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💼 CareercowJack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
I don't think it's raw, he just smoked it until it was 145, probably very dry but not raw. I just don't' think it's a cut suitable for that kind of cooking and being eaten the way he was trying.
I don't think it's raw, he just smoked it until it was 145, probably very dry but not raw. I just don't' think it's a cut suitable for that kind of cooking and being eaten the way he was trying.
Fatty likely had no source of moisture anywhere in that filthy smoker, while goat itself being incredibly lean compared to beef or even lamb. Why this mushbrained retard assumed smoking goat would be a good idea I can't understand other than his mushbrain thinking "GUD MEAT GO IN SMOKER". What the retard should have done after looking at the meat he bought, was braise it.
That's exactly it. Eating Machine never learned how to cook anything; so he turned lean, tough meat into leather by smoking it for hours instead of going with a cooking method for the sake of achieving tenderness. The fucked thing is that, unlike most of the groceries he wastes by getting his hands on, all that meat he threw away could have been salvaged by cooking it the rest of the way.
This was going to go horrible the moment he decided to try to smoke it. Mainly because my experience with the goat is it's best done stewed, because it tends to be dry and leans towards tough if you fuck it up. It also tends to be full of bone shards. I don't mind goat in things like curry and barbacoa, but it's not something I would just eat fucking smoked.
Nice to see that fat boy is suffering for his fucktarded decision.
I went straight from watching Jack's contemporary Barbara Kay Lee make duck and pancake to watching this crime against goat, god, and country. Synopsis:
AI-generated Joe Camel goat for the recipe thumbnail.
Jack immediately blames his audience for "voting" for goat when he didn't present it as a voting option.
Jack purchased lamb on impulse "because why not?."
Jack thinks "marinade" is a verb, then makes a non-joke about how "it's like Noah's ark in here." I suppose because, when people think "Noah's ark", they most associate it with some boney goat and lamb limb sections covered in piss-yellow yogurt.
Apparently, Jack believes that every meat belongs in a smoker, in much the same way he believes that everyone needs a Tammy.
Jack waves his iPhone around from side-to-side in POV to gesture as to which side of the smoker each animal is on; because he is too disabled to point (i.e., he's using his sole, working limb to hold the phone he's filming with). He is also planted in a wheelchair in front of the smoker, which I mention because he implausibly claims that neither of his thermometer probes are "working right now." We know he's lying - but what he's lying about isn't clear: Either he couldn't probe solid bone, doesn't have enough hands to phone and bone at the same time, or cognitive decline has robbed him of the capacity to use the same probes he just used for pork chops last week. It's also just as likely that user error lost or destroyed the probes in some fashion that no other retard could manage.
Jack explains that he'll check the temperature "on wireless" with his phone. I don't know why he needs us to know about his thermometer hurdles, beyond some existential crisis in which he needs the imaginary audience for companionship while he pointlessly narrates the series of failures comprising his life.
Jack clearly took a photo of the "finished" shanks on the smoker grill for the video thumbnail, then decided that they looked to be some combination of "utterly unappetizing" and "yellow as fuck." So, he instead has it play for a few silent seconds in the middle of the video; just to allow us to drink in the horror of it. As with many of Jack's dishes, what is on that grill looks like a behind-the-scenes photo from John Carpenter's The Thing.
"There it is...look at the bone; all exposed and everything." Jack goes on to offer his insights that "the bones look totally different than beef bones" and that "they look delicious." No: They look like something excavated from that giant pool of diarrhea that town in Waterworld with the inbred Chinaman had.
After Jack gives us two anime double-takes, declares his inability to bite the meat, and compares it to a shoe, he finally admits, "Obviously, you don't smoke goat. Who woulda thought?." I refuse to believe that the guy who depends on AI assistance to communicate with himself didn't ask his phone how to cook goat, or how to incorporate smoking as a parcooking step. I suspect we're missing the full context of how retarded Jack managed to be with this one.
Jack quite literally interrupts his next thought by fucking his face with lamb after starting a sentence he never finishes.
