Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Dante Alighieri]

The original script for AOTC had Sifo Dyas being an alias used by Darth Sidious, but George liked the name so much he decided to make him a real jedi who was assassinated by Dooku and on Palpatine's behalf. Dooku continued to pretend to be Dyas so as to manipulate the Kaminoans into creating Order 66 and giving the Republic full control of the army so Palpatine could declare the order when needed and finally annihilate the jedi.

Spoiler: Why Dyas did what he did

In the lore based on unused concepts expanding Dyas's character, Syfo Dyas and his best buddy Dooku grew disillusioned with both the Republic and the Jedi Order, seeing both as being unwilling to take the dangers posed by internal senatorial conflict, political corruption and the Order's own end times prophecies seriously, with their worries made worse by rumors of the sith returning and the jedi and republic refusing to form a proper plan against possible oncoming threats. Their distrust made them susceptible to the dark side which drew the attention of Darth Plagueis who, under his wealthy civilian guise, convinced both Dyas and Dooku that corruption was inevitable and that something had to be done before the Republic and Jedi were destroyed by the coming darkness of war. Years later, Dooku's own concerns and distrust became more apparent, leaving Dyas's faith shaken, and when he was at his most susceptible, Plagueis confronted Dyas again and told him about the Kaminoans and convinced him that he could create an army for the Jedi and the Republic in secrecy that could be held in reserve should the sith and CIS make their move against the galaxy, to which Dyas agree, and now that he had an ally within the jedi, Plagueis became Dyas's "primary benefactor". Dyas being a jedi master and the only one of his seat vulnerable enough to manipulation made him the perfect patsy for Plagueis, and Plagueis would provide the funding necessary for the creation of the clone army so long as Dyas was the one putting his name on everything and making all the transactions without the Jedi Order's consent, but in truth Plagueis handled all of the decision making, eventually planning to betray Dyas and use the army to plot the Jedi's destruction from within. However Plagueis would never live to see his plot unfold due to being assassinated by his own apprentice, Palpatine who would continue to carry out his master's plan, but since Dyas did not trust Palpatine like he did Plagueis, Palpatine manipulated Dooku instead, turning him into his apprentice and having him kill his old friend Dyas as proof of his loyalty. Dooku would then take on Dyas's identity and carry out the clone project on Palpatine's behalf until it was ready.

EU lore was always my favorite part of Star Wars and I love reading about it.

Now I want to go read some EU books and angrily wish it was continued.

 

[Red Hood]

Hence why AOTC was very deserving of being considered the worst film in the franchise before the Disney films came along. Almost every part of SW and its lore got screwed by the Clone Wars, most especially the jedi. Originally the Clone Wars were obscurely defined but treated as an event that lasted far more than just a measly 3-4 years, and what was known implied that the change going in the Republic was far more well-paced and realistic, as well as the implication of how the jedi's fall came about because of it, and having the Clone Masters as the villains behind the war made more sense than having the seemingly noble jedi approve of a human slave army. Even with TPM about, the EU wasn't as fucked outside of the Vong shit (which was easy to ignore until Dark Horse incorporated them into the comics) and even the portrayal of the jedi in pre-AOTC media made sense and had them be more human-like and they did their best to try and fix TPM's mistakes like the midichlorians just being a channeling thing rather than the Force itself. But then AOTC comes along and its nothing but endless clone and vong media which just shits on pre-existing lore, with the only saving grace being stories that tried to avoid said events or took place before vong shit and after clone shit. Only reason it didn't completely alienate people was because of unusually amazing content like Genndy Wars, games and the comics that did it right which actually managed to make the AOTC concepts likeable despite shitting on what came before them and being off themselves, but inconsistencies were never an issue with me as long as they remain entertaining.

