How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Core Theorist]

I wish I could be a necromancer so much it's unreal.

 

[Quijibo69]

Debating if I want to go out and do something tomorrow or stay home and do crap here.

 

[PetiteFeet]

The inhuman restraint I have to show to not go full goblin mode is insane.
What stops a person from just taking off all of our clothes and taking off into traffic?
The call of the void is real.

That is to say, I have yet again set myself up to fail because I am scared to improve and I am scared to let other people close.

But I have a date on the 29th with my new friend, the extroverted dog owner who adopted me. We're going to a science museum downtown for a solar eclipse exhibition they're having, as
there is a partial solar eclipse in August.

Hoping everyone has a good Friday and a blessed 4th of July tomorrow, Amerifriends.

 

[FatalTater]

It's been nine weeks since my gallbladder was taken out, and things still feel a little bit pokey-stabby in there.
I think the nerve endings are reconnecting and trying to make sense of it all. "Why is there all this scar tissue? Didn't there used to be another organ in here, what the hell" kind of things.

The weather is hotter than I can appreciate but I haven't the energy to properly complain about it.

 

[Uncle Tom's Condo]

My neighbor is moving and that means her cats won't be able to wander over into my house when my door is open in the summer. Shoot. I like when the cats visit.

 

[The Last Stand]

I'm so lonely.

I was having a conversation with somebody about that. Working in an office is socializable, I get it. On that same conversation, he was talking to me about how advantageous AI can be with providing customer service or marketing. As if computers are perfect pieces of hardware/software. Even so, we're all going to be subjected to displacement or lack of socialization because all of us want convenience over labor.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

Decided I'm not going out of my way for people anymore. Said it many times, but this time it's in cement. Feel salty, yet better.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

The chick at work who got her motorcycle license at the place I'm starting at soon's husband took her bike for a ride and crashed it when a Tesla rammed him on an on-ramp. Couldn't tell if she was more sad for him or the bike. It hasn't made me even remotely scared of getting a bike myself but man, people dying left and right out here. It's scary that the old, blind and female are buying e-suvs that can with the blip of the pedal become a lethal projectile. Why do cars need to be so powerful?

3 weeks of working before I got two weeks off and I've just no plans. I got books and games I wanna finish, but I just sit here when I do got time off, pursuing neither. I was in a really good spot before I started moving jobs and now that I'm back and settled in, I have to regain that complete peace of mine that allows me to read a book first-thing coming home from work, not feeling like I'm wasting my time.

Decided I'm not going out of my way for people anymore. Said it many times, but this time it's in cement. Feel salty, yet better.

I feel like doing it cold-turkey out of spite isn't a healthy way to motivate it. It's less about ignoring the plights of others and more-so focusing on what actually adds to your life. Several of my friends are set to invisible on Discord yet clearly are on and play games daily. I've stopped giving them attention because they go out of their way to mask when would be best to give them any.

I've had several of those "no care me" periods where I just isolated myself but honestly, few things changed. Give it a few weeks and people started IMing me, acting as if we never talk because.. we don't unless I initiate. Loneliness is like smoking 3 packs a day or whatever, but if you learn to be okay with yourself or realize how other people can pull you down, you can sort of get over the negative connotations of being alone.

Even so, we're all going to be subjected to displacement or lack of socialization because all of us want convenience over labor.

From Members Only jackets to "you literally just have to show up in person, dude" gatekeeping communities. I mean shit, showing up at all is half the battle. Quarter of the remaining is not being a pedophile and the rest is just being a decent human.

 

[Betonhaus]

Well today I got incredibly pissed until I stepped back and realised that I was still on my original planned schedule before the car dealership guy would me up.


