why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

[Anakin Soywalker]

I tried going outside, and all I saw were a bunch of loud cars, dogs without leashes, and groups of Indian people walking on the sidewalk.

Literally move somewhere else, the entire country is not like that.

 

[Fig Kommandant]

Literally move somewhere else, the entire country is not like that.

Regardless of where either of you are, I don't think uprooting yourself and leaving family behind is a reasonable answer to "I want to marry some day."

 

[Celestial Peace]

I was always, and still am, single and, looking back at my past failures and thinking about what the future will likely hold for me, there's no outcome that will change my current "single" status.

And with all due respect, referring to those who'd spout standard takes such as: "you're too pessimistic", "you gotta keep up your game, man", "but you never know", "you gotta go outside and meet new people", "you're a weirdo", "gotta have to believe in yourself", "gotta treat a woman nicely", I can't help but feel these are just impromptu answers. The last one I often feel it's condescending and implicating that I'm some incel creep or something like that, as if I ever acted discourteous or hostile towards a single woman in my whole fucking life.

Plenty of "not nice" men have partners because they understand the mechanics of attraction and social skills. For all my attempts at dates and chatting, both IRL and OTI, the result has always been the same: none.

Recently, thanks to other personal stuff going on with my life, and nearing 30, I've decided that I'm done trying. People just gotta understand that not everyone is meant to find someone and my "love quest" only brought me frustration, a feeling of failure and mental exhaustion. I feel very tired and I've finally accepted that I'll die alone. It's over and I don't give a shit anymore.

I'll just focus on saving some money for a future admission into a nursing home in my old age supposing my country won't make me work 'till death. I'll probably won't have much time left in case I'm able to retire anyway thanks to our fucked up social security system.

We gotta know when it's the time to give up.

 

[FloydsFeedandSeed]

Was a good thread to read while I was single, but I've got a GF now.
Later losers (I still wish you all good luck)

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

And with all due respect, referring to those who'd spout standard takes such as: "you're too pessimistic", "you gotta keep up your game, man", "but you never know", "you gotta go outside and meet new people", "you're a weirdo", "gotta have to believe in yourself", "gotta treat a woman nicely", I can't help but feel these are just impromptu answers. The last one I often feel it's condescending and implicating that I'm some incel creep or something like that, as if I ever acted discourteous or hostile towards a single woman in my whole fucking life.

Even if you go through all the hoops bettering yourself, there's no guarantee that the bitch you land ain't as lowly as you once were. There's no barrier of entry for women, no need to develop or improve. I see otherwise capable and experienced dudes stoop to triple-messaging women who're already ghosting them because all self-worth goes out the window once a woman opens the door, even if it's to a cold, empty room.

People just gotta understand that not everyone is meant to find someone and my "love quest" only brought me frustration, a feeling of failure and mental exhaustion. I feel very tired and I've finally accepted that I'll die alone. It's over and I don't give a shit anymore.

It's the carelessness that appeals to other people. Even in a non-romantic scope, people are chasing the high of conquering the time of someone who has little of it. If you're always busy with other things, especially hobby stuff done alone, it's all the more alluring to take that away from you. Women love replacing other things of affection; even just letting them know I have a cat on dating apps got them dropping the laziest "why not me ur pussy " type shit.

The more lone and comfortable you are, the more likely you are to find a partner, given you exercise hobbies that put you outside. I mean, imagine being at some smalltown event and seeing a chick walk around alone, head on a pivot, compared to a friend group of 3. Sadly, those prospects are at home doomscrolling now instead.

 

[agent_donkey]

Besides ive never found a man atractive irl wich I cannot say about women

> never found a man atractive irl
> irl
Spanish Chud...

 

[Celestial Peace]

It's the carelessness that appeals to other people.

Why would that be "carelessness"? Wouldn't you mean "enjoying one's own company"? Also, you seem to be talking about toxic women who don't have anything to offer in return and like to leech off men. These are not the kind I'd like to be near anyway.

