CW - Childhood sexual assault, Transmisogyny, homophobic slur, genitals mention .
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Tomorrow is a traumaversary for Me - my father sexually assaulted me at age 11 on July 4th, 1997.
I am going to be a wreck - fair warning. The echoes of my father "not wanting a 'faggot' for a son" still haunts me to this day, still messes with Me 20 years on.
Earlier this afternoon of course didn't help with that incident with the cis dude I didn't want to give time or conversation to and he loses his shit and tries to attack me.
I fucking hate this day. I fucking hate the Fourth of July - the only thing that is bringing me more solace is that more people are rejecting nationalism and patriotism and I have surrounded myself with said people who share anti-nationalist sentiments.
Another thing that is bringing me solace is that this will be the last 11 months of an unwanted penis which its very existence is now numbered and being counted down at 324 Days at the time of writing this status.
I hope rather than me hurting tomorrow, I start healing from this trauma.
Preparing for the surgery ahead is part of that healing process. Granted, my father got away with what he did because the state and the injustice system didn't want to believe a sexual assault victim who happened to be on the Autism spectrum.
Granted, I had to suffer from 4 years of forced court-ordered visitation after that sexual assault with a damn rapist I was supposed to call 'father' or 'dad' until I had it in me to revolt against my father at 16.
If the motive of what my father did 20 years ago was to correct my sexual orientation and gender identity - He failed.
He failed horribly.
I am now a Lesbian Trans Woman.
20 years ago set me on a permanent trajectory to lashing out against this transmisogynist, homophobic, and patriarchal society.
He. Failed.
This shit society is now paying for that failure.
