💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Głosy: 6 0,4%

  • April-May 2024

    Głosy: 6 0,4%

  • June-July 2024

    Głosy: 17 1,1%

  • August-September 2024

    Głosy: 34 2,1%

  • October-November 2024

    Głosy: 37 2,3%

  • December 2024

    Głosy: 44 2,8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Głosy: 256 16,1%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Głosy: 261 16,4%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Głosy: 930 58,5%
  • Łączna liczba głosujących
    1 591
Wyróżnienie
So what's Jack's goal in forcing his son into doing the same schtick he's doing? Is it to vicariously live through him like most loser parents do? An attempt to use him as a new source of money? Because I know there's an angle in there somewhere.
 
Cherie Bomb powiedział(a):
Watching this video gave me indigestion.

I don't have a Publix grocery store near me, but my local grocery store has also been promoting those pre-made meatballs. While they often go on sale, I refuse to buy them. When buying ground meat of any type, it's ideal to pick products that are ground fresh daily at your grocer's butcher counter. Those meatballs are shipped from outside the store. The temperature change from being in transit, time spent on the shelf, and other ingredients mixed into the meat can all introduce harmful bacteria. As ground meat has more oxygenated surfaces than a cut piece of meat, bacteria can proliferate quickly.

That being said, it's crucial to cook ground meat thoroughly in order to avoid getting sick. Jack Jr. only browned the surface of the meatballs, and failed to turn the meatballs in order to sear all sides before placing them in the oven for a mere five minutes. There's no way those meatballs are done all the way through.

The Meatball Sub Casserole itself includes some odd choices. French baguettes aren't typically used for meatball subs. I'd have picked a crusty Italian that would maintain some bite. The baguette will just become soft and mushy under the sauce, cheese, and mayo. That leads to the questions...why mayo? Why not ricotta, which is typical to baked Italian dishes? While the end product likely won't taste like mayo, it might provide a slick mouth feel that some people would find gross.

Then there's the salad. When using onions and zucchini (vegetables that are typically cooked) in salad, they should be thinly sliced and marinated in dressing to soften them up. There's no way to take a forkful of that salad in such a way that the flavors would combine: those hunks of veggies are just too awkward.

Between the risk of food poisoning from the undercooked meatballs and the inevitable onion burps, this Cooking with Jack recipe stands out as particularly inedible. Although, it would be fair to place some of the blame on Publix for coming up with a half-assed recipe card to sell an otherwise unattractive convenience product.
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To be fair, Jack Jr has made it to 18 and not been killed by the raw, burnt slop his dad produces. He probably has a cast iron stomach. He could probably eat road kill at this point and not get the shits.

And why mayo? Because Jack and his family are white trash. White trash fucking loves mayo.
 
there was a clip i saw on here a while back where jack jr basically admitted that jack is a shitty cook and that (to no one's surprise) they eat out for every meal

that's probably part of the reason jack jr hasn't fallen victim to salmonella
 
I can understand if you want to choke your son now and then - but turning him into a lolcow? Seriously Jack, that's just rude.

The cooking wasn't out of the ordinary Scalfani content, actually a bit more enjoyable to watch than Jack's stuff. But the rap is really bad cringe, both the lyrics and the video. Not gonna rewatch that, no, no, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again.
 
Ungern powiedział(a):
I can understand if you want to choke your son now and then - but turning him into a lolcow? Seriously Jack, that's just rude.

The cooking wasn't out of the ordinary Scalfani content, actually a bit more enjoyable to watch than Jack's stuff. But the rap is really bad cringe, both the lyrics and the video. Not gonna rewatch that, no, no, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again.
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Wrong son. The one that got choked out was from his first marriage and is a few years older than Jack Jr. That son(the choked one) currently works in the medical marijuana field, IIRC.
 
de_DEVIL_tails powiedział(a):
@Adamska

I want you to do another running commentary on this because your posts make me laugh out loud

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3uCVSMoP2NE

If it doesnt load its jack cooking a turducken

Dont ever stop pls
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Eh, I got nothing better to do, so let's give this a go:

1. Oh hey, it's an older Jack video with a real people intro. I still have no clue why this boob decided that having a Go-Animate Tier lazy-eyed cartoon that mutters 'feggit' was a step up from this.
2. Holy greenscreens Batman! He looks like he's stuck in a stock restaurant kitchen photo due to the lighting.
3. Jack squees like a school girl over getting paid by some schmucks to shill some shit. Despite my disgust at this greedy monster wrapped in human form, I will say this is leagues better than him shilling for shit he doesn't get paid for.
4. HAHA HE ADMITTED HE DOESN'T GET PAID FOR THIS ANYWAY! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THIS THEN JACK YOU AREN'T FUCKING SPONSORED!
5. The video actually starts at 1:00 in, meaning Jack the fat hack wasted 10% of the video on steaming horse shit.
6. He invites some old guy onto the show. I get the idea that he aspires to suck him off in a bathroom glory hole given how animated he gets around people that are not his family.
7. Jack expresses hope that this old guy can make him a fat fuck special, the turducken. His face visibly falls when the old man tells him that no Jack, you're still making it yourself and I'll just help you.
8a. Jack gets this horrifying fucking smile as the old guy mentions how much food goes into a turducken. I am not shitting you:

