Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

[Kane Lives]

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Since when Jake Alley is qualified for any sort of pep talk? Why would you even trust a shut-in gnome to give you life-changing advice?

On that note, is Jake implying he never touched a voice call app before? Is Jake actually more boomer than my mom now?

 

[Kosher Dill]

On that note, is Jake implying he never touched a voice call app before?

My guess is that he had to (or was encouraged to) install Facetime or one of those other video-chat apps to have a doctor's appointment remotely.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

He's talking about his beard right?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

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I cannot think of a single problem faced by adults that I’d want to talk to Jake about. Any chat would consist of you explaining the problem while he mumbles, “Yeah, uh-huh,” and waits for you to finish so he can talk about how that’s nothing, he had the trauma of [some social media bullshit with no relation to the real world].

That being said, he’s one of the few people who’s a bigger fuck-up than Zach or Wu, so maybe he could be a good sounding board, in a “well at least I’m not that guy” kind of way.

He's talking about his beard right?
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So is he saying he cut his flowing red locks off? TBH, the mental image of Jake with a skullet is an entertaining one.

 

[BScCollateral]

I like when Jake has no idea about stuff even he is presumably supposed to know about having spent half his life in games journalism:
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King's Bounty came first. From the same developers and same designer as Heroes of Might and Magic. Silly gnome.

I am foolishly intrigued by the news he plays Kerbal Space Program. Has anyone seen it?

 

[AirdropShitposts]

I am foolishly intrigued by the news he plays Kerbal Space Program. Has anyone seen it?

45 minutes of it: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/604897423

 

[BScCollateral]

45 minutes of it: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/604897423

Thanks!

It's a tough game, realistic enough to be completely counter-intuitive, and unusual enough that you can't rely on your knowledge of other games. So I won't criticize someone for being crap at KSP, especially when they admit they're not good at it. The game is notoriously difficult to get into. I'd strongly advise anyone interested to watch beginner vids on YouTube before "just diving" into it. The game gives very little feedback so I'm not sure you can learn by playing without a grasp of the basics.

Jake doesn't understand how staging works, and so his first rocket deployed its parachute at the same time he turned the engine on. His second rocket was staged in reverse order, so it decoupled the command module and deployed the chute before blast-off. I'd also suggest he prints out a list of controls, because it's not "immediately obvious" that "c" changes your view to inside the cockpit.

Not going to lie: trying to add liquid fuel to solid rocket boosters amused my dark soul.

 

[An Ghost]

Thanks!

It's a tough game, realistic enough to be completely counter-intuitive, and unusual enough that you can't rely on your knowledge of other games. So I won't criticize someone for being crap at KSP, especially when they admit they're not good at it. The game is notoriously difficult to get into. I'd strongly advise anyone interested to watch beginner vids on YouTube before "just diving" into it. The game gives very little feedback so I'm not sure you can learn by playing without a grasp of the basics.

Jake doesn't understand how staging works, and so his first rocket deployed its parachute at the same time he turned the engine on. His second rocket was staged in reverse order, so it decoupled the command module and deployed the chute before blast-off. I'd also suggest he prints out a list of controls, because it's not "immediately obvious" that "c" changes your view to inside the cockpit.

Not going to lie: trying to add liquid fuel to solid rocket boosters amused my dark soul.

About par for a game reviewer's skill level

 

[Karl der Grosse]

I now have this amusing image in my head of Jake Alley designing real rockets for NASA. Thousands would die.

 

[AnOminous]

I now have this amusing image in my head of Jake Alley designing real rockets for NASA. Thousands would die.

And despite it obviously being completely his own fault, he would blame "Nazis."

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

And despite it obviously being completely his own fault, he would blame "Nazis."

It's always the fault of that full on nazi von Braun.

 

[Konstantin Romanov]

It's always the fault of that full on nazi von Braun.

If only women hadn't been pushed out of the field of rocketry (which they created) we would have an intuitive rocket science which Jake could understand.

 

[AnOminous]

It's always the fault of that full on nazi von Braun.

But it was working when Nazis were in charge of it.

 

[lecher]

Jake gonna hit it big on Twitch

I've listened to his streams a bit, which are phenomenally boring. What stands out the most, apart from his general ineptitude, is what a total asshole Jake is.
I started to really feel bad for SFTheWolf, who has dutifully joined him day after day to stream for hours and hours on end, while Jake rarely acknowledges anything they say beyond his array of dismissive stock phrases, "uh-uh", "yep", "okay", "that's fair".
There's been some speculation on here what it would be like to play with Jake as GM and the streams confirm the worst of it. He shows absolutely no interest in other people except as fawning supplicants who should be grateful they get to pick the crumbs out of his beard, while he showers them with interminable Googleshng spew.
In conclusion, Jake is such a supercilious sack of shit.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

 

[Kosher Dill]

So was he treated as an authority before or after being thrown down the ravine?

 

[TheMonkeyMan]

Who has ever accused Jake of sleeping with anyone?

 

[Kosher Dill]

Who has ever accused Jake of sleeping with anyone?

Remember, in his fantasy retelling of his life people accuse him of sleeping with Glinner.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Remember, in his fantasy retelling of his life people accuse him of sleeping with Glinner.

He slept his way to the top of the aptly-named World Domination, LLC.

(I wanna see the blind-drunk day-laborer who whistles at Jake)