Containment What If?

[Coldgrip]

He'd turn into a Boomer.

 

[MrTroll]

He would become even more irresistible to boyfriend-free girls.

 

[trueandhonestfan]

Someone would find it and charge the hell out of his Credit Cards (or 's). They'd probably claim to be the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler and order a HEXBOX WUN and send it to his house.

He'd probably still be using the Attraction Sign and Red String to attract a Boyfriend-free girl to make into a sweetheart from the ground-up, and creeping out Megan.

 

[José Mourinho]

Still the same Chris, but less delusional.

 

[Sexual Stallone]

Well thank you I try my best

 

[WiseOldBadger]

Id give him a good scrubbing/down hosing in the garage, a haircut, and a ton of disinfectant.

Than Id give him gucci loafers and some nice italian suits. Id would also insist he wear big boy diapers to protect the designer briefs he would have as well

 

[heavydoom]

Philip Seymour Hoffman, if still alive would have done an amazing job as Chris (see Happiness for proof). I would cast Amy Adams (cuz she's in every movie) as Anna. For the coveted 'Barb' role - I would go with a gimmick and have Hoffman portray both Chris and Barb. I would cast Ian McKellan as Bob. Jennifer Lawrence as 'Megan'. David Cross as Cole Smithy. Patrick Stewart could play Snyder. And would have the soundtrack full of Daniel Johnston songs mixed in with eighties power ballads. A

I would watch the hell out of that.

I would go 'grunge-lite' - easy to keep and maintain. And I would shave his hair and get new glasses.

 

[bradsternum]

A funeral suit.

 

[Hyperion]

Same style I wear. If I don't look like I just walked off the set of a Run DMC video then I'm doing it wrong.

 

[CatParty]

A paper bag over his head.

A plastic bag over his head

 

[heavydoom]

Then he would shit himself and die. How fun would that be? Not very.

 

[WiseOldBadger]

What if Borb were 20 years younger when they had Chris i.e Bob born in 1947 and Barb in 1961. Would they have been able to do a better job at raising Chris?

I know they were poor parents. I just wonder how much of it was there shitty personalities (Barb) and how much of it was old school aversion to mental health, and sort of a distant stern idea toward parenting? Like maybe if they were younger they would have been more in tune with how to properly raise a child autistic or not?

My parents have told me before how easy I had it compared to them, and how stern and tough and distant my grandparents could sometimes be compared to them.


So if Borb were younger would their parenting have been exactly the same? Significantly different? Slightly different but not consequential enough to matter?

 

[cypocryphy]

How long does it take Chris to change himself? Does he actually enjoy stewing in his own filth for a little while?

 

[CatParty]

Shit themselves and do nothing

And this has been discussed before.

 

[WiseOldBadger]

I trust you can provide a link to the topic where this has been discussed before?

 

[exball]

What if Chris' shit, shit Chris and did nothing?

 

[milkshark]

What if Chris used a toilet like a big boy? Does he ever actually poop in a toilet, or does it all end up in his briefs?

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

What if Chris Farted so greatly, that a bunch of cowabunga shit flew out of his asshole, and all over the walls? then he sharted more, and it stunk like death?

Did you get that from Cards Against Humanity? I distinctly remember getting a card like that at one point.

 

[bradsternum]

What if... he doesn't actually shit himself as often as people seem to want to think?

 

[spaps]

He'd scream JULAY then fly to the moon with his farts.