As for the jedi/sith, I have to disagree, as defining them isn't impossible and it was proven to have worked very well as seen in the 90s Tales of the Jedi comics which really delivers on the mystical "east meets west" space monk/knight merger that people craved. It can work, you just need good people behind it. But then comes AOTC and makes them this emotionless scientology super cult in shaggy robes. But I really don't want to keep on with this, because I've learned to make peace with the issues then and grown to like the attempts to fix it by other content creators, and at worst I was never angry about AOTC, just indifferent with mild disappointment staved off by the fact that good games and EU media not based around clones or vong was still coming out. Unlike with Disney which has nothing redeemable to stave off the incredible disappointment their films bring and no continuations of old stories to keep old fans interested, and then they take the worst of the old and amplify it by a million.

How am I supposed to forget the bitter taste of Disney's films when literally every corner of Disney is nothing but bitter-tasting shit?

And for those of you who might not know, Chuck Wendig knows about us now.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from. I didn't mean the Jedi/Sith being defined is necessarily a bad thing, just the way it was accomplished on screen was...weird and off-putting. It's really fucking hard to like the Jedi as depicted in the prequels because they're weird and sanctimonious but they don't really seem benevolent, they just seem like irritating snobs. I could never put my finger on exactly what I found wrong with them though. And on top of that, the Jedi aren't very effective in doing anything but fucking things up worse. They're not effective negotiators in Phantom Menace. They aren't effective bodyguards in Attack of the Clones. And they aren't really effective generals or police in Revenge of the Sith. For the years of training they've received in specialized weapons from Jedi Masters, they seem to be pretty fucking ineffective compared to a squad of clone troopers with fucking guns. The only purpose the Jedi really have in the prequels is to fight the Sith Lord of the film. They can't tell an evil Sith is in the very room with them, but in Star Wars Vader is able to sense Obi-Wan's presence when the Falcon lands in the hangar.

Depiction of the Force is really inconsistent. I guess my idea behind leaving some of the Jedi stuff murkily defined is to smooth over that. If you leave some of the details vague, it's easier to reconcile and wave your hand when something doesn't match up between two works. Plus, as I said, I like when there's still some mystery at the heart of it.

 

[Creep3r]

I have money on this not being as entertaining as Tom Francis' GalCiv diary. A lot of money.

This is a description of a drag queen. I'm thinking Wendig had someone in mind (possibly himself, when he's alone and wants to feel less cis-hetero-patriarchal.)

There's a lot more hilarious material worth reading in the Chuck Wendig thread if you're interested.

 

[XYZpdq]

I sure do hope he graces our fair thread with his Shakespearean diatribe.


That would've been pretty neat. Its the same feeling I had when seeing how they treated Grievous in ROTS and Filoni Wars (at least he had a decent fight in ROTS I guess...). I also think they should've bothered to incorporate Dooku's background into the films so as to make his introduction feel less "out of nowhere" and feel more worthwhile by giving him some much needed depth that was only ever seen outside the films/Filoni Wars. And having Dooku die then and there probably would've been for the best and a better end than the one he got in ROTS, and I say this as someone who dearly loved Christopher Lee.

Getting killed by the greatest combat muppet this side of Miss Piggy is the best anyone could hope for.

 

[Red Hood]

There's a lot more hilarious material worth reading in the Chuck Wendig thread if you're interested.

Bones? What the devil is McCoy doing in a galaxy far, far away?

 

[Creep3r]

Getting killed by the greatest combat muppet this side of Miss Piggy is the best anyone could hope for.

Amen.

Bones? What the devil is McCoy doing in a galaxy far, far away?

You don't want to know... The inner machinations of Chuck Wendig's mind are best left unknown for the sake of preserving your sanity.

 

[XYZpdq]

Bones? What the devil is McCoy doing in a galaxy far, far away?

Damnit Jim I'm a doctor not a warrior-monk!

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

There's a lot more hilarious material worth reading in the Chuck Wendig thread if you're interested.

This is the worst writing I've seen outside of pornographic fanfiction. And even some of that has this beat. Though I think some of this is just him trying to make word count- "zigzags herkily-jerkily?"

I'd say, "I'm 99% sure he does this all in one draft," but that seems unfair to people who only write one draft. Alan Moore only writes one draft. Is there such a thing as .1st draft?

 

[Creep3r]

Damnit Jim I'm a doctor not a warrior-monk!

