Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[qu_rahn]

Next is the most expensive drink(s). The Rancor Beer Flight costing 75 dollars with cups and holder.
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The cup holder seems to be stylized wood and the cups are some kind of porcelain which the employees claim are made of real rancor teeth, and if that's the case then they must have really shitty teeth then. This order lets you sample four irl beers with no fixed alien names despite the menu as the employees will usually refer to them by their irl names instead, like Sierra Nevada Tropical IPA, a New Belgium Red Ale, a Blue Point Lager, and a Ballast Point IPA.

I'll post the rest of the drinks in a bit.

Man, this is so discouraging. All that money and they couldn't even hire a brewery to come up with some original recipes. There's so many interesting and unique things they could've done just with the beer, but instead you end up with shit you could get anywhere.

 

[Jub-Jub]

I should note that waiting lines at the park went from 4 hours to a measly 35 to 15 minutes on opening day (and that's just for the Falcon ride which is supposed to be the main attraction) since the official non-reservation opening last week despite that Disney had initially said waiting lines all year would last for 6+ hours.

Sorry i know you've answered this, but i always forget... Which park is your friend at again and is that the main or the offshoot? Do you have any info on the crowds at the other park? I don't see much advertising or shill sites these days so TBH I don't even know if it's open.

Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?

@RomanesEuntDomus hit most of my ideas.
-Museum would have an actual movie stuff section, but the main section would be stuff from the SW universe. Examples would be Krait dragon bones setup like a fossil, famous mandalorians and their armour, death star/ship blue prints/models, etc.
-Simulators for famous battles, probably switch them around every few hours or each day for repeat customers
-Mine-cart style roller-coaster for the trench run.
-Swoop bike mini coaster, carriages for 4 people. 2 people sit next to each other and the other two a few feet ahead to simulate the Endor chase.
-Go Kart Pod Racing. Kart designs based off of: the pod race, Solo's car, Rey's landspeeder. Make them electric and have RFID chips inside that play appropriate noises at certain sections of the track.
-Petting Zoo and lazer tag areas.

 

[nanny911]

They should have made a building that looked like the Death Star inside. It would have been hard to make the outside look like the Death Star, but the inside they could have gone all out. There could have been a glass window with the tractor beam controls and every so often, an actor portraying Old Ben could have shimmied across, switching it off. Then you could have had the Death Star control room, a small hanger, the laser tube (with the laser "firing" every so often). Throughout there could have been meet and greets with Tarkin, Vader, maybe even Krennic. Hell, if they made the inside look awesome but the outside was an ugly mass of cinderblock I still would've paid good money to go inside.

 

[Creep3r]

Man, this is so discouraging. All that money and they couldn't even hire a brewery to come up with some original recipes. There's so many interesting and unique things they could've done just with the beer, but instead you end up with shit you could get anywhere.

What's worse is that their most popular drink set (the one with porcelain Rancor tooth cups and the wooden cups holder) is out of stock and they have no idea when they'll be getting more. The drinks served in the cups are just ordinary beer yet they're the most requested drinks... That and the Loth Cat shit are the most requested items in the park yet they didn't order enough of them, instead having a surplus of porg toys and porg beer cups. Only other toy that sells really well is the monkey lizard but only reason they're not out of that is because of how bloody expensive it is at about 70 dollars.

Also imagine how embarrassing this must be for the people in charge and the people who made this park. They predicted that the waiting lines for the Falcon all year round would be 6 or more hours, yet after opening day that shit dropped to 35 fucking minutes. Meanwhile in Harry Pothead land, Hagrid's motorcycle coaster is still at a staggering 8 to 10+ hour waiting line time. And then they make a whole town with zero things of interests to see outside of one ship and one store, and then they make a complete random nobody the star of the park and its "live show" and when she's not doing that she's walking around the park being a dick to people or acting nuts, and then compare that to all the street musicians and entertainers in other parts of Disney and you realize just how barren this town is. How do you fuck up this badly?!