Jackyouscary.png


8b. That is the face of a man possessed by a wendigo; my joke became reality. It will haunt me till the day I die.
8c. To further add to the horror, he does a little jig expressing the joy of being able to eat an infant's worth of flesh. I am beginning to suspect his attempt to choke out his son was mainly so he could cook and eat him like some sort of witch.
9. Jack asks and expresses joy that this old guy deboned his birds for him. You'd think for a cooking show that you'd want to show that, but fuck it Jack's lazy.
10. Jack shills the old man's job and the old man himself. I can't knock it given that the old guy did it for him, though I suspect Jack paid for it still.
11. Jack looms over the corpse of a facehugger, err over a turkey. I should note that the old guy is wearing rubber gloves while Jack still has his dirty ring covered hands.
12. Oh shit son, Jack is actually wearing gloves. Unless he decides to cook something else, this is the most effort at being clean I've ever seen on his end.
13. Jack assembles the frankenbird's ingredients, intent on eating the whole thing himself. But in all seriousness, he's doing fine at this point.
14. The old man has to both do and handhold Jack in stitching up the Promethean Poultry. Jack instantly decides fuck it early on and does shoe lace style ties which take more time and help to do than the knot the old man made.
15. Jack and the old man coat the entire bottom in a thick layer of butter. I get ensuring it doesn't stick, but I don't think half a can of easy spread butter is needed.
16. LARD FOR THE LARD BIRD! BUTTER FOR THE BUTTER PAN AAAAA-

*One round of Sonic 3 & Knuckles later*

17. Jack drowns the birdgestalt in his shit seasoning mix. It's true that it's only going to ooze into the turkey, but that turkey is going to be nothing but salt now. It also does not season the chicken and duck, but you can argue the stuffing does that.
18. Oh hey, the old man made sure not to turn the bird into a charcoal briquette. Prediction is the chicken and duck are probably going to be raw though given this is Cannibal Jack Scalfani's show.
19. Even better! It's actually fucking cooked! Big props to the old man for keeping Jack out of the kitchen for four hours and forcing him to cook slower.
20. Jack still gives his canned and fake "mmm so good" response as he horks down three forks' worth of food down his bloated gullet in one bite.
21. Jack reveals why he shills; desperation for free shit using product codes and links.
 
Aaway powiedział(a):
there was a clip i saw on here a while back where jack jr basically admitted that jack is a shitty cook and that (to no one's surprise) they eat out for every meal
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Yeah, they basically eat a lot of fast food. I'm not sure if on a daily basis... but a lot nonetheless. And that's why Jack Jr is already overweight, at this rate he might become fatter than Jack.
 
Ungern powiedział(a):
I can understand if you want to choke your son now and then - but turning him into a lolcow? Seriously Jack, that's just rude.
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Speaking of choking out his son. It was his birthday the other day. Choking out Garrett until his nose bleeds and then feeling gratification from that act is completely fucked up. We haven't forgot, Jack.

H2L5AJm.jpg
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
Mr.Scalfani powiedział(a):
Speaking of choking out his son. It was his birthday the other day. Choking out Garrett until his nose bleeds and then feeling gratification from that act is completely fucked up. We haven't forgot, Jack.

H2L5AJm.jpg
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What a strange way to word a performative birthday greeting. I sense a rift that Jack doesn't know how to close.
 
introman powiedział(a):
Wrong son. The one that got choked out was from his first marriage and is a few years older than Jack Jr. That son(the choked one) currently works in the medical marijuana field, IIRC.
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Speaking of Garrett and the marijuana field, I wonder how Jack feels about him entering the "Dabathon cup" competition. I bet it eats him up inside knowing that he can't do shit anymore to his son because he's an adult and all.

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EDIT: Sounds like he's a little anti semetic as well judging from the bottom right of the page. Hey, as long as it's not the Palestinians, right? A typical Scalfani.
 
Read this entire thread in a day and Jack hasn’t changed at all since 2015. The only 2 things that have changed are his weight and his intro. The only positive thing is that the intro is really short now. I don’t know why but that cookie intro one really pissed me off.
 
Hat powiedział(a):
He appeared in an episode of West Texas Investor's Club—a show that is similar to Shark Tank, only in Texas—wherein he fails at business and cooking. He also starts crying and giving an overly-sentimental speech when the investors accuse him of coming in the show just for the publicity.
Wyświetl załącznik 54378
http://www.cnbc.com/live-tv/west-texas-investors-club/full-episode/a-time-to-grill/502726211915

It is reality TV, so it should probably be taken with a grain of salt, though.
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He looks... remarkably like the Food Wishes guy, if you switched the mustache for a goatee, who actually can cook. I find that disturbing for some reason.
 
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