Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[Sigmahat]

At least in the US, the railroad companies have absolutely godawful labor regulations, and I'm not a "go to work with Norovirus" person. No trains for me.

 

[Gaussiana]

Hi.
I'm a female autist diagnosed in childhood.
Recently I started my first "real" job outside of academia (where I was allowed to go inside a cubicle alone and code all day). It's a corporate tech job which I was able to get because I'm genuinely spergy about some tech/stem topics and I look good enough on paper + was able to not screw up the interviews. I'm not the genius savant type whatsoever, and my social deficits aren't proportionally compensated by my technical skills.

If any of you have insight/advice it would be greatly appreciated because I don't want to live off tardbux for the rest of my life.

Spoiler: I have no mouth and I must scream

I'm now starting to understand why autists have a huge unemployment rate. Basically, it's the complex social dynamics and expectations of the office. My coworkers are all male, so right off the bat I stand out. Still, I feel like it kind of messes with them or amuses them that I'm a woman that acts, well, like an autist. Often they'll either chuckle to themselves or act very surprised after I say something which I felt was totally normal, as if I had said something outrageous or weird. Some of them are also obviously competing with each other and having (to me) retarded arbitrary personal feuds. Personally I don't feel the need to compete because being promoted to manager or whatever seems like a punishment not a reward no matter how better the pay is. The office environment is obviously not autistic friendly and I often have trouble focusing, so right now I just feel like a tard on all fronts.

I am trying pretty hard to mask my more tard traits like hand/body movements, commenting on the fluorescent lights/levels of noise and being too direct, which is exhausting. I'm questioning if I should just go full sperg and ignore all but the most basic and obvious of social expectations, because that's what I may need to actually be competent at my job without going insane, or if there's a middle way of masking just enough where things kind of work and I don't get fired, taken advantage of etc. and I also don't go insane or burn out.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

I started working in mental health recently and have discovered a lot of different flavors of female autism. It's been said, but female autists generally mask better. There are exceptions - one is about mid-functioning, very sweet and friendly, but has a very noticeable speech impediment that makes her sound, well, retarded. For an autist, she is extremely social and has kind of latched on to me, which is really heartwarming, actually? If not for her general awkwardness and stereotypically autistic behavior (specific special interests, awkward speech patterns, repeating the same jokes word for word every time I see her), I would have thought she had some other thing going on.

Another young lady I know is higher functioning, but has a very flat affect and is prone to anger and antisocial behavior. I initially thought she was "normal" with a shitty personality, but then I saw the autism puzzle piece tattooed on her arm. I wouldn't have known otherwise. (She has also latched on to me. I'm apparently catnip for autists.)

TL;DR autism manifests differently in women and often mimics other mental/neurological disorders.

 

[Super Guido]

I am trying pretty hard to mask my more tard traits like hand/body movements, commenting on the fluorescent lights/levels of noise and being too direct, which is exhausting. I'm questioning if I should just go full sperg and ignore all but the most basic and obvious of social expectations, because that's what I may need to actually be competent at my job without going insane, or if there's a middle way of masking just enough where things kind of work and I don't get fired, taken advantage of etc. and I also don't go insane or burn out.

You might want to get a feel for how direct your peers are, because I could see that being a problem depending on the office culture. For the light and noise level, depends how you bring it up. If you can do it in a way that seems like a conversation and not complaining, it might not be a huge deal.

 

[Froggy Fresh Sextape]

Another young lady I know is higher functioning, but has a very flat affect and is prone to anger and antisocial behavior. I initially thought she was "normal" with a shitty personality, but then I saw the autism puzzle piece tattooed on her arm. I wouldn't have known otherwise. (She has also latched on to me. I'm apparently catnip for autists.)

You can be autistic and also be an asshole. Or have ASPD. Or BPD. Or schizophrenia. Or bipolar.

It's not like autism excludes you from other diagnoses. You will certainly run into some fun patients.

 

[AnOminous]

I am trying pretty hard to mask my more tard traits like hand/body movements, commenting on the fluorescent lights/levels of noise and being too direct, which is exhausting.

ADHD here and not autism, but I always found fluorescent lights, especially those tube ones, to be distracting and disgusting. I remember someone looking at me like I was crazy when I complained about the buzzing sound they make. Turns out nobody else even noticed it.