Here's a video summarizing almost everything negative I've said about this park:

Sorry i know you've answered this, but i always forget... Which park is your friend at again and is that the main or the offshoot? Do you have any info on the crowds at the other park? I don't see much advertising or shill sites these days so TBH I don't even know if it's open.

There isn't a "main" or "offshoot". Both the California and Florida parks are identical in every way according to reports and pics. The Florida one is set to open in August which according to news articles will have both the falcon and the kylo ren ride functioning (although articles made similar and even more exaggerated claims about the California one, like saying it had dozens of rides before it opened). There has been no word as to when the California one's Kylo Ren ride will be ready other than "later this year" last time I checked. And my associate is at the one that's actually open.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

They should have made a building that looked like the Death Star inside. It would have been hard to make the outside look like the Death Star, but the inside they could have gone all out. There could have been a glass window with the tractor beam controls and every so often, an actor portraying Old Ben could have shimmied across, switching it off. Then you could have had the Death Star control room, a small hanger, the laser tube (with the laser "firing" every so often). Throughout there could have been meet and greets with Tarkin, Vader, maybe even Krennic. Hell, if they made the inside look awesome but the outside was an ugly mass of cinderblock I still would've paid good money to go inside.

Could be something that looks like hangar, where you climb into a "Shuttle" that rumbles for a few minutes while it turns around, you watch some video in the inside, how the shuttle flies to space and up to the Death Star, have a little fly-around the battle station, then dock.
The shuttle then has been pushed into another part of the building with the Death Star interior.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?

For me, the rides would be based off of the Battle of Endor and Yavin. I would have a playhouse for little kids that is based of the Geonosis Arena and Clone Wars.

The whole park would highlight all the Star Wars content.

 

[Adamska]

One idea I had was an event where groups of park goers are contracted to collect bounties on other park goers and some of the park actors as well where it serves as a pseudo laser tag/paintball run through the park where each participant can only get those on their list, and they get more points if they do not "kill" their target with a "fatal" weapon.

They actually are contacted and the big event is organized by say, Cadmus Bane, who is basically agreeing to supply the newbies in exchange for a cut for some reason.

Then you add in a doublecross with the FO employers marching in on you since you're deemed too dangerous and you have to hold out and play dodge until Resistance fighters can get to your position or something. Losers are pretty much out of the game, but can still play by serving as contacts to mark down and get other targets.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Sorry to double post and be off topic, but Rian Johnson is back to run Lionsgate to the ground, I mean deliver another timeless classic!

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Sorry to double post and be off topic, but Rian Johnson is back to run Lionsgate to the ground, I mean deliver another timeless classic!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=qGqiHJTsRkQ

I really hope this thing bombs like a motherfucker. The trailer looks meh, so maybe I get my wish.
The humor is terrible, I expect a lame "subversion" or a really, really insignifcant and boring script and what we have seen of the humor, it's simply atrocious. And what's wrong with the saturation on the colors. JFC.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

I really hope this thing bombs like a motherfucker. The trailer looks meh, so maybe I get my wish.
The humor is terrible, I expect a lame "subversion" or a really, really insignifcant and boring script and what we have seen of the humor, it's simply atrocious. And what's wrong with the saturation on the colors. JFC.

Whatever nonsense he farted out in TLJ will be present in the new movie.

Oh wow, a star of a shitty movie saying that fans have a right to hate the film! What a shocker!

Daisy Ridley: It’s Fair for ‘Star Wars’ Fans to Be Angry With ‘The Last Jedi’

The actress also tells USA Today that by the end of "The Rise of Skywalker" fans will know the definitive answer about Rey's parents.

www.indiewire.com

 

[Adamska]

Oh wow, a star of a shitty movie saying that fans have a right to hate the film! What a shocker!

Daisy Ridley: It’s Fair for ‘Star Wars’ Fans to Be Angry With ‘The Last Jedi’

The actress also tells USA Today that by the end of "The Rise of Skywalker" fans will know the definitive answer about Rey's parents.

www.indiewire.com

I like the pathetic bait that shitty news site tried to give you "You'll know for sure that Rey's Parents sold her for spices!", since unless they memoryhole and discount TLJ that's what happened.

