🎨 Artcow WogglebugLoveProductions / Cynthia Hanson / Cherie Anne Hapney - One Womanchild's Fruitless Quest to Make Her Cockroach Husbando a Household Name

What is the Wogglebug's sexual orientation?

  • Straight- He wants to bang the Beetle Princess and/or Sylvie

    Głosy: 32 6,2%

  • Gay- He wants to bang Frogman

    Głosy: 239 46,4%

  • Bisexual- He's down for a threesome with the Beetle Princess and Frogman

    Głosy: 127 24,7%

  • Asexual- Like he even thinks about getting laid

    Głosy: 117 22,7%
  • Łączna liczba głosujących
    515
Wyróżnienie
Chapter 12: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1duMqknUFu2

Summary: Our Heroes approach the Mountain of Impossible Dreams, where every wish you speak aloud instantly happens. This is the first of The Neverending Story references; late in the book, Bastian discovers that the Auryn necklace gives him this power, with disasterous results as he learns that each wish that comes true has the consequence of erasing one human memory. Consequences? laughed WogglebugLover. There'll be none of that here!

The crew wish for a staircase to lead them up the mountain, and then, because they're lazy shiftless fuckwads, wish for several other zany things to continue to motivate them to climb the steps. The climax to their wishing spree comes when they are attacked by a huge purple spider-beast, which they wish down to the size of a kitten. They then encounter the monster's owner, a giant Cyclops, who is angry because they've destroyed his only friend. Our Heroes convince the Cyclops to wish himself to their size, where he is reunited with his now-tiny friend. D'aw! You are the best character, Sad Cyclops! Why can't this story be about you?

Because they're all still lazy fuckwads, they wish for some kind of motivation to continue climbing this mountain. Because saving your friend isn't motive enough. The mountaintop turns into an ice cream sundae and they bust ass up the rest of the stairs to eat it. Then, because they continue to be lazy fuckwads, they wish for an easier way down the other side of the mountain. The mountain turns into a hill of snow, the Wogglebug produces "skies" from his magic handbag, and the three of them coast the rest of the way.
 
Chapter 13: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Az2bAdPWDF

There are two more chapters to go, although for all purposes the story ends here. I'm going to try to knock them out today. Then I am going to start drinking and I may never stop.

Summary: Our Heroes reach the village surrounding the Pure Waters of Healing, where they are greeted by a troll-wizard named Fashzam. The wizard is basically this:

Wizard_troll_doll-low_res.jpg


It is, in fact, the same little troll-wizard Terry Sue was drawing in class when her teacher shouted at her and tore up her artwork, though to its credit, the book makes no effort to club us in the head with how clever it's being.

(Also, I'm calling it: Fashzam was probably a previous character this author created based on stories she invented about her collection of troll dolls before Wogglebug superseded him in her affection. Copypaste, take note: Fashzam is the American Rabbit to Wogglebug's Sonichu.)

Fashzam (whose name I constantly mispronounce) is the keeper of the Pure Waters of Healing. He warns them that they must undergo a test and answer many questions to prove their worthiness before the Frogman will be allowed to enter the Pure Waters.

Their first test is the Magic Mirror Gate from The Neverending Story. In NS, the point of this test was that you had to confront your own true nature in order to move forward; here the crew is only forced to see their deepest fear. The Frogman sees himself trapped forever as a real frog. Terry Sue sees herself as a forever-alone crazy cat-lady. The Wogglebug is confronted with an image of himself as those horrible haters in the Oz fandom see him: an old, sad, bitter old bug that no one loves. But of course a little pep-talk from their friends allows each to see themselves exactly as they are now: absolutely perfect.

Fashzam leads them to the Fountain of the Pure Waters of Healing. Since the Pure Waters are actually alive, Fashzam must translate its questions for them. The questions are essentially the same ones asked in the climax of the novel Neverending Story, where Bastian must prove himself worthy to the Water of Life in order to go back to his own world.

Finally, as if to underscore her own plagiarism, the author slips up and calls the Pure Waters the "Water of Life," proving that she can't even search-and-replace right.

Frogman is found worthy and leaps naked into the Pure Waters. He swims around a bit and is pronounced cured of his autism. Fashzam invites them back to a celebratory party in the troll village, even though you'd think this author would have learned better than to follow trolls back to their lairs by now.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
The Knife powiedział(a):
Chapter 12: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1duMqknUFu2

Summary: Our Heroes approach the Mountain of Impossible Dreams, where every wish you speak aloud instantly happens. This is the first of The Neverending Story references; late in the book, Bastian discovers that the Auryn necklace gives him this power, with disasterous results as he learns that each wish that comes true has the consequence of erasing one human memory. Consequences? laughed WogglebugLover. There'll be none of that here!

The crew wish for a staircase to lead them up the mountain, and then, because they're lazy shiftless fuckwads, wish for several other zany things to continue to motivate them to climb the steps. The climax to their wishing spree comes when they are attacked by a huge purple spider-beast, which they wish down to the size of a kitten. They then encounter the monster's owner, a giant Cyclops, who is angry because they've destroyed his only friend. Our Heroes convince the Cyclops to wish himself to their size, where he is reunited with his now-tiny friend. D'aw! You are the best character, Sad Cyclops! Why can't this story be about you?

