The Unofficial Kiwi Poorfag Resource Thread - share recipes and resources for your area (both government and personal) here

[Aunt Carol]

It's more of a pipe dream because I always wanted to be able to make my own icecream. Sure, I could just make it the old fashioned way and I probably would if I was any more serious than I am.

Dumb question: you ever make zip-top bag ice cream? Nothing unusual to buy, and it makes a small amount.

Fun project to set kids to making if you have kids to entertain; like churning butter as an experiment, with better payoff. If the kids have more enthusiasm than sense, make them do it outside, and if you're not sure about how well your bags seal, double-bag the interior bag (the one that will become the ice cream).

 

[pylosurf]

It's more of a pipe dream because I always wanted to be able to make my own icecream.

Probably more of a BIFL than a Poorfag option, but a KitchenAid mixer with ice cream attachment makes excellent ice cream / sorbet, and the mixer can do lots of other things besides making ice cream.

 

[FatalTater]

Dumb question: you ever make zip-top bag ice cream? Nothing unusual to buy, and it makes a small amount.

I do that myself, but I use whole or 2% milk and just put the container in the freezer and mix it every 10-15 minutes. It's fun.

 

[saturated trans fats]

The produce in orchards and fields is free if you harvest it before the farmers.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

The produce in orchards and fields is free if you harvest it before the farmers.

Depending on the farmers, that's a good way to get yourself shot. Not recommended.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Probably more of a BIFL than a Poorfag option, but a KitchenAid mixer with ice cream attachment makes excellent ice cream / sorbet, and the mixer can do lots of other things besides making ice cream.

I am definitely a huge fan of BIFL, it's such a shame that most machines made in 2020+ are built to break down. BIFL doesn't sell products, y'know.

 

[Aunt Carol]

The produce in orchards and fields is free if you harvest it before the farmers.

The produce on people's trees is often free if you ask politely, though. If you network some, your coworker's friend will let you in their back yard to pick the apples or plums or whatever an old person can't eat alone.

I mean, walking by an overburdened tree with branches hanging into the alley is obvious--you don't have to be overly scrupulous if you can interpret context-- but coming over with the kids and buckets and a ladder is a score that's worth pursuing.

 

[Maori Kiwifruit Growers]

Also, I'll state that with cheap grounds, going marginally lighter on the quantity is better also. I brew cheap dark roast coffee at my house all the time, and we use about 4 lightly heaped scoops (my scoop is a 1 tbsp scoop if I recall correctly) for a 12 cup pot, and toss in about 1/2 tsp of salt directly in with the grounds before running the pot through. If we need more powerful go-go juice, 6 scoops and 1 tsp. It makes a nice, smooth cup of Jo that's no so bitter it's trying to rip your tastebuds off your tongue. I can drink it black with glee, but will sprinkle in one packet of splenda into my 16 oz mug if I'm feeling squirrelly and want sweetness in my life.

Spoiler: carrier life anecdote

So on my last ship, the messies had the weird idea that tar in the pot was what we wanted. Everyone grumbled and groused about the shit coffee on the mess decks.

One day, when I'd had enough (I was among the first of the chiefs there every day because my department had to be early as fuck at all times), I told them to dump the kettle they'd brewed, and start over. I pointed at a wood picture frame we had mounted on the mess's wall and told them that I wanted the coffee in the percolator's tube to match that shade of brown, and that they needed to dust their grounds in salt. They'd been brewing it so the tube was /black/ and using no salt.

They followed the directions, brewed it to a delightful mahogany shade... and we ended up having to share our coffee with the entire damned wardroom when word got out that the chief's mess had fixed the coffee. We couldn't keep them out - we were in a shared mess onboard a shipyard barge because our ship was in dry dock. Blasted officers fucking drained our stores more than once.

Any particular type of salt?

Dumb question: you ever make zip-top bag ice cream? Nothing unusual to buy, and it makes a small amount.

Fun project to set kids to making if you have kids to entertain; like churning butter as an experiment, with better payoff. If the kids have more enthusiasm than sense, make them do it outside, and if you're not sure about how well your bags seal, double-bag the interior bag (the one that will become the ice cream).

