- Dołączono
- 9 Maj 2018
MTF troons always look like they have bedhead because despite growing their hair out, none of them know how to actually wash/condition long hair.
Now that this thread has expanded to general social media, here's OW streamer, newly split-personalitied troon Rammy/Brie/Reina:
Despite being your run of the mill MTF, he also has "split personalities from trauma" - which manifest themself on stream and on his discord for his stream:
A mental health update!
Hey y'all. It's been a bit since I've given an update on Twitter about my mental health, and I figured today is as good a time as any.
This is gonna be a long one.
So, in my last Twitlonger, I talked about the passing of my father, my struggle to eat and drink fluids, how I've been handling ADHD and how I planned to handle it in the future.
To sum that up quick:
- Dad passed, didn't get to say goodbye, outed by family and put into some VERY uncomfortable situations with a half-supportive family
- ADHD was affecting me more and more, and I was restarting medication to help
- Depression overtook my life, making it harder to work, sleep, eat, and drink fluids.
So, since it's been a bit, how has everything worked out?
- While I'm trying to eat more, I'm down 20lbs despite no change in physical activity outside of occasionally using under desk pedals.
- Earlier this month, I went somewhere between 60 and 65 hours without water off stream. That was... really stupid of me. I'm still suffering with dry skin, but thankfully most of the weakness and dizziness subsided.
- The one bottle of my antidepressants I found happened to be the one that was mislabeled with directions for a triple dose. My antidepressants that, unbeknownst to me and my primary care, interact with my ADHD meds. Serotonin syndrome ensued. Fun.
- Haven't talked to my father's side of the family since, and if I'm being honest, I dunno if I'll make that effort to. My father was my bridge to that part of my family, sadly.
So, that all happened... among other things.
Since my last Twitlonger, I've had some... You could call them symptoms, but that wouldn't really be doing them justice.
On top of my other issues, I've been experiencing:
- Constant headaches
- Gaps of memory
- Traumatic flashbacks
- Mood swings
- Feeling disconnected
- Autopiloting
- Losing hours & days (for example, doing stuff while time passes with no recollection of how the time was spent. Basically time travel, but far scarier.)
- Freezing up through spacing out
And the big one:
- Exhibiting two drastically different personalities at different times, with these memory gaps aligning with when swapping between them.
Simply put... I'm dissociating. Badly. I have a second personality, completely independent of me. Her name is Reina.
There are days that are completely normal. The days that aren't normal I'd describe to be something like this:
- Repeating things I already did that I forgot I did in the first place
- Feeling like there's a wall between my emotions and the rest of the world, alongside a disconnect
- Spend an hour frozen dissociating over the course of several minute dissociative bursts
- Waking up in places I don't remember going, while doing things I don't remember starting.
- Waking up to viral tweets I never wrote (bonus points if you can name the few)
I think between my father passing, struggling with college, dealing with verbal and psychological abuse at home, my family's display of transphobia, and having to dig through very very very very traumatic memories... I'd chalk these up to being the catalyst, but hey, I'm not a professional.
I want and need to see a professional about this. Right now, both time and insurance coverage are my issues. Also a fear of therapists and psychiatrists, but they are a necessary evil.
I've been struggling with this since before TwitchCon, but after spending time discussing my experiences with a few friends there, I've decided to be more transparent about it.
I've talked about my dissociative experiences on stream, and about Reina, but haven't kept everyone updated on Twitter. I'm sorry about that. I didn't intend to go public about this until I had a diagnosis, but that diagnosis seems so far out that I'd be waiting forever to be completely honest with y'all.
I wanted to wait because I didn't want to add fuel to the fire concerning dissociative disorders (DID, OSDD, etc...) as there's enough stigma and misinformation going on there.
For now, I think I prefer labeling myself as plural. Someone described me as having DID, and while that might not be incorrect (because we don't know) I'm not comfortable self diagnosing myself with something and potentially invalidating those who struggle with DID, OSDD, or etc. even if I share a lot of the symptoms and experiences of someone who does have DID.
I also feared discussing it because... well, I don't need another label attached to me to be attacked for. Despite the fact that I've insulted myself more than anyone, and anything negative you have to say to me I've already said to myself, that doesn't mean I'm ready to be someone's doormat. I've got enough on my plate as is.
But I want to talk about it! I don't want to hide part of myself away! I spent so much of my life hiding away my gender identity and my sexual preference, and I don't intend to hide myself away like that again! That's why I'm talking about it now.
I like being transparent with my stream. I don't like to keep things from y'all... So I don't, plain and simple.
This is me. Or, rather, this is us? We'll work out the details at some point.
I'm still me. I just happen to be someone else, too, I guess.
Right now, my priorities haven't changed. I'm sticking to streaming, loving Overwatch, and ready to keep grinding. Nothing about my work is changing at the moment, and I do not think I am going to change much of anything for a long while.
As I announced on stream a bit ago, I dropped a course to ease my mind some, and will likely continue college at a slower pace.
But yeah, I'm plural. Dissociative as hell, actually. I intend to seek the help of a healthcare professional, but time and insurance need to be on my side first.
Since it's Thanksgiving, I wanted to say how thankful I am for those who have helped me, put up with me, and have been understanding of my struggles as of late... Not only were there several amazing people at TwitchCon who helped me alongside my girlfriend, but several people in my community have done so much to help me understand myself and feel more normal. Thank you all - I hope to return the favor sometime, if I can...
I'm also thankful for the support y'all have given me over the past bit. It's incredible, the things that are possible with your support. I'm still in shock every day that I receive it. Thank you...