Now I feel like if I were the only white man in the world who could hear the chirping ceiling birds.

Never encountered anyone else who had this particular issue with those horrible lights.

 

[Carnavoyeur]

ADHD here and not autism, but I always found fluorescent lights, especially those tube ones, to be distracting and disgusting. I remember someone looking at me like I was crazy when I complained about the buzzing sound they make. Turns out nobody else even noticed it.

Now I feel like if I were the only white man in the world who could hear the chirping ceiling birds.

Never encountered anyone else who had this particular issue with those horrible lights.

I guess some people can't hear frequencies like that, and you also lose the ability to hear it as you age. I was always insanely bothered by the sound of CRTs. I once asked one of the people in the security office at my old job if the sound of the security camera monitors annoys them and they were like "what sound?" It was like 10-15 monitors buzzing like a swarm of bees to me, I could even hear it just passing by the door even when it was closed.

 

[Perun]

commenting on the fluorescent lights/levels of noise and being too direct, which is exhausting. I

you need to get yourself some special glasses with the right filter colour, in "Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome" they mentioned some brand of glasses but unfortunately I can't remember it now, and they had various filters for various issues, and helping one thing often helped another symptom, like someone getting them for annoying lights then had better depth perception, reduced migraines, etc i need to look up what they were cause my driving could use better depth perception. The best thing obviously would be if you could do your job from home where you control the environment. If your job allows to be done from home, maybe after a while you could bring it up if they claim to offer support for autisitcs. This is medical info so they aren't allowed to disclose it to others but I know people are retarded and do it anyway... so depends how concerned you are with people knowing. Sometimes it's okay if people know, so they don't put your social mistakes down to maliciousness but autism, but many people are retarded about autism so they might anyway.

kinda off topic but the book also mentioned this squeezing machine they had for autists to get full body compression and it sounded amazing, child me was crawling under everything to get compressed. I just want to be squeezed to death man where can i get the autist squashing machine.

Another young lady I know is higher functioning, but has a very flat affect and is prone to anger and antisocial behavior. I initially thought she was "normal" with a shitty personality, but then I saw the autism puzzle piece tattooed on her arm. I wouldn't have known otherwise. (She has also latched on to me. I'm apparently catnip for autists.)

TL;DR autism manifests differently in women and often mimics other mental/neurological disorders.

I turn into a dick when I have sensory issues/overstimulated. I visit my family for no more than 3 hours at a time otherwise i will start snapping at everything because after that time the sensory issues get to be too much. The autism manifests slightly differently because we are female but repeating the autism is different in women line in popular with autism fakes online that don't meet any of the diagnostic criteria. It's not that different, we still have the same problems, but how they are expressed is different. The autism fakers try to claim not meeting any diagnostic criteria is fine because they have female autism and the diag criteria are just sexist. I've never met an autist that genuinely masked all that well, or at least not for prolonged times, they all have a limit of a few hours too until it gets too much. They can act in a way that meets social norms and fit in the conversation if they have run through the scenario and figured out how to act in a given situation, what to say in a situation etc, but you can't prepare for everything, and the constant anxiety of trying to not fuck up the interaction, act normal etc is exhausting, so doing it all the time is too much. You'll burn out pretty quick.

I know there are autism fakers that get diagnosed and go to various autism groups, the people on that one subrredit that doesn't allow self dx people complained about them, that they can no longer go to these meets because they are full on neurotypical people that criticize them for autistic traits and form cliques and exclude the actual autists, I can't wait until it stops being fashionable to pretend to be retarded, this shit is going to do real damage to actual autists because people are already disregarding the support needs a sperg might need because they saw on tiktok that autistics don't have those problems/they're not that bad, and you have real proffessionals that are tiktok brained too watching that crap and diagnosing them, and then there is the shitty online psychs that will diagnose you with anything you want if you pay them.

 

[Froggy Fresh Sextape]

I've never met an autist that genuinely masked all that well, or at least not for prolonged times,

Yeah, it's why I never liked the term masking. I can tell almost immediately, but also I work in medicine. People who aren't familiar with autism symptoms might just think you're weird.

To be honest though if they treat you poorly because of it that's on them though. It's not like you can help it.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

I learned to act confident enough that people interpret my autism as charming.

