Containment What If?

[The Dude]

Re: What if Chris was a real honest to GodBear police office

He'd assume that he's above the law and go kill Snyder, Mary Lee Walsh, that one woman from Walmart, ect.

LLAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!

 

[champthom]

He'd get arrested as it's mostly illegal in certain states or there's limitations like you can't do it on highways and stuff. Chris would ignore that and in any case, he'd probably get arrested.

Plus nobody would pick him up. Not to be an A-Log or anything but if I saw him with a sign saying he needed a ride, I'd automatically think he's one of those hitchhikers that end up being a serial killer or whatever.

Also when his phone, iPod, DS, and PSP run out of battery, he'll wanna go home.

 

[Lucrid]

Chris on the open road, full drag Tomgirl, thumb in the air, My Little Pony backpack slung over his shoulder...maybe even hiking up his skirt to show some thigh. Discuss.

I'm pretty sure everyone would assume he was a gay prostitute.
Which is a total lie, he's not a prostitute.

If he were doing the full drag Tomgirl with makeup and everything (especially if it were one of his revealing outfits like the one with the blue sleeveless top and the thong), then yeah, definitely gay prostitute. But with his currently toned down Tomgirl look he'd probably resemble either a homeless man or an incredibly dirty hipster.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Also when his phone, iPod, DS, and PSP run out of battery, he'll wanna go home.

I kind of see him as the type to bring his chargers everywhere with him and just plug in at McD's and loiter a few hours to recharge. In fact, I wonder if that contributed to any of his bannings.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Crooked or not, it would actually be an improvement on Son-Chu. Of course, the money saved by making your own spoiler out of cheap lumber could be used for a regular tune-up...oh wait, there's vidya to be bought.

how the hell is the an improvement?

Because Son-Chu is a fucking wreck, no doubt. Absolutely no maintenance whatsoever has been done to it since 1993.

& that's why its dead now, its so dead it doesn't even live in Chris' yard anymore.

Could you imagine if he pimped out his Cadillac?

 

[Duke Nukem]

& that's why its dead now, its so dead it doesn't even live in Chris' yard anymore.

Could you imagine if he pimped out his Cadillac?

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OH GODJESUS NO

 

[SodomyRocket]

& that's why its dead now, its so dead it doesn't even live in Chris' yard anymore.

Could you imagine if he pimped out his Cadillac?

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OH GODJESUS NO

You know the Cadillac emblem has the same color scheme as Chris's clown shirts.

 

[Duke Nukem]

You know the Cadillac emblem has the same color scheme as Chris's clown shirts.

How did I not notice that before?

 

[SlowInTheMinds]

Obviously he'd respond with the usual "oh im sorry my life is also bad thanks to the DIRTY DANG TROLLS causing me stress" line, but what would you think?

 

[Watcher]

He'd say a lot of "Yeah... mmmkay"

Like if the call was

"911. Some guy's chasin' me. Oh god"

"yeah... mmmkay... can I get yur address?"

"Oh god he's right behind me.... Uhh 1 2 4... 9 44th street"

"yeah... mmkay.. uhh..."

He'd get fired pretty much instantly. He's too slow.

Not to mention he'd have to talk to men and work with jerkops

 

[Pinhead]

CWC: -audible sigh- "Hello dere, dis is uh... 991. I mean 911. Can I take your ord- I uh- what seems to be the trouble?"
Woman: "There's an Axe Murderer in my house!"
CWC: -gasp- "Damn trolls trying to murder all de Atse! That is a CRIME. Atse is for STRAIGHT MALES and any murderer who says odderwise..uh... says odderwise."
Woman: "Can you get someone here right away? I need help, now!"
CWC: "Mmyeah. I feel ya, I feel ya. I'll send in police, I'll send in detectives, y'know. Until dey get dere, uhh, how about you tell me a bit about yourself?"
Woman: "Is this even 911?"
CWC: "Huhuh, 911. Dat reminds me of de time I got de uh.. DARK ARBOK CARD."

-Bloodcurdling scream-

CWC: "Hello? Are you dere?...Hello?.... -sigh- Failed on my damn lovequest AGAIN. What do you think, Officer Sonichu?"

 

[Some JERK]

Lawsuits.

 

[Pinhead]

Lawsuits.

I imagined Chris saying "Lawsuits" in the same intonation as he said "Cakefarts".

 

[Sakamoto]

CWC: Hello? Umm, this is 911.

Caller: HELP! MY BABY IS ON FIRE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

CWC: Your emergency has been reported fully, and your thoughts have been inputed and accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts.

 

[CatParty]

Cwc: mmyeah 911

Caller: JULAY

 

[Henry Bemis]

No better place to hit on the ladies in his inimitable style.

Lord forbid he responds to a call regarding a sex crime.

 

[Bridechu]

I'm reminded of the operator who hung up on a young girl whose mother was having a heart attack because she swore.

"Dat's, uh, not app-pro-pri-ate language f-for a young, for a young laaay-deee. I'm gonna take mah lunch now,"

 

[Pikonic]

I'd pick him up out of the kindness of my heart. The niceness ends if/when he shits in my car.

CWC: 911
Caller: help my house is being robbed!!
CWC: Hmmm, yeah. I got some stress too. Try having your reputation dragged through the muck for the past greater than five years.
Caller:.....There's people in my house, arnt you sending help??
CWC: ok whatever troll
*click*

 

[The Dude]

There is no way Chris could manage being a father. The novelty would wear off very quickly and he would be overwhelmed in short order. He would be neglectful because he is 100% self centered. Barb would be doing all the parenting. I could honestly see him getting frustrated because the baby won't stop crying and shaking the baby. The baby would constantly be sitting in its own filth (like daddy like baby) and would never get fed. Chris would bitch on Facebook about having to spend tugboat on diapers and formula and how he never gets time to play vidya. The best thing to ever happen to any child Chris could spawn would be either staying with the mom and never seeing Chris or adoption.

 

[cypocryphy]

Michael Snyder stops to give him a ride.