Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

I swear, Kylo Ren shows up in absolutely every fucking thing Disney puts out. How does he do it? Does he just teleport based off of PLOT and the POWER OF SUE? He barely has any time to awkwardly stand around shirtless.

TBF Vader showed up just about everywhere and everywhen. You need to have your Big Bad show up anyplace you want some drama, I get it.

But Vader was legit intimidating and threatening, who was calm and collected. Emo Ren is a screaming cry baby manlet with a retarded saber.

edit: Vader sat back and just used his legend and presence to do a lot of his work for him, you could have presumably had just an imitator in the suit; he doesn't actually do any fighting during the boarding in ANH, and the Emperor had his force-sensitive guards, so you could presumably have had one of them put on a vader suit and pretend to be him, since his voice was being electronically modified anyway.

So since no one's posted it yet, here's how Disney wants its customers to see their ludicrously expensive hotel.
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Its just a redesigned Corellian Corvette-class cruiser made to resemble a cruise ship but with smoother plain textures. This is not how the hotel will look like obviously, the actual hotel will be treated like a spaceport that takes you up to the "ship" but there's supposedly a painting of this ship somewhere in the hotel and on screens to "stimulate the imagination". Anyway, the ship is called the Chandrilla Star, with Chandrilla being Mon Mothma's homeworld (which is now Space Sweden...) as well as the place where Emo Ren was born... Also there's apparently some kind of 2-night limit, not sure wtf is up with that.

Anyway here's what the actual hotel will look like:

Here is what it looks like as of early August.
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Here is the hotel within view of the Florida park (which is the white thing in the background).
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And here are the hotel rooms visible from the streets.
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Here is a map displaying the interior of the hotel.
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Suckers Guests will arrive from the right where the welcome area is (colored green) which will be referred to as the terminal, then they have to pass through security which is the "preshow", then they go into the elevator which they call a launch pod and it is loosely based on an escape pod from ANH (I've posted artwork of the design of the elevator pod before but I can't remember which page other maybe its after 550), then they arrive in the lobby (which is on the second floor and I will be posting that pic soon), the courtyard (colored dull green) is a really small room that has some plants and porgs... Its main feature is that it has rocks you can move around in the sand with The Force supposedly. The brown-colored room is the Dojo where you will be taught how to use a lightsaber which is why Disney cancelled lightsaber training in all other parts of the park (like why give something away for free amirite?), the Brig and Engineering are basically like shows where you can watch humans and RC droids manage the ship. TSR is the restaurant and like most things on the first floor, it can only be accessed from the second once you enter it via launch pod. The TSR is also based on Canto Bight from TLJ... And finally the long hallway (colored red) are the first floor hotel rooms which all have a BB-8 theme...

Here is the second floor.
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Once you board the launch pod on the first floor it will take you to the lobby (pink room) which is just seats, tv screens, plants and a large "hologram" displaying the captain of the ship. The orange room is the Cantina and it comes with a dinner show which was originally intended for GE, but then people would be able to see it with no extra charge, and we can't have that. The yellow room is the Boutique...

Here is the third floor:
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Just more rooms and a catwalk. Rooms are divided into lower class, first class, and captains cabins.

There's a secondary transport that takes you directly to the Galaxy's Edge park. Reminder though that despite being connected to the park and supposedly having more features than the park, you can't actually enter this hotel unless you have a reservation, not even to look around.

Here is a more detailed look at the lobby. The big tubes in the middle that look like elevators are actually where the holograms of the captains are supposed to be (both human). The four tables seen below are sabacc tables and are essentially the "casino" element of the hotel.
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The lobby will also serve as part of a shitty show where the hotel gets attacked by Kylo Ren and the FO who get into a fight with the hotel security and the resistance on the upper area of the lobby. This show is supposedly why there's a staying limit at the hotel. The lobby's chandelier will also be dropped down by Kylo Ren and he'll somehow move actors about with his powers. Kylo Ren supposedly hates the hotel because of illegal jedi training (despite the jedi supposedly being extinct except for Rey Sue).

Here is the hologram tubes of the captains. Supposedly Leia, Rey and other characters will be projected here. A droid is also there (however this may not be the case once the park actually opens).
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Here is the courtyard. Remember, the real thing always ends up far smaller than the concept art, much like GE.
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Here is the ship's cockpit which looks more like something from Star Trek than Star Wars.
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Kids will have an opportunity to take over the captain's chair.

