked out until his nose bled

not jack jr

 

[foodiebloobie]

I'm just waiting for the day I visit kiwi and see the notice that he has finally passed.

 

[Aaway]

i love the google search suggestions when you look up jack

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

Some restaurants in Japan have printed instructions in English telling people to savor and enjoy the delicate flavor of meat/fish and not drown it in sauce. I can only assume this is for the benefit of hefty individuals like Jack who can't taste anything unless it is swimming in BBQ sauce.

I wait for the moment when Jack takes a bite and right after that he takes a huge gulp right out of the BBQ sauce's bottle.

Wyświetl załącznik 1017192
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Is that picture from him auditioning for Trailer Park Boys?

 

[Religion is Dead]

There's a better shot of it here:

it says a lot about how far removed people like the Scalfanis are from the bible, orthodox Jews don't get tattoos because they think the mutilation of their bodies will doom them to burn in hell, and then you get people like Jack Jr. who not only get one, but a huge, tacky, poorly done one. A temple, indeed...

They aren't Jews though, they're some fucked up Southern Baptist sect with a murderer for a minister.

 

[Begemot]

There's a better shot of it here:

it says a lot about how far removed people like the Scalfanis are from the bible, orthodox Jews don't get tattoos because they think the mutilation of their bodies will doom them to burn in hell, and then you get people like Jack Jr. who not only get one, but a huge, tacky, poorly done one. A temple, indeed...

Might it be as Aslan reference from the Chronicles of Narnia?

 

[Charlie Delicious]

I must say, this Mac and cheese video is one of the least offensive videos I've seen of his in

https://youtube.com/watch?v=yQeD1iuQD6g
“Nobody else does sandwiches wrapped in lettuce.”

“When you don’t have the bread, it’s like you can taste more of the sandwich.”

The video ends with Jack Junior getting weird with Papa Salmonella’s neck.

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5:03

"If you need ledrfraps"

 

[waffle]

Char siu called. Looks like a Chinese number.

What ignorant suburban trash you are, Jack.


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Sprinkling food dust on meat is truly an art form, guise

Wait a minute! Is this jack admitting that he constantly has to drown his ribs in sauce because they are always uncooked?

 

[Rabbit Bones]

Might it be as Aslan reference from the Chronicles of Narnia?

Nah. Jesus fursona is a lion according to a lot of religious people for whatever reason, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me, considering he always got called the lamb of God. But I guess a sheep man tattoo isn't as cool to a mouth breather like Jack Jr as a big scary lion.

 

[Ohlongjohnson]

Fuck off Fatass, Korean barbeque is leagues better then the fucking 10 second ribs you shit out . just because you don't slather your shit flavored BBQ sauce on it, doesn't mean its not bland. I bet he's the type that puts ketchup on his steak.