Lots more on Nick's anxiety and constant throwing up in last night's stream (important parts start around 7mins):
Sequence #1(5).mp4
- Nick hates being out in public and says he's kind of agoraphobic. he goes into stores and feels like everyone is watching him, worries that people are going to come up behind him or start looking at the same item as him, worries about navigating the aisles. he says he forgets how to walk in the store.
- "I have to work myself up to even get in the store." and almost psyched himself out of going to Hot Topic. he "briskly walks in confidently," but it's a struggle.
- he proudly showed off his Robert Pattinson Batman shirt (he says he might wear it in Vegas) and Star Wars shirt which he said he wore around the house until doing his show in just the shirt and his underwear
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- he needs to buy clothes but he couldn't bear to go into H&M after the amount of effort it took to get through Hot Topic. he hates clothes shopping because he feels embarrassed and insecure. he's worried to buy non-ironic outfits because people could think the outfits aren't good. well Nick if you picked them they probably aren’t

- Nick’s day was: he couldn’t sleep at all last night, but got up because he’s trying to fix his sleep schedule, in the morning he had a steak and egg breakfast and then went to the mall to look for minions merch, instead bought 2 shirts from Hot Topic and couldn't finish the rest of his errands due to anxiety, went home and worked on paperwork until he couldn't stay awake another second, woke up sick to his stomach and laid on the bathroom floor until he fell asleep again, woke up without puking, "...so this is a great day! now that I'm saying it out loud, I think there's some things to work on here."
- (keep in mind as he's clutching his stomach on the bathroom floor he's wearing his brand new Star Wars graphic tee and no pants)
- Nick says his day was productive, because he considers going to the mall to look for minions merch to be part of his job.
- chat calls him bulimic
- "I don't know what went wrong in the test tube."
- "I got a lot of problems..."
- “I feel like the sort of manic-depressive cycle, the irregular sleep schedule, the self-imposed problems — I feel like through this pain I am able to create a show, something innovative, that I wouldn’t be able to do on a rigorous routine.” “When I get in a robust routine, I feel uninspired, I don’t have these bursts of creation, I feel medicated.” "sometimes that’s the life of a genius, internal torment.”
pretty common bipolar attitude tbh, deluding themselves that they rely on mania for creativity to justify not doing basic things to take care of themselves and improve their life.
- "one of these days I'm going to become like you guys." you'll become straight too!
prayers up for Nicky, he's having a rough time. I agree, your pain does make the show better!