There will also be flight attendants with dangerhair, so picture women like in @Jub-Jub's avatar asking you if you want some green titty tard cum. And supposedly a remote controlled droid will carry your luggage but there are no pictures of it. Presumably it will be some simple wheeled cart that makes booping sounds. Finn and Poe will also supposedly be in this hotel.

I won't cover the cantina/dinner show since I already did when I discussed the stuff that got axed from Galaxy's Edge back around page 550 I think.

That about covers the shittastic hotel.

Aside from that I also have new info about Galaxy's Edge datapad bullshit which shamelessly enough shows all of the cancelled characters and stuff that was removed from the park but shows them anyway to show off the lore of the park as if to rub it in your nose about how lazy they are but they don't care because they have your money.

Oh now it makes sense why they scaled back the park shows. As you said, why give something for free when you can charge for it.
 
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From what I understand, the reason Phasma isn't relevant is because they killed her off in TLJ, and they want this shitty park and hotel to be "consistent with the timeline and lore" of Disney canon. So they can't bring back Phasma since she's dead (although she was never great to begin with so her). This bullshit just horribly limits this park, much like how they limited their films.

Even though she still pops up in the parades? Like, it would be fantastic if she was basically the Kenny of the franchise, since she arguably should have died in the trash compactor in TFA (if not because it's a trash compactor, because THE FUCKING PLANET EXPLODED NOT LONG AFTER) but she randomly pops up alive and well in TLJ, just to die in a burning pit.

Except according to the expanded lore, the Super Star Destroyer was still functional after Admiral Tumblr light-speed kamakazeed the thing and was later scuttled for...obvious reasons...meaning there totally was a chance Phasma survived.

As for why there's a port day, it sounds like a stupid inconsistency despite their supposed dedication to their nu-canon, but if I were to give a shit then my personal way of trying to make sense of this bullshit is that the ship and its company are probably supporters of the Resistance (what with the whole jedi dojo shit) and they're there to secretly send supplies to the Resistance... Maybe? Idk. Its all so tiresome.
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That sounds so fucking obvious there's no way it can't be true.
 
Except according to the expanded lore, the Super Star Destroyer was still functional after Admiral Tumblr light-speed kamakazeed the thing and was later scuttled for...obvious reasons...meaning there totally was a chance Phasma survived.
SHIT! Was that from the fucking TLJ novel? They really might bring her sorry ass back then... As expected of Kennedy's self-insert.
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If they bring her back it'll just make janitortrooper seem even more worthless. IX will truly be the ultimate shit show.

Incidentally, should I cover Galaxy's Edge Datapad shit? Like I mentioned before:
Galaxy's Edge datapad bullshit which shamelessly enough shows all of the cancelled characters and stuff that was removed from the park but shows them anyway to show off the lore of the park as if to rub it in your nose about how lazy they are but they don't care because they have your money.
And in case no one is clear on what the Datapad is, its an app for your phone that you can use to scan shit in the park, find out what the fuck anything unrecognizable is supposed to be and translate the park's weirdly stylized aurebesh.
 
But Vader was legit intimidating and threatening, who was calm and collected. Emo Ren is a screaming cry baby manlet with a exceptional saber.
I think the reason why Ren is such a crybaby is as follows: One of Vader's most iconic moments was when he actually lost his shit and killed the Emperor. He had two big freak outs when in the suit: once upon hearing Padme was dead, and once upon seeing his son being tortured to death.

Now along comes Abrams and he thinks "wow, those moments were Vader freaked out sure made money! I know, I'll make my Vader have those moments ALL THE TIME! It'll print money!"
 
yeah but like the force wasn't awakened back then, now it's awakened so it's easier to force

They've turned the Force into Genie. Now with unlimited wishes

The lightsaber was a lamp all along ... starwars-forceawakens-lightsaber-chest.jpg

There's a secondary transport that takes you directly to the Galaxy's Edge park. Reminder though that despite being connected to the park and supposedly having more features than the park, you can't actually enter this hotel unless you have a reservation, not even to look around.