Yes once when I was younger and it was horrible. Ice cream makers are one of those things that people either buy thinking they're going to use it or they get it as a gift and then they never use it so they tend to pile up in goodwill or fb market. For the $10 I suggest picking one up. You can get the "reusable pints" pretty cheap too. I have made better ice cream at home than buying it outside.


While we are on the topic of buying appliances, a stand mixer, a dutch oven, an instant pot and an air fryer can all be gotten used for cheap and will make cooking at home far more enjoyable.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Any particular type of salt?

Any salt is fine. I used iodized salt because it's what I have in my cupboard. On the ship, we used the 'whatever the fuck the government decided to include in the supply shipment this month' salt.

 

[Accept Only Substitutes]

Any salt is fine. I used iodized salt because it's what I have in my cupboard. On the ship, we used the 'whatever the fuck the government decided to include in the supply shipment this month' salt.

I don’t think I said anything after I tried this method, but it’s made a huge difference. Thank you! I am using a lot less Splenda (I use the liquid stuff from Amazon because it doesn’t have maltodextrin) and so much less creamer. If I use a flavored one, I can actually taste the flavor! I haven’t tried it black yet, but I’m happy with where I am right now.

Unless it gets to room temperature, then it’s not good. I didn’t use to have a problem with it at room temperature a few years ago, but now I do. I blame my glp-1, because lots of stuff I used to love no longer tastes good.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Someone talk me out of a ninja creami

Awfully late, but food scientist/debunker/cake baker Ann Reardon just posted an extremely in-depth review of multiple ice cream makers on the market--making a whole batch in each.

She's so dedicated to the scientific method that she raised her own squad of in-house taste-testers.

 

[AnOminous]

The thing they tell you about just freezing a can of fruit in the special container and making sorbet isn't really as good as you have heard, it's pretty insipid. I sold mine on FB marketplace for $60.

Also you don't even need a machine to do that (or at least other than one you probably have). I always at some point buy a watermelon, cut it into cubes, separate it out into one or two serving sizes, then just use a food processor or a blender, add some lemon juice, maybe top it with a little fresh mint (you don't even have to deliberate cultivate this stuff, but cut it back so it doesn't take over). Looks fancy. Costs nothing.

 

[AnOminous]

While we are on the topic of buying appliances, a stand mixer, a dutch oven, an instant pot and an air fryer can all be gotten used for cheap and will make cooking at home far more enjoyable.

I have an ice cream machine and it has collected dust for years. I find a stand mixer takes up a lot of space. If I'm going to make dough, I'll just knead it by hand. A dutch oven is also heavy and takes up a fair amount of real estate, but you can do millions of thing with it (including making bread).

 

[Aunt Carol]

A dutch oven is also heavy and takes up a fair amount of real estate, but you can do millions of thing with it (including making bread).

It's also great for weighting down a tofu press, especially because then you can put more heavy things in the dutch oven and they won't fall down.


Big, 'spensive kitchen gear is always like this: some people use their bread machine several times a week, some buy it in a fit of optimism and it gathers dust. (Or get it as a gift.) Much of the time, you don't know which kind of person you truly are until the bread machine is physically on your counter. It's easier to guess correctly about how much you're going to use a cake pop maker, but most people want to be the life-together person who bakes so much they get good use out of a stand mixer.

This is why you can buy near-mint Kitchenaid mixers on Facebook/craigslist etc. for cheap, as long as you're not hung up on getting the designer colors.

 

[JanuaryViolet]

Echoing @Aunt Carol above: I got a really nice Seiko bread machine from Goodwill for a couple of bucks during The Time of No Real Job (2008-2013). I got a hell of a lot of use out of it, using up odd ends of various staples I either had or could glean. A gift of a just-barely-opened enormous bag of Bobs Red Mill flour and a sack of oatmeal from a friend was able to make bread for weeks/months. I also found that dry yeast can last almost indefinitely in your freezer when correctly sealed.
Warm bread with a bit of precious butter and a cup of store-brand chicken boullion almost made life worth dealing with during a rather lonely time. My house was too cold to properly raise dough so the bread machine cycle was absolutely necessary. I know I paid less than $10 bucks for the bread machine, but it's earned its' keep many times over. You would be amazed what you can make do with when pressed.

