🐮 Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

[klystron]

I made this recording ages ago for a Something Awful thread dedicated to doing dramatic readings of posts, but this is how I hear Mr. Church in my head.

Please, please pardon the reverb. I have no idea why I gave it so much reverb.

http://tindeck.com/listen/2hjcs

I have to ask &/ or inquire: what was that from?

 

[ON 190]

I have to ask &/ or inquire: what was that from?

It was just a random post on the SA forums. Apparently I recorded it 8 years ago (oh god I am old), so I couldn't give you any more specifics than that.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Oh whoops, I thought you meant @Cowlick when I responded.

I was actually thinking "Superboy Prime would sound more like TJ than Jon-Nyan. . ."

I made this recording ages ago for a Something Awful thread dedicated to doing dramatic readings of posts, but this is how I hear Mr. Church in my head.

Please, please pardon the reverb. I have no idea why I gave it so much reverb.

http://tindeck.com/listen/2hjcs

That is beautiful. The reverb just makes it sound. . .ominous?

WAIT WAIT I GOT IT TJ SOUNDS LIKE MONOKUMA FROM THIS

EDIT: BRINGING THIS BACK

 

[ON 190]

That is beautiful. The reverb just makes it sound. . .ominous?

Thanks! I wish 19-year-old flossman could hear that so I would have gotten into voice acting earlier. Then maybe I'd be an internet giant like Mr. Church.

It appears Church will soon be in session! Live, via his profile...

I don't fear ghosts or bust them, as they have done nothing to me (unlike man here).
I also don't fear your brain as, like ghosts, it doesn't exist.

If that's the case, I'll be sure to let UW-Milwaukee to go ahead and remove all evidence of my masters in information sciences. I'll also have to drop out soon, so I don't get my masters in American history. Damn, I was so close.

Tell them I'll back that you've earned a BA in Total BS.

I've been burned, boys. I need some ice.

 

[Cowlick]

1] Yes, I have repeatedly claimed to be the smartest poster in the thread without showing proof. In order to prove that claim, all I need to prove is I am smarter than everyone else posting in it, which is clearly seen & proven to anyone who has read the thread (a chihuahua could overstep the bar, you all set it so low).

2] I also admit that I have read most, but not all, of your posts in their entirety. I read & attempt to comprehend each one individually, but eventually realize (almost without any exceptions) that, much the way it may be difficult to gain the intelligence necessary for some of you to understand some of what I say in the thread or PMs, it is impossible for me to lose the intelligence necessary to understand what you write... Well, perhaps my neurosurgeon could fix that, but then I'd be that stupid permanently (as many of you appear to be) & unable to continue the normal conversations & interactions people offline know me to have been involved in.

 

[Ivan Komarov]

1] Yes, I have repeatedly claimed to be the smartest poster in the thread without showing proof. In order to prove that claim, all I need to prove is I am smarter than everyone else posting in it, which is clearly seen & proven to anyone who has read the thread (a chihuahua could overstep the bar, you all set it so low).

2](autism speaking&flailing/sperging)

Post proof.
All normal people who read this thread see some barely literate poster with a rather hilarious avatar going "N&&N&&R N&&N&R N&&N&R IM A GENIUS/SMARTEST PERSON ON THE BOARD" over and over again. Just post proof and see who here can actually understand it

 

[Arkangel]

1] Yes, I have repeatedly claimed to be the smartest poster in the thread without showing proof. In order to prove that claim, all I need to prove is I am smarter than everyone else posting in it, which is clearly seen & proven to anyone who has read the thread (a chihuahua could overstep the bar, you all set it so low).

Can you explain how you're more intelligent than others on this site? Saying "It's clearly proven" or "It's obvious" doesn't count.

 

[Mechanism Eight]

Do not try to read TJ's posts as if they actually mean anything, it will hurt your very soul.

 

[ON 190]

1] Yes, I have repeatedly claimed to be the smartest poster in the thread without showing proof. In order to prove that claim, all I need to prove is I am smarter than everyone else posting in it, which is clearly seen & proven to anyone who has read the thread (a chihuahua could overstep the bar, you all set it so low).

You admit to showing no proof, and then claim that the proof to your claim is... proving your claim? That circular logic is something I've never encountered outside of this thread. That isn't a compliment, by the way.

it is impossible for me to lose the intelligence necessary to understand what you write...

You realize this means that you can't get any less intelligent, right? Do you comprehend what I am saying?

Oh, and I brought up my schooling not to brag, but to demonstrate that I have a brain and actually like using it.

