Bad Weddings and Wedding Trends - sperg about weddings here

[Fishcat]

The problem with opals in daily wear jewelry is that they are so easily scratched or damaged. I'm no fan of diamonds or the diamond industry but one reason they are the default for marital jewelry is because they actually last. Moissanite is a better alternative if you're frugal.

Pearls are another thing that are beautiful but unfortunately way too fragile no matter how careful you are unless you're up for outright replacing it every year, they both have issues with scratching and moisture sensitivity. There are some things which are actually worth the extra cost and some which are just scams and marketing.

Choosing a gem that's high on the Mohs scale is actually important. The scale is logarithmic, by the way. The safest bets from a practical view are diamonds, sapphires/rubies, and moissanites, so there is a validity to diamonds being popular. However, there's no reason it needs to be a white diamond; all three of those gems come in a variety of colors with both high and low price points. I think colored gems are underrated and uniquely beautiful—ever seen a multicolor starbrite sapphire? Also there is some moissanite hate but it's not that justified since they're extremely strong even if they're not on exactly the same level as diamonds and no one can tell the difference unless they're a turbo sperg about this particular thing.

Another legit thing to watch out for is the thickness of the band. It doesn't crop up as often in mainstream normie stores but if you're looking for more alt styles, sometimes indie designers use really thin bands that admittedly look super cute but are structurally risky. Naturally the thicker you go, the less risk of damage, but iirc 1.8 mm is the bare minimum since the durability between 1.8 and 1.7 is significant.

Another corner that shouldn't be cut is the metal. Don't get gold-plated, gold-filled, or sterling silver anything, those are fine for cheap casual pieces but they won't last a lifetime. 14k gold is a classic for good reason. White gold has some extra maintenance steps to be aware of... I personally think it's overrated and that rose and yellow are really pretty, but that's just personal taste and may depend on your skin tone.

Back on gems, I'm a lab-grown supremacist through and through. Mined gems are not worth the extra cost on any practical level and I don't get why people turn up their noses at lab ones. "Ohh nooo these gems are significantly cheaper and more flawless" ??? They're completely real and it's not like anyone has to know that they're lab. Every reason I've heard for paying triple for a worse cut has been completely retarded but women in most spaces will get mad at you for pointing out the obvious psyop because "it's not wahmen supporting wahmen" or "it's poorfag cope" (even though you can still splurge, you'd just have an even fancier ring). I have also seen natural gem vendors sowing doubt in discussion groups which is extremely fake and gay.

I didn't intend to cheap out on my rings and custom designed both exactly how I wanted them (one was my own original sketch, another was a modification of an existing design) but my combined set ended up <$2000 by doing a ton of research and since I preferred some less popular styles. I wanted a rich royal blue sapphire since I was a child. On that topic... I highly highly recommend working with a local designer instead of buying from big stores, you can usually get a better deal and more options. It also helps develop a relationship with your jeweler for when you need maintenance. Fiancé also scored a great deal on his band because we came across a family business that was retiring so they were having a huge clearance sale.

Etsy has some really cheap and pretty rings but be careful. Like a bunch of other junk on Etsy nowadays, a lot is dropshipped from China. Are they real? Ehhhh... Probably? I think even most of the dropshipped ones are actually the real gems, since the price of a Chinese lab gem can actually be quite low, but they may be of lesser structural quality or have dubious ethics. I wouldn't buy from an obvious middleman shop whose overexposed-looking images are also being sold on 3 other Etsy shops, but if you find an actual indie designer OR you get in touch with the original Chinese designers (the moissanite subreddit has a lot of info about this) then that's fine. I really like some of the styles from indie designers, two of my favorites are EidelPrecious and Oore.