Anyway, sorry for the long post. Let's keep doing incredible things together, okay? I love y'all so much.
- Brieannah "Rammy" Ramos
Hey y'all. It's been a bit since I've given an update on Twitter about my mental health, and I figured today is as good a time as any.
This is gonna be a long one.
So, in my last Twitlonger, I talked about the passing of my father, my struggle to eat and drink fluids, how I've been handling ADHD and how I planned to handle it in the future.
To sum that up quick:
- Dad passed, didn't get to say goodbye, outed by family and put into some VERY uncomfortable situations with a half-supportive family
- ADHD was affecting me more and more, and I was restarting medication to help
- Depression overtook my life, making it harder to work, sleep, eat, and drink fluids.
So, since it's been a bit, how has everything worked out?
- While I'm trying to eat more, I'm down 20lbs despite no change in physical activity outside of occasionally using under desk pedals.
- Earlier this month, I went somewhere between 60 and 65 hours without water off stream. That was... really stupid of me. I'm still suffering with dry skin, but thankfully most of the weakness and dizziness subsided.
- The one bottle of my antidepressants I found happened to be the one that was mislabeled with directions for a triple dose. My antidepressants that, unbeknownst to me and my primary care, interact with my ADHD meds. Serotonin syndrome ensued. Fun.
- Haven't talked to my father's side of the family since, and if I'm being honest, I dunno if I'll make that effort to. My father was my bridge to that part of my family, sadly.
So, that all happened... among other things.
Since my last Twitlonger, I've had some... You could call them symptoms, but that wouldn't really be doing them justice.
On top of my other issues, I've been experiencing:
- Constant headaches
- Gaps of memory
- Traumatic flashbacks
- Mood swings
- Feeling disconnected
- Autopiloting
- Losing hours & days (for example, doing stuff while time passes with no recollection of how the time was spent. Basically time travel, but far scarier.)
- Freezing up through spacing out
And the big one:
- Exhibiting two drastically different personalities at different times, with these memory gaps aligning with when swapping between them.
Simply put... I'm dissociating. Badly. I have a second personality, completely independent of me. Her name is Reina.
There are days that are completely normal. The days that aren't normal I'd describe to be something like this:
- Repeating things I already did that I forgot I did in the first place
- Feeling like there's a wall between my emotions and the rest of the world, alongside a disconnect
- Spend an hour frozen dissociating over the course of several minute dissociative bursts
- Waking up in places I don't remember going, while doing things I don't remember starting.
- Waking up to viral tweets I never wrote (bonus points if you can name the few)
I think between my father passing, struggling with college, dealing with verbal and psychological abuse at home, my family's display of transphobia, and having to dig through very very very very traumatic memories... I'd chalk these up to being the catalyst, but hey, I'm not a professional.
I want and need to see a professional about this. Right now, both time and insurance coverage are my issues. Also a fear of therapists and psychiatrists, but they are a necessary evil.
I've been struggling with this since before TwitchCon, but after spending time discussing my experiences with a few friends there, I've decided to be more transparent about it.
I've talked about my dissociative experiences on stream, and about Reina, but haven't kept everyone updated on Twitter. I'm sorry about that. I didn't intend to go public about this until I had a diagnosis, but that diagnosis seems so far out that I'd be waiting forever to be completely honest with y'all.
I wanted to wait because I didn't want to add fuel to the fire concerning dissociative disorders (DID, OSDD, etc...) as there's enough stigma and misinformation going on there.
For now, I think I prefer labeling myself as plural. Someone described me as having DID, and while that might not be incorrect (because we don't know) I'm not comfortable self diagnosing myself with something and potentially invalidating those who struggle with DID, OSDD, or etc. even if I share a lot of the symptoms and experiences of someone who does have DID.
I also feared discussing it because... well, I don't need another label attached to me to be attacked for. Despite the fact that I've insulted myself more than anyone, and anything negative you have to say to me I've already said to myself, that doesn't mean I'm ready to be someone's doormat. I've got enough on my plate as is.
But I want to talk about it! I don't want to hide part of myself away! I spent so much of my life hiding away my gender identity and my sexual preference, and I don't intend to hide myself away like that again! That's why I'm talking about it now.
I like being transparent with my stream. I don't like to keep things from y'all... So I don't, plain and simple.
This is me. Or, rather, this is us? We'll work out the details at some point.
I'm still me. I just happen to be someone else, too, I guess.
Right now, my priorities haven't changed. I'm sticking to streaming, loving Overwatch, and ready to keep grinding. Nothing about my work is changing at the moment, and I do not think I am going to change much of anything for a long while.
As I announced on stream a bit ago, I dropped a course to ease my mind some, and will likely continue college at a slower pace.
But yeah, I'm plural. Dissociative as hell, actually. I intend to seek the help of a healthcare professional, but time and insurance need to be on my side first.
Since it's Thanksgiving, I wanted to say how thankful I am for those who have helped me, put up with me, and have been understanding of my struggles as of late... Not only were there several amazing people at TwitchCon who helped me alongside my girlfriend, but several people in my community have done so much to help me understand myself and feel more normal. Thank you all - I hope to return the favor sometime, if I can...
I'm also thankful for the support y'all have given me over the past bit. It's incredible, the things that are possible with your support. I'm still in shock every day that I receive it. Thank you...
Anyway, sorry for the long post. Let's keep doing incredible things together, okay? I love y'all so much.
- Brieannah "Rammy" Ramos
Frequently will switch from one personality to the next on stream, i.e.: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/512555163?t=4h48m29s
Which is followed by long intermissions to 'switch back.'
