Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

So... Disney apparently released a comic where Luke gets his mind infiltrated by Palpatine in between ESB and ROTJ, who plants the idea of abondoning the Rebells in favor of becoming a farmer instead... and this might supposedly explain why he later on did that, according to this video.
Let's wait and see if Sheev will let it drop that he instigated Luke's fall somehow, from his hideout on Endor.

And when it comes to GE, I just realized that a few weeks ago, I had to go somewhere via ferry, which took roughly 45 minutes and the ferry had better means of distractions on board than GE. There were several restaurants, bistros and cafés (a starbucks even) and there was an arcade with motorcycle-vidya, that you'd control sitting on a bike.
How sad is it that some random ferry offers more things than a theme park?

Which brings me to one more thing: Amongst all scenes in SW, one of the most iconic scenes is when Luke and Leia hop on speeder bikes and race through the forests of Endor, why don't they have an arcade game featuring that in the park?
 
Which brings me to one more thing: Amongst all scenes in SW, one of the most iconic scenes is when Luke and Leia hop on speeder bikes and race through the forests of Endor, why don't they have an arcade game featuring that in the park?

Because it would remind people of the OT, that their movies at best can only be pale imitations of the real Star Wars and Disney doesn't want to remind people that they are Diet Star Wars.
 
I went looking for pictures of the Avatar land since I hadn't seen it and found a review on the Verge (ehh) with a bunch of pictures, and a now hilarious quote:

Like so much of Pandora: World of Avatar, all of the richly detailed scenery that we passed by on our long walk(s) to the Flight of Passage chamber made us realize just how insane Star Wars land will be. Just look at that picture above and tell me you don’t see a Rebel bunker. —James Bareham
 
I'm still fucking amazed at how this turned out. 2.8 billion dollars down the drain on all of this...


The shops are so dull too. I mean in Diagon Alley, each of the major stores was set up in such a way to look like the movie. Even if you didn't buy anything, it was worth it to go inside to take pictures. Every part of the whole area had little nooks and crannies that were photogenic.

This place looks like a fleamarket near me, where people rent a storage unit area and sell stuff from it. MLMs are frequent. The stores are so bland, with shelves and not much else. Once you've looked at the merchandise (or lack thereof) there's no reason to hang around.
Pretty much. The only store in the park that comes close to being like something from Diagon Alley is Dok's store of "shit Disney wants you to forget". But even then the lame merchandise takes up more space than the cool shit that's not for sale. I mean all the best stuff is on the second floor and you can't even go up there. There's even a stuffed life-size wampa up there that people would kill to have their pictures taken with.

So... Disney apparently released a comic where Luke gets his mind infiltrated by Palpatine in between ESB and ROTJ, who plants the idea of abondoning the Rebells in favor of becoming a farmer instead... and this might supposedly explain why he later on did that, according to this video.
Let's wait and see if Sheev will let it drop that he instigated Luke's fall somehow, from his hideout on Endor.

And when it comes to GE, I just realized that a few weeks ago, I had to go somewhere via ferry, which took roughly 45 minutes and the ferry had better means of distractions on board than GE. There were several restaurants, bistros and cafés (a starbucks even) and there was an arcade with motorcycle-vidya, that you'd control sitting on a bike.
How sad is it that some random ferry offers more things than a theme park?

Which brings me to one more thing: Amongst all scenes in SW, one of the most iconic scenes is when Luke and Leia hop on speeder bikes and race through the forests of Endor, why don't they have an arcade game featuring that in the park?
The reason for the lack of arcade rides (aside from the Millennium Falcon) is because Disney wanted to make this park "truly immersive for a roleplaying experience", so having arcades machines was a no-no (because they seem to think arcades wouldn't exist in SW land) even though you're not allowed to truly roleplay at this park, and they're only being more lax about some costumes now to maintain attendance. I mean who the fuck gives a shit about roleplay except hardcore fa/tg/uys who LARP on weekends? Most of those types were driven away when Disney stopped pandering to them and those that were left were pushed further away for supposed bigotry. But even if that hadn't been the case, what's the point of this LARPing experience at a park when its so bloody restricted? Just build a damn arcade. Or hell add a hairy bantha that doesn't even need to be an animatronic, just a statue with a puppeteered head kids can ride on and adults can take pictures with. And how is this place supposed to make you feel like SW when there's only two familiar aliens in the whole damn place, them being a wookie (using an outdated costume) and an ithorian.

