Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Antipathy]

It's like every ten seconds he's having a micro-stroke.

I'm not going to lie, that was one of the most painful things I have ever had to write.

 

[Creep3r]

Now morbid curiosity makes me wonder what editions of this translated into other languages are like... Do they clean it up, edit it so it’s less stupid when in another language? Do they do their best to translate it as exactly as possible, up to the point of breaking other languages to convey the stupidity of “herkily-jerkily”? Do they just not translate any of it because it’s cheap trash put out for Disney fanboys in the US?

If the translator is worth his money, the book might actually be readable from a technical standpoint. No translation will fix the shitty plot and characters, but at least the choice of words might be better and less immature and stupid.

Now I'm genuinely curious to find out what his books read like in other languages. I could try and find some screenshots of them and hope that any pics available are languages people in this thread can read.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Now I'm genuinely curious to find out what his books read like in other languages. I could try and find some screenshots of them and hope that any pics available are languages people in this thread can read.

I'll be picking up a book next week, I'll take a quick look if I can spot one of Wendig's works and see how they are.
What book and page is the "Herkily-jerkily" page from? Maybe I can find that one.

 

[Creep3r]

If the translator is worth his money, the book might actually be readable from a technical standpoint. No translation will fix the shitty plot and characters, but at least the choice of words might be better and less immature and stupid.

Portuguese:
The book has a different title in Portugal, being called Star Wars: Marks of War. This may be why its harder to find the book in other languages as it may have a different title depending on the country. Anyway this website posted a lot of pages from the portuguese translation: https://www.portallos.com.br/2016/07/14/star-wars-marcas-da-guerra-trechos-indicacao/

French:
I couldn't find any french scans, but I found this french SW forum talking about it as well as some reviews that might not be worth much when compared to scans since nu-fans usually tend to defend anything, but its all I could get.

Les Forums Star Wars Universe • Chute de l'Empire / Aftermath: Empire's End, de Chuck Wendig - page 2

Les Forums Star Wars Universe - L'univers de Star Wars est désormais à votre portée

www.starwars-universe.com

Riposte - Chronologie littérature - Littérature - Star Wars Universe

Star Wars Universe - L'univers de Star Wars est désormais à votre portée

www.starwars-universe.com

Spanish:
A translation of page 71 from the first Aftermath book.

Italian:

The Facebook page this was on was rather messy, but this crappy cap may be from either Aftermath or the TLJ novelization.

Chinese:
The Chinese don't have an official translation of the book, but some Chinese SW fans have been able to acquire copies of the third book in english and have posted their own thoughts on these books.

First Order的中文官方译名到底是什么？ - 知乎

在星战7国内公映的字幕中是“第一军团”，在网络上很多地方是“第一秩序”，在《银河英雄传》游戏里是“…

www.zhihu.com

《余波》与已知《星球大战》宇宙的九处关联

译/@Darth Sky “原力星期五”（Force Friday）点燃了长达一周的《星球大战》粉丝狂欢。有新上市的活动人偶和载具把玩，有Sphero推出的BB-8这个新朋友作伴，有《星球大战：原力觉醒》先导（Journey to Star Wars: …

zhuanlan.zhihu.com

Gee Disney, I thought you said the Chinese never cared for Star Wars?

Japanese, Korean or any other oriental language:
I couldn't find any hint of such translations existing. Probably because they have a different title in said languages or Disney knew the asians might not take kindly to this shit. Maybe someone else will have better luck finding them.

Russian:
All I could find were just summaries on the russian wiki pages, the back of the book's cover and some very blurry images that were worthless.

Последствия: Долг жизни

«Последствия: Долг жизни» (англ. Aftermath: Life Debt) — каноничный роман Чака Вендига. Книга является вторым томом трилогии «Последствия», которая началась с романа «Последствия». Роман поступил в продажу 12 июля 2016 года. На русском языке роман вышел в издательстве «Азбука» 14 июня 2017 года...

starwars.fandom.com

Последствия: Конец Империи

«Последствия: Конец Империи» (др. вариант перевода — Крах Империи, англ. Aftermath: Empire's End) — каноничный роман Чака Вендига. Книга является третьим и финальным томом трилогии «Последствия», которая началась с романов «Последствия» и «Последствия: Долг жизни». Роман вышел 21 февраля 2017...

starwars.fandom.com

Finally, here are some things I feel the need to mention. On the back of his third book is a list of major websites and publishers who actually praised Wendig's books.

