She looks as annoyed as I feel. This is your life, Alex!!
She's still milking sick girl pity points; she claims she was afraid to put in her contacts and reignite her pink eye, so she didn't. Pathetic.
She has Anderson in her new Instagram ad onesie and wants to show us. She asks him if she can, and ofc he doesn't answer or seemingly acknowledge her, and she seems afraid to pick him up.
She shills her prime day video (CLICK IT YOU WHORES), and claims she and Yar spent two hours browsing Amazon the night before, shopping. Sounds like a nightmare.
She quite obviously, slowly, and purposely says their baby girl's name while rambling and staring directly into the camera, claiming they ordered all the junk for her nursery through Prime. She, of course, planned this rage bait, so she doesn't edit it out, but instead blurs her mouth and inserts a very fitting clown nose honk, and then over dramatically smacks her hand across her mouth in shock.
"I just said her... I said her name *guffaw*"
She lies and says she's so excited and it's starting to feel real. She addresses the amount of realistic comments she's been getting lately, holding her accountable to all her empty promises; she's clearly annoyed and trying to pretend she's been planning this all along instead of throwing a tantrum and begrudgingly doing her duty.
She claims it's "so different your second time around because you're so focused on your first child!" Bitch shut up. If anything is finally 'feeling real' to her, it's the extra responsibility she signed up for but will refuse to accept.
She starts to show her haul already, she can't even save content she will desperately need for later.
The crib:
The purchase says 'bought in the past month'. Idk how consistent Amazon is, and if it would say that if she just bought it the day/night before, but I don't trust this bitch to tell the truth anymore than I trust her to pass a 2nd grade general knowledge test, so who knows.
She's 'sticking with natural colors' for baby girls room.
She says the crib is from Stork Craft, so I'm sure our beloved item investigator
@often puzzled
Will find the item for us!
She says she got the matching dresser. Anderson babbles loudly in the background and she giggles exasperatedly. Learn and grow on your own time at day care, Anderson, this is MOMMY'S time!!
She found a tacky bow mirror 'on sale'. Seeing the underside of her nails gives me the ick, just knowing how filthy they likely are.
She got a new recliner! How expensive was the recliner she got for
napping feeding in Andersons room again?
She tries to wave away her obvious basic bitch aesthetic, but she claims it's fine because they're really good brands and quality, as if we care or believe her. She says she only got them because they were on sale. Uh huh.
She wipes her snotty pig nose, then jump cuts almost seamlessly mid sentence. She's reading her hate pages lol.
She says she'll save the decor haul for later, which tells me there is no decor still.
Anderson's curly little head floats around her as she rambles:, and she watches him take care of himself as she blathers on about going head on into the 'girly pop pink and gold vibes.' yawn.
She says she got more car seats, plural. She lists out all the seats she has so far: Andersons toddler seat and the Uppa Baby newborn stroller seat. But she anxiously explains that they need something for Yar's car, as she fully expects him on full time stay at home mommy duty for a while.
She claims now that there's two (kids), both of their cars need to be stocked. She intends to split them up, apparently.
She claims she got the Chico seat for $160 off??
She picks up Anderson after he pushes his little bike into her shins and babbles lol.
She bounces him around a bit and 'sings' to him.
She sings I am so cute, smart, kind, etc., then says they are starting affirmations
Like a hairless albino gorilla
She sighs heavily and includes begrudgingly that a plumber will be by this morning, because something of substance actually happened, a pipe burst in the basement. But it's not as cute girl aesthetic as she would like apparently, because she hasn't been blasting the tragedy all over Instagram for pity points, surprisingly.
"I don't know, how ownership, there's always something!"
She says she's being forced to take Anderson to run errands, and she ordered some of his birthday gifts early from the Amazon junk dayz sale as well.
"Can't believe my kid is going to be TWO! Ugh, I feel sick."
She claims every couple of months she watches Anderson's baby videos and cries. Uh huh.
Anderson is fiddling with something on the ground in front of her, and she nervously addresses him, asking if he's frustrated.
"One day your prefrontal... Cortex... Will be developed.*guffaw*" As if she has any idea when that'll be or what that's like for herself. Cunty!
Enough about her child, what about her stupid living room?! She lets us know Anderson is obsessed with the jack in the box, which is why it's in her precious living room.
She apparently found a matching straw lamp, and will put the mismatched lamp in Anderson's room.
She rambles about rugs again, and shows that they wear shoes around the house, apparently. I did notice Anderson had his shoes on earlier, too. Sanitary!
She jump cuts mid sentence to a seated location, apparently it's too much effort to stand in the living room and talk about it. She claims she's been using 'editing' so see how her ideal room makeover would look, which makes me think AI. There's no way she's adept enough with Photoshop or whatever.