I'm convinced anyone in this thread or even some random bum across the street could design a better park than the one Disney set up. Seriously, even a fucking crack-addict might be able to do a better job. Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
I'm still fucking amazed at how this turned out. 2.8 billion dollars down the drain on all of this...



Pretty much. The only store in the park that comes close to being like something from Diagon Alley is Dok's store of "shit Disney wants you to forget". But even then the lame merchandise takes up more space than the cool shit that's not for sale. I mean all the best stuff is on the second floor and you can't even go up there. There's even a stuffed life-size wampa up there that people would kill to have their pictures taken with.


The reason for the lack of arcade rides (aside from the Millennium Falcon) is because Disney wanted to make this park "truly immersive for a roleplaying experience", so having arcades machines was a no-no even though you're not allowed to truly roleplay at this park, and they're only being more lax about some costumes now to maintain attendance. I mean who the fuck gives a shit about roleplay except hardcore fa/tg/uys who LARP on weekends? Most of those types were driven away when Disney stopped pandering to them and those that were left were pushed further away for supposed bigotry. But even if that hadn't been the case, what's the point of this LARPing experience at a park when its so bloody restricted? Just build a damn arcade. Or hell add a hairy bantha that doesn't even need to be an animatronic, just a statue with a puppeteered head kids can ride on and adults can take pictures with. And how is this place supposed to make you feel like SW when there's only two familiar aliens in the whole damn place, them being a wookie (using an outdated costume) and an ithorian.

I'm convinced anyone in this thread or even some random bum across the street could design a better park than the one Disney set up. Seriously, even a fucking crack-addict might be able to do a better job. Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?
There's a thing that shows up every year at DragonCon in the arcade area that has little pods that are a Gundam type thing, where inside of the pod you are playing like you're piloting a mecha suit, and all of the pods are in the same virtual space where you beat the shit out of each other.

Do something like that. If you sign on as Resistance you get a x-wing type fighter, if you sign on as First Order you get a tie fighter. Give each a different behavior, maybe x-wings are faster and ties are more manuverable. X-wings have shields, but ties have stronger weapons, but you can only be one or the other for that day depending on what you chose as an alliance. Gives people a reason to come back and try something else.

Edit: found what I was talking about- BattleTech Centers
 
There's a thing that shows up every year at DragonCon in the arcade area that has little pods that are a Gundam type thing, where inside of the pod you are playing like you're piloting a mecha suit, and all of the pods are in the same virtual space where you beat the shit out of each other.

Do something like that. If you sign on as Resistance you get a x-wing type fighter, if you sign on as First Order you get a tie fighter. Give each a different behavior, maybe x-wings are faster and ties are more manuverable. X-wings have shields, but ties have stronger weapons, but you can only be one or the other for that day depending on what you chose as an alliance. Gives people a reason to come back and try something else.

Edit: found what I was talking about- BattleTech Centers
Even the designs of those pods look SW-ish. Seriously, if Disney wanted to preserve their little "in-universe" gimmick, they could've added a Resistance base that has an underground training area full of "simulators" like those pods which are just arcade machines that wouldn't even be limited to ships. There are plenty of Japanese companies who would love to develop some games for an SW arcade. But even then, Disney would just have the same idiots who made the Porg simulator design those games like they did with the Millennium Falcon, which almost no one (except for a party of six nerds who came together) has been able to beat with a good score. Worst part is the Falcon ride is the most underwhelming thing at the park. With non-pilot roles being boring as shit, and the enjoyment and experience depending entirely on who you're stuck with, like a few videos of people stuck in the back seats while the pilots have no idea what to do and just crash the ship as early as possible effectively nullifying all that time you had to wait to get on the ride. Best chance for a decent time in that ride is to go to the park with a party of six people you know and trust.
 
A spacefighter game where you get to compete with other parkgoers would be a lot of fun, except for the fact some of those people are grandmothers and five-year-old kids who cry when the competition gets too hard. Fine for an online experience where the kids have time to git gud, but I'm not sure it's suitable for a park where you legitimately want everyone to "win." Single player games where the difficulty scales against the player might be a better choice.