Now you know which ones are completely full of shit and should never be trusted.

Also, Chucky named his penis.

Apparently "chockablock" is a word featured in his older books that some of his fans use to describe things in either a positive or negative connotation.

I'll be picking up a book next week, I'll take a quick look if I can spot one of Wendig's works and see how they are.
What book and page is the "Herkily-jerkily" page from? Maybe I can find that one.

Its from his first book simply titled Star Wars: Aftermath.

 

[Iceland Heavy]

Now, I'm a nobody and English isn't my native language, but even to me this writing feels off. I'm sure I could've written it better.

"Herkily-jerkily"? Are those even actual words? It sounds like something a five year old came up with.

Herky-jerky is. Herkily-jerkily isn't, it's what you get when you run herky-jerky through the bastardization of Dr. Who and Whedonspeak that constitutes modern trendy nerd speak. If you google herkily jerkily it pretty much just brings up people shitting on Wendig for most of the first page .

 

[Red Hood]

Herky-jerky is. Herkily-jerkily isn't, it's what you get when you run herky-jerky through the bastardization of Dr. Who and Whedonspeak that constitutes modern trendy nerd speak. If you google herkily jerkily it pretty much just brings up people shitting on Wendig for most of the first page .

Joss Whedon continues to indirectly be the urethral cancer afflicting speculative fiction.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Joss Whedon continues to indirectly be the urethral cancer afflicting speculative fiction.

In fairness to Whedon (I know, I know) his stuff was meant to be listened to, not read. He once said that "TV is just radio with faces," and tried to write in a way that would have verisimilitude with the listener. In a way, it's kind of the inverse of what Harrison Ford said to Lucas: you can hear this shit, Joss, but you can't read it.

 

[Zaryiu]

This reads like a first draft that no one bothered to touch up, once it was typed out. Jesus Christ.
And the choice of words is so utterly out of touch with the material.
"...popping up to fire off [...] turning to pop shots at..." What kind of an imbecile thinks that this conveys the urgency of the situation?

"The TIE fighter wibbles and wobbles in the air, careening drunkenly [...] zigzags herkily-jerkily out of sight. [...] The blasts pepper the top of the building..."

It's not the first time I read this paragraph, but holy shit, is this shameful whenever I look at it.
Wendig is the perfect example of what's wrong with this line of authors. You get your job not through competence, you get it through being friends with the "right people", who will set you up to win meaningless awards (like the Hugo Award) and get you in touch withpublishers filled with the same kind of shitty people and once you got your job, you can get others set up for the same line of work when they kiss your ass enough.
It's an ouroboros of bad writers with shitty personality that perpetuates itself through cronyism.

None of these chucklefucks create anything that deserves being sold in stores, let alone working on IPs such as Star Wars,
When a shitty author is promoted enough, people will still buy their books and when the market is overrun with cheap-ass pulp novels written by hacks like Wendig, noone knows that this shit can be done better.

Edit:
My mind refused to parse this, but did Chuck Wendig really title something "The Starfucker"?
I think this just broke me.
This man is under contract with large companies such as Disney. Fuck me.

Reminder he was originally a White Wolf writer from the early 2000s (i think 2009) until 2012 yet he now write worse than the rest of the Old World of Darkness writers. Yes i went there, i wonder if anyone here has tried to find how bad he was back then as a writer

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Let's put it this way: In the EU when Leia was revealed as Vader daughter yeah it caused her trouble but guess what? She wasn't removed as a person of influence in the Republic (Yeah her position as the Republic was split in two and she didn't have the power Mon Mothma had which a bit too much like Prequel Chancellor Palpatine) but through her actions she earned the respect of the government and the people and ended potentially as the best New Republic top leader
Why does it still exist "canon": Revealed as Vader daughter, gets backstabbed by the republic she fought and suffered to see established

Which is kind of funny, if you assume that Leia was supposed to be the one member of the original cast that got a Good End. Then, of course, Carrie Fisher went ahead and snuffed it, meaning that Leia is going to die a broken failure along with her husband and brother. Womp womp.

