Online Dating Grievance Thread - All I need is a toy and any will do

[GGSurvivor]

You are goy cattle and get what you deserve. There is no excuse to be exposed to advertisements online.

It’s only on mobile, I have Adblock on desktop

 

[Osama Bin Laden]

i just hate the sheer amount of trannies on dating apps

 

[Grub]

I've never used them but this article has me convinced they can completely fuck people's brains up and their ability to interact with other humans in a normal way.

 

[dcss]

i just hate the sheer amount of trannies on dating apps

Doesn’t it adjust to the people you’re swiping right on? Anything you want to share?

 

[Mr.Bucket]

With terrible social anxiety + how shitty the dating scene is in general + how terrible the online dating scene is in general I've basically come to the terms that I'm going to die alone at this point.

 

[Beelzebub's Lawyer]

But do real life alternatives have a significantly higher success rate?

For a woman? No.
Women get flooded with options on dating apps.
For a man? Definitely.
A lot of men get rejected by shit like height filters, before a woman can even see them or talk to them.
IRL it's much easier for a man to get with a woman.

Where are you even finding them?

The gym is a good place, lots of nice fit women.
Don't let the social media bullshit fool you.

 

[oldTireWater]

The gym is a good place

Do not go creeping on women at the gym. That's neutral territory.

 

[Skelboen]

I was a mod on OkCupid for ~4 years in their heyday between relationships and it was both hilarious and terrifying. It wasn't a paid job, I was just contacted by the Powers That Be because I was an objectively hot Alpha Male smashing hoes/bros and replying to every message so quickly that giving me free access to everything cut down on their admin costs (or something). It was a weird power that gave me weird lays, or we both got on my phone and witnessed wack shit over a pot of tea. It's not a boast because time catches up to all of us. I unwillingly know the taste of feet and armpits. Everything turns grey or orange, and sags and we all turn into cranky old ugly fat fucks. I even knew and spoke to the Cheese Hat Guy. but:

Biggest struggles were actual catches being hounded by unemployed single parents of 3-5 children from that many partners, who think their spawn count is something to be proud of and send page-long rants to people who are understandably upset about them not disclosing it, and threatening to sue them and shit over a dating app. If you think Karens are bad in real life? Wait till they're in your 35-45 age bracket

 

[Angry Shoes]

It’s only on mobile, I have Adblock on desktop

Delete the app and watch through the website on Brave. No more ads.

That's neutral territory.

Not if you're hot.

 

[Troon Petty and the 41ers]

Honestly they're exhausting to use. Swiping on people, especially if you've got a modicum of standards, is tedious and not fun. I've done fine on them but they're just ... laborious to use. Most conversations on them feel like LinkedIn. I get why a woman would want to know that a strange man they met through the phone is somewhat normal, but someone directly asking me about therapy or what my relationship with my mom is like is just weird.

I kinda threw in the towel after this one woman bailed on plans she'd made like 3x, I texted her "hey it seems like you're not feeling this and honestly I'm not either" and she blew up my phone. But I do stuff offline so I meet people often enough.

Also a lot of people asked me for my snapchat, which is funny because I'm a mid thirties, mid career professional and make that clear. I think the last time I logged in to mine was 2012.

I never saw many troons on them, even though I've lived in big cities or within easy commuting distance from them basically my whole life. The ones I did are funny, though, because they've got stringy danger hair and do the "teehee I'm a tall lady" thing in their bios. Dude, a 6'1" woman looks like a woman who happens to be 6'1". I don't know if you think you pass aside from the height or you're looking for chaser manlets, but passing doesn't exist.

 

[Beelzebub's Lawyer]

Do not go creeping on women at the gym. That's neutral territory.

Talking to women at the gym =/= creeping on women
You can just socialize with them like a normal person and then, if there's chemistry, take it further.

Me personally, I like to be friends with a woman before I start dating her, it makes the relationship better.

 

[Agares]

I never saw many troons on them, even though I've lived in big cities or within easy commuting distance from them basically my whole life. The ones I did are funny, though, because they've got stringy danger hair and do the "teehee I'm a tall lady" thing in their bios. Dude, a 6'1" woman looks like a woman who happens to be 6'1". I don't know if you think you pass aside from the height or you're looking for chaser manlets, but passing doesn't exist.

I never understood why so many men like that troon out. Like bro, you’re not fooling anyone with that 6’1 masculine build, receding hairline and obvious man jaw.

I suppose we should be happy that those men are taking themselves out of the competition, but they’re still a threat to biological women.

 

[Mankirk]

I thought I’d give it a try

You can also get hookups but I'm not into that, prefer something a bit deeper.

Figuring these things out face to face is more difficult and time-consuming. It gives you access to lots of people you could have never met in a regular setting.

I only match with fatties, crazies, single moms. Or sometimes even fat, crazy single moms. I'm in my late 20's.

I'm already desperate enough to chase girls I have no attraction to

I haven't even managed to get a girl to use me as a free meal ticket yet.

these chicks who wouldn't look out of place in the Deathfats sub end up ghosting me anyway

at least if you're being lied to you're getting interaction which is more than I can say for my attempts at dating.