I'm a huge museum sperg, and I'd like to see some fictional museums, monuments to the Bothans who died, that sort of thing.
 
A spacefighter game where you get to compete with other parkgoers would be a lot of fun, except for the fact some of those people are grandmothers and five-year-old kids who cry when the competition gets too hard. Fine for an online experience where the kids have time to git gud, but I'm not sure it's suitable for a park where you legitimately want everyone to "win." Single player games where the difficulty scales against the player might be a better choice.

I'm a huge museum sperg, and I'd like to see some fictional museums, monuments to the Bothans who died, that sort of thing.
A museum would've been a genius idea, sadly closest thing to that in the park again is Dok's store of Antiques, and like I said, all the good shit is on the inaccessible second floor.

Edit:
Also, speaking of Dok's store, Disney added a new non-existent alien to the park via their GE app calledVarg (really Disney...?) who is said to help run Dok's shop for him. But she doesn't exist outside of mentions. She appears briefly in the nu-comics where she's revealed to be a Clawdite, which is the same species as Zam Wessel, so therefore a shapeshifter who likes to take the form of a bald african tribal woman, but the datapad says she's "away on business" as an excuse to explain why they were too lazy to hire someone to play her at the park.

For those who just got here, my info dumps on the park start on page 500.
 
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Did they at least do a passable job on the sound design of the ambient audio I assume they are piping in throughout the park? Now that it's empty and the crowds have thinned, it will be more obvious if they did a bad job on that, I would think.
 
Did they at least do a passable job on the sound design of the ambient audio I assume they are piping in throughout the park? Now that it's empty and the crowds have thinned, it will be more obvious if they did a bad job on that, I would think.
Its a lot easier to hear the sounds now than before, but the majority of the backgrounds sounds around the park consists of PORG screeches... Porgs here, Porgs there, Porgs everywhere, including inside the Millennium Falcon. Their nests dot every corner of the park and the inside of the Falcon but you never actually see any animatronic porgs but you hear them fucking everywhere. Aside from the fucking PORGS, there are a few other sounds that will play occasionally, which include ambiguous bird sounds, Power droid sounds, R2 sounds, the sounds of those creepy horse-deer things from TLJ, what sounds like a Tauntaun, a Bogwing, and sounds of engines booting up. A Disneyfag somewhere (I think it was in a youtube comments) said that one of the bird squeaks was a "Steelpecker". Never heard of that bird before so I looked it up and its a mini-vulture that appears for like 2 seconds in TFA that eats metal and drinks oil, which was conceived by Spielberg and Abrams. I don't recall that clearly poisoned bird make any sounds in the movie, so I assume it was in the Battlefront II game since that takes place on Jakku.
 
Well I really fucking hate that all the franchises I like are being tailored to the Tumbler and middle aged Milquetoast housewife demographic as lifestyle brands.
That really does seem to be who the park is for, or was at least produced by. They made a park with only 1 game, nothing kids can run and play on, shitty soy drinks, shitty weird soy food, bad alcohol, and SHOPPING for Rey cosplay and twee etsy-style faux handmade products. It's like the whole thing was designed to vaguely appeal to the interests of lifestyle bloggers, making pictures for Instagram, and every other aspect was scrapped.
 
Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?
Ho... Boy. A bit of a wild collection of ideas that I just got at the moment:

First of all, pick an iconic location from any of the movies. Maybe Mos Eisley with the Cantina. Maybe a place, that looks sort of like Naboo. Maybe a place, that sort of looks like Bespin or Coruscant. Since you will built several parks, make every park its own thing and make them unique (like GE in Florida is Mos Eisley, GE in California is Corsucant, in Paris, it looks like Endor, etc) If it has to be an original place like Batuu, at least make it unique and memorable. Build this place up properly in the movies before the park opens, so people are actually emotionally invested in the place.
Hell. Build one part of the park (like a landing pad, an alley and a shop) early on and use it as a film-set for the movie (just as a gimmick to be advertised, would still be effective). The timeline of GE is after whatever happened in the film. When we see a blastershot damaging a house in the movie, replicate that damage in the park's design.

