Depression-- Dissatisfaction or Disease?

[Hoshikawa]

I deal with depression most of my life and PTSD for about 6 years. It's a illness, not a choice. Depression is something that takes work and treatment to manage, and there often isn't a "reason" why depressed people are depressed. It's just hard to function.

People who don't have depression can still be depressed, but in that case, there's usually reasons. Sometimes those reasons can involve choices or lack thereof, but that's very different from mental illness. Depression feels like it doesn't make sense.

 

[Theoneandonly]

warning a long ass post incoming. Im just venting because i bottle my emotions and want to say these things anonymously.

i know this thread is dead, and maybe that’s a good thing for what I want to do. My experience with depression is a mixed bag, just like every mental health issue I’ve had. it started when I was thirteen, and had just started having suicidal thoughts for the first time. Not because I didn’t feel worthy to live: because I didn’t know what the future held, and that scared the shit out of me. What if I didn’t end up being happy, and I worked the normal dead end job, because I didn’t have the resources to follow my dreams and plans when I was younger? What if everything I’ve ever hoped for was all just a stupid thought to mask the inevitable fate of being no one? Just a regular an American rotting away in a lifeless catatonic state, waiting for something to happen.

even when I’m happy I have the urge to cut. It isn’t even funny anymore: I would laugh at myself before, thinking I’m just being dramatic. im on antidepressants and I still have that urge. I don’t understand it. I’m not a pessimist. I used to be so optimistic and hopeful, but in my earlier teen years, it stopped. Yes, blah blah blah, hormones. I know, hormones contributed to it too. But if it was just that, and nothing else, why was I cutting? Why was I so uncharacteristically violent? Why the hell did I want to leave this place so badly? Why didn’t I want to feel any emotion, because I feel too much? it wasn’t making any damn sense. No wonder I still feel suicidal. Nothing in my life ever has a clear answer and it’s driving me batshit insane.
thats my experience with depression.

anyway, tldr, medicine rarely helps and it’s a living hell. It’s a chemical imbalance, and it’s absolutely real.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

Depression isn't some fucking mystery bullshit, it's a reaction to shitty circumstances.

Very very rarely is someone depressed due to chemical imbalances (MDD/Bipolar disorder etc)

The hard part is being depressed, knowing *why* you are depressed and being powerless to fix it.

Some of it can be managed, lots not so much.

I am currently very depressed.