Whatever it may be, I was never quite fond of dating and attraction dynamics. To me, it always seemed like some bullshit contest to feed on each other's ego. It's cognitively and mentally exhausting. Whenever I tried, I'd fail. I ain't got no game.

I always saw relationships as something that has to be practical, as in, both parties know what their roles are and can help each other in times of need and no shit tests or mind games or whatever. Just like owning a business venue.

But, I guess people need their fix of drama and ego appeasing.

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

Just like owning a business venue.

Christ, do you people ever experience the simple and warm feeling of being around someone that you like? You can't complain about relationships being an exhausting bullshit contest and then describe your ideal love as owning a business.

 

[long waters]

The more lone and comfortable you are, the more likely you are to find a partner, given you exercise hobbies that put you outside. I mean, imagine being at some smalltown event and seeing a chick walk around alone, head on a pivot, compared to a friend group of 3. Sadly, those prospects are at home doomscrolling now instead.

Indeed, that's the critical part. Having a hobby that gets you outside.
Although even if you have a hobby that you can do with others and even if there are plenty of women there, if you have some unholy autistic aura it doesn't work either. Or if you don't take initiative in talking to them.
In all my time practicing a new hobby over the last half a year to a year, I've only had like one or two women interact with me at all, and I don't have the social skills to capitalize on that in any way either. Most just ignore my presence, and I'm also at fault for not taking any initiative to talk to them enough.

Christ, do you people ever experience the simple and warm feeling of being around someone that you like?

If I could do that I wouldn't be an incel now would I

I think some people are just meant to be alone, and it's just something one has to come to terms with.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Why would that be "carelessness"? Wouldn't you mean "enjoying one's own company"?

Carelessness to them; the ones you hope to appeal to. If a woman offers a sliver of her valuable time and you go "nah I got a biking date with the boys", she'll only be more interested. It's the reason women start ghosting the second the chase is over. If incels truly, truly gave up on women and NEVER entertained the idea, simply living as if women are a foreign species, they'd probably end up bagging one - given they're in spaces around peers and actively engaging in conversation. Obviously if you sit at home, it doesn't matter what you behave like.

Women may be truthful when they say they don't want to be the center of attention wherever they go, but when they're truly ignored, that nagging urge to be as such return. Merely mentioning I've a cat to chicks I've matched to had them fucking hounding to replace it as an object of affection. I assume same goes for his motorbike, his car etc. You know, the thing that suspiciously gets sold as soon as possible.

In all my time practicing a new hobby over the last half a year to a year, I've only had like one or two women interact with me at all, and I don't have the social skills to capitalize on that in any way either. Most just ignore my presence, and I'm also at fault for not taking any initiative to talk to them enough.

See, if you genuinely like your hobby, it wouldn't matter to you if they had tits, a dick or both. I'm sure it doesn't and you're just mentioning they happened to be women, but that's the beauty of it. Go cycling with the boys? One happens to lack the balls to get squashed on the saddle? Who cares. Now, if it's a pick-me in a regular group of 5 riders, that's worth souring about. Hell she may be a shitlord, but if she's no more shitlord than the dudes you're usually around, it don't matter much.

Though of course, being in hobbies that attract not only people of your own age but also women is a lot more entertaining. Sadly, sports clubs and such here are for ages 8 to 18 and 40 to 70. Nobody in their prime babymaking age do sports because they're either kept down by kids or.. they choose not to have kids, but still don't do shit with their lives.

 

[Celestial Peace]

Christ, do you people ever experience the simple and warm feeling of being around someone that you like?

That would be only possible if your relationship is going smooth and without issues which for that to happen you gotta take things seriously because you want that person to be with you, which is what I meant by "like owning a business".

If you're in it just to hang out and have a good time, friends are for that.

If you're in it just for the rush of having butterflies in the stomach, then your love is not as solid and deep as you think.

Relationships are something that demands time by default. If you want it to last, then work on it. Otherwise, stop wasting their time.