As for attractions:

Several people mentioned a Flight Sim in a moving cockpit of a TIE-Fighter or X-Wing/A-Wing/etc. in the past. I'd add to those ideas:
Have such simulators in parks in Paris and Tokyo, have pilots from all over the globe fly togetherin a wing. Put voice command recognition into the cockpit, so the pilots can say certain specified commands to the droid (such as calling for support, highlighting a target to other players or diverting power in his own ship), who will then relay (and obviously translate) them to the other pilots (ie: A pilot in France calls for help, his ship gets highlighted in the HUD of another player from the same wing). Advertise this in a fashion that underlines that it brings people together and unifies them. If you deem it problematic to have this "unify people" thing with TIE-Fighters, have a differently themed ride for them (replacing the TIE-Fighters with AI pilots in the Rebell-Flight Sim), where people can fly TIE-Fighters in a conflict against (say) Hutt smugglers controlled by AI or something. I really love the idea of making these things training flight sims in Rebell bases or Imperial outposts in the park. I really love that idea. When someone gets shot down, he respawns.

Come to think about it, maybe it would be fun to man a turret (or one of these giant blaster canons on a Star Destroyer) and have a rail-shooter where the players operate such a thing.

Snowspeeder Sim. Maybe even an AT-ST sim.

Some sort of Light-gun shooting range, possibly lasertag.

Speeder Bike flight-sim on Endor.

VR-Lasersword fighting Arena.

An SW-themed museum with original props from the movie production (get George Lucas' help for this one, he seems to have similar plans anyway) and/or replicas of iconic stuff where no original exists.

A zoo with animatronic animals.

Even something as benign as a merry-go-round can be effective, especially for smaller kids.

Maybe some sort of rollercoaster.

An SW-version of Madame Tussauds, with people like Palpatine, Luke, Han, Jabba and so on.

A few places to have snacks, food and drinks.

Have the open parts of the park work like the one we got (ie: aim towards immersion, that it looks less like a theme park and more like an actual location where people can breathe in the atmosphere), and sort of hide the attractions that aren't fitting for that.

If there is a unique park in several Disneylands, give every single one a signature attraction. Doesn't have to be super big or amazing. If you wanna go the extra mile, offer some limited merchandise that can be combined and when someone collects them from every park, he gets some cool reward (which I would even sell at a loss, if it meant it would make people visit every Park individually). There's fans of certain bands that follow them around on world-tourneys.
 
I'm convinced anyone in this thread or even some random bum across the street could design a better park than the one Disney set up. Seriously, even a fucking crack-addict might be able to do a better job. Considering some of you have been sharing movie ideas, anyone care to share some ideas for their own SW park?
I was fucking born for this:

The Trench Run Roller coaster, a giant freaking twisted roller coaster/VR experience in which you take the place of R2-D2 during the Death Star Trench run, watching lasers fly past you as you weave, duck, dodge, and fly through the trenches of the Death Star.

I already mentioned a while ago the flight simulators on the USS Essex, and there could be the multiplayer version, as well as single player 'campaign' rides, because why the hell not?

There'd be a museum dedicated to the Clone Wars, with proper models of the droids, Clone Armor, and crazy portraits of a variety of battles alongside engraved blurbs, like a literal war museum, and as you walk deeper into it, things slowly get darker as Palpatine's manipulations come to fruition, culminating in a giant portrait of Order 66 occurring, in the style of The Last Judgement, lit by deep red lights in the ceiling.
[Spoiler = BIG PICTURE]
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[/spoiler]
There'd be choreographed lightsaber fights in the streets between a variety of OT and PT characters (scheduled of course. Randos in costume can't pull off the fencing nearly as well). Ever want to see Darth Vader fence against Darth Maul? There'd be meet and greets with Boba Fett, Obi-Wan, Luke, Yoda (make an animatronic, have him meditate and just use a VA hidden in order to answer), the works, it's there.

The restaurants would be to theme, so Dexter's Diner would be there, and it would be a sorta 50's era style with some crazy alien food, as well as really freaking good burgers. Mos Eisely Catina would have a variety of flavored drinks, and more light snack stuff. There'd be lightsabers for sale, and the entire point is to lose yourself in the world.

