Talk to Phil thread - Hey Phil I know you read the farms so...

[millais]

Hullo hullo and welcome to schtreem thread

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Herro Phir, what's the deal with the "chicky chang wang" routine? Did the Koreans keep beating you at StarCraft back in the day or something?

Though given all the recent shit coming out, I have to say congrats on being one of the less creepy people in the fighting game community.

Nah, it was the Japs who kept beating him at fighting games back in the day.

 

[Dustlord]

What was the point that you started getting burned out? Your videos were never great, but you seemed to enjoy games more when you started.

 

[strandedcastaway]

Phil, when you talk to your parents, do you have normal conversations, like how are you feeling, what have you been doing, how 'bout this coronavirus, man the weather this year! Or do you talk to them like you do on stream using words like "detractors" and calling your cat your son?

 

[Full Race Replay]

Hey Phil, here's a secret. Twitch really needs people like you. If you threaten to leave and deactivate your twitch account they'll come crawling back with a better contract. That'll help you on your quest for retirement.

 

[Least Concern]

Keep dabbin' on the haters, Phil. You got a thing and it's working for you; I'm not a huge fan, but you're more entertaining to watch than Pokimane and the like, anyway. And you seem to be goddamn Teflon as far as the courts are concerned. So keep on livin' the life. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

And let Nick Rekieta on your show! He might crack a joke or two at your expense now and then, but your skin is thick enough to handle it, right?

 

[Xenomorph]

Phil when will you admit your Father barely speaks to you over how much of a fuck up you are? Why do you hide behind your Mother like a child?

 

[Pargon]

Phil, will there ever be a point that you finally admit to yourself and the world that the split between you and John Rambo was and remains the greatest regret of your life?

I've seen Farmers do miracles in tracking people down, Phil. We can put you back in touch with him. All you gotta do is ask. Hell, if there's a bounty for it, I'll pay it. You've done some fucked up stuff but you should at least make an attempt at being happy before you die.

 

[Draza]

Why did you declawed Jasper?

 

[Chongqing]

I think you should fix your voice.

 

[Wurstbrot]

Hey Phil,

how come hundreds of detractors are constantly wrong about you, but when a single one of us fit in your agenda we're suddenly right? Why do you trust these few but the rest talks ass when they verbally repeat what you literally do and say?

(Like our finding in the stolen emote saga and the ancient debunk of the catfish escort)

Why are we a stupid hivemind who don't realize how nice and pahsitive you are, how you absolutely do not scam your audience, how you're not toxic and how you changed dramatically over time; but we are on point when "we" uncover an illegal action against you?

Use the phrase "Now let's put the sausage on the sandwich" when you answer that so I can find it with PigPigGo, I don't think you can pronounce Wurstbrot.

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

Nah, it was the Japs who kept beating him at fighting games back in the day.

He's usually weirdly nice about the Nips though, he saves it all for the Chinese and Koreans for some reason. Even though the R/L stereotype is only really a Jap thing, he only ever does it about other Asians. Velly mystelious.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

In regards to the WWE Champions meme that I know you hate, Phil, if you really want it to go away, you have two options:

1) Show your phone [you've proven that you will, and that you have been lying about why you can't].
2) Tell everybody what expense you haven't been honest about until now.

I'm serious. If we're wrong about you being a mobile gaming addict, so be it, but we're not wrong about there being something you spend money on that you don't tell the world about, including the people you keep guilt-tripping into tipping you for "bills". You know your bills are less than what they used to be, there is nothing in your world that we're aware of that can suck up all that vest streak money. It is mathematically impossible for you to NOT be hiding something, and with everything else we know about you, Phil, a mobile gaming addiction fits quite nicely. But I will entertain an alternative if you at least offer it.

What do you have to lose? Being known as a gacha fiend is worse than whatever it really is, if we're indeed wrong about that. I guarantee it.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

Phil, you're bankrupt.

 

[Paranoia Machine]

Phil, why do you look like a thumb with facial features and thinning hair?

 

[A Witty Name]

There's a permanent solution to post nasal drip and you can claim it as a business expense.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Phil, Phil, I love you. I don't love you in a conventional way, more in the twisted way an abuser might love their abuse victim, but it's still a form of love regardless. I've drunkenly watched a good 70 hours of TIHYDPs at this point, I've fallen asleep to them, and that wouldn't be possible without you, even if your value to me is unintentional. I know you read Kiwi Farms, you can claim other people tell you about it all you want but we all know you read this stuff, so Phil, keep being Phil. Keep being your bizarre autistic insecure self. I'm a pretty miserable dude, and watching a middle aged man's abject terror in the face of the affection of cute innocent virtual waifus is some of the purest bliss I've experienced in a long time.

Don't ever consider necking yourself. However, if you ever decided to have a cage fight with WingsOfRedemption I would legitimately pay not more than $200 to see that, and that's a lot of money for me. I figure you're faster and have much greater stamina but Wings is more aggressive and much heavier, so you could probably wear him out but if he got ahold of you he'd be able to get a bodyslam in and they'd have to scrape your remains off the ring into a ziploc bag, so it would be a pretty even match.

Much love,
Uberpenguin

 

[Prince Lotor]

Phil, you haven't done 1 single pushup in well over a decade, possibly not since you were forced to do them in public school.

Your wobbly man-boobs have become full-on sad runny-egg tits.

You are more in need of a bra than your wife.

 

[TVB]

Hiya Phil, how's it goin'?

I just wanna know, will you be able to come by EVO 2021 for your Street Fighter tournament (originally this year to make way for your 15th anniversary, but delayed til next year due to corona-chan)?

 

[Harvester of Shekels]

Hiya Phil,

Been watching you since 2018, and I just a have a tiny question that I'd like answered with ahnesty and no bullshet.

Why ARE you tahxic?

Sincerely,
The Shekel Harvester