"Damnit Jim, I'm a non-binary, gay, meme-spouting, Deadpool-ripoff, robot with HK-47's brain, not a doctor! Get my pronouns and occupation right!"

Spoiler

 

[Goober_au]

Hence why AOTC was very deserving of being considered the worst film in the franchise before the Disney films came along. Almost every part of SW and its lore got screwed by the Clone Wars, most especially the jedi. Originally the Clone Wars were obscurely defined but treated as an event that lasted far more than just a measly 3-4 years, and what was known implied that the change going in the Republic was far more well-paced and realistic, as well as the implication of how the jedi's fall came about because of it, and having the Clone Masters as the villains behind the war made more sense than having the seemingly noble jedi approve of a human slave army. Even with TPM about, the EU wasn't as fucked outside of the Vong shit (which was easy to ignore until Dark Horse incorporated them into the comics) and even the portrayal of the jedi in pre-AOTC media made sense and had them be more human-like and they did their best to try and fix TPM's mistakes like the midichlorians just being a channeling thing rather than the Force itself. But then AOTC comes along and its nothing but endless clone and vong media which just shits on pre-existing lore, with the only saving grace being stories that tried to avoid said events or took place before vong shit and after clone shit. Only reason it didn't completely alienate people was because of unusually amazing content like Genndy Wars, games and the comics that did it right which actually managed to make the AOTC concepts likeable despite shitting on what came before them and being off themselves, but inconsistencies were never an issue with me as long as they remain entertaining.

As for the jedi/sith, I have to disagree, as defining them isn't impossible and it was proven to have worked very well as seen in the 90s Tales of the Jedi comics which really delivers on the mystical "east meets west" space monk/knight merger that people craved. It can work, you just need good people behind it. But then comes AOTC and makes them this emotionless scientology super cult in shaggy robes. But I really don't want to keep on with this, because I've learned to make peace with the issues then and grown to like the attempts to fix it by other content creators, and at worst I was never angry about AOTC, just indifferent with mild disappointment staved off by the fact that good games and EU media not based around clones or vong was still coming out. Unlike with Disney which has nothing redeemable to stave off the incredible disappointment their films bring and no continuations of old stories to keep old fans interested, and then they take the worst of the old and amplify it by a million.

How am I supposed to forget the bitter taste of Disney's films when literally every corner of Disney is nothing but bitter-tasting shit?

And for those of you who might not know, Chuck Wendig knows about us now.

fucking liar, you where searching your name and found us

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

There's a lot more hilarious material worth reading in the Chuck Wendig thread if you're interested.

This reads like a first draft that no one bothered to touch up, once it was typed out. Jesus Christ.
And the choice of words is so utterly out of touch with the material.
"...popping up to fire off [...] turning to pop shots at..." What kind of an imbecile thinks that this conveys the urgency of the situation?

"The TIE fighter wibbles and wobbles in the air, careening drunkenly [...] zigzags herkily-jerkily out of sight. [...] The blasts pepper the top of the building..."

It's not the first time I read this paragraph, but holy shit, is this shameful whenever I look at it.
Wendig is the perfect example of what's wrong with this line of authors. You get your job not through competence, you get it through being friends with the "right people", who will set you up to win meaningless awards (like the Hugo Award) and get you in touch withpublishers filled with the same kind of shitty people and once you got your job, you can get others set up for the same line of work when they kiss your ass enough.
It's an ouroboros of bad writers with shitty personality that perpetuates itself through cronyism.

None of these chucklefucks create anything that deserves being sold in stores, let alone working on IPs such as Star Wars,
When a shitty author is promoted enough, people will still buy their books and when the market is overrun with cheap-ass pulp novels written by hacks like Wendig, noone knows that this shit can be done better.

Edit:
My mind refused to parse this, but did Chuck Wendig really title something "The Starfucker"?
I think this just broke me.
This man is under contract with large companies such as Disney. Fuck me.