"I can bite the lamb." Jack then goes the extra mile by adding a cartoon thought bubble that says "LAMB IS GOOD." It may be worth mentioning that Jack never has the thought bubbles originating from his brain (it's usually one of his nipples).
Jack growls out something indecipherable with a mouthful of lamb. It seems to be something like, "Lamb good but I don't like lamb."
Jack - still reeling from a narc injury he doesn't really understand - declares that he's "just going to throw the goat out." His voice quavers as he abruptly ends the video so he can go cry into Tammy's ass.
Despite being an "unedible" failure, this is the video description: What's up Food Jacks! Jack Scalfani here from Cooking with Jack, bringing you a special goat recipe that you guys voted for! We're making a delicious and easy goat recipe today, perfect for some yummy cooking. This cooking recipe is sure to be one of your new easy recipes, so get ready for some goat meat!
Jack added a "quiz" to the video description asking if he should re-attempt cooking goat "the right way."
I laughed hardest at the comment asking "Why are you wearing that hat?."
In my tender heart I try to find something positive to say about this shitpost of a video...all I can think of, is that he admitted it came out awful. Historically, Jack has never shown much in the way of humility.
He went about this goat back-asswards, sure, but I mean he did admit it was terrible. He didn't say why, but he didn't say "mmm..gud" with his teeth falling out to a cartoon sound effect of glass shattering.
Yeah I get it's effectively a poll but the wording "quiz" just makes it sound like you have to work after watching a video. How about you make a single video where you fuck it up, then go back and do it the "right" way? He did this once with a pizza many years ago.
Are you accusing Jack of uploading garbage for financial gain? Buying subs from ragheads? Running multiple channels to seem like a media empire? He would never- oh, right.
The fact that we never got a Jag Sgulfanee/Sandra Lee collaboration is quite disappointing. We need these two icons of lazy, unskilled, half-assing cooking might to get together and make a dish. Somewhere out there in the multiverse, those two got together and smoked a goat before covering it in Corn Nuts, powdered sugar, boxed cake mix and shitty hardware store hot sauce.
Jack should've slow smoked the meat, a la ribs. I bet he could've even used the coveted 1-2-3 method and been happier with the results. But he decided to go at 350°
Jack should've slow smoked the meat, a la ribs. I bet he could've even used the coveted 1-2-3 method and been happier with the results. But he decided to go at 350°
I dunno man, ribs are still fairly fatty, and goat in general is pretty lean. He still probably would have wound up just drying it out even with having them wrapped for a couple hours. Maybe if it were a larger cut instead of just shitty looking pieces he had. Of course Fatty also had to get 2 packs of goat instead of just 1, or used a different cooking method on the other pack in case smoking it didn't work. But this is Fatty and he's fucking retarded. The pieces are so small he can't even get the fucking temp probes in properly.
But yeah, it doesn't help that he smoked them at 350 instead of 225-250.
The fact that we never got a Jag Sgulfanee/Sandra Lee collaboration is quite disappointing. We need these two icons of lazy, unskilled, half-assing cooking might to get together and make a dish. Somewhere out there in the multiverse, those two got together and smoked a goat before covering it in Corn Nuts, powdered sugar, boxed cake mix and shitty hardware store hot sauce.
The only thing she has in common with Jack (well other than sucking at cooking) is she had a stroke. Otherwise don't associate her with a complete and utter asshole like Jack. She seems kind of nice. Not very good at cooking, but there are way worse things to be, and Jack is plenty of those.
Jack should've slow smoked the meat, a la ribs. I bet he could've even used the coveted 1-2-3 method and been happier with the results. But he decided to go at 350°
Jack is completely incapable of resisting his drooling, carnal urge to EEEEET GUD MEEEET immediately. That is the cause of his retarded habit of cooking meat that is both burnt and raw at the same time. He is a fucking imbecile.
I think you probably could slow cook goat in the oven and not stew it. Yeah, it's lean, but you can just straight up moisturize it with spritzes of a mop sauce, or alternatively you could braise it in the oven so it has moisture within.
Jack would never want to do that though because he sees the minimum cooking time and then tries to get there faster.
