random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

Why sacrifice your precious time and resources when you could be spending that time gooning?

I know that we bestow many Almost-Getting-It Awards here, but can we commission a special casting of a Actually-Got-It-Then-Threw-It-Away Medal? Just this once?

Ooooh! A new racist epithet just dropped.

I mean, some little shit at the park just yesterday stuck his tongue out* at me, and while I was, of course, tempted to crucify him onto the play-structure as a warning to the other disrespectful brats for his crime of lèse-majesté against this august Lord Of Shit, but... meh. He's only eight, and I am a merciful Shit Lord.

*Such an anachronistic gesture kinda came off as oddly charming, in fact. I mean, what kid sticks out his tongue at people outside of Disney movies?

Edit: They have reached new lows previously thought impossible. Is there any limit to the dumbassery? Probably not.

There's so many jokes that I can make about this and it's all related to the atomic bomb.

I'm a male, my passions in life are eating meat and having erections!

 

[pro drivor]

One of my favorite scenes ever is from the background of a gangbang, because of how few men sign up there are quite a few straight4pay types and at one point a guy gets so turned on waiting for his turn he grabs the ass of the nearest dude and tries to finger it and the other guy loses his shit and it grinds everything to a halt its hilarious. they even have a guy shouting off screen "what the fuck was that!" just because it comes out of nowhere and is literally the best part of the entire industry.

post your most niche faps

it takes everything I have to not just start banning you ungrateful freaks



"why isn't null up at EIGHT IN THE FUCKING MORNING deleting posts I DIDN'T EVEN REPORT??????????" idk why aren't you eating shit on all fours like a fucking animal you troglodyte gremlin

@Lurker

STOP REPLYING TO POSTS THAT I HAVE TO DELETE SO I ALSO HAVE TO DELETE YOUR FUCKING POSTS TOO.

"WE HAVE TO WARN OUR BROTHERS! ALL WOMEN ARE GAY!"

[Please don't answer that -- I don't want to know the detailed masturbatory habits of strangers. I'm just surprised to read that every one of someone's self love experiences has required external visual assistance.]

@Null porn

 

[indomitable snowman]

Niggers think this is an artisanal, organic, hand-crafted forum hosted from Null's basement, on servers made from humanely harvested, conflict-free minerals.

A random factoid, if you really hate someone plant some running bamboo when they leave for vacation for a few days.

 

[assigned Karen at birth]

Lawyers deal with black people every day. It doesn't faze them.

"Silicone baby for the butt" is true

Love from Uzbekistan I hate women so much it is unreal

you gotta just saddle up to that hole and suck whatever comes out, and if you're wearing a skirt it makes you a girl
wait, what are we talking about?

bitch i can lift 153 kilos and i am a midget, and i can crack open pecan nuts and small rocks with just my bite alone (if a rock is smaller than my jawbone, i can crush it) (been strength-training my jaws, cuz i might be caught without a weapon and need to maul someone)

ive been training for years to beat up a chimp
ive been play-wrestling with a donkey from time to time

The burden of proof of penis theft is with the accuser, not the accused. Those who make allegations of magical penis theft violate the law.

 

[a kiwifarms user]

Maybe tumblr has its own dedicated greenhouse to grow ASCII fruits.

 

[Chromeo]

is that an anus or a sandworm

I've jerked off to every single post in this thread. Please try to post slower, I'm in incredible pain.

AIDS?
I bet it's AIDS.

They have fried chicken caramel ice cream and nobody told me?

 

[Autistic Joe]

Didn't expect Ted Kaczynski in toddler's nursery rhyme book

 

[xXx_Smartest Retard_xXx]

She...upon her adrenaline she does physically harm to me...

7.15

Just lost my fianceé, my best friend, and my entire friend group in 24 hours

https://nitter.net/ChibiReviews/status/2022050948563243068#m

 

[Harm]

Please forward this email to your managers, supervisors, examiners, and anyone else involved in this decision tree.

 

[Among Us Gaming]

I have long held that fujos want no niggers in their yaoi,

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Maybe only once in my life have I ever seriously considered raping someone and even then it was because I thought it would be funny

 

[Autistic Joe]

"I have declared a fatwa on any leader that disrespect my people, is one of the best fatwas ever made, the greatest, only America knows how to wage yihad like that, Mamdami wishes he was as holy as i am, some Arab leaders told me "But Donald, you are not Muslim, you cannot declare a Fatwa!" and i said "well, you can discuss that with allah when the American Military might send you there"

 

[Plantation Barbie]

Having your frail stinky weepy husband make his 4th apology video in one room while you clap your greasy unwiped ass at super sonic speeds in the next is a wild existence.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

you just know some faggot would take all the meat chunks and dump a shit load of thistle in it. "erm akshully m'lord thistle is edible".

 

[Aunt Carol]

“Something soft in me that refuses to die” sounds like untreated, internal parasites.

This goes without saying, but do not ingest Saudi funded Garfield themed supplement strips.

I said something to the effect of "Imagine you wake up tomorrow with your sex drive completely gone and your dick useless" and without the slightest hesitation he said "I'd build a bomb."

Also binders aren't banned in Bulgaria lmao

Confirmed: Jake's obesity is more powerful than Mounjaro.

If everyone has a magical orb in their pockets that tells them they are the opposite gender, the most important thing they should do is smash it.

I forgot about these guys, my brain I guess categorized them under 'gigantic fags.'

Sis, this comes from a place of love: your family should tie you up, chuck you in the basement and deprive you of Internet for a year.

Suck it, cis women, you can stop gloating about your exclusive ability to transmit mitochondrial DNA. I was so fucking tired of hearing about that day in and day out at the office.

I know more about this dudes feces than my own and im not happy about that!

Oh? I thought you DID grow prostates?

 

[Oliver Onions]

was caught mixing tuna and mayonnaise with his bare hands

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Always meme responsibly because meme magic is rael.

If the police aren't willing or able to effectively enforce the statutory authority of the State to bust illegal fruit stands, the duty devolves to the people who create the State, no?

On the one hand it might be nice to live life as a man not making terrible decisions based on the whims of your dick leading you into crazy, but on the other hand that's pretty much essential to the Male Experience™.

I make it a point to request copies of the Turner Diaries from public libraries. Worth it every time.

Jesus did I just turn a commie dyke straight, or is this like Fight Club where I wake up and realize I was a woman these whole 4 decades even during that time I had priapism and had to have blood drained out with a needle?

I thought you guys were supposed to be subtle though. Nothing subtle about stealing a man's dick.

It’s not too late. Literally every second of every day provides a new opportunity for you to kill yourself. Take advantage.

 

[ScarletDevil]

The ultimate redpill for chili

 

[sodaboard]

Maybe only once in my life have I ever seriously considered raping someone and even then it was because I thought it would be funny, after it was done, to trick her into looking at my hand making the sign and saying GOT EM

 

[Cun75p4rkl35]

I'd rather beat off to women then beat women, twu.

We go from "Oh she doesn't hate me, to oh she's a pretty cool friend, to OH LUV I THINK, MAH HEART, LET ME HEAR YOUR'RE HEART BEAT, WHAT IS LOVE, I LOVE HER." in the SPAN OF THREE DAYS. Can this LIZARD NIGGA calm down. I am going to draw Kris and Berdly committing an incel columbine now.