I can't bike to work, I just can't I'm too out of shape. Monday I figured I would see if i was eligible for a car loan and wanted to inquire at a dealership with the intention of making the purchase in two weeks. Since I'm not immune to high pressure sales tactics I ended up signing for a car that night, something that I don't really regret and even thinking about it a few days it's still the best option available to me - though I wish it was cheaper. I can pick it up as soon as I have my auto insurance sorted out so I was trying to get insurance done as soon as possible but I was put on hold until their regular hours ended, and the after hours person was unable to complete the quest as the department that needed to approve it was closed. Wednesday they were closed due to some holiday, I had a scheduled call back yesterday but I never heard back from them, trying to call had me on hold until their business hours were over. I got a call this morning, she apologised for not getting back and informed me that the costs were in line with my predictions but that I would have to wait ten days for approval. At the time I was disappointed but polite and asked for the quote but said I would get back to her. I figured I would try a different provider but I abhor the online stuff because it's awful and tried to go in person, but after a 20 minute walk I found I physically couldn't get to the building because there was a fucking PARADE in the way and everyone was crowding the sidewalk so it was physically impossible for me to get onto the street. I went around the other side and same way, I eventually found a back route through a car park and over train tracks only to be unable to find the building - my best guess is despite google maps saying that was where they were and it was open it was actually just an internal operations building and not one where customers could physically go to. So i tried online and they wanted me to create an account, their account creation is the same as their account recovery form and despite me never using this company they refused to let me create an account just to get a quote. So i tried the phone system which kept trying to redirect me to the website and it wasn't until I was literally screaming at it and spamming buttons that the fucking clanker finally forwarded me to an agent, at which point I found out they were going to quote $3,000 more then my old insurance company, AND there would still be a week delay. So Now I'm on hold with my previous insurance provider to set up insurance, and i won't get my car for at least a week or two.

I was rather upset until I realised:
1. My car loan doesn't start until I take possession of the vehicle, and I can back out if I want to (I don't really though, but it's good to have the option)
2. I originally didn't plan on getting a vehicle until the middle of July, so I'm still on schedule
3. I'm a little bit annoyed at the dealership for pushing me to sign this quickly

So I'm a little disappointed as my last minute plans for the weekend were ruined, but ultimately I'm not in a worse position from before all this. Sucks that I still need to take transit for two weeks for work

Edit: After beign on hold for nearlt three hours it turns out they need the bill of sale before they could proceed with any insurance, and i can't get the bill of sale without the insurance OUHDOUQHDOIHQONDHONHWDOINHWIOHDIOQHJDIPOHQOUIHBFLIGAOYUAGOUTFCIOYGAIOYGDYAGDIP(UAYDFQIGDIPYQGD*PYQG(UGDIGWQPI

I wasted 5 hours on this bullshit today. I baked brownies while on hold and ate them all

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

feel like doing it cold-turkey out of spite isn't a healthy way to motivate it.

Its more like, I help the neighborhood cat lady feed the strays, spend my own time and money. She doesn't like where I put the bowls, which is where she puts them, and then talks about why dont stand there for an hour and wait for them to come eat instead of walking back inside, and coming back out 20 or 30 mins later and pick the bowls up. And why I didn't buy a metal water bowl instead of using the glass one (which i also bought just for them).

Another person asked me to get their prescription for them and told me thr wrong store. And when I drove back to tell her, she asked me if I went to the right store (you sure you went to walgreens and not the CVS??), as if I'm retarded. She sent me to the wrong store in the first place. there are two of them literally 10 minutes away from each other on the same road.

There are other things, just don't feel like power leveling more.

 

[Banquet Meal]

ive finally got my loom set up, and idk what im still doing wrong, but im watching videos and trying to pin it down.
i really think ive got the hardest part figured out. i also bought some wool dye, because i have a bunch of wool that i want to dye blue at some point, because why not?
i have a jar of rusty nail water too, and im hoping it turns my wool into a nice dark grey/blue like it did last time.
i know i could absolutely just BUY all of this stuff and save the time, but i like learning pointless things.
i also bought almost 100 ears of corn, older kid and i are going to can corn and watch scary movies at the same time, which will be fun. younger kid is on shucking duty.
overall mood is one of contentment, i guess.

i hope everyone in the US has a happy 4th of july !

 

[PetiteFeet]

Went for a late afternoon walk with da dawg. The weather has finally been cool enough for me to drag the poor creature with me but it was sorely needed.
Then I bought some groceries, did some dishes and prepared my strawberries, then cooked dinner. Now I'm eepy sleepy.
Maybe I'll be sensible and go to bed early.

 

[Looney Troons]

TMI, but I am tired and thinking maybe just posting this shit somewhere will make me feel better. Probably not.

A couple of months ago, my ex-wife died. I really shouldn’t give a fuck but it heavily impacted me (I’ve made another post about the situation on Cobe’s thread some time ago). Prior to that, I lost my dog due to an illness that she had. I rescued her on the side of the road many years ago. I relapsed into alcoholism. I’ve been spending money out of the ass trying to fill an insatiable void. I spend about 7 hours of my day hovering over a sink or toilet, and when I finally get my bearings, I’m drinking myself stupid just to pass out and do it all over again.

