Containment What If?

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Id smash all of his windows with bricks, then spray bear mace on his eyes. Then hours of surprise buttsex.
 
Every morning I would batter down his door, punch him in his bloated stomach until he involuntarily shits himself, and then drag him out to the street so my neighbours could pelt him with sharp objects, pennies, and pickles before I cut another JEWLAAAY into his flesh with a cobblers knife.
 
Judge Holden powiedział(a):
Every morning I would batter down his door, punch him in his bloated stomach until he involuntarily shits himself, and then drag him out to the street so my neighbours could pelt him with sharp objects, pennies, and pickles before I cut another JEWLAAAY into his flesh with a cobblers knife.
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Implying Chris would move over seas even in a what if scenario.
 
Chris would expect Anna to still ass-pat him, but he would say something like, "I do not care for your MALE boy friend, the dang Males are the ones that have ruined my life, so I have a justifiable prejudice!" I could see Chris saying that.
 
Just imagine the first part of the Full Metal Jacket clip with the drill sergeant, except with Chris getting punched in the stomach.

He would rage. It's kinda obvious.
 
RogerRabbit1988 powiedział(a):
Just imagine the first part of the Full \M/ETAL Jacket clip with the drill sergeant, except with Chris getting punched in the stomach.
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metal!!!
 
'YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE A LESBIAN YOU CONDENSATING BITCH!'
 
I'll be the first to say that IF Anna got a boyfriend, she would try her "best" (not really) to keep it a secret from Chris, just like how Kim didn't take her boyfriend out when they went partying together.
Chris would find out, 2 things might happen

Chris would be angry
Given. This means Anna lied about being a lesbian, could our hero piece together that she lied in order to be taken off his list of potential sweethearts? Chris would confront Anna about the lie, Anna would cut ties and shed join the ranks of Megan and the MHS girls.

~~or~~

Chris forgot Anna is a lesbian or is too stupid to realize she lied about it
In which case he'd post on Facebook how happy he is for them (a fake happiness mind you), simultaneously asking others for pity.
 
Chris would be sent to those "boot camps" troubled teens on the Sally Jesse Raphael show went to.

He'd be all hmm yeah-ing at all of the teeny bopper skanks.

The only boyfriend Anna could get would be attached to a gaming console.

Might explain why she likes Call of Duty so much. She puts in the disc, sets the controller to vibrate, and puts it on her crotch.
 
BALLZ-BROKEN powiedział(a):
The only boyfriend Anna could get would be attached to a gaming console.

Might explain why she likes Call of Duty so much. She puts in the disc, sets the controller to vibrate, and puts it on her crotch.
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You just described my weekends AUGH YEAH
 
At least in U.S. Marine Corps boot camp, he would be weeded out within a week. That long only because the drill instructors really try to work with what they have and the paperwork to kick someone out ("good of service discharge", meaning the military is better off not having you) takes a couple days. When I was in about 30-40% did not make it through boot camp, and these were people with much fewer issues than Chris. Assuming he even made it through the screening to get to boot camp, those few days would be hell on earth for him. Real physical labor/exercise, strict discipline, studying, close inspection of clothing and hygiene, no vidya, no TV, showering with other men, cleaning the barracks, no sympathy, no ass-pats.

There was also a special platoon for overweight and/or weak recruits. They would do pretty much nothing but physical training (running, exercise, weights) and were on strict diets, and the time spent there until they lost enough weight/gained strength to pass the requirements did not count as part of the basic training! After getting out of the fatty platoon, they would be allowed to join a regular platoon and do their boot camp basic training. So if Chris didn't get kicked out right away for some reason, that would be his fate. But he'd be the healthiest he's ever been in his entire life, and probably realize the shit he whines about currently is nothing after having experienced some real stress.

Of course, the military wouldn't want Chris, the only way he would have gone to a boot camp is if he had been arrested when he was younger and sent to one of those prison boot camps that try to reform young offenders.
 
Maybe if Anna got a boyfriend Chris would be convinced lesbians can be "converted" and the Love Quest would begin again in full force.
 
He already believes lesbians can be converted and that he has the ability to turn them straight. [cwc]Jackie E-mails 25[/cwc]
 
I don't think he'd care that much. He doesn't even put any real effort into replying to her messages - Chris is pretty broken-down right now. He'll obsess over what has already happened but he's not ready to go forward and face new trolling stupid life situations yet.
 
I'd gladly get him a few Red Bull and vodkas. Imagine the lulz.
 
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