Chef Amberlynn and her creations - Post about her food creations or recipes here!

[Professional Asshole]

I have nothing to contribute to the thread, but I just wanted to bring everyone's attention back to this. I think it's very important that no-one here forget that they live in the same world as this.

Oh, yeah; we Are in this hellish alternate reality that is Amber’s “Cooking”

 

[C3PBRO]

Somebody get Michelle Obama on the phone, because Amberlynn Reid just solved the obesity crisis.

Let's make


​

Now you can eat as much chili as your butthole can handle, and never gain weight. I've lovingly recreated Amberlynn's zero-point chili, including a point-to-calorie conversion for all of you fat cunts unfamiliar with Weight Watchers Zero Point System.

You will need;

• A pot, sprayed with PAM.​
• Plastic utensils for stirring/mashing.​
• An oven clock to remind you IT'S MIDNIGHT, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?​
• A toilet to punish.​
• Spoiler: Strategically patterned clothes to conceal any rogue chili that might materialize from inside or outside your pants.

  

Ingredients;

• 1lb 93% fat free ground turkey, identifying as 98% fat free ground turkey (ZERO POINTS = 680 calories.)
• Various garlic products to be included under Garlic .
  • 1 tablespoon minced garlic (ZERO POINTS = 5 calories).
  • 2 teaspoons garlic salt (ZERO POINTS = 10 calories).
• 8oz sliced white mushrooms (ZERO POINTS = 36 calories).
• Various bean products (make sure to rinse the sodiums off before adding to the pot);
  • 15oz can red kidney beans (ZERO POINTS = 420 calories).
  • 15oz can black beans (ZERO POINTS = 420 calories).
  • 15oz can Chick Peas (ZERO POINTS = 385 calories).
• 14.5oz can diced tomato (ZERO POINTS = 87.5 calories).
• Approx half a 46oz can of tomato juice (ZERO POINTS = 120 calories).
• Spoiler: A whole ass carton of "really, the whole thing?" "Almost," Amberlynn says as she squeezes the fucking shit out of it.❌( 1 POINT = 40 calories)

  
• A chili packet, just in case anyone forgot that this is supposed to be chili( 2 POINTS = 80 calories).
• FLAVOR.
• A bag of Fritos. Which we're not counting here, because it doesn't go into the chili till after, and this is a chili recipe. I don't make the rules.

Method;

1. lol slop it into the pot. Are you new here or something?​
2. Think of something to do while it burbles on the stove for 40 minutes. ​

Even with some mental gymnastics regarding the turkey and garlic, I was only able to get to within three points of zero with Amberlynn's recipe. Which is still pretty fucking fantastic. Other items worth three points on WW include a hard boiled egg, an apple, or half a cup of plain yoghurt. Why would anyone eat that boring shit when for the same value you can eat an entire pot of chili?

"bUt c3, tHaT's 2283.5 cAl0reeeS."

That's right, and that's why it's very important to remember to eat this dish while on WW, and not while you're calorie counting. Use the power of your mentals.

 

[Hundreds Of Sparrows]

Somebody get Michelle Obama on the phone, because Amberlynn Reid just solved the obesity crisis.

Let's make
Wyświetl załącznik 1790469
Wyświetl załącznik 1790546
​

Now you can eat as much chili as your butthole can handle, and never gain weight. I've lovingly recreated Amberlynn's zero-point chili, including a point-to-calorie conversion for all of you fat cunts unfamiliar with Weight Watchers Zero Point System.

You will need;

• A pot, sprayed with PAM.​
• Plastic utensils for stirring/mashing.​
• An oven clock to remind you IT'S MIDNIGHT, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?​
• A toilet to punish.​
• Spoiler: Strategically patterned clothes to conceal any rogue chili that might materialize from inside or outside your pants.

  Wyświetl załącznik 1790510

Ingredients;

• 1lb 93% fat free ground turkey, identifying as 98% fat free ground turkey (ZERO POINTS = 680 calories.)
• Various garlic products to be included under Garlic .
  • 1 tablespoon minced garlic (ZERO POINTS = 5 calories).
  • 2 teaspoons garlic salt (ZERO POINTS = 10 calories).
• 8oz sliced white mushrooms (ZERO POINTS = 36 calories).
• Various bean products (make sure to rinse the sodiums off before adding to the pot);
  • 15oz can red kidney beans (ZERO POINTS = 420 calories).
  • 15oz can black beans (ZERO POINTS = 420 calories).
  • 15oz can Chick Peas (ZERO POINTS = 385 calories).
• 14.5oz can diced tomato (ZERO POINTS = 87.5 calories).
• Approx half a 46oz can of tomato juice (ZERO POINTS = 120 calories).
• Spoiler: A whole ass carton of "really, the whole thing?" "Almost," Amberlynn says as she squeezes the fucking shit out of it.❌( 1 POINT = 40 calories)

  Wyświetl załącznik 1790679
• A chili packet, just in case anyone forgot that this is supposed to be chili( 2 POINTS = 80 calories).
• FLAVOR.
• A bag of Fritos. Which we're not counting here, because it doesn't go into the chili till after, and this is a chili recipe. I don't make the rules.

Method;

1. lol slop it into the pot. Are you new here or something?​
2. Think of something to do while it burbles on the stove for 40 minutes.Wyświetl załącznik 1790713​

Even with some mental gymnastics regarding the turkey and garlic, I was only able to get to within three points of zero with Amberlynn's recipe. Which is still pretty fucking fantastic. Other items worth three points on WW include a hard boiled egg, an apple, or half a cup of plain yoghurt. Why would anyone eat that boring shit when for the same value you can eat an entire pot of chili?

"bUt c3, tHaT's 2283.5 cAl0reeeS."
Wyświetl załącznik 1790680
That's right, and that's why it's very important to remember to eat this dish while on WW, and not while you're calorie counting. Use the power of your mentals.

another one of these posts is the best christmas gift ever :,-)