She tries to get ahead of the criticism of her focusing on the living room before the nursery, claiming both can be done. Yeah, not by you though.
She then launches into the real reason she's procrastinating the nursery: Yar planned for her to combine their offices in the bonus room attached to their bedroom, aka the makeup dungeon. Yar's office will be baby girls room now. She doesn't want to think about or execute combining their two spaces; she can't conceive of a way to make it effortless and cute, so why would she be interested at all??
Good question. Also, it's nice to see comments pushing back more lately. Also, this:
Hilariously pathetic!
Anyway.
She's feeling self aware of her shit choices because she's so pregnant she's excused from helping Yar move and rearrange things, and they're planning to have relatives come over and help instead. Thank goodness she procrastinated so long, she almost had to do some work!
She rambles about having to downsize and sell/donate/trash some furniture.
She seems mostly irritated that she's being disturbed and has expectations to consider any lives outside of her own.
She says she's just overwhelmed (sure Jan), and then says her mom taught her an amaaaazing quote to "woosah" with: what's the best way to eat an elephant? One bite at a time is her answer, but I don't think she should engage in cannibalism, personally (sorry, that was mean towards elephants, they're actually very intelligent and emotionally mature creatures).
She THINKS she wants these cabinets to replace her black cabinets, too:
She says they're on sale at pottery barn.
She claims people asked how she's incorporating the couches into her coastal theme, but no they didn't. This is her excuse to ramble about her ideal aesthetic; she doesnt want a "full cape Cod, Martha's vineyard theme", just something that suggests coastal. She posts her Pinterest inspo.
She wants to copy the wall as rug decor of that photo exactly, and replace the painting with woven items.
She finally moves on to another dead horse to beat into the ground, yapping about needed more summer maternity clothes. She pulls down her shorts and pulls up her shirt to reveal her barrel gut.
She searched 'superfat maternity active wear no seriously ' and found a dress on sale from Kohl's, so she bought three different colors of the same one. She got the XXL maternity size from the brand Motherhood.
She doesn't know what she's describing, but essentially tells us that the difference between the maternity active dresses and the regular active dresses is the empire vs normal waistline. Because maternity, obviously.
Ever obsessed with poop, she excitedly tells us that her favorite part of this dress is that it's exactly like Andersons new onesies, and she doesn't have to take it all the way off to shit!
"Wait I am obsessed, guys it's so, so cute!!"
Look at that aesthetic bump!!!!!!
"Dare I say you can rock this non-maternity?" Yes. It's plus sized. And your body gives plus size, not maternity.
She expresses her relief that they technically fit and they're as easy as humanly possible to 'live' in.
Do you like them too? Don't worry... SHE'LL LINK IT!!
...and because she's going to link them, she has to come clean: they're technically not plus sized, just super extra large maternity. So if you have her fucked up body type, you're good, sis!
She disappointedly admits she has to get her blood drawn today, and call her doctor back. She's continuing to avoid health responsibilities at all cost.
She admits it's time for her diabetes testing! She reminds us she has had gastric bypass, so she can't do the standard glucose testing because it would "absolutely kill me!"
She's been doing finger prick testing for two weeks, apparently.
She says she's used to it but it's "definitely annoying"; every two hours after she eats she has to prick, so we know she's pricking herself all day long. No wonder she's annoyed lol.
She claims she didn't have any issues 'last time', and hopes there's no issues this time. It's a shame this is all out of her control!
But ANYWAY, a more important update is that she got another Instagram ad for a cleaning product!!! Let's waste ten minutes on that!!
She got got by an as seen on TV style ad, so she sure hopes it isn't a scam!
The brand is called Clean Safe Products; seems legit!
It's a spot and stain remover. She rambles about the nasty old couch in the playroom.
She saw the totally real and true actors rub the microfiber cloth and cleaning product on the spots, and wouldn't ya know it, it came off?!?!
I can't wait for her to discover the slap chop!
She's hoping it's a miracle cure and she doesn't have to use the couch covers anymore. It's clearly too much effort for her to remove, clean, and replace them.
She zooms in on herself reading all the advertising points and use directions. Apparently it's called Mr. Fabric.
Flattering.
The directions have more than two steps and confuse her with their complications.
She says she's done a bunch of spot cleaning on this couch already over the years, but some stains are permanent, so she's hoping a new product will actually be magic and make them go away.
Yikes!!
"Okay so I don't knowwwww we'll see when it's dryyyyyyy..." She used about half the bottle and isn't satisfied, because there are still visible spots.
She considers just hiring Stanley Steamer. She transitions to later with no conclusion.
She got her blood drawn or whatever, but more importantly!!!! She went to Walmart.
She got some Better Homes and Gardens "so perfect and summery" pillows.
