The NFL Thread - Root for your favorite team (or laugh at the Steelers, whichever's easier)

[VasonJoorhees]

How the hell does a 16 year old even know who Riverboat Ron and that foot fetishist are? For anyone who doesn't know, Rex Ryan and his wife make foot fetish porn.

HOLY SHIT! I didn't know he literally brought it up on ESPN yesterday. What an absolute fucking degen.

Thanks for reminding me of that shit




FUCK THE 49ERS!!

 

[Drama Fan]

49ers put up way more of a fight than I expected. I am worried Shanahan is going to just take their kicker out behind the stadium and Ol' Yeller him though.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

>Joe Buck glazing the 49ers all game
>good play calling is missed coverage
>game is worth “nothing”

Nigga, the Lions have a mentality. The game is worth something because of last year.

The bigger retardation from Buck that Gibbs escaped from the city with the Chaos emeralds.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

>Joe Buck glazing the 49ers all game
>good play calling is missed coverage
>game is worth “nothing”

Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are the TBI broadcast. I don't know that Joe Buck has had multiple concussions, but if he hasn't that just makes it more embarrassing.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

I love Bates, but this is so goofy.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Wyświetl załącznik 6804251

It is a Shanahan team. Did you expect anything less than a blown lead?

 

[Count Grishnackh]

Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are the TBI broadcast. I don't know that Joe Buck has had multiple concussions, but if he hasn't that just makes it more embarrassing.

Did you ever hear Troy Aikman in the broadcast booth his first couple of years? He was super sluggish, and out of it. He did have to retire early, due to concussions.

 

[break these cuffs]

Free my nigga Shane Steichen.

I retract my statement. That organization is a dumpster fire all the way through.

 

[Hunter Hearst Helmsley]

The Pop Tarts Bowl is a national icon, fuck you!

College football has been dead since it changed from the Blockbuster Bowl.

 

[Count Grishnackh]

Stick a fork in him!

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/43239240/sources-cowboys-cut-rb-ezekiel-elliott-second

 

[Hunter Hearst Helmsley]

He can backup Saquon Barkley for the playoffs.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

Stick a fork in him!

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/43239240/sources-cowboys-cut-rb-ezekiel-elliott-second

The one 29 year old former All-Pro RB not having a banger season is getting cut... checks notes... so he can make an appearance in the postseason. Sure.

 

[Zaryiu2]

I assume Jerry boy is senile enough to keep Mccarthy around unless he needs someone to throw under the bus

 

[Gay Communist Gun Club]

Stick a fork in him!

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/43239240/sources-cowboys-cut-rb-ezekiel-elliott-second

He apparently was missing a bunch of meetings to the extent that he got deactivated for a game in November. I have no idea why they kept him this long or why any winning team would want him.

 

[AllieKat]

He apparently was missing a bunch of meetings to the extent that he got deactivated for a game in November. I have no idea why they kept him this long or why any winning team would want him.

He's always been extra niggerish

 

[Electric Mortar & Pestle]

He's always been extra niggerish

If you are known for being a douche at THE Ohio State, you are a mega douche.

 

[AllieKat]

If you are known for being a douche at THE Ohio State, you are a mega douche.

The fact people have nicer things to say about Maurice "I'm gonna go get my goose on" Clarett is telling.

 

[Iron Hamster]

due to concussions.

I'm shocked he doesn't have CTE yet.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

In the spirit of shitposting in general and since there's technically no better thread for this I want to share that Jon Bois' Pretty Good's Kadarius Toney Fanclub has released in full.

While Jon Bois is unlikely to be a stranger to the fine denizens of this thread (as I did namedrop him in the YouTube history thread) I want to remind you of some of his greatest hits for the benefit of those that may not know him.

• One of the big names at SB Nation, a sports media network that used to work under Vox Media but was sacrificed. Their YouTube channel re-branded to Secret Base and they run a Patreon.
• Jon used to be nepotistic enough to only name Madden made-up players after fellow Vox employees rather than his fans.
• He is mainly a writer known for 17776 (a story about how football evolves as humanity's main entertainment after they have solved every problem ever), the Tim Tebow Chronicles (how God's QB leads the CFL's Toronto Argonauts through one unending drive) and Pretty Good (a show about stories that are pretty good).
• A generation of YouTubers copied his style of using 3D graphics on Google Earth and metaphor usage.

Now for the actual fun stuff.

• Jon did a video on a discussion from a lifting board and pontificated about the use of the word 'retard' before it was cool.
• Jon did a video counting the deaths on 24. He ends the video by saying that America wants to keep being the underdog after 9/11. Known child genital mutilation aficionado hbomberguy shows up in the comments.
• Jon did a video on NFL unions, waxing about how they only bring good. Titled said video Randall Cunningham Seizes the Means of Production.
• That ended up being the last episode of Pretty Good until about 3 weeks ago. Patreon probably isn't doing so good.
• Jon made a mini-series Patreon exclusive about the Reform Party. He now has released half of it for public consumption to entice us to give him money.
• Jon made a video on March Madness that really was capitalism bad by using March Madness' seeding and win probability for his argument. People called him out on that one.
• Jon made a video on why you shouldn't vote almost a decade ago which he ofc retracted.
• Jon did a documentary on MMA with Chapo Trap House's Felix Biederman.
• Jon refers to former MLB pitcher Dave Steib as a 'comrade' for sticking for better wages on the mini-series Captain Ahab, The Story of Dave Steib.
• The greatest success since the Secret Base re-brand was History of the Seattle Mariners, so Jon and friends decided to try and replicate it. First they made History of the Atlanta Falcons, where it becomes clear by episode two they want to talk about tangents related to the team rather than football like Left Eye Lopes (who dated a Falcon player); however shit gets derrailed by Part 5, when the gang uses Madden to glaze Michael Vick and producer Joe Ali* proceeds to perform mental gymnastics to claim Michael Vick wasn't at fault for getting involved in dog fighting. The final episode, centred on Super Bowl LI, ofc has mentions to the Patriots winning also being a victory for Trump (it was even included in the trailer you moron).
• The second attempt, History of the Minnesota Vikings, was only hijacked in the last episode when Jon dedicates a considerable segment to talk about Teddy Bridgewater just because he attended Louisville and ofc the George Floyd riots.
• The Kadarius Toney Fanclub entries to Pretty Good were made around May of this year and considering how KT did this year they couldn't have showed up at a more appropriate time.

Jon is a massively influential person. He has even influenced me and I still watch his stuff. But he is an idiot half the time and he can agree with me on that. If you read this with his voice you may gather why.

*Joe Ali only shows up in History of the Atlanta Falcons because he is a fan. In the series he recounts a story he had already shared in a different series for SB Nation, about using a bright orange shirt right after the Falcons lost Super Bowl XXXIII. He tells this same story with two completely different accents.

Autism dedicated to @Señora Airi.

 

[Absolutego]

In the spirit of shitposting in general and since there's technically no better thread for this I want to share that Jon Bois' Pretty Good's Kadarius Toney Fanclub has released in full.

I have enjoyed a great many Jon Bois videos but even by his standards this one was tedious
History of the Mariners/Vikings this ain't
To say nothing of the Lonnie Smith video