That's pretty off-putting for two reasons. The first is that part of the fun of going to Disney World isn't just the parks, especially if you're not going with children. Part of it is touring the different resorts, either by bus, monorail, or ferry, and either attending their events & activities or wining and dining at their themed bars and restaurants. There's nowhere you couldn't go regardless of where you stayed.

The second reason is more of a question: who is this for? This is Star Wars. Why do you have an exclusive resort experience about STAR WARS only for the richest Disney patrons? That seems so outlandish to me, like the idea of a elite (read: overpriced) resort and Star Wars doesn't go together. And to just pair it off perfectly, you've included a Canto Bight themed casino section based on a scene that ends with the rich patrons getting their pampered asses trampled by a bunch of goat-headed space horses. Is that gonna be one of the shows? I wanna go sit at a sabacc table there and sip from Corellian ale while I watch the falthier races and bet on the Millenium Falcon with Lando right before a herd of them bursts out from behind the liquor cabinet and make me speel my drink.

Fuck that noise. I'd rather just go a Zero Escape/999 themed resort. At least there I'll get the experience of a lifetime.

Anyways, this is in character with the way Iger's been running Disney so far. They're pretty much priced out the middle class of going to Disney ever again after they raised annual pass prices and everything else, including parking prices. You never used to have to pay for parking.

I swear, Kylo Ren shows up in absolutely every fucking thing Disney puts out. How does he do it? Does he just teleport based off of PLOT and the POWER OF SUE? He barely has any time to awkwardly stand around shirtless.
TBF Vader showed up just about everywhere and everywhen. You need to have your Big Bad show up anyplace you want some drama, I get it.

But Vader was legit intimidating and threatening, who was calm and collected. Emo Ren is a screaming cry baby manlet with a exceptional saber.

If there's one thing that's magical about Star Wars under Disney, it's that they preemptively defeat themselves by providing responses to their shitty donut steals for us:
 
You never used to have to pay for parking.
Pretty sure Disney Orlando charged for parking since at least the 90s. And as much as it does suck and I would always dodge the fees by parking at Boardwalk to "get lunch" it's not like Uni Orlando is any less bullshit about their parking fees.

It is total bullshit to pay for parking at those places, like you're parking at TTC to go up to Old Town or some dumb shit.
 
A spaceship themed hotel is doomed to fail the suspension of disbelief test due to one intrinsic flaw. They can't have automatic sliding doors for the various hotel rooms because it would be an injury liability and probably not permissible under the fire/building code.
 
So since no one's posted it yet, here's how Disney wants its customers to see their ludicrously expensive hotel.

My Cloud City Idea was better.

"Hello, I'm a Lando Calrissian look-alike, Baron Administrator here to welcome you to the fantastic tourist attraction that is Cloud City, floating above picturesque Bespin! The top fifty levels of this humble mining platform host the most luxurious casinos and resort facilities in the sector! Be sure to try the buffet, with delicacies hypered in and prepared by our award winning chefs. Take a tour of Bespin's colorful Tibanna gas formations in a chartered Cloud Car. Or simply relax at one of our many pools under the beautiful light of Anoat! If you have any needs at all, just tell my assistant Lobot or any staff!"

Imagine the Cloud Car Aerial Tour (with simulator pods)

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The beautiful suites:
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The premier dining room (Vader optional):
latest

The panoramic view on the ultramax screen surrounding the VIP 'landing pad' - an infinity pool in actuality:
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All courtesy of the smoothest gambler, his cyborg bestie, and sharp dressed staff:
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So why not come on down?
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SHIT! Was that from the fucking TLJ novel? They really might bring her sorry ass back then... As expected of Kennedy's self-insert.

I dunno, I just read that on the wiki that they somehow were able to still fly the damn thing. And I only bothered looking it up because I was wondering how the ever loving fuck you get the ship getting split damn near in half with every single one of the useless following Star Destroyers behind it completely obliterated by Admiral Tumblr, with what's left of the resistance getting to the planet of the Crystal Foxes, and yet the First Order is still somehow able to deploy a handful of gorilla AT-ATs and the giant fucking laser drill death cannon? They weren't anywhere near the planet when the SSD got blasticated in half and you can't transport AT-ATs in anything smaller than a star destroyer (if Rise is to be believed given there's two of them).