She apparently ordered the jute rug, despite her fans warnings about difficulty of care, and she is excited for it to come in soon. It should match the lumbar pillows.
She calls the playroom the living room on accident as she puts the pillows out. Straight from the store, no cleaning first. She is the ultimate super spreader, so she isn't worried.
She wonders if the long pillows are TOO long. Pls kill me.
Finally, she gets some time with the love of her life: food. She was craving buffalo chicken dip last night, and big mama gets what big mama wants!!
She force whispers "ITS SO EASY", then yells at us not to be freaked out by canned chicken, easily the least freaky item in this video.
She forces in her WW friendly swaps, but she's not doing them today, of course. She still calls this 'high protein' though, you better believe her when she claims to be health conscious!!
She manages to keep from chugging her beloved buffalo sauce from the bottle on camera a la Chantal
The mixture is a slurry of canned chicken, various cheeses, and sauces in a pot on the stove, that she can then shovel into her face with some sort of carb vehicle. She does pretend she sometimes uses celery though!
She pretends to measure off camera, claims it's a tablespoon of each ingredient, and admits she just throws things in as she goes. You can hear the ranch being squirted in
She adds more salt (and pepper) too, because apparently premade sauces are unsalted in her mind. Hypertension, who?
"Do you see how it's like the perfect little serving size??"
She checks the seasoning with a whole mouthful, not a taste. My chef instructors' Spidey senses are tingling with rage.
She inhales it off camera, then revisits the now dry couch, where poor Bruno has taken refuge.
The stains do look lighter, and she thinks if she treats again, it'll be perfect.
She's an impulsive idiot with nothing better to do in her life, so she's going to return the long pillows, she thinks they're too long.
Instead shes going to get bigger square pillows to go behind the blue ones, because those certainly woke take up any more space that her wide ass needs.
The shopping binge monster has not yet been satisfied, so she randomly sits us down to search for 'plus sized jewelry '.
She claims she misses a brand called Arula (sp?) from Altered State (sp?).
She immediately decides she needs a new tripod, too, and orders one on the spot.
Her heavy breathing through her yapping is distracting and concerning as she rambles about not having this specific chinesium jewelry anymore.
She has apparently already tried to satiate her consumption demons, ordering plastic stretch jewelry junk from Torrid, but the itch cannot be scratched!!
She claims they were out of the smaller size so she was forced to buy the larger size, but she prefers them 'loose' anyway.
She got a tacky costume necklace to complete the retirement home chic look!
She's nervous it won't fit around her wide fucking gullet as she tries it on, complaining that the length wasn't listed online.
"Torrid?! This is on the longest one, and it's like a choker!!" Lolfat.
She bitches about being forced to use an extender.
Suddenly she cares about cost, but has no idea how much she spent in her shopping binge, so she looks up the price to see if it's worth the effort of plopping herself back in her car to return it at Whole Foods while picking up more snacks.
She has terrible taste and is driving by gluttony and sloth, so she resigns to just using an extender. Woe and pity!!!!
She begs for engagement and for the viewer to do the influencing for her, and asks us to share our cheap shitty trendy jewelry hacks.
Transition! It's later. Longest day ever.
Anderson is back from the day gulag, having a snack, and she's cooking dinner.
She shares unsolicited watermelon advice, then digs in with her filthy paws.
She shares her 'easy dinner hack' with us, because effort is too hard to spell, let alone apply.
She gasps for air like a fish out of water as she describes how thrifty she's been with the pre-seasoned chicken from whole foods for the past three nights; with risotto, with gyro bowls, and now with chicken Parm. She has the gall to refer to them as a small family ahaha.
She recommends we copy her example if we wanna be a big back like her, and talks grossly with her fucking mouth full, this shit gets my goat.
Moody transition: Anderson is finally unconscious and Yar has fucked off to wherever he's usually relegated.
She's still on her sickly Victorian waif arc, complaining about talking all day (which no one asked for), pretending she missed vlogging so much, claiming this is her third video in a row this week. Not because she needed to cash in on prime day clicks, but because she loves her job, y'all!!!
She manages to force a cough, and tells us she's probably doing too much for her clearly overtaxed system, and she's probably gonna take a break again.
She has nothing to say and is trying and failing to end the vlog elegantly, hoping the nontent she's force fed us these past couple days is enough to hold her parasocial followers over for a few days while she binges and naps, recovering from the minimal effort.
So, you know, whatever, fuck you and all that.
I'm starting to watch some of her older videos now too. My algorithm suggested her "new apt tour vid" from 7 years ago, and then "my new house" vid from 5-6 years ago. Neither had any mention of Yar. I'm interested to see how her life escalated kind of quickly (imo) into being a married mom of almost two
