🐮 Lolcow Russell Greer / Mr. Green / Russell Greee / Russle / Brothel Prince / @ just_some_dude_named_russell29 / A Safer Nevada PAC - Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Convicted of E-Stalking, "Eggshell Skull Plaintiff" Pro Se Litigant, Homeless, aspiring brothel owner

[WhaleOilBeefHooked]

Here's the official lyrics to the Heidi song.

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That's the lost second AGT performance. After his slideshow impressed the judges, he was going to throw together a live band from members he recruited from FB and craigslist (presumably with Russ on keyboards, or maybe just dancing) and woo Heidi with that song live on national television, and presumably go home with her or something.

Since the judges discriminated him, there was no second performance so we'll never get a version with actual instruments and vocals.

There's 8 lines and 45 letters in the original. Only Russ could make a song that's less than the length of a single verse of a normal song and still cut corners. Also, what does the title even mean? "Has the Looks of Heidi Klum?" I thought this song was about Heidi Klum. That's like hitting on a woman by saying "hey, girl, you look just like you."

 

[The Great Citracett]

There's 8 lines and 45 letters in the original. Only Russ could make a song that's less than the length of a single verse of a normal song and still cut corners. Also, what does the title even mean? "Has the Looks of Heidi Klum?" I thought this song was about Heidi Klum. That's like hitting on a woman by saying "hey, girl, you look just like you."

It makes about as much sense as his plan for the original "I get you, Taylor Swift" song.

Which since she was supposed to sing it would be:

Taylor Swift, singing Russell's song from Russell's perspective at a law firm, about how she (as Russ) understands how Taylor Swift must have felt in a similar situation (feeling unappreciated at law firms).

It's a mindfuck and a half.

 

[FernandoPooTragedy]

It makes about as much sense as his plan for the original "I get you, Taylor Swift" song.

Which since she was supposed to sing it would be:

Taylor Swift, singing Russell's song from Russell's perspective at a law firm, about how she (as Russ) understands how Taylor Swift must have felt in a similar situation (feeling unappreciated at law firms).

It's a mindfuck and a half.

What are you talking about? That song was just a gift to show Taylor how much he appreciates her music and get her to open doors for him!

 

[cogsworth]

I 100% believe he watched the show and believed that his act was just as good. This guys is a giant narcissist who is completely delusional about his own abilities. Remember, he thinks he knows the law better than not only actual lawyers, but judges. He thinks he is good-looking and in great shape. So I totally believe he watched the show.

The thing is, he had all of his songs after this one recorded by someone else. So he must have been aware on some level that any recording he made wouldn't cut it. So how did this happen?

Russ seems to be aware that people can't understand him when he talks, so maybe thats why?

 

[FernandoPooTragedy]

Russ seems to be aware that people can't understand him when he talks, so maybe thats why?

My question is why he sang this and recorded it with his singing knowing that.

 

[SpaceAce]

It's just.... how? How did he honestly go through the process of writing this, listening to it, deciding it was ready to record, recording it, listening to it again, and deciding all it needed was a shitty slideshow? He wanted people to hear it. He wanted the world to hear it.

I am actually intensely jealous of you for not knowing the answer to that, and I don't mean that just in relation to Russ.
I have, unfortunately in my career, been hired on to far too many vanity projects than I care to talk about and they're all the same; it's almost always someone completely ignorant of the industry they want to, I shit you not, revolutionize with their amazing, genius idea and you should feel honoured to be part of their project.
I could probably pretty accurately script out the conversations between the studio workers/musicians and Russ as they try to softly explain that yes, maybe your vision calls for a 20 piece orchestra clanging in the background but with your budget you're only getting a casio keyboard but as professional musicians we can still make it sound good if we change a and b. No? You won't let us change anything about them? Oh and now you want to completely reverse c? But that will sound even worse with the casio. Yes I understand that that's why you're pushing for the orchestra but again, that's not in the budget and also still wouldn't sound good. Oh it would sound good and I should go back to school because I obviously don't know how to do the job I've been doing professionally for a decade? So should I cancel your booking or...? No? Oh okay so we'll go ahead with no changes to a and b, completely reverse c and if it doesn't turn out it's the fault of the casio keyboard.
Right. Can you sign the cheque now?

Ah memories. The kind that never fade no matter how much you try to drink them away....

 

[CausticMinory]

My question is why he sang this and recorded it with his singing knowing that.

IDK about you but that may be the best mistake Russ has made.
But that would explain why he wants other people to sing his ilk, he knows he sounds like Donald Ducks, and Slyvester the cat's inbred love child.

 

[Crispeacock]

Gristle is like a discount-discount-second-hand weird al Yankovic but with shittier puns (no puns) and even shittier lyrics (at least weird Al actually does fair work). I sometimes accidentally get Russ playing on my music when its on shuffle and I always forget to delete the bastard song. I honestly think he definitely watches anything to do with fame and fortune and getting it "quick" like AGT/BGT/Whatever because he feels he doesnt need to put in so much effort. He's probably there on a Saturday night or whatever slurping down his orange juice or chocolate cum and slobbering at the TV screaming "I can do better!".

 

[FernandoPooTragedy]

IDK about you but that may be the best mistake Russ has made.
But that would explain why he wants other people to sing his ilk, he knows he sounds like Donald Ducks, and Slyvester the cat's inbred love child.

You'd think he'd have figured that out before he posted it online but Russ isn't exactly smart...