Incidentally, should I cover Galaxy's Edge Datapad shit? Like I mentioned before:

And in case no one is clear on what the Datapad is, its an app for your phone that you can use to scan shit in the park, find out what the fuck anything unrecognizable is supposed to be and translate the park's weirdly stylized aurebesh.

Might as well, just to complete the shitshow that is going on - I remember immediately not liking when I heard that they were trying to 'gameify' the experience by having every choice you make impact what happens around Galaxy's Edge, with a prime example being some asshole at the cantina trying to rough you up because you couldn't fly the Falcon straight (even if you were, say, just the flight engineer and were in fact the only reason the Falcon managed to return in one piece). Instead, absolutely NONE OF THAT is in either park, and really it's just some silly mini-game of capture points and other things you do with the Smartphone which admittedly is actually pretty good given the direction parks might need to go in the modern age now that everybody has computers in their pockets more powerful than what originally powered Disneyland itself back in '55, let alone launch Apollo 11.
 
I dunno, I just read that on the wiki that they somehow were able to still fly the damn thing. And I only bothered looking it up because I was wondering how the ever loving fuck you get the ship getting split damn near in half with every single one of the useless following Star Destroyers behind it completely obliterated by Admiral Tumblr, with what's left of the resistance getting to the planet of the Crystal Foxes, and yet the First Order is still somehow able to deploy a handful of gorilla AT-ATs and the giant fucking laser drill death cannon? They weren't anywhere near the planet when the SSD got blasticated in half and you can't transport AT-ATs in anything smaller than a star destroyer (if Rise is to be believed given there's two of them).
You can tell these films weren't made by fans of strategic warfare.
Might as well, just to complete the shitshow that is going on - I remember immediately not liking when I heard that they were trying to 'gameify' the experience by having every choice you make impact what happens around Galaxy's Edge, with a prime example being some asshole at the cantina trying to rough you up because you couldn't fly the Falcon straight (even if you were, say, just the flight engineer and were in fact the only reason the Falcon managed to return in one piece). Instead, absolutely NONE OF THAT is in either park, and really it's just some silly mini-game of capture points and other things you do with the Smartphone which admittedly is actually pretty good given the direction parks might need to go in the modern age now that everybody has computers in their pockets more powerful than what originally powered Disneyland itself back in '55, let alone launch Apollo 11.
Ah yes, you're referring to Harkos the Nikto Bounty Hunter who would harass you at the cantina? If they had kept that, it would've been fun to see how much drama that would've caused with more exceptional guests.
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I covered that and a lot more of other removed shit and according to Al Lutz, they removed everything including the public dinner show because they thought the park would make money just by existing and instagram whores would be enough to market it.

The smartphone/datapad concept is good on paper and I'm sure a less retarded park might be able to do something interesting with it, but the way it functions currently just seems to be a reminder of all that shit you're never gonna get because the idiot execs behind this were too retarded to go through with them. Its best use is simply translating aurebesh for normie tourists.

Anyway, on to the Datapad.
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Here we see its four main features.

Hacking allows you activate certain gizmos, machines, lifeless droids in the park (specifically the four outside the droid depot), some doors and lights. It also plays a part in the app's minigame.

Scanning tells you about certain things or what's inside containers.

Translation is what lets you read the stylized aurebesh in the park, like the Coca-Cola bottles...

Tune apparently let's you listen in on secret messages shared by the FO and the Resistance. Security doesn't seem all that tight ey?

The app also comes with a really boring minigame called Outpost Control which from what I understand is a watered down version of the park's original interactive choice system. It lets you choose between the FO or the Resistance by taking on tasks they want you to do and you have to hack or scan shit in the park to progress or take on tasks from NPCs which were removed actors from the park (which are mentioned in the micechat link above).

This is the only way you can know about the removed actors aside from the shitty new Vi Moradi book.

If you want info on them, I'll oblige but they're not interesting except for the "Queen" of Black Spire (the cantina owner) who I talked about before as being a "super badass" and an old friend of yellow yoda from TFA, and here we finally get to see what "she" looks like...

Hail to the Queen...
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Apparently the park was gonna be full of shitty nu-aliens but some oldschool aliens were apparently gonna be there too but as a minority...