 

[long waters]

See, if you genuinely like your hobby, it wouldn't matter to you if they had tits, a dick or both. I'm sure it doesn't and you're just mentioning they happened to be women, but that's the beauty of it. Go cycling with the boys? One happens to lack the balls to get squashed on the saddle? Who cares. Now, if it's a pick-me in a regular group of 5 riders, that's worth souring about. Hell she may be a shitlord, but if she's no more shitlord than the dudes you're usually around, it don't matter much.

Yea, you are right, it doesn't matter. I'll keep on doing my hobby regardless, it's just one of those "would've been nice if" kind of things you know.

 

[long waters]

I always saw relationships as something that has to be practical, as in, both parties know what their roles are and can help each other in times of need and no shit tests or mind games or whatever. Just like owning a business venue.

I was thinking on this some more and it made me wonder, why has no one made a "wife/husband as a service" kind of business? So imagine something like what Uber is for transport, for wives/husbands.
But instead of it being a one day kind of thing, you have more long term contracts like 3 months, 6 months, or a year.
You could have the client input a salary offer, this is what they would pay the wife/husband for their service, and the company gets a cut from it too for enforcing/arbitrating the contract. The client also can have a list of requirements, like height, age, weight, etc. You can also have parameters like expected hours per week of sex/cuddling/personal time off for the spouse/etc. Also stuff like if you provide housing/food, do you have a separate room for the spouse to reside in, etc.
After a client makes an offer, the business/app would present these to their wife/husband workers, who would take their pick of client.
There would be of course a trial period of 1-2 weeks where the two parties see if they are compatible.
Afterwards, the business/app would take care of tracking if the two parties respect the contract. For example, for sex you would have a "sex activity" in the app that both parties must confirm to start the activity. After which, they are basically "on the clock" and the time spent until the activity is ended by either party is counted towards satisfying the contractual obligations.
It might get tricky with tracking certain contractual conditions and if they are being observed properly by both parties, and preventing either party from making false reports about the other party, but I'm sure these kinds of problems could have solutions too.
And of course, after the contractual period ends, if the two parties get along really well, they could also opt to disengage from using the spouse-business as intermediary and engage in traditional marriage instead, with all the risks and benefits.
I think the only reason this hasn't popped up yet is that there hasn't been a demand for it, but with newer generations getting more mentally ill and unable to naturally engage each other, I could see it happening in the future.
It might seem bleak and dystopian, but is it really any worse than having to go through the whole modern day app dating world and dealing with short term relationships? I think having some kind of objective contract with clear metrics both parties can follow in a professional fashion sounds reasonable.
This is only half a shitpost on my part, if such a service existed where I live, I think would seriously consider it at this point in my life.

EDIT: To clarify, how I envision this being different from any dating app and the like, is the spouse/client wouldn't be given time for socializing. Instead, they would be given a clear contract with what is required of them and what is offered, just like a professional job. The goal here is to have the whole "relationship" clearly defined as a proper business exchange between the two parties.

 

[The_Cowcel]

If incels truly, truly gave up on women and NEVER entertained the idea, simply living as if women are a foreign species, they'd probably end up bagging one - given they're in spaces around peers and actively engaging in conversation.

I think if most incels truly gave up on getting a woman they'd just kill themselves because that's the main thing we live for. I know I certainly wouldn't be going to places with peers and engaging in conversation if I wasn't actively looking for a woman, I'm desperately searching right now and I barely get the chance to do that, my entire experience going out has always just been that of going somewhere because I was told it would get me a social life then I go there, waste my time and money feeling stressed out and typically not even having a conversation and then I go home poorer and closer to death, why would I put myself through that if I wasn't trying to get a woman?

Whatever it may be, I was never quite fond of dating and attraction dynamics. To me, it always seemed like some bullshit contest to feed on each other's ego. It's cognitively and mentally exhausting. Whenever I tried, I'd fail. I ain't got no game.

Funny, I don't even know what dynamics you're talking about, I never got that far, I assume you're talking about how you keep her from leaving you?

Indeed, that's the critical part. Having a hobby that gets you outside.