 

[Chromeo]

[snip]

Personally I've always thought simple stainless steel bands were the best for every-day wear rings. They're not flashy, but there are a lot of pro's to a simple band! They don't draw attention from the wrong people, they match basically everything as-is but can also come in multiple colors anyway, most jobs allow you to wear a simple band, they don't rip nitrile gloves or poke babies, the plain ones can be upsized/downsized more easily, there aren't any stones to fall out or get lost, and even if you lose the whole ring they're usually less expensive to replace. They even make fancier ones with cool shit if you don't care for the uber-utilitarian cheapo option:

 

[Adrenochrome Dreams]

I dislike the modern trend of weddings for ordinary people being massive, expensive, choreographed events. A wedding is supposed to be the beginning of the rest of your life, why start it by spunking the equivalent to a deposit on a house? A wedding used to be in the local church with a party at whatever local function room was available.

Also, it doesn't have to be perfect, the idea is to celebrate with your loved ones and community. It's supposed to be enjoyed!

I hate it when bridezillas do things like demanding that people take glasses off for official photos, or exclude pregnant women from being bridesmaids. They're people, and the point in them being there is to celebrate with you and assist you! The group photos are to commemorate the people who shared that day with you! Not to change their looks, or exclude them based on their own life events.

I also hate "destination weddings", it's arsehole behaviour to expect guests to shell out on a foreign holiday for you. See also: elaborate week long foreign hen do's.

 

[Fishcat]

Personally I've always thought simple stainless steel bands were the best for every-day wear rings. They're not flashy, but there are a lot of pro's to a simple band! They don't draw attention from the wrong people, they match basically everything as-is but can also come in multiple colors anyway, most jobs allow you to wear a simple band, they don't rip nitrile gloves or poke babies, the plain ones can be upsized/downsized more easily, there aren't any stones to fall out or get lost, and even if you lose the whole ring they're usually less expensive to replace. They even make fancier ones with cool shit if you don't care for the uber-utilitarian cheapo option:

Agreed that a simple cheap metal band is great for everyday wear especially if you're travelling or working with your hands a lot. I was warning more about how I've seen some less scrupulous sellers sell plated or filled metal without adequately informing people that you will end up with a less durable product that only lasts a couple years at best. If them being more disposable is a pro instead of a con, then they're a good option. Silicone bands also fill this niche, especially for people working in labs and workshops and such.

Basically just depends on what you want: a more affordable band that you might replace multiple times, or a single band to last a lifetime?

 

[John Andrews Stan]

I was warning

BTW my rating of your post doesn’t adequately express my appreciation for the effort you put in and the result. I feel like a separate jewelry thread might be in order, with that as the OP. Just a thought.

 

[neverendingmidi]

I also hate "destination weddings", it's arsehole behaviour to expect guests to shell out on a foreign holiday for you. See also: elaborate week long foreign hen do's.

I've lways thought destination weddings were a way to limit attendance, whether because you have a fuckton of family and don't want to deal with bitching between who was invited vs who wasn't, or for cost control.

Knew a person years ago who offered two options to their kid who was getting married, they'd either pay for an in-town wedding where they could have as many people as they wanted, open bar, the works... but they were on their own for a honeymoon, or a week long stay in Bali with 8 additional people they'd pay for the stay and flights for. It turned out at the time the prices were pretty equivalent, because both sides had huge families.

The people who want their wedding party to cough up $2000+ to attend (not even counting flights and wedding clothes) are insane.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

The people who want their wedding party to cough up $2000+ to attend (not even counting flights and wedding clothes) are insane.

Not so much insane as selfish and entitled. This is also the age of “destination” bachelor and bachelorette party weekends, too. Last year one of my (adult) daughters was maid of honor for three of her friends’ weddings and every one of them had destination weddings and bachelorette weekends, plus bridal showers she had to fly to and from. She didn’t ask me to pay for it so it’s none of my business, but I know she wasn’t thrilled they all expected her to spend so much money. (The good news is she now says she’s having a backyard wedding when the time comes.)

 

[rosecig]

Not so much insane as selfish and entitled. This is also the age of “destination” bachelor and bachelorette party weekends, too. Last year one of my (adult) daughters was maid of honor for three of her friends’ weddings and every one of them had destination weddings and bachelorette weekends, plus bridal showers she had to fly to and from. She didn’t ask me to pay for it so it’s none of my business, but I know she wasn’t thrilled they all expected her to spend so much money. (The good news is she now says she’s having a backyard wedding when the time comes.)