BAD END

 

[Red Hood]

Oh no...I've done some digging and Chunk Windbag is only the tip of the iceberg. He got fired, but Daniel Jose Older is still among those shitting out Nu-EU books. He's quite the sperg and wrote a scene into a book where Lando admires his own bulge and ass. Using those actual words.

In a goddamn Star Wars novel. I want to collect this material and hop in a time machine back to 1997 to show Lucas what's going to become of his creation. Or I guess I could just loop the scene in Jedi where there's a zoom in on Vader's funeral pyre and you see his helmet in the fire. Same damn thing.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

Since we're talking EU, what book series should I get into? Blank slate, haven't read a Star Wars book in over 10 years.

 

[Red Hood]

Since we're talking EU, what book series should I get into? Blank slate, haven't read a Star Wars book in over 10 years.

The Zahn books are still the best regarded I think, and the X-Wing books are pretty enjoyable. I dig the early books a lot too- Splinter of the Mind's Eye, Daley's Han Solo and Smith's Lando Calrissian adventure trilogies are a lot of fun. I like that they predate a lot of the later, more set-in-stone Star Wars canon so you can kind of watch the EU under construction.

Steve Perry's writing style in Shadows of the Empire is a bit blah, but it's a pretty quick read with some good story bits that really fleshes out some of the criminal underworld of Star Wars.

If you're in a "Best of the Worst" mood...there's always the Glove of Darth Vader books.

 

[Zaryiu]

Since we're talking EU, what book series should I get into? Blank slate, haven't read a Star Wars book in over 10 years.

I can find you a timeline that organize the EU novels chronologically if you want.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

I can find you a timeline that organize the EU novels chronologically if you want.

That would be the greatest, thanks.

 

[Iceland Heavy]

Since we're talking EU, what book series should I get into? Blank slate, haven't read a Star Wars book in over 10 years.

The Thrawn Trilogy is always a solid starting point, and the Hand of Thrawn books are a good sequel to that as well as a good 'happy ending' for the EU in general if you want to skip the New Jedi Order and Legacy of the Force books that came after it. Outbound Flight is a pretty good pseudo-prequel to the Thrawn stuff and Survivor's Quest is in turn a sequel to that and an epilogue of sorts to the Zahn EU. The X-Wing books and I, Jedi are also worth looking into. Everything else is more or less optional, Jedi Academy and the Young Jedi Knights are all about Luke rebuilding the Jedi Order and Han and Leia's kids but are by Kevin J. Anderson who's output is mostly questionable.

 

[Red Hood]

The Thrawn Trilogy is always a solid starting point, and the Hand of Thrawn books are a good sequel to that as well as a good 'happy ending' for the EU in general if you want to skip the New Jedi Order and Legacy of the Force books that came after it. Outbound Flight is a pretty good pseudo-prequel to the Thrawn stuff and Survivor's Quest is in turn a sequel to that and an epilogue of sorts to the Zahn EU. The X-Wing books and I, Jedi are also worth looking into. Everything else is more or less optional, Jedi Academy and the Young Jedi Knights are all about Luke rebuilding the Jedi Order and Han and Leia's kids but are by Kevin J. Anderson who's output is mostly questionable.

The Disney EU is so bad that even Kevin J. Anderson would be a vast improvement.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

The Disney EU is so bad, it makes me yearn for ye olden days of book burnings.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

The Disney EU is so bad, it makes me yearn for ye olden days of book burnings.

I think allowing Chuck Wendig to go airborne would violate the Geneva Convention.

 

[Altera the Hun]

I think allowing Chuck Wendig to go airborne would violate the Geneva Convention.

So we would get the ending of return of the living dead but the dead can only speak in broken sentences and want to eat your shit instead of brains.

 

[Antipathy]

I think allowing Chuck Wendig to go airborne would violate the Geneva Convention.

I mean, there's a ban on biological weapons, but I don't think weapons of mass autism are actually covered by the Geneva.