Not just outside, but outside in a context with women. There are plenty of hobbies you can get into outside where you might never see a woman, the remaining options are so few that I struggle to think of many and none are things that I really enjoy.

 

[long waters]

I think if most incels truly gave up on getting a woman they'd just kill themselves because that's the main thing we live for. I know I certainly wouldn't be going to places with peers and engaging in conversation if I wasn't actively looking for a woman, I'm desperately searching right now and I barely get the chance to do that, my entire experience going out has always just been that of going somewhere because I was told it would get me a social life then I go there, waste my time and money feeling stressed out and typically not even having a conversation and then I go home poorer and closer to death, why would I put myself through that if I wasn't trying to get a woman?

I really have to disagree, while women are nice, there are plenty of other things to live for and enjoy in life. There are so so many things to enjoy in life. Be it eating some good food, reading a good book, breaking past your limits in some sport, enjoying a beautiful peaceful scenery after a hike, studying something really autistic, collecting model trains. Women aside, there are more things I find fascinating than I'll ever have time or money to do in life.
And consider all the monks who voluntarily entered celibacy and lived peaceful lives without caring for such things.

 

[Celestial Peace]

I was thinking on this some more and it made me wonder, why has no one made a "wife/husband as a service" kind of business? So imagine something like what Uber is for transport, for wives/husbands.

Assuming you are for real, this dosen't get even close to what I was referring to when I said "like owning a business venue". Seriously, does "figurative speech" means nothing anymore? What the fuck, people?

It's completely fine to have someone by your side whenever things out of your personal agency spiral out of control and you need someone to be there. That is what makes a reliable partner.

But, relationship is also about duty. Caress and intimacy should be the natural consequence, not the goal. I assume that's why people nowadays burnout from relationships so early and divorce taxes skyrocket: it's all about "me, myself and I" and no clear objective. Apparently, people want their partner to be their psychologist, accountant, personal advisor and, in some cases, a father/mother figure on top of being a partner.

And then, they want to paint this as "love" when, in reality, it's nothing but something between "emotional dependency" and "unwarranted self-importance". Not to mention those that are all about "just enjoying each other's company" pretending life is all about "good vibes" or some corny-ass teenage romantic movie plot. These are the kind of people that, whenever a problem arises, they don't know what to do, because they like to runaway from everyday life instead of having resolve.

I'd rather die alone than be someone else's emotional tampon or personal shrink.

Funny, I don't even know what dynamics you're talking about, I never got that far, I assume you're talking about how you keep her from leaving you?

I'm referring to the ego-trip nonsense of having to put oneself as some sort of palatable product just to satisfy each other's dopamine fix like a bunch of fucking addicts.

Instead of thinking "Does his/her personality match with mine?" or "Does he/she have their shit together?" the norm is usually "How can he/she make me feel good?" or "Ooh, let's play "hard to get"".

 

[long waters]

Assuming you are for real, this dosen't get even close to what I was referring to when I said "like owning a business venue". Seriously, does "figurative speech" means nothing anymore? What the fuck, people?

Yea I mean no, I mean I know that's not what you meant. But you know when you see/hear something and you get an idea, and then end up with an entirely different kind of idea that you never would've thought before? It's that kind of thing.
I know you meant it figuratively, but it just got me wondering. What if it wasn't figurative, but literal? At the very least, it seems like something that hasn't been tried before on such a scale. I think that's interesting.

 

[Waffle Iron]

Recently went to a social event. Wasn't explicitly for dating, just social drinks kind of deal. It helped me remember why I don't go to those things. I don't care for casual talk about normal every day things at all. When people say "just B urself" I don't think they understand that for me that means never going to these kinds of things.

 

[MIU]

A mix of perpetual laziness and just not really knowing where to actually look. Ideally I'd want a woman who shares the same interests as me and is similar in personality. If I wouldn't befriend her then I probably wouldn't want to spend my life with her either.

 

[Parodius20XX]

Every time I try going out for something that I think I might enjoy in a group setting there are either no women or every woman there is either a blue hair, way older than me, a girlfriend/wife to a guy that also goes, or is a tranny.