 

[XYZpdq]

"Damnit Jim, I'm a non-binary, gay, meme-spouting, Deadpool-ripoff, robot with HK-47's brain, not a doctor! Get my pronouns and occupation right!"
Wyświetl załącznik 682788

Spoiler

Wyświetl załącznik 682792

Hey look buddy Karl Urban went through the effort to be possessed by the unliving spirit of D Kelly you better appreciate it asshole.

 

[Creep3r]

fucking liar, you where searching your name and found us

He is clearly a master of Google-Fu, like Kurt-senpai.

 

[Night Owl]

There's a lot more hilarious material worth reading in the Chuck Wendig thread if you're interested.

Now, I'm a nobody and English isn't my native language, but even to me this writing feels off. I'm sure I could've written it better.

"Herkily-jerkily"? Are those even actual words? It sounds like something a five year old came up with.

 

[Zaryiu]

/r/saltierthancrait has uploaded a page from a recent comic that explains how Han lost the Millennium Falcon.

Honest question, why does Lucasfilms have it out for Han? What did he do to deserve getting constantly mocked?

You know what? I looked at that thing, tried to calm down but then i remembered the first time i ever saw Star Wars as a kid, i'm really feeling the depression (this is the small thing pushing me over the edge into it) coming.

 

[neverendingmidi]

Now, I'm a nobody and English isn't my native language, but even to me this writing feels off. I'm sure I could've written it better.

"Herkily-jerkily"? Are those even actual words? It sounds like something a five year old came up with.

Now morbid curiosity makes me wonder what editions of this translated into other languages are like... Do they clean it up, edit it so it’s less stupid when in another language? Do they do their best to translate it as exactly as possible, up to the point of breaking other languages to convey the stupidity of “herkily-jerkily”? Do they just not translate any of it because it’s cheap trash put out for Disney fanboys in the US?

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Now morbid curiosity makes me wonder what editions of this translated into other languages are like... Do they clean it up, edit it so it’s less stupid when in another language? Do they do their best to translate it as exactly as possible, up to the point of breaking other languages to convey the stupidity of “herkily-jerkily”? Do they just not translate any of it because it’s cheap trash put out for Disney fanboys in the US?

If the translator is worth his money, the book might actually be readable from a technical standpoint. No translation will fix the shitty plot and characters, but at least the choice of words might be better and less immature and stupid.

 

[Antipathy]

Now, I'm a nobody and English isn't my native language, but even to me this writing feels off. I'm sure I could've written it better.

"Herkily-jerkily"? Are those even actual words? It sounds like something a five year old came up with.

The answer is because Cuck uses small sentences. Sometimes only a few words. Oh- and the hyphens- lots and lots of hyphens. Do you see how this style of writing annoys you? It pauses every so often. Like a robot. A bad robot. A shitty deadpool ripoff robot. One called Bones. The kiddy-widdy swervily dumb words don't help Wendig's style. Or lack thereof. It's like he's a kid who has to be taught. Taught not to write run-on sentences. So- so he goes and does the opposite. Makes very short sentences. Do you feel the mental pause you make after each period? That's because it signifies a small pause. Which makes reading this painful. I'm sorry I did this to the Farms, creating a pastiche of Wendig's writing, but it shows how it works.

 

[Red Hood]

The answer is because Cuck uses small sentences. Sometimes only a few words. Oh- and the hyphens- lots and lots of hyphens. Do you see how this style of writing annoys you? It pauses every so often. Like a robot. A bad robot. A shitty deadpool ripoff robot. One called Bones. The kiddy-widdy swervily dumb words don't help Wendig's style. Or lack thereof. It's like he's a kid who has to be taught. Taught not to write run-on sentences. So- so he goes and does the opposite. Makes very short sentences. Do you feel the mental pause you make after each period? That's because it signifies a small pause. Which makes reading this painful. I'm sorry I did this to the Farms, creating a pastiche of Wendig's writing, but it shows how it works.

It's like every ten seconds he's having a micro-stroke.

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

Bones? What the devil is McCoy doing in a galaxy far, far away?

(voice style="DeForest Kelly")
"Damn it, @The Shadow, I'm a doctor - not a Jedi or whatever those warlords are that wield laser swords like phasers set to kill!"
(/voice)