No1curr at this point.

 

[Creep3r]

They should have made a building that looked like the Death Star inside. It would have been hard to make the outside look like the Death Star, but the inside they could have gone all out. There could have been a glass window with the tractor beam controls and every so often, an actor portraying Old Ben could have shimmied across, switching it off. Then you could have had the Death Star control room, a small hanger, the laser tube (with the laser "firing" every so often). Throughout there could have been meet and greets with Tarkin, Vader, maybe even Krennic. Hell, if they made the inside look awesome but the outside was an ugly mass of cinderblock I still would've paid good money to go inside.

Excellent. Incidentally, early concept artwork for Disney's Star Wars hotel (which still hasn't been finished yet and is being built exclusively in Florida) originally had it look like the inside of a Star Destroyer and then a Nebulon-B Frigate (Rebel), but they seemingly scrapped both designs and decided to go with something original... again. Instead they now want to do a space station-themed hotel based around Canto Blight (rather than a ship) that hovers over Batuu to make it more "immersive" and "in-universe" because everyone cares so much about that apparently and everyone just "loved" Canto Blight in TLJ... And the space station itself is just a regular space hotel whilst the first pitched ideas for the hotel portrayed it as a fun and interactive starship that would have soldiers, aliens and occasional space battles with little explanation needed.

But instead of that, you're getting TLJ's casino scene.

And if previous GE concept art is anything to go by, expect the real thing to look more boring than this or to have zero aliens and droids.

Many of the "promises" Disney has made for this hotel (most of which are likely bullshit or underwhelming as was the case with GE) are wide and varied. Here are some of them:
1: Guests will be given their own SW-themed costumes and jedi robes to wear in the hotel and become official members of the Resistance (they said the same thing about GE)
2: Hotel will offer lightsaber training
3: Staff will be dressed as aliens (they said the same thing about GE)
4: Remote-controlled butler droids who carry your luggage
5: Hotel will be entered via a simulation taking place aboard a ship that will take you to the station
6: You will enter and exit your rooms via an escape pod-like shuttle that will transport you to and from Batuu (they said the same thing about GE)
7: Rooms are styled to have a BB-8 aesthetic
8: Magic Bands will be used to track your "reputation" as well as you give you a fake SW name as you "roleplay" through the land (they said the same thing about GE)
9: High reputation means you'll get called to do secret missions (they said the same thing about GE)
10: Their will be lobbies filled with aliens you can interact with (they said the same thing about GE)
11: Food and drinks will be "all-inclusive" and incorporate healthy and vegan items (they said the same thing about GE and this one turned out to be true with blue soy milk)
12: There will be a cantina band in the hotel's private cantina

Expect half or most of these to be bullshit glorified by journalists. Also unless you're actually staying at the hotel, you're not allowed in despite that its connected right to Batuu. And a cancelled dinner show restaurant that was intended for GE's cantina will be moving to the hotel since Disney must've realized that you were getting a free show at the park, so might as well move it to the hotel and make people pay extra to see that shit there.

The hotel will cover about 9.5 acres and will be just south of GE.

Here are some pics of the hotel still under construction:

“It’s unlike anything that exists today.” said Bob Chapek, chairman of Walt Disney Parks & Resorts, while announcing the hotel, the Orlando Sentinel reported. “It is 100 percent immersive, and the story will touch every single minute of your day, and it will culminate in a unique journey for every person who visits.”

Blow it out your ass Bob.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

A Canto Bight themed Hotel might be neat in theory. Canto Bight as a location looked pretty cool and it is potentially interesting to see such a part of the Galaxy far, far away. The problems with Canto Bight are that the whole subplot of going there was pointless, the aliens there looked like shit and that it just was a very hamfisted and stupid jab at capitalism or the military-industrial complex or whatever.
And as a location for a SW themed Hotel, it's clearly less impressive and interesting than a Rebell or Imperial Spaceship. Especially when you imagine some sort of panorama window with a giant screen that runs videos of space battles or something.
Is there any way for them to actually make the Hotel a Casino? If that's possible, I would not be surprised if they would use cheap SW-themed slotmachines to nickel and dime their patrons, too.