 

[NoReturn]

you need to get yourself some special glasses with the right filter colour, in "Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome" they mentioned some brand of glasses but unfortunately I can't remember it now

FL-41 tinted lenses?
Pink lenses?

kinda off topic but the book also mentioned this squeezing machine they had for autists to get full body compression and it sounded amazing, child me was crawling under everything to get compressed. I just want to be squeezed to death man where can i get the autist squashing machine.

In the Temple Grandin film they show her using the cattle restrainer to calm herself down, and how she tried to make a version for herself. It also shows the horror and discomfort of being misunderstood about something that strange very well. (Please forgive the tiktok version, but this is the fastest version I could grab).

1:57

Now, though, we have weighted blankets. I recommend them.

 

[glass_houses]

I hate being squished. Even a weighted blanket is unbearable to me. I just feel trapped and helpless and vulnerable. I don't understand why so many people find it comforting.

 

[NoReturn]

I hate being squished. Even a weighted blanket is unbearable to me. I just feel trapped and helpless and vulnerable. I don't understand why so many people find it comforting.

Deep pressure. It has to do with the type of signal you're receiving.
On a side note, did you know gingers (and some brunettes who carry the ginger gene) feel different types of pain differently than the people who don't have that gene? So things like needle pricks, cat scratches, stings, etc. are less painful, but they're more sensitive to heat pain.
I imagine that's probably a factor in all this as well. Autism affects how you process the world, so your sense of touch would be included.

 

[Chromeo]

I hate being squished. Even a weighted blanket is unbearable to me. I just feel trapped and helpless and vulnerable. I don't understand why so many people find it comforting.

I'm not a fan of it either, but I'm always hot. Weighted blankets feel like being put in a microwave. I'm the only person I know like this, and even guys in the 400s of lbs aren't as hot as I am. I used to jump at the opportunity to go into the walk-in fridge when I worked at a grocery store, and I was the only one who would spend ages in there without a coat because I just crave the cold.
You know what other "sensory" thing bugs me? ASMR. Little whispery, squelchy, talky noises and touching the microphones make me want to rip my ears off. I HATE when people put ASMR noises in things without saying it, like a funny video or song or something, because it does the opposite of relax me. I don't want to be one of those SJW fags who needs trigger warnings, but goddamn they should put warnings on that shit.

 

[Carnavoyeur]

I'm not a fan of it either, but I'm always hot. Weighted blankets feel like being put in a microwave. I'm the only person I know like this, and even guys in the 400s of lbs aren't as hot as I am. I used to jump at the opportunity to go into the walk-in fridge when I worked at a grocery store, and I was the only one who would spend ages in there without a coat because I just crave the cold.
You know what other "sensory" thing bugs me? ASMR. Little whispery, squelchy, talky noises and touching the microphones make me want to rip my ears off. I HATE when people put ASMR noises in things without saying it, like a funny video or song or something, because it does the opposite of relax me. I don't want to be one of those SJW fags who needs trigger warnings, but goddamn they should put warnings on that shit.

I am so over ASMR being in everything, I hate it. I'll have a YouTube video on to fall asleep to and I'll get an ad that's all ASMR sound effects and it completely wakes me up and grosses me out. So annoying.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

I'm not a fan of it either, but I'm always hot. Weighted blankets feel like being put in a microwave. I'm the only person I know like this, and even guys in the 400s of lbs aren't as hot as I am. I used to jump at the opportunity to go into the walk-in fridge when I worked at a grocery store, and I was the only one who would spend ages in there without a coat because I just crave the cold.
You know what other "sensory" thing bugs me? ASMR. Little whispery, squelchy, talky noises and touching the microphones make me want to rip my ears off. I HATE when people put ASMR noises in things without saying it, like a funny video or song or something, because it does the opposite of relax me. I don't want to be one of those SJW fags who needs trigger warnings, but goddamn they should put warnings on that shit.

I got the impression that at least the basic Ikea ones aren't any warm, they feel more like cooling. It's mostly the plastic balls and very little insulation inside a plain cotton cloth. I use it on top of a normal blanket
But I can imagine those with velvety, unbreathable synthetic outer layer must feel like hell.

 

[netkiwimoongladewave]

If any of you have insight/advice it would be greatly appreciated because I don't want to live off tardbux for the rest of my life.