Dating apps make me depressed.

Hey Lady Kiwis, a/s/l?

i just hate the sheer amount of trannies on dating apps

With terrible social anxiety + how shitty the dating scene is in general + how terrible the online dating scene is in general I've basically come to the terms that I'm going to die alone at this point.

There is a better way: https://kiwifarms.st/threads/offici...ficial-kiwi-farmer-bingo.233054/post-23006758

 

[Tutu]

There is a better way: https://kiwifarms.st/threads/offici...ficial-kiwi-farmer-bingo.233054/post-23006758

I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of dating a Kiwi but what if we break up and he goes scorched Earth? Terrifying.

 

[Diet Cake]

I want to start dating again, but both incidental stories about people behaving like shit and imagining the rigamarole of it all makes me want to keep the single streak going. And if I ever make it onto the apps: "hey how was your weekend?/It was good what bout you/you doing anything fun this week?/just chillin wbu" wbu haha? wbu? lol

Can't I just skip straight to the mildly antagonizing, boner killer questions and ask how much they're contributing to their retirement and if they've ever "felt" like they "wanted" to be a ""girl""?

 

[Troon Petty and the 41ers]

I never understood why so many men like that troon out. Like bro, you’re not fooling anyone with that 6’1 masculine build, receding hairline and obvious man jaw.

I suppose we should be happy that those men are taking themselves out of the competition, but they’re still a threat to biological women.

Aside the pornsickness part I think they didn't realize the memes about tall guys are just that. I guess being tall for a man is similar to being blonde or having big naturals for a woman, but women approach men way less and they're also way less uniform and visual in how attraction works for them, generally.

I feel like I'm edging too close to performative male feminist bullshit here but I've seen guys get with some absolutely busted women because they had big tits and they were breast men. If you're Bad With Women or just never tried and you happen to be 6'4" ... I see the reasoning. They're starting from a totally incorrect premise which is why they turn themselves into (even bigger) freaks, though. It's only an asset if you're not a trainwreck otherwise.

 

[Mamimi]

It irritates me when men deliberately omit disclosing their job or whether they have children in their profile (for sites that have you fill out stats along with a bio). They're never men I'd be interested in anyway, but who do they think they're fooling?

Then there's the guys who "might want kids" when they're like 45. Buddy you better figure it out real fast. It rankles me because some of them outright say they'd be willing to have a child if their partner wanted one. It implies that they either don't understand the amount of work that goes into raising a human being, or worse, they don't think they'll be involved enough in the parenting process for it to make a big difference.

 

[Axiom.]

Have you tried being less ugly.

 

[zeroapexpeak]

Have you tried being less ugly.

0:06

 

[Raven of the Burning God]

Men's grievances about online dating are usually almost always self-inflicted.

There are a lot of things in the secret sauce of a given app's algorithm, but the one that dudes consistently fuck themselves with is right-swiping everything.

Pretend your account is assigned a 1x1 square.
Every time you swipe right, it gets wider by one unit.
Every time you swipe left, it gets taller by one unit.
At the end of a session, your square is normalized back to 1 width.
The height of the normalized square is your ranking of how interested you are in all of your right-swipes.
That ranking determines where your profile gets slotted into other user's potential-match queue.

So, what happens when you right-swipe everything?
Your profile gets put at the bottom of the pile, as you've indicated very low interest.

For an attractive user who gets a lot of right-swipes, she may never work far enough down her potential-match queue to ever be shown your profile.
The grotesque hambeest or mentally-ill-man-in-a-dress, though? They might reach you. They might even swipe right.

And that's why you rarely get matches and why they always suck.

What happens if you left-swipe nearly everything?
Holy shit, man, you must really like the rare birds who earn your right-swipes. Please, sir, this way to the front of the line.

You may still not get many matches or messages or replies, the three rules still apply, but at least they'll be from people you'd actually like to be seen with in public.

Pretty much everything else about the algorithm depends on the reactions of other users, which is outside your direct control.

There is a similar metric for messaging where the square has dimension of <messages-sent, messages-received>, but in this case the other user's "messaging square" factors in to how it affects yours (i.e., a message from a user who messages to everyone is less beneficial, being left on read by a user who rarely responds is less punitive, etc.), so it gets complicated. This is usually the metric where women fuck up the most.

There's some hot-or-not/Elo type stuff based on how other users swipe your profile. This is usually where the secret sauce differs the most between apps. Some don't use it at all. Some only use it when you've right-swiped someone. But this is another way indiscriminate right-swiping will fuuuuuck you, as a left-swipe from an low-Elo potential-match will drag you down to their level faster than a left-swipe from a high-Elo potential-match. This rating may impact what profiles you're shown. It may be another factor in where your profile gets slotted into other user's potential-match queues.

All this is usually why guys report that the first week with a shiny new profile is great, and then their engagement falls off a cliff. The default profile factors are much better than the ones they earn by misusing the app. And the funny thing is several of the apps try to limit or discourage this behaviour, but there are dudes who will pay for premium features so they can dig the right-swipe hole deeper faster.

This is also why you can't be blaming "autism", because a proper autist learns how the system works and learns how to work the system.
You're just acting retarded.