 

[BScCollateral]

On the other hand, Canto Bight has the advantage of being, well, a hotel. So you're not breaking immersion when your room is nicer than a sleeping cabin on a train, or you sit down in a restaurant instead of lining up in the mess.

 

[Creep3r]

Is there any way for them to actually make the Hotel a Casino? If that's possible, I would not be surprised if they would use cheap SW-themed slotmachines to nickel and dime their patrons, too.

They gotta m;lk their rich hotel-staying guests for every penny they got, so no doubt a big fat rigged-casino may be put in along with all manner of other money-sucking pleasure devices, like depositing 5 dollars to have your mattress vibrate. And if this dumb hotel does end up having aliens and droids, they'll all probably be the same ugly and donut steal ones from TLJ and TFA. An arcade may also be put in there instead of the actual park to m;lk your rich tots for every cent they got too.

Bog Iger and Bob Chapek pictured in front of the unveiling of Galaxy's Edge, circa 2019.
"I love mone-er I mean kids!" - The Bobs

I mean seriously, this whole thing reeks of Krabby Land.

On the other hand, Canto Bight has the advantage of being, well, a hotel. So you're not breaking immersion when your room is nicer than a sleeping cabin on a train, or you sit down in a restaurant instead of lining up in the mess.

I think actual fun and enjoyment are more important than immersion, especially when "immersive roleplaying" is a non-existent yet advertised factor in these parks (and look how well "immersion" turned out for GE with waiting lines down from 6 hours, to 35 minutes and now down to 25-20 minutes). They could just make the room fancy regardless if its on a warship and no one would care if its not military-themed as long as it and the hotel are actually fun instead of just having an overblown casino filled with ugly creeps everywhere. Much like @nanny911 said in regards to having a Death Star attraction. No one would care as to why troopers allow you inside the Death Star as long as you're in it. Hell, sleeping in a Jawa Sandcrawler-themed hotel with junk and droid parts in my room sounds a hell of a lot more fun and an escape from the norm than this. This is supposed to be a Disney hotel, not some 5 star hotel with space windows. For that you may as well go to a regular hotel or a space-themed hotel of which there are already many if all Disney is gonna do is make a hotel based around a hotel.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

They gotta m;lk their rich hotel-staying guests for every penny you got, so no doubt a big fat rigged-casino may be put in along with all manner of other money-sucking pleasure devices, like depositing 5 dollars to have your mattress vibrate. And if this dumb hotel does end up having aliens and droids, they'll all probably be the same ugly and donut steal ones from TLJ and TFA. An arcade may also be put in there instead of the actual park to m;lk your rich tots for every cent they got too.
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Bog Iger and Bob Chapek pictured in front of the unveiling of Galaxy's Edge, circa 2019.
"I love mone-er I mean kids!" - The Bobs

I mean seriously, this whole thing reeks of Krabby Land.


I think actual fun and enjoyment are more important than immersion, especially when "roleplaying" is a non-existent yet advertised factor in these parks. You just make the room fancy regardless if its on a warship and no one would care if its not military-themed as long as it and the hotel are actually fun instead of just having an overblown casino filled with ugly creeps everywhere. Much like @nanny911 said in regards to having a Death Star attraction. No one would care as to why troopers allow you inside the Death Star as long as you're in it. Hell, sleeping in a Jawa Sandcrawler-themed hotel with junk and droid parts in my room sounds a hell of a lot more fun than this. This is supposed to be a Disney hotel, not some 5 star hotel with space windows. For that you may as well go to a regular hotel.

And to add to that: You could make the Rebell Ship a Mon Kalamari design, those ships are (afaik) converted cruise ships.

