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[Mecha-Lenin]

Mother-Beater Phil thinks he has found the location of the Kiwi Headquarters. Kiwi's have an unspecified amount of time to capitulate to demands.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

Phillip Haskins-Delici (Who is an Italian Guy, but no paisan) Gets Kicked Out of YET ANOTHER Club -Even the Cenobites Don't Want Him.

 

[Adamska]

Pagliaccio Phil Bemoans Fate of Own Creation, Self Cares on Pizza and Cheese to Commiserate

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Realizing Road Signs Aren't Fooling Anyone, Phil Starts Using Train Numbers To "Prove" Weight Loss

Kiwi Headquarters

Spoiler

I wonder if Phil really thinks there is a secret Kiwi headquarters? Maybe he thinks it's some modern high tech campus in Silicon Valley (think something like Apple HQ, but with the Kiwi Farms logo) staffed by GamerGate neckbeards?

 

[Mecha-Lenin]

I wonder if Phil really thinks there is a secret Kiwi headquarters?

Oh, I really hope so.

 

[Sperglord Dante]

Phil's Humongous Girth Finally Crushes His Balls, No Longer Seeks Surgery.

New Jersey Potato Confirmed To Be The Greasiest Vegetable Known To Mankind

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Potato moves to Idaho after being banned from west coast. Still pretends to be a human

 

[VLAD]

El Nuevo Castrato Grandioso Posts Full Uncut Footage of Orchiectomy Surgery to Facebook, Is Instantly Permabanned

 

[Adamska]

Screeching Pigmonster Lies About Gelding, Is the Only One Surprised by Lie

 

[CWCissey]

International hero gets sick of potato lying about his castration, does it for him.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Phil's Surgery Day - The Spudletting 2016.

 

[Adamska]

Autistan Declares War on Zealandia, Blames Farmers for Excess of Spuds

 

[Picklemaker]

"A message to Phil: BITCH WHERE MY SMOKES"
It's the middle of the night where I am and I'm Fitting myself into insomnia and just read Phil's comments about how he'll fuck a kiwi up 'cuz he so Street. Didn't want to shit up the main board with shitpost.

Spoiler: Self Indulgent Powerlevel

Tomorrow (EDIT: this) morning I have to wake up and talk to a bunch of gatekeepers for community leaders and my project's a week past deadline and the fucking paper nuked their non-digital archive so now I have to do a bunch of shit with zero nicotine...

 

[Adamska]

Fatty Fat Phil Forgets He's Castrati, Hilarity Ensues
Desperate Phil Fakes Suicide Attempt; Not Even Asspatters Notice
Retarded Bondage Clown Beaten Up By Los Locos

 

[Picklemaker]

For srs dho
"Phil in the news for assaulting police/business owner/random passerby, claims it was in retaliation for unspecified transmysogynoracialhomophobicism."
He'll (hopefully) be institutionalized or at least group home'd as a danger to the general public the moment someone professional actually sits down to talk with him after said incident.

 

[Sperglord Dante]

Autistic Fake Tranny Seeks Professional Actors To Reenact His Alleged Rape

Local Cardboard Box-Dwellers Report Sightings Of Monstrous, Vaguely Human Shaped Potato-Hamster Hybrid Creature

 

[Randy Lahey]

Autistic Demon Phil Loses Testicles, Whines about Phantom Pain

 

[VLAD]

Autistic Demon Phil Loses Testicles, Whines about Phantom Pain

"Kaz, I'm already a eunuch."

 

[Keerakh]

"Kaz, I'm already a eunuch."

"You feel it too, don't you? I'm going to make them pay for my sex change op"

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Phil regrets castration, makes profile pic balls and claims he still has them