 

[RP 520]

Post proof.
All normal people who read this thread see some barely literate poster with a rather hilarious avatar going "N&&N&&R N&&N&R N&&N&R IM A GENIUS/SMARTEST PERSON ON THE BOARD" over and over again. Just post proof and see who here can actually understand it

Actually his latest post looks something like this when you remove all the fluff he puts into his posts:

1] Yes, I have repeatedly claimed to be the smartest poster in the thread without showing proof. I am smarter than everyone else posting in it &.

2]&&&

 

[ON 190]

I really need to start drinking before posting in this thread. It would help cushion the higher parts of my brain from getting fried attempting to understand his personal brand of "logic."

Edit: I realize that Captain Church of the Fifth Space Brigade will likely quote this post and say I don't HAVE any higher brain functions. I figured I'd beat him to the punch.

 

[Chuggernaut]

As a four-time-spelling-bee-champ (one more than Teej) I've come to the conclusion that he gets SSDI not because of his fucked-up head but because this way nobody in real life will ever have to interact with him. This is true because I am smart... smarter than him. I know this is true because I said so.

 

[HipstrsGonnaHip]

I'd be that stupid permanently (as many of you appear to be) & unable to continue the normal conversations

Too late for that!

 

[Cowlick]

You admit to showing no proof, and then claim that the proof to your claim is... proving your claim? That circular logic is something I've never encountered outside of this thread. That isn't a compliment, by the way.

I know what you wrote is not a compliment, but it matters not, as what you wrote before that is a misstatement of what I'd written. Let me try again...

Let's say, hypothetically, there were something I could write or post a picture of right here that would prove my so-called "claim". If that were the case, I'd post it here. Anyone not previously involved in the thread who had (for whatever reason) read this far into it would see that is pointless & approaching redundancy, as they would already be aware of the honesty/truth of my claim, having read all my previous posts in the thread.

You realize this means that you can't get any less intelligent, right? Do you comprehend what I am saying?

Of course I comprehend what you are saying because, as you yourself wrote, it would be impossible to get any less-intelligent. (Once again, you have misstated what I wrote... Alzheimer's, concussions, & many other things could cause a person to lose some of their memory, intelligence, &/or any such things.)

Oh, and I brought up my schooling not to brag, but to demonstrate that I have a brain and actually like using it.

Regardless of that claim, I (again) understand it, but doubt its honesty... Especially the latter part, where you claim to enjoy something I see you do rarely-if-ever, often in fact seeming to intentionally not do it.

 

[EI 903]

Let's say, hypothetically, there were something I could write or post a picture of right here that would prove my so-called "claim". If that were the case, I'd post it here. Anyone not previously involved in the thread who had (for whatever reason) read this far into it would see that is pointless & approaching redundancy, as they would already be aware of the honesty/truth of my claim, having read all my previous posts in the thread.

If you read this while high and listening to Dark Side of the Moon, the shit totally syncs up.

 

[Cowlick]

As a four-time-spelling-bee-champ (one more than Teej) I've come to the conclusion that he gets SSDI not because of his fucked-up head but because this way nobody in real life will ever have to interact with him. This is true because I am smart... smarter than him. I know this is true because I said so.

The number of times anyone wins anything is based not only on their ability in the task, but that of their competitors. Therefore, your increased number of wins can be "chalked-up" to the the fact that (as you suggest of me) your parents, the government, some combination, &/or people I did not name or list put you in a remedial-intelligence school so the majority of more intelligent folks would not have interact with you, thereby undoubtedly lowering the risk of injury or death to you or anyone else.

This seems to also accomplish the task of pointing out you ate smarter than some (your former bee opponents), but it would be incorrect to count me among them.

 

[meatslab]

Psssst, @Cowlick, what colors do you want in our wedding?

 

[Toasty]

Hey Tim. I noticed that only 2 people ever posted on this thread before it went dormant. How do you reconcile this with your statements that you only joined after we made much of the area about you, and that you only behaved in accordance with how many users here had decided you were? There are thousands of users here. One made a thread. One other basically said "mm yeah". How did you make that into the whole site? Please, i am actually interested.

 

[XH 502]

You realize this means that you can't get any less intelligent, right? Do you comprehend what I am saying?

Of course I comprehend what you are saying because, as you yourself wrote, it would be impossible to get any less-intelligent. (Once again, you have misstated what I wrote... Alzheimer's, concussions, & many other things could cause a person to lose some of their memory, intelligence, &/or any such things.)

 

[Toasty]

As a four-time-spelling-bee-champ (one more than Teej) I've come to the conclusion that he gets SSDI not because of his fucked-up head but because this way nobody in real life will ever have to interact with him. This is true because I am smart... smarter than him. I know this is true because I said so.

Ken? Is that you?