How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Aside from my mom, my family is going through extra lengths of avoiding from seeing each other for the holidays. Christmas mass, and religion in general, is banned in my state. I hate this world and everybody in it.
 
Toothache is gone thankfully going to see my ma and bros this afternoon dk about seeing my dad but definitely gonna call him. His gift to me this year as usual is no rent this month.



Won't be able to return the favor to anyone till after next week either with the stimulus checks (if they manage to pass before Harris puppet get sworn in) or next payday after new years day.
 
I make a lot of money for what I do and how I live (i'm not rich, but I make more than I spend) but there's always nagging feelings that I should be doing more, no one likes me, and what few hobbies I did used to have are intolerable because I was and am lolcow-ish. But I can't really pick up new stuff either, since I'm getting older all the time, and there's the general modern vibe that no one tolerates anyone who isn't a prodigy. So I just sit around drinking and smoking a lot inbetween shifts. I actually don't like taking leave from work because it means my days aren't as easily taken up so I just sit around stewing and being awful. But I also get really salty and jealous at other people who can do stuff, especially distasteful (not like being a furry or whatever, but fucking about with obsolete things or having boomer hobbies like bench shooting or doing normal artistic things in shitty memecore genres and so on) stuff, and still thrive and have fun and have friends and allies and shit. Like that the average person is only barely allowed to have fun anymore unless they're a leader in their field, and as someone probably a lot worse than the average person, I'm definitely not allowed to have fun, and the time for having fun has long since passed.

I know there's that now-old saying about social media along the lines of "You're looking at everyone else's highlights from your own cutting room floor" but, shit, I don't have any highlights.
 
I've been perpetually tired for the past three weeks or so.
 
Haven't slept properly in almost a year. I go to bed early, clear head, haven't had coffee or even eaten 5-6 hours prior. Wake 4-5 times, always around the same time, as if I've conditioned myself somehow. Weighted blanket, eyemask, new comfortable pillow. At this point I think the bags under my eyes are permanent.
 
Cactus Wings powiedział(a):
Haven't slept properly in almost a year. I go to bed early, clear head, haven't had coffee or even eaten 5-6 hours prior. Wake 4-5 times, always around the same time, as if I've conditioned myself somehow. Weighted blanket, eyemask, new comfortable pillow. At this point I think the bags under my eyes are permanent.
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I understand that at times like these it may be harder to do than ever, but have you visited a doctor?
 
Cactus Wings powiedział(a):
Haven't slept properly in almost a year. I go to bed early, clear head, haven't had coffee or even eaten 5-6 hours prior. Wake 4-5 times, always around the same time, as if I've conditioned myself somehow. Weighted blanket, eyemask, new comfortable pillow. At this point I think the bags under my eyes are permanent.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
I've been the same way for several months. I wake up between 4 and 5 and I'm ready to start my day. I can work my ass off all day and fall asleep around 12:30 or so. I don't know where all this energy is coming from. It's not like I'm getting any younger. Eventually it's going to catch up with me.
 
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