For sale? Blasters, lightsabers, clone and stormtrooper armor, toys of all the main characters of the OT and PT. Fuck it, we've got practically unlimited budget, might as well blow it all on making everyone have fun.

Oh, sequel trilogy stuff? None whatsoever. Not mentioned once, not canon.


Just imagine if all our suggestions went through and were made. That'd be the most kickass theme park in history. It'd be like you're really in a galaxy far, far away, and it'd be a place to forget about politics and stress, pick up a blaster, and have fun.
 
The restaurants would be to theme, so Dexter's Diner would be there, and it would be a sorta 50's era style with some crazy alien food, as well as really freaking good burgers. Mos Eisely Catina would have a variety of flavored drinks, and more light snack stuff. There'd be lightsabers for sale, and the entire point is to lose yourself in the world.
Don't forget the adult-only place: Jabba's Palace, where you can drink alcohol, smoke death sticks and enjoy the company of cute twi'leks.
 
Don't forget the adult-only place: Jabba's Palace, where you can drink alcohol, smoke death sticks and enjoy the company of cute twi'leks.
Frankly, if the head of Lucasfilms was ballsy enough to allow an official Star Wars Gogo-club to exist with Twi'lek Table dancers, that would be fucking amazing. The movies under that person would kick ass, too, no doubt.
 
My idea for a park would be to set it on a planet similar to Coruscant. It could still be called Black Spire, but the black spire is a tower-like building in the park. The setting would be a city being taken over by the Empire and their conflict with the local rebellion cell.

The black spire would be on one end of the park and the area around it would be reminiscent of the more blade runner-like design from episode 2 where the Zam chase happens. At night large neon signs and projected holograms in alien languages and images light up and steam comes out of vents in the ground to create a seedy atmosphere. Food stands and merchandise carts operated by aliens and droids peddle their wares to travelers.

The area is covered in Imperial propaganda posters. The city is being slowly taken over by the Empire as they set up their operations here. Occasionally the signs and speakers would broadcast Imperial propaganda like Palpatine speeches, or be highjacked by rebels to send their own messages.

The black spire would be run by the local Imperial Troopers as their garrison outpost. Basically the Empire has come to this planet and is putting the boot down to quell dissent and recruit troopers. AT-ATs and AT-STs flank the tower as Stormtroopers patrol, quelling local crime and tracking down rebel scum.

There would be a large cantina like the AOTC Outlander club with large screens with pre-recorded videos of pod racing and alien sports. This is where aliens, droids, pilots and bounty hunters frequent. Have your alcoholic drinks served to you by a Twi’lek waitress while you hang out with Boba Fett. He’s here on business though, so don’t be surprised if he has to get up to capture the bounty sitting at table 5.

There would be a large area right by the tower that is an Imperial recruitment/training facility. In here will be a ride like the FO one at the current park, just with the Empire, as well as a blaster rifle training range and flight pod simulator. Imperial recruiters are always looking for new blood to serve the Empire.

Other shops would be around this area like the pet store and Imperial supply store.

On the other end of the park the design is more like the senate and Jedi Temple areas. This would be the part of the park the Rebels would be more present. The main draw would be Jedi temple ruins, this is where the lightsaber construction would be, and where the crystals, holocrons, relics and memorabilia would be sold.

An area of the temple would house a giant Kyber crystal that is said to be used to get the ones that they sell, and the area around the crystal would be converted into a museum housing artifacts from clothing and armor to weaponry, droids and vehicles from all eras.

Around the temple would be a diner similar to Dexter’s, with an animatronic alien working in the kitchen visible through the order window. A lounge singer would provide entertainment.

There would also be a large theater like the Opera house from ROTS that would have various tales from Star Wars history be re-enacted via projected stylized hologram and even supplemented by live performers with Star Wars music playing like a symphony the entire time.
 
Easy excuse for having a bunch of locations at once would be do it up like a World's Fair for the Galaxy.
 
Disney, hire this drunk german hamster.

Disney, put this mad doctor in charge of Lucafilm at once! Serious perfection right there Doc. I couldn't come up with anything better.