I always thought destination weddings were a polite way to cut down the guest list, but it seems like there are people who actually expect others to dole out hundreds if not thousands on multiple wedding events. What happened to having a bachelorette at your local bar?

 

[Return of the Freaker]

I don't think people actually listen to lyrics. The last wedding I went to had "Mr. Brightside" played at the dance portion of the wedding, which is about a guy finding that his girlfriend cheated on him. The song is catchy and the playlist was filled with the usual recognizable crowd-pleasers, but come on now!

My best friend's wedding this past fall, the DJ played not only "Mr Brightside", but "I Write Sins Not Tragedies". You know, the song about a wedding where the bride's been fucking other dudes?

 

[Rich Evans Simp]

Not me, but a friend of mine was a guest at a destination wedding. The hotel rooms were assigned based on the income level of the invited guests - so younger, single guests and less-affluent couples were assigned cheaper rooms and hotels than older, richer couples. My friend and her husband both have high-paying jobs but are super frugal. They were pissed but attended anyway and let the friendship lapse after.

 

[Lentil Soup]

Not me, but a friend of mine was a guest at a destination wedding. The hotel rooms were assigned based on the income level of the invited guests - so younger, single guests and less-affluent couples were assigned cheaper rooms and hotels than older, richer couples. My friend and her husband both have high-paying jobs but are super frugal. They were pissed but attended anyway and let the friendship lapse after.

Like I think the idea of a destination wedding is okay and can work out, but 99% of couples who choose to become self-absorbed monstrosities. They do not understand the giant ask they are making of their loved ones and they take it completely for granted.

I no longer talk to the bride or groom of the last destination wedding I went to (was given the wrong location for multiple events and the couple got pissed off at me for going to the locations on my invite lmfao.) I wasted PTO and like two thousand dollars so that the groom could yell at me over his own mistake.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Not me, but a friend of mine was a guest at a destination wedding. The hotel rooms were assigned based on the income level of the invited guests - so younger, single guests and less-affluent couples were assigned cheaper rooms and hotels than older, richer couples. My friend and her husband both have high-paying jobs but are super frugal. They were pissed but attended anyway and let the friendship lapse after.

The couple sound like a pair of cunts just for coming up with that setup. If I dragged my ass to a friend's wedding and found they were assigning people to first class and steerage, I wouldn't want to talk to them either. Wtf did the couple think that was cute? Or were they trying to butter up the wealthier people?

What color is your Bugatti hotel room?

 

[Rich Evans Simp]

The couple sound like a pair of cunts just for coming up with that setup. If I dragged my ass to a friend's wedding and found they were assigning people to first class and steerage, I wouldn't want to talk to them either. Wtf did the couple think that was cute? Or were they trying to butter up the wealthier people?

What color is your Bugatti hotel room?

It was in a very rural but picturesque part of the US, where there is basically no middle class; you’re either ultra-rich or in a service job catering to the ultra-rich. The choices boiled down to Holiday Inn level or Four Seasons level of pricing. Selfish assholes for sure. Neither bride nor groom had a tie to the area, they just liked the aesthetic.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Not so much insane as selfish and entitled. This is also the age of “destination” bachelor and bachelorette party weekends, too. Last year one of my (adult) daughters was maid of honor for three of her friends’ weddings and every one of them had destination weddings and bachelorette weekends, plus bridal showers she had to fly to and from. She didn’t ask me to pay for it so it’s none of my business, but I know she wasn’t thrilled they all expected her to spend so much money. (The good news is she now says she’s having a backyard wedding when the time comes.)

One of my kids is in a wedding next spring. EIGHT bridesmaids & 8 groomsmen. The bridal shower alone is 100 people and requires a flight/ hotel stay. Cost of wedding updo for bridesmaids is $200; can't wait to hear the costs for the dress/ shoes. Plus flight, hotel, etc. costs for the wedding itself. My kid is finishing college now and heading to grad school next year, stitching together TA/RA pay with another part-time job for spring semester since credits for graduation are already completed. $2000 is about 100 hours of work.