On a related note, anyone remember the genderfluid character from the shitty Last Shot book I mentioned before (where the author got pissed that the pronouns of his character weren't honored in France)?
Well according to the book... he she zhe (fuck it) is wanted in 18 galaxies. Either xhe is the most powerful and wanted criminal in history (as is the case with tumblr characters) or intergalactic travel is super easy and might explain why the Disney galaxy is so underpopulated, everyone got out before shit went south.

There's also a character named Varg...
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
Is it just me or are there fewer posts now? Could've sworn we were entering page 661.

By this point it's my own fault for even trying to think they'd give a shit, but eight fucking teen fucking GALAXIES? Did somebody think "the death sentence in twelve systems" from that guy's in ANH meant galaxies?
The author has made no attempts to correct that and has stuck with it, only wanting to make sure that the genders remain respected... The book is pretty bad with questionable writing and inconsistencies, including timeline placement, ownership of the Falcon and Han's age, with the book making him even older. The only decent moment is the implication that Lando goes to an orgy filled with alien women, but that ends up amounting to nothing thanks to L337 and Lando seems too faithful to L337 for his own good... And his description of himself is... in character I guess but the wording comes off as rather crude and juvenile for such a smooth talker like Lando.
“Pants: Dark purple with a gold stripe up either side. Pressed and creased sharply down the middle, of course. Subtly flared at the hems over shined and waxed narrow-tip dewback-skin boots, sloping inward and tight toward the top. Tight enough for an bulge and insinuation of an ass; not so tight as to cut off circulation or impede a smooth cavort across the dance floor.”
He even does a "m'lady" at one point. The rest of the book is a real awkward mess. Its supposed to be about Han and Chewie, but Lando and L337 end up stealing the spotlight while Han is regulated to bumbling sidekick/r3tard. I mean Han is made to look like a complete idiot throughout most of it (as usual with Disney) but the real kicker is when he gets talked down by a Gungan security guard after Han starts trying to act nice by talking like Jar Jar... which gets him a long lecture and is then labeled a bigot...

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This is fucking humiliating and it feels so out out of place since the Gungan starts his sentence with "Bro... how many gungans have you even bro?" like some irl argument at a bar. Its like one of those PSAs about racism. Han is also revealed to have gotten an Ewok crew member for the Falcon 2 years after ROTJ who is female and a super genius hacker who knows everything about technology, programming, slicing, droid languages and repair... somehow, despite her species being hundreds of years behind and living in a forest tribe all her life. Anyway most reviews seem to range from meh to downright hateful and it even makes nu-fans ask Disney to stop or slow down with this constant onslaught of new releases. In just 5 years they've already caught up with 30+ years of EU media and Disney's is somehow even more shit filled and overloaded. Also before anyone asks, this book is supposed to take place between 2 time periods, before the events of Solo and after ROTJ.

On the bright side, it seems many nu-fans aren't too happy about the possibility of Rey being a Palpatine or the possibility of Kylo Ren dying.

This is all making me miss the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas.
Its everything Galaxy's Edge wants to be but fails at every turn.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
Some cretin powiedział(a):
“Pants: Dark purple with a gold stripe up either side. Pressed and creased sharply down the middle, of course. Subtly flared at the hems over shined and waxed narrow-tip dewback-skin boots, sloping inward and tight toward the top. Tight enough for an bulge and insinuation of an ass; not so tight as to cut off circulation or impede a smooth cavort across the dance floor.”

...this is like some ghastly sartorial choice that Bertie gets talked out of by the end of the story.
 
You can tell these films weren't made by fans of strategic warfare.

Ah yes, you're referring to Harkos the Nikto Bounty Hunter who would harass you at the cantina? If they had kept that, it would've been fun to see how much drama that would've caused with more exceptional guests.
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I covered that and a lot more of other removed shit and according to Al Lutz, they removed everything including the public dinner show because they thought the park would make money just by existing and instagram whores would be enough to market it.

The smartphone/datapad concept is good on paper and I'm sure a less exceptional park might be able to do something interesting with it, but the way it functions currently just seems to be a reminder of all that shit you're never gonna get because the idiot execs behind this were too exceptional to go through with them. Its best use is simply translating aurebesh for normie tourists.

Anyway, on to the Datapad.
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Here we see its four main features.

Hacking allows you activate certain gizmos, machines, lifeless droids in the park (specifically the four outside the droid depot), some doors and lights. It also plays a part in the app's minigame.

Scanning tells you about certain things or what's inside containers.