But I might as well share what I came up with before. I discussed my own idea before many pages back which involved going for the cheapest and simplest alternative, which was simply adding an exact replica of Chalmun's Cantina next to Star Tours with some Dewbacks outside, and filling the interior past the bar with all sorts of neat shit to see, including a back room with "simulators" (Chalmun's Cantina isn't a small place to be sure) and also improving Star Tours by bringing back the old version with improved visuals, making the AT-AT at the front complete with a moving head, maybe adding some Ewoks to the tree tops (either animatronic or costume), adding a replica of the Millennium Falcon nearby you can actually enter (even if you can't fly it) would also be a boon. Simple, cost-effective and people would go ga-ga over it. You want a sequel reference? Show some Ewoks cooking some Porgs on a stick. Otherwise Star Tours could be the same as it used to with choreographed fights and characters interacting for the kids and adults.

But if I was forced to go with the expensive route and use the territory Disney used for GE, I'd honestly settle for a replica of Jabba's B'omarr Palace. Keep the tall rocks from Galaxy's Edge but have them surround the palace. The palace itself would have no town or anything around it except sand and rocks (maybe a Jawa sandcrawler next to it later on if it proves to be profitable enough) as all the shops and attractions would be contained inside the palace. The main entrance is the same one from the movie except its always open and at the front are two gamorrean guards. The main hallway past the entrance is large enough that it could easily be converted into a merchant area that sells clothes and souvenirs (so as to keep the rest of the palace free of tourist trappings) and each one is run by a very lively alien or human in exotic garb, and the costumed clerks wouldn't suffer discomfort while in costume since the interior area would be air-conditioned. Throughout the palace you may see B'omarr spider droids like in the movie which could either move or be stationary depending on the limitations.

There could be many areas inside the palace which would include a simulator arcade, an "exotic game room" that's more like a zoo where Jabba keeps all sorts of exotic and vicious animals, and a "trophy room" that's more like a museum filled with treasures and relics relating to other planets, jedi, sith, the empire, and other factions collected by Jabba throughout his long life and there would be a droid or human/alien tour guide to explain each relic and its lore if you're interested. There could also be docking ports that lead "outside" towards the actual rides, like say one that takes you on board a sand barge or a large sky hopper for a simulated tour or safari across Tatooine that involves encounters against Tusken Raiders, Jawas and maybe dodging some podracers, which culminates with a dangerous encounter against a sarlacc or a krayt dragon. Another ride could be a sort of roller coaster that takes you through select areas in Jabba's palace which includes the rancor pit where your cart happens to "break down" for tension before getting fixed. Another ride could be an outer space mission but that's what the simulator arcade is for.

There would at least be two eating establishments. The first would be a big dining hall like the one seen in a Hutt palace in TORtanic or make it look like a cafeteria with a 50s diner influence like Dex's place. It could either have its own band or a jukebox for music and there could be a visible animatronic non-humanoid alien in the back functioning as a chef. The second eatery would be in or next to Jabba's court which would function much like the traditional cantina by having drinks, familiar alien faces and alternating between Max Rebo's band and the Modal Nodes (among others, maybe even an ewok band) for entertainment who would play once every hour and be accompanied by exotic twi'lek dancers around "adult/late night hours". The cantina would also have a more wide range of drinks based on ones from actual lore and which also serves actual fucking bantha milkshakes made with real milk (and if you're lactose intolerant they could use Lactaid). The cantina could also have special guests every hour or so among the aliens which could include Boba Fett, Chewbacca, Luke, Lando, Leia, C-3PO, R2-D2 and maybe rare appearances by some old-EU characters on special days, like Chewbacca accompanied by his perverted old father Itchy from the Holiday Special around Thanksgiving time or an HK-47 animatronic installed during summer. However this brings up the whole "but this isn't in-universe" bs due to Luke and the gang hanging out in Jabba's palace with Jabba since there would be spergs who might actually have issue with this because "they killed Jabba and he would hate them", but what you could simply do is replace a Jabba animatronic with an animatronic based on one of his many similar looking relatives and claim that the new hutt took over the palace after Jabba's death and actually likes/tolerates Luke and the gang because they killed his cousin/rival which allowed him to take over.

That's about the best I can come up with sadly and its a bit messy I know. But, like @RomanesEuntDomus said, its a brilliant idea to have each Disney park have an SW area that's set on a different planet. The California fucks can get one based around the sequel trilogy...
 
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