As for the Casino aspect. I dunno how laws work in that state, but would it be possible to abstract the gambling aspect down as a sort of "it's just a game!" thing to a point, where you get a loophole? In Japan, gambling for money is illegal, so you win an object as a prize that you can then sell to a different store in exchange for money (and said store is owned by the same guys as the pachinko-parlor).
I would laugh my ass off if they opened a gambling den with Itchy-and-Scratchy-money, which you can use to throw it into a one-armed-bandit or use it to buy shitty toys and food.

 

[Judge Holden]

How about a conspiracy theory?

Disney isnt stupid when it comes to parks. They pretty much wrote the book on it and have mastered it to a near artform. However they also have several billion reasons to not want to throw absolutely insane amounts of money at a financial gamble that would be a fully fledged "star wars park" especially after the numbers started coming back from nu-star wars. However for whatever reason, be it contractual obligation or persistent agitation by people from nu-lucasarts they found themselves in the position where they were under a lot of pressure to create such a park.

Thus disney decided on a "trial run" that is this shitshow, and intentionally cut every cost imaginable and made sure none of their a-list or even b-list imagineers were puting work into it, promising everyone demanding a park that "oh we totally will but first we need to make sure there is a market for it" in order to relieve pressure until the numbers come back terrible and thus give them an out to say "well we tried but alas it was not to be" and give up after doing the absolute barest minimum

Basically if this theory is true then Galaxy's edge is little more than a sacrificial lamb to be slaughtered in order to avoid an early-euro-disney tier disaster while maintaining plausible deniability for those giving the orders

Or maybe the house of rats is just getting lazier and greedier and less subtle in its old age and is one financial year away from selling Rose flavoured Canned Coochie

 

[Creep3r]

How about a conspiracy theory?

Disney isnt stupid when it comes to parks. They pretty much wrote the book on it and have mastered it to a near artform. However they also have several billion reasons to not want to throw absolutely insane amounts of money at a financial gamble that would be a fully fledged "star wars park" especially after the numbers started coming back from nu-star wars. However for whatever reason, be it contractual obligation or persistent agitation by people from nu-lucasarts they found themselves in the position where they were under a lot of pressure to create such a park.

Thus disney decided on a "trial run" that is this shitshow, and intentionally cut every cost imaginable and made sure none of their a-list or even b-list imagineers were puting work into it, promising everyone demanding a park that "oh we totally will but first we need to make sure there is a market for it" in order to relieve pressure until the numbers come back terrible and thus give them an out to say "well we tried but alas it was not to be" and give up after doing the absolute barest minimum

Basically if this theory is true then Galaxy's edge is little more than a sacrificial lamb to be slaughtered in order to avoid an early-euro-disney tier disaster while maintaining plausible deniability for those giving the orders

https://youtube.com/watch?v=yPkR3T6Mi3A

I actually could believe this if they hadn't wasted so much money on two identical parks and the fact that this shit park has been in production long before TLJ, BFII and Solo shook Lucasfilm to its core. Unless that's also part of some trial run conspiracy to see which state would be willing to pay up more for a Star Wars park, and with some more tweaking (probably 2 or 3 years worth), these shitty parks could be converted into Yavin and/or Tatooine.

Or maybe the mouse is just getting lazier and greedier and less subtle in its old age and is one financial year away from selling Holdo flavoured Canned Coochie

But personally I'm more inclined to believe this one.

Edit: WTF I love Uncle Al

 

[Kyria the Great]

I mean seriously, this whole thing reeks of Krabby Land.

Damnit you beat me to this you glorious bastard!!!!!. All and all I am not sure how much of this is arrogance, ineptness, cheapness, or sheer contempt as they all seem to come in equal force.

 

[BScCollateral]

They could just make the room fancy regardless if its on a warship and no one would care if its not military-themed as long as it and the hotel are actually fun instead of just having an overblown casino filled with ugly creeps everywhere.

Eh, I dunno. Visiting a Rebel or Imperial battlecruiser would be a great attraction, but as a hotel theme?

"Welcome aboard the Imperial Battlecruiser Death Shadow. The breakfast buffet is open at six. If there's anything you need to make your stay more comfortable, or if you've forgotten any toiletries, please don't hesitate to call the Admiral."