Translation is what lets you read the stylized aurebesh in the park, like the Coca-Cola bottles...

Tune apparently let's you listen in on secret messages shared by the FO and the Resistance. Security doesn't seem all that tight ey?

The app also comes with a really boring minigame called Outpost Control which from what I understand is a watered down version of the park's original interactive choice system. It lets you choose between the FO or the Resistance by taking on tasks they want you to do and you have to hack or scan shit in the park to progress or take on tasks from NPCs which were removed actors from the park (which are mentioned in the micechat link above).

This is the only way you can know about the removed actors aside from the shitty new Vi Moradi book.

If you want info on them, I'll oblige but they're not interesting except for the "Queen" of Black Spire (the cantina owner) who I talked about before as being a "super badass" and an old friend of yellow yoda from TFA, and here we finally get to see what "she" looks like...

Hail to the Queen...
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Apparently the park was gonna be full of shitty nu-aliens but some oldschool aliens were apparently gonna be there too but as a minority...

On a related note, anyone remember the genderfluid character from the shitty Last Shot book I mentioned before (where the author got pissed that the pronouns of his character weren't honored in France)?
Well according to the book... he she zhe (fuck it) is wanted in 18 galaxies. Either xhe is the most powerful and wanted criminal in history (as is the case with tumblr characters) or intergalactic travel is super easy and might explain why the Disney galaxy is so underpopulated, everyone got out before shit went south.

There's also a character named Varg...
You would think after Jar Jar they would refrain from using the suffix "eesa" in anything.
 
He even does a "m'lady" at one point. The rest of the book is a real awkward mess. Its supposed to be about Han and Chewie, but Lando and L337 end up stealing the spotlight while Han is regulated to bumbling sidekick/r3tard. I mean Han is made to look like a complete idiot throughout most of it (as usual with Disney) but the real kicker is when he gets talked down by a Gungan security guard after Han starts trying to act nice by talking like Jar Jar... which gets him a long lecture and is then labeled a bigot...

Wyświetl załącznik 919912
This is fucking humiliating and it feels so out out of place since the Gungan starts his sentence with "Bro... how many gungans have you even bro?" like some irl argument at a bar. Its like one of those PSAs about racism. Han is also revealed to have gotten an Ewok crew member for the Falcon 2 years after ROTJ who is female and a super genius hacker who knows everything about technology, programming, slicing, droid languages and repair... somehow, despite her species being hundreds of years behind and living in a forest tribe all her life.

For a period of time growing up, most of what I read & watched was Jesus-Media. This content varied from things sort of in the vein of Veggie Tales where Christian values are taught in a way that isn't explicitly Christian, to stuff that wrapped a more Christ-focused moral in a modern parable, to cringe worthy preaching with injections of hard-core verse quoting where everyone prayed constantly and the day was only saved by the Grace and Blood of Jesus.

This shit reads like the Identity Politics version of that 3rd category, where Jesus is replaced with White Guilt.

Nobody with any actual friends talks like this. Its the sanctimonious screeding of the most insufferable adherents.
And it serves no purpose in the story other than to let the author preach to the reader. The clunky dialogue is just meant to deliver your propaganda, and everyone involved is cardboard cuts outs in your morality play echoing your hard-liner views with zero margin for people with other views to not be ignorant or evil. And they drag the scene out for-ev-er.
 
For a period of time growing up, most of what I read & watched was Jesus-Media. This content varied from things sort of in the vein of Veggie Tales where Christian values are taught in a way that isn't explicitly Christian, to stuff that wrapped a more Christ-focused moral in a modern parable, to cringe worthy preaching with injections of hard-core verse quoting where everyone prayed constantly and the day was only saved by the Grace and Blood of Jesus.

This shit reads like the Identity Politics version of that 3rd category, where Jesus is replaced with White Guilt.

Nobody with any actual friends talks like this. Its the sanctimonious screeding of the most insufferable adherents.
And it serves no purpose in the story other than to let the author preach to the reader. The clunky dialogue is just meant to deliver your propaganda, and everyone involved is cardboard cuts outs in your morality play echoing your hard-liner views with zero margin for people with other views to not be ignorant or evil. And they drag the scene out for-ev-er.
And there's the reason why Woke media sucks and has such a high failure rate.
 
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