He's probably there on a Saturday night or whatever slurping down his orange juice or chocolate cum and slobbering at the TV screaming "I can do better!".

While the actual artists and performers of the world who care about their craft look at other peoples' successes and go, "I want to try something like that." One of the many things Russ doesn't get about actual artistry. Artists create out of inspiration. Russ creates out of spite and lust

 

[WhaleOilBeefHooked]

It makes about as much sense as his plan for the original "I get you, Taylor Swift" song.

Which since she was supposed to sing it would be:

Taylor Swift, singing Russell's song from Russell's perspective at a law firm, about how she (as Russ) understands how Taylor Swift must have felt in a similar situation (feeling unappreciated at law firms).

It's a mindfuck and a half.

I know. You hit the nail on the head there. It's just so endlessly funny how Russell keeps insisting the song was just a gift made to make her smile when he openly admits he had ulterior motives. In his own book, (I know I reference his book a lot but listening to Rekeita reading it was how I discovered Russell) he fantasizes about listening to the song in a limo with Taylor and getting ice cream with her. Even among fans who actually had TS visit them in real life, she didn't help any of them get into the entertainment industry. I just can't fathom his insane thought process, or lack thereof. My best guess is that he thought she'd be so blown away by his awesome 86 second fan song that she'd beg to make him famous and suck him his penis, and when reality violated the script he had written for it he decided to sue.

 

[The Great Citracett]

I know. You hit the nail on the head there. It's just so endlessly funny how Russell keeps insisting the song was just a gift made to make her smile when he openly admits he had ulterior motives. In his own book, (I know I reference his book a lot but listening to Rekeita reading it was how I discovered Russell) he fantasizes about listening to the song in a limo with Taylor and getting ice cream with her. Even among fans who actually had TS visit them in real life, she didn't help any of them get into the entertainment industry. I just can't fathom his insane thought process, or lack thereof. My best guess is that he thought she'd be so blown away by his awesome 86 second fan song that she'd beg to make him famous and suck him his penis, and when reality violated the script he had written for it he decided to sue.

I think the most glaring example of his ulterior motives is the fact that before he sends out, or even teases his "gift songs" he makes sure to get them copyrighted in his name.

Because that's how you let her know it's truly just a no-strings gift and you want nothing in return.

 

[Chris Jericho's Penis]

I had never heard the Heidi song before now. Even after following Russ for over a year and being familiar with how completely disconnected with reality he is, I'm stunned that he listened to that and was like "yep let's put this puppy on the internet." It's just noise. It's literal garbage noise.

I am actually intensely jealous of you for not knowing the answer to that, and I don't mean that just in relation to Russ.
I have, unfortunately in my career, been hired on to far too many vanity projects than I care to talk about and they're all the same; it's almost always someone completely ignorant of the industry they want to, I shit you not, revolutionize with their amazing, genius idea and you should feel honoured to be part of their project.
I could probably pretty accurately script out the conversations between the studio workers/musicians and Russ as they try to softly explain that yes, maybe your vision calls for a 20 piece orchestra clanging in the background but with your budget you're only getting a casio keyboard but as professional musicians we can still make it sound good if we change a and b. No? You won't let us change anything about them? Oh and now you want to completely reverse c? But that will sound even worse with the casio. Yes I understand that that's why you're pushing for the orchestra but again, that's not in the budget and also still wouldn't sound good. Oh it would sound good and I should go back to school because I obviously don't know how to do the job I've been doing professionally for a decade? So should I cancel your booking or...? No? Oh okay so we'll go ahead with no changes to a and b, completely reverse c and if it doesn't turn out it's the fault of the casio keyboard.
Right. Can you sign the cheque now?

Ah memories. The kind that never fade no matter how much you try to drink them away....

So he probably had requests that were too ambitious for his budget, was warned that what he wanted wasn't going to work within those limitations, was unwilling to budge on his genius work of art, and the resulting product was predictably trash? This makes a lot more sense.

 

[cogsworth]

I had never heard the Heidi song before now. Even after following Russ for over a year and being familiar with how completely disconnected with reality he is, I'm stunned that he listened to that and was like "yep let's put this puppy on the internet." It's just noise. It's literal garbage noise.



So he probably had requests that were too ambitious for his budget, was warned that what he wanted wasn't going to work within those limitations, was unwilling to budge on his genius work of art, and the resulting product was predictably trash? This makes a lot more sense.

No, Russ did this himself, no studio involved

 

[GloriousScarf]

Here it is, Russell Greer's Heidi Klum song. The intro sounds like when my brothers and I played Mario Party and would deliberately fuck up on the Mario Bandstand minigame.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=FsSphkRdH8Y

Dude, WHAT THE FUCK.

It sounds like cats fighting over the old internet dial up sound.

 

[The Great Citracett]

 

[Dead Hams]

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That fuckstick can't handle a ha-ha emoji on one of his attempted jokes, but he puts it on an article about a funeral service?

 

[Walking Clock]

He sounds like he's doing an incantation to summon the Great Old One Plighthulu in that Klum video.

 

[DarkAlien]

Buckle up bitches

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

I see he has scrounged up some money for more hookers.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

Buckle up bitches
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Oh god, the best Xmas in July present of all would be Russell being turned away at every brothel.
Time to wonder who his new mystery date is! Or whether he hasn't selected a victim yet, and is just going to glom onto the toothiest whore he can find.