I paid every dime for my very formal and fancy, but relatively intimate (100 guests) wedding. It was not a destination wedding but also not quite local, so everyone was having to travel in one way or another. I put the bridesmaids/ groomsmen up in a fancy inn, and flew in and put up a friend (and her ratty boyfriend) bc I really wanted her to sing a hymn during the service. I had 3 small showers (local, region where I went to college, and where my extended family lived) thrown for me - so that I was the one who traveled, not everyone else. I asked my parents for nothing, because I was an adult.

I don't hate on a big fancy splash if you have it to burn, but expecting attendants to cough up hundreds or thousands of dollars for any/every wedding-related event is unnecessary and rude. Have the wedding YOU can afford, and if your friends can't, either cover it for them or change your plans.

Not me, but a friend of mine was a guest at a destination wedding. The hotel rooms were assigned based on the income level of the invited guests - so younger, single guests and less-affluent couples were assigned cheaper rooms and hotels than older, richer couples. My friend and her husband both have high-paying jobs but are super frugal. They were pissed but attended anyway and let the friendship lapse after.

Oh, you mean they were assigned and then also had to pay for whatever was chosen for them? Omfg!

 

[Grand Duke Snowfall]

Got another work horror story, but the wedding only really went sour because of one guy. So pretty late into the night, one of the guests got really drunk and started sexually harassing all the women. He got kicked out for this, only for one of the waitresses to tell our captain that he was back and harassing people again. And had apparently yelled about how he was going to “email the police” about this. A bunch of the male staff went out to deal with him, but supposedly he’d been thrown out by the family, and they were either ready to call the police or had them coming. I’m not sure what happened with him because I clocked out like 20-30 minutes later.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

It was in a very rural but picturesque part of the US, where there is basically no middle class; you’re either ultra-rich or in a service job catering to the ultra-rich. The choices boiled down to Holiday Inn level or Four Seasons level of pricing. Selfish assholes for sure. Neither bride nor groom had a tie to the area, they just liked the aesthetic.

Did they move into an apartment with authentic red brick walls, by any chance?

 

[Rich Evans Simp]

Did they move into an apartment with authentic red brick walls, by any chance?

Nope, a mini-mansion in Westchester.

 

[Otterly]

I wanted to elope but was overruled. Managed to keep it fairly chill.
Things I have seen haspen at/in relation to weddings.
1. Bridezilla forces bridesmaids to wear stilettos, including one who had just been in an accident and had metal rods put in her ankle
2. A Jewish catholic wedding where the families started a long running blood feud over religious differences
3. Venue caught fire due to drunken shenanigans
4. Bridesmaid shagging brides brother
5. Two massive punch ups at two separate weddings
Countless terrible behaviours over minor stupid shit like favours or table bows or decor
I’ve been to weddings in actual private Scottish castles which must have cost six figures and the broke up a year later. The best ones I’ve been to were almost all chill. Barefoot on the beach with pizza after, a campsite in a remote glen, a registry office. Oh and the massive Irish family ones that last days and involve enough booze to drown a small town.
If I ever get hitched again I’d keep it seriously low key - small church do, food and booze and music after. Wear what you like, no need for gifts. Turn up and dance, and be happy.

 

[Dr Naomi Hunter]

I dislike the modern trend of weddings for ordinary people being massive, expensive, choreographed events. A wedding is supposed to be the beginning of the rest of your life, why start it by spunking the equivalent to a deposit on a house? A wedding used to be in the local church with a party at whatever local function room was available.

100% agree. When you get engaged you should plan for a successful marriage, not an awesome wedding. The day goes that quick anyway when you’re the one getting married. You barely get a chance to experience it (or even eat).

Wedding trends I absolutely despise:

- Cake mashing into the mouth of the bride or the groom.
- The groom dropping the bride/pushing into a pool etc. That would be instant annulment/divorce if it were me.
- Bridesmaid dresses that don’t match or are deliberately ugly to maintain the bride’s ego. (I’ve actually seen this in real life).
- The hokey pokey/chicken dance.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

The hokey pokey/chicken dance.

What's the story behind this one? I've never heard of this being a trend.