Because they're all still lazy fuckwads, they wish for some kind of motivation to continue climbing this mountain. Because saving your friend isn't motive enough. The mountaintop turns into an ice cream sundae and they bust ass up the rest of the stairs to eat it. Then, because they continue to be lazy fuckwads, they wish for an easier way down the other side of the mountain. The mountain turns into a hill of snow, the Wogglebug produces "skies" from his magic handbag, and the three of them coast the rest of the way.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...

Wait, if the Mountain of Impossible Dreams grants you every wish you speak aloud, why didn't they just wish for a cure for the Frogman? Why bother to go all the way to a magical spring when there's a magical mountain that can serve the same function, plus a lot more? [/FridgeLogic]
 
BriarHeart powiedział(a):
Wait, if the Mountain of Impossible Dreams grants you every wish you speak aloud, why didn't they just wish for a cure for the Frogman? Why bother to go all the way to a magical spring when there's a magical mountain that can serve the same function, plus a lot more? [/FridgeLogic]
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...

Because she was bound and determined to shoehorn in that Neverending-Story rip-off! Because if something's awesome in a book that's way better than yours, stealing it will make your book just as good!
 
Sad Cyclops joins the list of minor characters created by terrible authors who turn out to be the most compelling character in their respective universes.

CWC gave us Yawning Squirtle *yawn*, the Golden Knight has Luke the Programming Giant, and now we have Sad Cyclops.

I kind of want to write a fic about their adventures together as they smoke weed, lobby for liberal causes and preach the Gospel.
 
Absinthe powiedział(a):
Sad Cyclops joins the list of minor characters created by terrible authors who turn out to be the most compelling character in their respective universes.

CWC gave us Yawning Squirtle *yawn*, the Golden Knight has Luke the Programming Giant, and now we have Sad Cyclops.

I kind of want to write a fic about their adventures together as they smoke weed, lobby for liberal causes and preach the Gospel.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...

How about we just do a version of Moon Pals with Yawning Squirtle, Luke and Sad Cyclops.

(Spoiler alert: THEY ALL DIE!)
 
Chapter 14: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gySJEylQkw

Again, this is one of those readings you can skip. Nothing happens. Like, less nothing than usual happens.

Summary: Our Heroes return to the house of Wizard Fashzam, where they are introduced to his wife and two children. Wogglebug and Frogman immediately take an unwholesome interest in the small children. But the important thing here is that Fashzam also introduces us to what is clearly his life-partner, Wizard Sarrham. So many descriptions of these two touching their wands together in various ways. So many.

The two wizards put on a magical display, which goes on for-fucking-ever, of constructing a beautiful night sky with magic. In the morning, however, the night sky still hasn't gone away and the two wizards argue over the best way to fix the problem. It is exactly like the Cloud Men from earlier in the book. The Frogman steps between them and uses his new-found powers of discernment to explain that the two wizards' powers are entirely different and can never work together successfully. To "save the day," har-har, Wizard Fashzam must work alone. Fashzam make a magical potion that causes the sun to rise.

Finally, Our Heroes make a magical signal to Ozma, who transports them back to the Emerald City.
 
The Knife powiedział(a):
Chapter 14: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gySJEylQkw

Again, this is one of those readings you can skip. Nothing happens. Like, less nothing than usual happens.

Summary: Our Heroes return to the house of Wizard Fashzam, where they are introduced to his wife and two children. Wogglebug and Frogman immediately take an unwholesome interest in the small children. But the important thing here is that Fashzam also introduces us to what is clearly his life-partner, Wizard Sarrham. So many descriptions of these two touching their wands together in various ways. So many.

The two wizards put on a magical display, which goes on for-fucking-ever, of constructing a beautiful night sky with magic. In the morning, however, the night sky still hasn't gone away and the two wizards argue over the best way to fix the problem. It is exactly like the Cloud Men from earlier in the book. The Frogman steps between them and uses his new-found powers of discernment to explain that the two wizards' powers are entirely different and can never work together successfully. To "save the day," har-har, Wizard Fashzam must work alone. Fashzam make a magical potion that causes the sun to rise.

Finally, Our Heroes make a magical signal to Ozma, who transports them back to the Emerald City.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
oh my fucking god you are doing wonderful.
 
Okay, just caught up with the thread and DEAR FUCKING HEAVENS ABOVE! THE AUTISM!

But all that aside...y'know...if this was a bit better conceived and played up the Wogglebug's flaws I.E. His conceited attitude, arrogance and tendency to alienate people as well as his more positive traits, such as his intelligence, this could've potentially been a decent take on what was pretty much an OZ throwaway character. It's not an inherently bad idea.

Also, in the vain of a book aimed at children, he could serve as a good main character to present stories about the consequences of having an over-inflated sense of self thus creating misunderstandings and all other types of shenanigans that the Wogglebug would have to think his way out of. Could easily go either the full-blown Aesop route or just be 'for fun' type stories.
 
Surtur powiedział(a):
I really love the Neverending Story. I have read that book hundreds of times. It's pretty clear to me she does not understand the book.
Kliknij, aby rozwinąć...
I have two copies of that book, both worn to rags. The only thing for which I will give her any amount of credit is that she went the extra mile to rip off the book, rather than the movie.
 
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