I’m not doing too hot, guys. I’m hoping I’ll get a grip soon.

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

A couple of months ago, my ex-wife died. I really shouldn’t give a fuck but it heavily impacted me

Of course it would. You gave a part of yourself to that person. My condolences, man.

 

[The Lawgiver]

I unironically should be fucking dead. Not gonna kill myself but like genuinely I am not made for this fake fucking world

PFP has nothing to do with this I'm not like that. It was a teaser for something and the revelation that nothing I ever do will ever matter and I'm just gonna get constantly backstabbed and pushed down no matter what progress I make for the 50th fucking time

 

[The Last Stand]

I'm thinking of transiting out of the tech industry into something else.

But between them and the fucking f-150 in front of me straddling two lanes in heavy traffic after traffic was diverted due to unannounced/ no advance notice closure of my exit route, I was not cheered by the ebullience of youth or city life.

The rest of my commute was cursing every fucking lemming fuckhead in my state for not being able to drive. I've been exceptionally crabby driving lately.

I feel you. This actually reminded me of something that happened during work today. Somebody was cussing at me about a missing package. They were telling me to listen, I almost slipped up by saying it back from his tirade.

As I was investigating it with somebody else, he's asking me all these questions and requesting restitution. While he's arguing with me, UPS has arrived with the package. It wasn't a few hours late nor a couple days, it was 10-15 minutes past the tracking status.

Basically, yes, I definitely empathize with slipping up from frustration. Thank goodness you were just in a car, not at work.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

I physically couldn't get to the building because there was a fucking PARADE in the way and everyone was crowding the sidewalk so it was physically impossible for me to get onto the street

Been there. You can't hate Pride enough...

 

[Banquet Meal]

strawberries

fresh strawberries are SO good. what did you do with yours?
i like to slice them up, soak them in sugar, and then layer them with sponge cake sprinkled with sherry, homemade vanilla custard, slivered almonds, and then more strawberries! which is horrible for you, but delicious all the same.

TMI, but I am tired and thinking maybe just posting this shit somewhere will make me feel better. Probably not.

A couple of months ago, my ex-wife died. I really shouldn’t give a fuck but it heavily impacted me (I’ve made another post about the situation on Cobe’s thread some time ago). Prior to that, I lost my dog due to an illness that she had. I rescued her on the side of the road many years ago. I relapsed into alcoholism. I’ve been spending money out of the ass trying to fill an insatiable void. I spend about 7 hours of my day hovering over a sink or toilet, and when I finally get my bearings, I’m drinking myself stupid just to pass out and do it all over again.

I’m not doing too hot, guys. I’m hoping I’ll get a grip soon.

im so sorry for your loss, that is so sad....you are coping the best way you know how at the moment, and i cant say that i wouldnt do the same in your situation. i hope you have someone irl to talk to or just be with so you arent alone though. if you ever need to talk, my dms are open, and i am a good listener, if anything!

 

[harmacist]

TMI, but I am tired and thinking maybe just posting this shit somewhere will make me feel better. Probably not.

A couple of months ago, my ex-wife died. I really shouldn’t give a fuck but it heavily impacted me (I’ve made another post about the situation on Cobe’s thread some time ago). Prior to that, I lost my dog due to an illness that she had. I rescued her on the side of the road many years ago. I relapsed into alcoholism. I’ve been spending money out of the ass trying to fill an insatiable void. I spend about 7 hours of my day hovering over a sink or toilet, and when I finally get my bearings, I’m drinking myself stupid just to pass out and do it all over again.

I’m not doing too hot, guys. I’m hoping I’ll get a grip soon.

i hope that it gets better for you soon

 

[PetiteFeet]

fresh strawberries are SO good. what did you do with yours?
i like to slice them up, soak them in sugar, and then layer them with sponge cake sprinkled with sherry, homemade vanilla custard, slivered almonds, and then more strawberries! which is horrible for you, but delicious all the same.

I usually only take the top off (I don't fully hull them), wash and sprinkle with some sugar. I prefer them with nothing or with a bit of full cream. If I'm making something fancier with strawberries I really like making a strawberry tart with a digestive biscuit crust, a whipped cream/cream cheese mixture flavoured with vanilla and a bit of lemon, cut strawberries into halves and layer them neatly on top and brush them with apricot or raspberry jam mixed with a bit of hot water.
Yours sounds super yummy too, I gotta try that at some point.