Every male nerd you work with believes that you are an idiot. Every male nerd you work with wants to have sex with you. You will never be able to tell what is motivating them in any specific interaction. Do not spend any time trying to understand them or their behavior. Do not think you are too autistic to understand their behavior, you are not confused because of your autism, their behavior is simply inexplicable. Do not think they are smarter than you. Do not internalize anything they say or do. You will never earn their respect.

Every non-nerd hates nerds. Nerds are insufferable. Nerds are condescending and smug and think their thing is the only thing that matters. The contempt and disrespect seeps from every word. Every nerd thinks that they are showing great benevolence by allocating the non-nerd some of their precious and coveted brain cycles. Every non-nerd that must interact with a nerd is in a perpetual fugue state, the non-nerd has a visceral hatred for interacting with the nerd but believes they, the non-nerd, must be the problem, they must be stupid because obviously this nerd is a genius and the nerd is simply operating at a level higher than the non-nerd. After all, the nerd is revered, paid absurd money, the nerd must be smart and the non-nerd must be stupid.

Deep in the non-nerd's subconscious swirls confusion. If these nerds are so smart, if the nerds are paid so well, why can't they solve a simple problem? Why can't they deliver what we need? Why can't they explain a concept in terms I can understand? The non-nerd's subconscious knows the answer but dare not let it bubble up and become a thought. The nerds aren't smart, they're just people with a different set of skills, they're not more valuable, they're not beyond reproach... they may even be morons, they may even deliver less value to the business. The thought must never be allowed to escape the non-nerd's subconscious lest the whole house of cards come tumbling down.

Every nerd, whether social savant or spergmaxxer, has a simple path to salvation: be good to the non-nerds. Approach every interaction with a non-nerd as if they are your equal. Respect them. Acknowledge that your intelligence is no more or less than theirs. Advocate for them. You are the bridge, you are the nerd whisperer. You can be sperged to the gills but so long as you listen to the non-nerds you will be treasured, treated by the non-nerds as a biblical figure. You do not need to be a genius, you do not need to be smart, you only need not be insufferable. A well liked autist can sperg about lights and noises and the non-nerds will dim the lights before you arrive to a meeting! Do not be afraid of your non-nerd co-workers thinking you are autistic, in fact, embrace it, be The Little Sperg That Could.

And to make all this autism friendly, as a simple rule: "Yes and..." your non-nerd co-workers. You are their equal, their collaborator, you want to help them achieve their goals. You are their technical shawoman. Take any opportunity to work with anyone who is not a nerd. Involve the non-nerds in decisions. Demystify technology.

Alternatively go work at a big tech company like Google and Microsoft because they are so sperged that the job is a video game with levels and a rubric to follow. Doing good work is secondary to levelling up in big tech.

 

[Girly Games Dot Com]

My autism story is I was diagnosed at 13 just 2 years after my parents got divorced. My specialist was about to diagnose me with Tourette's but realized that Autism has more funding and marked me off as such. I think he noticed that my family was poor and thought mom needed some extra financial help idk. For a while my tic was "The Raped" because I thought it was fun to say but then it stuck.

 

[Google Drive]

ADHD here and not autism, but I always found fluorescent lights, especially those tube ones, to be distracting and disgusting. I remember someone looking at me like I was crazy when I complained about the buzzing sound they make. Turns out nobody else even noticed it.

Now I feel like if I were the only white man in the world who could hear the chirping ceiling birds.

Never encountered anyone else who had this particular issue with those horrible lights.

Autist here, I was born with one of my eyes underdeveloped, and the flourecent lights would always cause the fucked up eye to get "stuck" crosseyed. Had to wear a eyepatch in elementary school like the guy from Dead or Alive

 

[Google Drive]

Wouldn't surprise me at all, especially for women diagnosed at psych wards (where the doctor spends way less time talking to you and usually has preconceived notions about your condition due to the fact that you're at a psych ward), or perhaps when a woman is not seeking treatment of her own accord (e.g. partner or family demands she see a doctor about why she acts the way she does). Double especially if the psychiatrist can only recognize autism as "nerdy socially-clueless white guy disorder" - extra misogyny.

I was in a inpatient program for appox. a week and they attempted to strip my Asperger's DX I've had since 6 years old and replace it with BPD.