 

[AnOminous]

Pork shoulder. If you like meat but can't afford it it's your go-to. While a great use of it is pulled pork BBQ, you also have carnitas and tons of South American dishes. And this is another of those meats where while it's already dirt cheap, if you look out for bargains, you can find them. I recently got 10 pounds for less than $10. I wish my chest freezer hadn't died or I would have got one. It wasn't of very high quality and on-the-bone, but still a fantastic price.

Apply your rub of choice, sous vide for as long as 24 hours, though (or longer for bigger ones), and you could pull it apart with sporks. Then apply the rub again and sear the fuck out of it. If you have bone-in, you could make life more difficult for yourself by removing the meat from the bone but why do that? It'll be falling off the bone anyway, plus the bone has collagen, gelatin and all those things that create a good stock. Plus it's applied internallly.

The main reason you might want to remove it is if you intend to use it to make stock. There are also a lot of dishes (many of them Asian) that involve making the soup out of stock from the bone that the meat came on. And it makes great prepper food. Or you could just feed a family of six for a week.

 

[glass_houses]

It's also great for weighting down a tofu press, especially because then you can put more heavy things in the dutch oven and they won't fall down.


Big, 'spensive kitchen gear is always like this: some people use their bread machine several times a week, some buy it in a fit of optimism and it gathers dust. (Or get it as a gift.) Much of the time, you don't know which kind of person you truly are until the bread machine is physically on your counter. It's easier to guess correctly about how much you're going to use a cake pop maker, but most people want to be the life-together person who bakes so much they get good use out of a stand mixer.

This is why you can buy near-mint Kitchenaid mixers on Facebook/craigslist etc. for cheap, as long as you're not hung up on getting the designer colors.

My mother used all of her expensive gear, but she had food allergies so making her own staples was safer (and usually tastier).

Honestly, bread makers and other fancy cookware make me anxious. When I was trying to clean out a hoard that a parasite left behind after we evicted her for not paying rent and bills for twelve months, I found three of the fucking things out in the open, god only knows how many others were buried deeper in the hoard. And she was the second kitchenware hoarder I lived with, too. I can't even go past a kitchenware store without wanting to freak out. Serious 'Nam flashbacks with that shit.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Honestly, bread makers and other fancy cookware make me anxious. When I was trying to clean out a hoard that a parasite left behind after we evicted her for not paying rent and bills for twelve months, I found three of the fucking things out in the open, god only knows how many others were buried deeper in the hoard. And she was the second kitchenware hoarder I lived with, too. I can't even go past a kitchenware store without wanting to freak out. Serious 'Nam flashbacks with that shit.

Bread makers (etc) are like the female version of that non-running classic car that he's totally going to fix up but hasn't taken the tarp off of for five years. Or a professional-quality lathe that's never been used but has been thought about really hard.

Except probably easier to add them to the hoard, when they see a ONE-TIME BARGAIN, because you don't need a trailer to move a bread maker. It's still the same thing: not about the bread maker itself, but they want to be the person who diligently makes bread, and thus passing on an unused appliance turns into an emotional struggle.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

(meanwhile, in the land of 'hasn't purchased a loaf of bread in 3 years and uses the bread machine weekly)

....

 

[Spungus]

Bread makers (etc) are like the female version of that non-running classic car that he's totally going to fix up but hasn't taken the tarp off of for five years. Or a professional-quality lathe that's never been used but has been thought about really hard.

Except probably easier to add them to the hoard, when they see a ONE-TIME BARGAIN, because you don't need a trailer to move a bread maker. It's still the same thing: not about the bread maker itself, but they want to be the person who diligently makes bread, and thus passing on an unused appliance turns into an emotional struggle.

The advantage though is that the secondary markets for all of them are way cheaper. I've never paid more than $15-$18 for a bread maker, which is handy for me when I use them to the extent that I've worn out the bearings in one before